Changed For The Better
by loveofwrittenword
Summary: Jasper's life is shattered with one decision. The purpose he had in his life is gone, he has nothing to live for. In one moment of weakness, someone gives his life new purpose, and he starts a journey never imagined. Undergoing Major Edit 5/11. •Jasper/Bella•
1. Always, Forever

_**Changed For The Better**_

Disclaimer: SM owns all that is twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Always, Forever**

Part One

The stars were shining brightly in the heavens. Every constellation could be seen in the darkened sky above. I sat by the window and looked into the starry night. The stars were such a mystery to people, even in this day and age, with all of the available technology. My mind pondered on the vastness of space and the time it took for the light of the stars to reach me on this night; millions of years for the light to be seen at this moment and this time. I couldn't help but to be swept up in the romance of the cosmos. Each star had a destiny, a path it was meant to follow. It seemed simple and eternal. Their destinies were literally written in own constellations.

As I sat pondering these things, I thought about my eternal round, my own destiny, if you will. I wonder about the path I was supposed to travel. My life had no meaning anymore. I had nothing to guide me, to anchor me to this time and this place. I felt like a piece of sand swept to and fro in the endless ocean, never settling or have a specific goal. My life had lost all of its meaning. I knew these thoughts were not productive, but I couldn't seem to help myself. I was embittered over the stars. They had a defined objective and fate to accomplish and I was jealous of their purpose. My life hadn't always been meaningless. My life use to be defined by a single person, a single definitive entity. Her fate was mine, where her life led, mine followed. And with five simple words, that life was taken from me.

"_Jasper, I'm sorry, it's over!"_

I never knew it was capable to break a creature's life with five effortless words: my name (_Jasper_), an apology (_I'm sorry_), and a simple statement (_It's over_) that could be applied to anything. I played the word over and over again in my head, trying to find any other meaning for them then their actually explanation. It was in vain.

I had no release for my anger, hurt, and ache. I couldn't sleep and escapes my thoughts. I couldn't eat away my troubles like some humans. I could run but I would never tire. My world was an endless torture that never seem to lessen. I was sinking in quicksand and had no one to pull me out. I needed someone, anything. I wanted someone to stop the suffering I felt in my soul, someone to sooth the constant pain in my dead heart. I knew that I had to try and move on, somehow. I needed something to or someone to basically throw me a lifeline.

As I continued to hurt, I thought back to the person and the time that caused me this never ending darkness that seemed to suffocate me.

.

* * *

_._

_That had been the third vision she'd seen this week, which seemed to take everything out of her. While she was living in her visions, her emotions were all over the place. This particular visual was so strong that the weight of her emotions literally crippled me to my knees. The sheer amount of anguish she felt was beyond anything I had ever felt before from her. I couldn't begin to imagine what she was seeing in her world of possibilities and futures. What she could predict was endless and sometimes completely life changing. The magnitude of this particular mental picture would be altering someone life forever, of that I was sure. _

_Usually when Alice had some sort of vision that was this strong, we would discuss it. She would need someone to confide in. Alice always wrestled with the knowledge she received about other people's lives. She knew that with one vision she could irrevocably change a person's world. It was a heavy burden for one to carry alone. If the vision was about our future we would discuss it and determine what was best to be done. I knew everyone's fate wasn't set in stone, but Alice always wanted to give us the best chance possible at avoiding anything that could hurt us or anyone else in the family. She took her role very seriously and wanted to make sure we, as a collective whole, were safe and cared for. _

_Alice had a big heart capable of so much love. The girl was also addicted to shopping like a person was addicted to air. I don't certain she could survive without it. But even though she loved to shop, it wasn't the only thing she was good at doing. She loved deeply, she cared immensely, and she gave of herself freely. Everything she did was for the family and me. I never doubted her love and devotion to me. _

_The first of these series of visions Alice had was intense but not crippling. She had felt confused and baffled by the first series if the visions. I tried to get her to talk about it, but she didn't want to; she said the vision made no sense and there was no need to discuss it. No matter how much I tried to coax it out of her she wouldn't budge. _

_The second revelation Alice had been a couple of days later. The emotional climate of this vision was staggering, but still didn't bring me to my knees. It last for about two hours. After she was done watching, she took off and didn't return home for the rest of the day. I had really started to worry. Alice had bad visions before, but never tried to hide them from me. These were different, I could feel her emotions during the vision and they were of total despair and loss. My anxiety grew throughout the day. The longer she was away, the more I started to fear. When I finally made up my mind to go and find her she came through the door._

"_Alice, where the hell have you been? I was scared shitless thinking about where you were and what had happened to you." She looked at me like an annoyance_

"_I'm fine, Jazz," she replied in a blasé manner. "I just needed to clear my head and I didn't want to be around anyone. It's no problem," her voice flippant. My anger started to rise. I was fucking worried about her all day and she tells me 'it's no problem'. _

"_Alice, you were gone all day and didn't even had the decency to call. I thought something horrible happened to you. You have this major vision and just leave without telling me about it or if you were alright. That is just unacceptable, Alice!" I didn't want to treat her like a child, but she needed to know her actions had consequences._

"_What the hell is your problem, Jasper, I told you I was fine. What more do you want from me?" I just watched as she continued to raise her voice. "If I wanted to tell you about my vision I would have. Stop trying to pry it out of me and get off my damn back. I don't need you on my case all the time. I already have a father figure and I don't need another. I can take care of myself!" she finished yelling._

_It didn't escape my notice that she used my full name. She only used it when she was distraught about something. But the way she had addressed me was unacceptable, I was only worried about her. I loved her with my whole heart. Alice was my world and I never wanted any harm to come to her. _

"_Fine, Alice, I can see your fine. I'll just leave you alone since that seems to be what you want." _

_As I walked out the door to go hunting, I heard her whisper, "That is never what I wanted, Jasper." I thought I might have imagined it._

_After hunting and taking my aggression out on an undeserving tree, I decided now was good a time as any to face Alice. When I got home, she was waiting for me on the bottom of the staircase. She was feeling so lost and alone. I guess my taking off today affected her more than I realized. As I approached her, she tilted her head up and looked into my eyes; a small smile graced her beautiful lips. _

_Everyone else was in the living room except Edward; he was in Alaska visiting our cousins for the month of July, saying something about needing a break from the family for a while. I think he became overwhelmed with the family sometimes. We were all mated and he was still single. I couldn't imagine how difficult it was on him. He always seemed sad or moody, hard for me to gauge his emotions. Emmett claimed 'It was always Eddie's time of the month'. _

_Alice took my hand and led me into my study. We seemed to have our serious talks in there. If they were done in our bedroom, not much talking was accomplished. _

"_Jazz, I'm sorry for the things I said earlier and for treating you so badly. I never should have taken my frustration out on you. The only thing you ever do is try to make me happy. You even go shopping with me when you rather be kicking Emmett's ass at some video game." We could hear Emmett yell from the living room._

"_He wishes; I wipe the floor with his ass at everything we do!" The sound of a hand hitting the back of his head could be heard clearly. "Damn it, Rosie, you know that shit hurts!"_

"_Emmett, if I hear that language out of your mouth once again you will see the consequences. Do I make myself clear?" Esme scolded him. She was feeling pretty pissed and he knew not to mess with her after she used that tone of voice. _

"_Sorry, mom. I'll try and do better." What a kiss ass. He knew she could be weakened when one called her mom. And just as I had suspected, Esme caved._

"_Thank you, Emmett. I accept your apology. Just try to watch you language in the future, darling." Emmett was feeling smug until Rose smacked him in the head again. She knew him too well. _

_I turned back to Alice with a smile on my face. "I'm sorry too, Ali. I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you. I was just really worried about you. You are my life, Alice, and I never want anything to happen to you. I hope you can forgive me." I gave her the smile she could never resist. I usually saved it to get out of shopping. _

"_Of course, Jazz, you have nothing to apologize for, but if it makes you feel better, I forgive you too." I leaned forward and ever so gently placed my lips on Alice's smaller one._

_I grazed my tongue over her bottom lip and she moaned. I pulled her onto my lap and deepened the kiss. Alice turned around and put her legs on either side of my legs. Her taste was intoxicating. I broke the kiss and moved to the right column of her neck. I slowly ran my tongue up to the hollow of her ear and over her ear lobe. I whispered in her ear making her shiver from my cold breath on her wet skin._

"_I love you, Ali, always, always!" Her eyes filled with the venom that would never fall. _

"_Forever, forever, Jazz," she whispered back to me._

"_Can you two take that sh-stuff somewhere else? The rest of us are trying to watch TV. The game is on and you are ruining it with your loving feelings. They are suffocating the rest of us."_

_That bitch was going to pay later for ruining my moment with Alice. She had been so distant with me these last few day and we were finally back on solid ground. That asshole had to ruin it by opening his mouth. He would get his. _

"_What do you say we go for a run to our spot?" I asked, huskily in her ear. _

_She just smiled at me and nodded her head. As we made our way down stairs and out the door, Emmett had to have the last word. _

"_Jazz, have fun, man, and remember you have a dick not a lady part. Next time remember to talk like you actually have man parts and not like some love struck puppy in heat." I didn't even need to say anything; the anger rolling off of Rose and Esme was very impressive. He would suffer enough. _

"_That's it, Emmett, I warned you," Esme started._

"_Mom, I'm sorry, I forgot," his excuse wasn't going to fly; it was too late. One would think the big guy would learn. _

_Alice and I left and didn't return for the rest of the night. _

_._

* * *

_._

_As the rest of the week passed into the next, things were a little better. Alice was still sad, and was trying to hide it more. I really couldn't understand what was making her so depressed. We made love every night and she would often sit in my study with me while I read. She would stare at me with a longing in her eyes that I had felt so often from her. _

_I couldn't figure her out anymore. I didn't push her either. I knew she would talk to me when she was ready. I just wished there was something I could have done to take away her longing. The only thing at my disposal had been to be there for her and reassure her of my love. I would push out as much love to her as I could, trying to make her feel the depths of my love. Alice would just smile her sad smile at me and then continue to stare out the window. _

_As the second week in July turned into the third, Alice's third vision hit. She seemed to have been expecting it. This vision lasted for about five hours and her emotions literally dropped me to my knees about half way through. I couldn't move until it was over. The feelings she was giving off were astonishing. My body was so sore from the pain that I was literally out of breath. I felt like I had run around the world; it amazed me. Alice was curled into a little ball and was whimpering on top of the bed. I could feel Esme's heart breaking for us and the pain we were experiencing. Carlisle was concerned, to say the least. Rose and Emmett had been out 'sparring' and didn't return until morning. _

_When I was finally released from Alice's emotional prison, I picked her up and rocked her like a baby. She completely shattered in my arms. Nothing I could say or do could calm her down. She dried-sobbed for so long, I thought she was going to break into tiny pieces. I was so frightened and didn't know what to do. I called Esme and Carlisle to see if they could help her somehow because I was at my wits end._

_Esme reassured Alice continuously of her love and stroked her hair. Carlisle rubbed her back and told her everything would be fine and her family was there to support her. After two hours of constant pain and pure agony, Alice started to calm down. Her hysterics became whimpers. She ran to me and started telling me of her love and all she ever wanted was the best for me. She apologized to Esme and Carlisle for the pain she caused. They reassured her all was fine and there was nothing to be sorry about. After another hour Alice had become numb. It was such a blessing on my fried nerves. I needed to hunt and take a run to clear my head. _

"_Ali, I love you, but I need to go hunt. I'm sorry sweetheart, but I really need to hunt. I won't be gone long and Esme will stay with you okay. I'll be back soon," I whispered in her ear. Alice didn't seem to like that idea. She started to go into hysterics again and asked me not to leave her. I was speechless. I wasn't sure where the insecurity had come from, except her visions. I wasn't even sure what I did to cause her the pain or doubt me. _

"_Okay, Ali, I'm not leaving. I'm right here. I will always be here," I whispered to her over and over again. I needed her to believe me, she was my everything. _

_After the morning turned into afternoon, Alice seemed to come out of her trance. Emmett and Rose had returned and were worried about her like the rest of the family. Alice was feeling better, but she was still in a constant state of depression. I needed to hunt, my thirst had been calling to me, and I could only imagine how dark my eyes were. I wasn't the best at controlling my thirst so had the extreme need to do something about it. Alice seemed to finally realize that I needed to hunt. She looked at me and half-smiled for the first time in a day and a half. _

"_It's okay, Jasper, I'll be fine. I know how badly you need to hunt. Thanks for staying with me for so long. I'll be okay. Esme will stay with me. I love you, Jasper," she seemed to be telling me two things at once. The words that came out of her mouth seemed to have a double meaning. My fear increased with every minute that passed. _

"_Okay, Ali. I will be back soon. Just lie down and remember that I love you. I would do anything for you. Just try and relax, sweetheart." _

_As I left, I placed a kiss on her forehead and gave a small smile to Esme. Esme was hurting so much for all of us. I needed to get the hell out of the house, or I was going to fall again. _

_._

* * *

_._

_T__he fourth week of July would probably go down as one of the worst five weeks in my existence. Alice sunk further into depression and nothing could bring her out. She wouldn't let me touch her and she started to avoid me. She'd go shopping just to get out of the house and returned with nothing. She asked Esme if there was anything she needed done, she asked Carlisle if he needed any help at the hospital, she asked everyone for something, but me. _

_Alice didn't want to be in the same room as me anymore. The only thing I got from her was feelings of resignation and acceptance. I would catch her staring at me, sometimes, when the whole family was together watching a movie or doing something else. She would have this look of utter despair on her beautiful face that continued to break my heart. When she realized I caught her staring, she would simply turn her head and I would feel her determination pick-up. I had no idea what to do anymore. I was truly falling apart at the seams. _

_On Thursday night, I went into our room to get a change of clothes. I had been staying in my study to give Alice her space. When I entered, I could see her sitting at her vanity, just looking into the mirror. _

"_Sorry, Ali, I just wanted to get a change of clothes and then I'll be gone." After I got my clothes, I went over to my side of the bed and got the book I had started reading before all this drama began. When I turned around I could see Alice staring at me. She had such a look of intensity in her eyes, it scared me. I thought for a moment she was going to have another vision. I could feel her emotions were wavering. _

_She was feeling a mixture of defiance, longing, acceptance, and finality. It was a weird cocktail of emotions, but I didn't say anything. I just took the opportunity to look at her. It had been a while that I was granted the privilege of looking at her. I knew she would always look the same, but I wasn't use to going this long without gazing at my love. I missed her._

_Alice looked into my eyes. She seemed to be searching for some answer to a question I didn't know. After finding what she seemed to need, she got up from her vanity and stopped in front of me. _

"_Jasper, you know I love you, right?" she asked me, pleading in her eyes. I knew she loved me, but lately I had my doubts. I thought maybe she was falling out of love with me. Maybe my problems were too much for her to handle, and my scars were too ugly for her to stomach. I didn't want to fight anymore. I knew she loved me. I could feel it. _

"_I know, Alice. I love you too. I loved you from the start. You brought me to this amazing life and helped me overcome so many of my demons. I'm just sorry I can't be better for you. I know I struggle with my control, but I do try, Ali. I only want to bring happiness to you." _

_I wanted to hold her hand and kiss her, but I wasn't sure if she would allow it. She answered my silent request; she stepped into my personal space and took my hand in her tiny one._

"_You may have struggled with what has always been normal for you, Jazz, but I never held it against you. We all have our struggles and yours never diminished my love for you. Nothing could ever take away my love for you," I could feel the truth in each word she uttered._

_She loved me beyond reason. I never understood how she could have cared for a scared and broken soul like me. But my little sprite did love me, faults and all. _

_Alice pushed me on the bed and climbed into my lap. She placed her tiny hands on either side of my face and caressed them with her fingers, like she was committing to memory every imperfection, every pore, and every imaginary crease. She trailed her fingers from my cheeks, to my nose, over my eye lids and lashes, to the outline of my lips, while staring into my eyes. The moment was very intimate and overwhelming. Her emotions of love and acceptance made me want to crumble at her touch. _

_She then placed her hands in my hair and scratched my scalp. I couldn't help but sigh in ecstasy. Everywhere she touched me was glorious. Alice leaned in and finally gave me what I wanted. She placed her beautiful lips on mine and sinuously moved them against mine. _

_I pulled back and looked at Alice, sending all my love to her. Her eyes started to tear up again. I could feel her sadness and love, and I just wanted to make her smile. I placed my hands on her cheeks and wiped the tears that never fell. _

"_I love you, Ali, always, always!"_

"_Forever, forever, Jasper!" More tears came to her eyes, but smiled at me with the smile that I fell in love with._

"_Make me forget everything, but you and our love. Please," Alice asked me. There was nothing I wouldn't do for her. _

_I picked her up from my lap and placed her in the middle of the bed. I took the hem of her shirt and lifted it over her head. I ever so slowly unbuttoned her jeans and slide them from her legs one by one. __ I wanted to touch every part of her. _

_As the bed creaked under our weight and the room filled with our soft voices, I knew I'd never get enough of her that night. My thirst for her seemed unquenchable. _

_Alice and I continued to make love for the rest of the night. I worshipped every part of her body as she kissed every part of mine. We took things slow and memorized every part of our love. _

_._

_When the night ended and the grey light of dawn filtered into our room, Alice got up and took a shower. When she was finished, she sat on the edge of our bed and looked over my unclothed body. I could feel her lust spike again. She smiled at me from under her lashed. _

"_I have to go, Jazz. There's a few things I need to do for Esme today." I'll see you later. Remember that I love you. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can change that."_

_She leaned in and gently kissed my lips before leaving. When she got into her car, I could have sworn I heard her sob, but just thought I was mistaken. I hoped things would be get back to normal. Last night had been beyond incredible. _

_I got out of bed and decided to go for a hunt. I ran and thought about how we seemed to reconnect last night. Alice was happy for the first time in weeks, but still underneath her very thick layer of happiness, lurked her sadness and resignation. I just chose to ignore it. After taking down several animals, I returned home and showered. Alice wasn't returned so I grabbed a book and waited for her in my study. _

_About six hours later, Alice returned home and just sat with me in my study. While I read she stared at me. It was a little unnerving, but I also knew I could stare endlessly at her as well. Every now and then I could feel Alice slip further and further into her depression. I started to become worried again. I thought we were past. I thought we were on the right track to fixing us. When I felt her slipping further, I put my book down and looked at her. _

"_I'm sorry, Jazz, I just wanted to be around you. I can leave if I'm making you uncomfortable."_

"_Never, Ali, I always want you. Come here, sweetheart." I opened up my arms for her. _

_She made her way over to me and sat in my lap. She curled her body around mine and placed her head on my chest. She placed her hand on my face and just ran her fingers on my cheeks, over and over again. I held her tightly and smothered her in my love. Alice whimpered but burrowed deeper, like if she got in tight enough she would never have to leave. After a couple of hours of snuggling, Alice had another vision. Her eyes glazed over and she started to sob. I couldn't help her; my gift didn't seem to work when she was having these intense visions. I just had to wait for it to finish._

_After about an hour, her vision finally passed. Alice was so heartbroken. Every breath she took pained her body. I just held onto her, telling her how much I loved her. After she calmed down, she turned her head and looked at me. _

"_Everything I have ever done has been for you. I will always love you, Jasper," she whispered against my lips. _

"_I love you too, Ali!" I kissed her lightly, gently running my tongue along hers. _

_Alice turned in my embrace again and we stayed there for the rest of the night. When the dawn approached, we could see the sun started to shine. We sat there and watched it as it rose in the east, the sky changing from light pink to an impressive blue. The color reminded me of my mother's eyes. There wasn't much I remembered about her, but that color was one I would never forget. _

_About ten o'clock Alice finally spoke. "Hey, Jazz, do you want to go to our spot by the river?"_

"_Sure, Ali, lets go. I can do with some fresh air and sunshine." _

"_Okay, let's go." Alice grabbed my hand in a death grip. _

_It took us about twenty minutes to get there. When we finally arrived Alice ran her fingers over my hand and squeezed one more time before letting go. Alice turned from me and made her way over to the boulder she loved to sit on. I could feel her sadness coming back. It was coming so fast I was having a hard time keeping up._

_I looked over at her and watched as she stared up at the sky. Her eyes were glistening with tears, and her skin was casting beautiful prisms of light. She looked like one of those crystal birds people place in the sunlight and they shot rainbows everywhere. Her hair was messed up from the run and from her fingers constantly running through it, but she looked just as beautiful as the day she picked me up. _

"_Alice, what's wrong? Why are you so sad? I feel like I am about to drown in your emotions!"_

_As I continued to stare at her, she asked me a question that came out of left field. I was still staggering from her emotions. _

"_Jazz, do you believe every person has a destiny, a purpose for being on this earth? Do you think you were created for a reason, that a certain person was placed in a time and moment that would lead you down your chosen path? That a culmination of these events and moments makes you into the person you were always meant to be?"_

_I was beyond confused. I didn't understand what she wanted from me. I decided to answer her honestly. I knew before we left here today I would be getting an answer to my concerns. _

"_I truly don't know, Alice. I believe that we were created for the time we were placed in. I'm not sure about each moment and every event in our lives. I believe there is an overall plan for our lives and we choose the path we want to take, and it leads us to that overall goal. I knew when you approached me in that diner in Philadelphia, my life would change. I may not have known what purpose and role you were going to play in my life, but I knew it was going to be big. That purpose was for me to love you, Ali. You completely changed my life for the better. You brought me to this lifestyle and to the Cullen's. You and they completed my life in ways that will never change. Remember what you first said to me when I entered that diner?" she didn't answer me, but I knew she would never forget._

"_You said 'What took you so long'," I imitated her in that moment from long ago. _

_Alice laughed in between her sobs and I could tell she was close to losing it again. I was barely holding on. She was oppressing me with her emotions. Her love was breaking my strength. Her sadness was breaking my heart. Her determination was breaking my sprit, and her resignation was breaking my hold on reality._

_Something needed to be done soon. I wasn't sure how much longer I could last. So many tears gathered in her eyes that I could see my reflection in them. I needed to hold her, this sadness needed to leave her. _

_As I approached her, she held her tiny hand up and halted my progress. I was starting to become frustrated. I wanted to help her, but she wouldn't let me. My soul was calling for me to comfort her. _

"_Alice, please," I pleaded with her. I was breaking under the weight of her emotions, "I can't take this shit anymore, just tell me what is going on," I whispered._

_I wasn't mad at her, but at the situation. I couldn't take her anguish anymore; I just wanted my happy sprite back. Alice sat up and looked at me one last time before she completely broke me._

"_Jasper, I'm sorry," she sobbed, "It's over!"_

_._

* * *

_Author's Note: This is going to be my first full length Jasper/Bella story. The idea to this story popped into my head one night and wouldn't leave me the hell alone until I wrote it down. That night I wrote a rough draft of the first two chapters. This is going to be a long story about Jasper and the struggles he goes through on his journey to self discovery. I wanted to explore Jasper's character and how one decision from someone else can change a person's life. The majority of this story will be told in Jasper's POV, with some intermissions of Bella's POV. I am so excited to share this story. This is going to be the first full length story I have written and I can say without a doubt I am scared shitless. So please if you don't like it or find problems with it I will welcome your comments. Just please write them in a respectful way. Thank you so much in advance for taking the time to read and I hope you enjoy. If you are ever confused or have any questions please feel free to ask._

___**Edited: Friday, 21 January 2011**_


	2. My Love, Once More

Disclaimer: SM owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. I just like to play with the ever so yummy Jasper.

**My Love, Once More**

Part Two

August - Jasper's POV

_Silence! _

_The silence was a blessing to my screaming soul and bleeding heart. The silence was a world that I could live in and never have to hear the bad things in life that wanted to bring me down. The silence was my beautiful haven where everything was right in my life. _

_When I finally came out of my make believe world, I realized how loud everything suddenly seemed: Alice's sobbing, the river rushing over the rocks in its path, the birds calling out to the day, the different animals that were scurrying around the trees, and the wind blowing in between the leaves. All of these noises were a reminder that my world was crumbling before my very feet. My breathing was erratic. All I wanted was to wake up from my living nightmare. _

_Alice had to be mistaken. She would never break me like this. She knew my every unnecessary breath was centered on her. She knew my every action was to make her happy. She knew my every footstep led in a direction to her salvation. Alice was simply my world, I couldn't lose her. _

"_Alice, please tell me you are wrong – somehow you are mistaken. You know how much I need you. I know you love me," Even as I spoke, I could feel her love surrounding me. I could also feel her anger at herself for hurting me. _

_Silence!_

"_Alice, answer me, please tell me you love me!" I begged her, my pride surrendered. I could feel her resolve growing stronger and her hate for herself increase._

_Silence!_

"_Alice, fucking answer me. I deserve an answer!" I yelled at her. _

"_I'm sorry, Jasper, more than you will ever know. I am not wrong. We can no longer be together. Our time is over, my love," she whispered to me. How the hell could she call me that when my life was shattering into a thousand pieces? I didn't know if I could survive without her. I didn't know if I had the strength to make myself live without her. _

"_How can you call me that, Alice?"_

"_This is my last chance to call you such a name. When you leave here you will no longer be mine."_

This couldn't be the end to our love. There had to be a way to make Alice understand my need for her. There had to be a way to make her understand I didn't have the will power to go on without her. My life just didn't work without her. It seemed that she already knew that. But all of my reasons didn't seem to matter to her anymore. _These and so many other thoughts raced through my already cluttered mind._

"_You're wrong, Jasper. Everything you have done, said, and accomplished while we were together mattered. Everything you did to show me your love has mattered. Every touch and caress we shared meant something to me. From the first time we kissed, to the first time we held hands, to the first time we made love on a blanket under the clouded sky has meant something to me. Don't tell me your reasons don't fucking matter to me, you're the reason I'm doing this. I can't have your love anymore; it's not mine to take!" She yelled at me. _

_After she calmed her breathing down, she continued on a bare whisper. "Never doubt your potential, Jazz. You are an amazing person, with so many amazing qualities. You shine brighter than so many people, Jazz!" I didn't want to hear of her faith in me while continued to break me. _

"_Yes . . . you have your faults and shortcoming, but they help to make you into the incredible person before me. Your potential will grow and you will become even better than you are now. You have so much love to give, Jasper. Please never waste that love, always offer it to those who want it. Your love is probably the best thing about you. The love you posses can fill a person up and makes them feel like they are your entire world. The love I was able to have from you was the most incredible part of my life. It surpassed everything and everyone. It was my eternal hope and my continuous sunrise. It filled me with light on my darkest days d filled me with happiness on the best of days. That is how glorious your love is Jasper. Our journey together was beautiful. Every emotion, every hard time, every happy time, every laugh, every tear that was never shed, every touch, every caress, every 'I love you'," her voice started to crack because of the sobs she tried to withhold, "every sunrise, every sunset, every trip, and all the moments in between . . ."_

_She wasn't able to continue. Her sobs had won and overcame. She was crying so hard she could no longer stand. I caught her in my arms and just held on. She let the flood gates open and every emotion she had felt in the last two weeks came spilling out. I could no longer stand either. I fell to the ground with Alice still in my arms. She clung and wrapped her arms around my neck._

_I realized in that moment that no matter how much I was hurting or breaking, Alice was going through worse than me. Every emotion I felt she had experienced twice, one for herself and one for the time she had lived it in her visions. I may have been feeling what she was because of my gift, but it still wasn't near her pain. _

_I brought my hand to her hair and started to run my fingers through it. As I continued to touch her, she started relaxing little by little. When she finally quieted down, Alice raised her head and looked at me. I could see in her eyes that she was close to leaving. She didn't want to hurt me anymore. My sprite felt enough pain had been felt in my life._

_Tears started to form in my eyes. I could feel the end nearing and I never wanted to let her go. She gently touched me check._

"_Remember you promised me, Jasper. You would never forget. Always! You may not believe me now or in the near future, but I'm doing this for you. You have to embrace the path that was meant for you. There is no room on that path for me as your mate and wife. But please, please try to remember, you will be happy again, trust me, my love, once more, you will," I could fill the truthfulness of her statements, but it did little to assuage me of the present pain._

_She whispered once more in my ear "Everything I have done has been for you!" _

_As I tried to see beyond the venom in my eyes, I knew I had to try once more. I didn't want to lose her. The only path I wanted to be on was with her._

"_Ali, please," I cried. "I'm nothing without you. My life doesn't make sense without you. I only feel alive when you are in my arms. Please, don't do this. Say you'll reconsider."_

"_I know you love me, Jasper. I have always known. It has been the hardest part of this whole situation. I knew how it was going to end. Can you imagine having to see the end of a love you centered your world on, not having to live it once but twice, and it still doesn't make any of this shit easier?"_

_Alice had been preparing to say goodbye to our love and our future. _

"_Ali, if this is about your visions –" _

"_It doesn't matter, Jazz. It won't change anything. The decisions have already been made and there is no turning back, my love. Now you have to go and lead the life you were always meant for. I will be pulling for you the entire time. I know you will be wonderful, everything about you is just wonderful." _

_Alice stepped out of my arms and looked up into the sky. I could feel her putting up the final wall. I now had to go and live my destiny that didn't include Alice as my love. _

_Alice took one more deep breath and came to stand in front of me. She slowly traced the outline of my jaw, and then moved to my nose, eye lids, slowly caressing my cheeks. She traced the outline of my lips before replacing her fingers with her lips. She placed her tiny hands in my hair and then stood on her tip toes. Alice started to kiss my bottom lip. She traced the outline with her tongue memorizing my taste. I opened my mouth and touch her tongue with mine. I slowly moved my lips against her full ones. She was always so sweet. _

_And then Alice pulled away for the last time. That had been it, the ending to our beautiful love story. _

"_I love you, Jazz, always, always," she wept._

"_Forever, forever, my Ali," I whispered, my voice solemn. _

"_And remember, Jasper; never forget all that you are: so strong and beautiful, every part of you!" After the goodbye was uttered – she ran. I could feel her eventual break down and it only fueled my own even more. _

_I fell to the ground, sobbing for all that l had lost in the span of two unforgettable hours. _

"_Alice!" I screamed, "Please!" It was no use, she was gone. _

_Silence!_

* * *

As I continued to look into the heavens, I felt the pain and anguish return. Thinking about anything these days seemed to center on her. Even when I tried not to think of her she was in the back of my mind. I loathed vampire minds and their ability to thinks about several things at once. After I had finished weeping in our spot, I got up and ran. I had no where specific in mind, I just needed to get away from her and the ghosts that continued to scream at me to return.

The next day I received a call from Peter, asking me to stay with him and Charlotte. They were living in Arizona on a ranch they purchased in the middle of nowhere. After warring with myself for all of two seconds I told Peter to expect me the following night, I had no other available options. I needed the cover of darkness to run. I wasn't going to go home and get my car, plus I wanted to feel something other than the crushing pain, I thought the wind would be a good option.

Peter and Charlotte had welcomed me with open arms. I had gone to my room that day and still hadn't surfaced. My life had become the same over the last three weeks. I'd sit by the window, thinking about Alice, sit by the window and hating Alice, sit by the window and contemplating the stars, sit by the window mourning Alice, sit by the window screaming for Alice.

It had been a continuous circle that didn't seem to have a sight in end. I didn't hunt and refused to leave what had become my only refuge. Time had ceased to exist at all and the only thing I could comprehend was my want for Alice. I knew I sounded like a petulant child who didn't get their way, but I wasn't sure how else to behave.

I thought of the things I had said to my lost love, all the truths of my heart. From the moment I met her, she became the leading force in my life. I had become totally dependent on her for everything. When she took that all away, she took everything. I felt like I was going though some kind of identity crises.

Alice was my true north and I with her I was never lost because my internal compass would lead me. Now since the directions had changed in my life, I was hopeless. I had no goals in my life; I had no dreams for the future. I had no idea what the hell I was even going to do the next second of the day. I was sinking in fucking quick sand, with no one to pull me out.

Staying with Peter and Charlotte had been somewhat of a relief and they had both been amazing throughout the ordeal. They allowed me the space and time I needed. Charlotte and Peter had understood, but even that was waning. Within the second week of my doing nothing, Peter started to get agitated with me. I could feel his emotions of anger and sadness on my part, but he also felt I needed to start taking care of myself. He and Charlotte were never ones to sit still for long and figured I was built like them. I was to an extent, but I needed some time to live in my head and come to grip with situations that were highly emotional for me. I needed to learn to accept Alice's decision and try and respect her wishes. She had the hardest part of this break up. The least I could do was give to her the time and space she needed.

Peter's path towards my bedroom ripped me from my suffering and self-loathing thoughts. I took in his emotional climate and knew it wasn't going to be a pleasant visit. I could feel his determination to accomplish what he set out to do. All I had was a second to prepare before he started in on me. Peter knocked on the door then stuck his head in.

"What the fuck do you want, Peter. I'm in the middle of something," I snapped. If he wanted a fight I was more than willing.

"The only thing I can see you are busy doing is taking up space in my fucking house," I hated when he was right. It rankled like no other. "Look, brother, we understand that you are hurting and Alice was your life, but you need to start taking care of yourself," he said, his voice softened.

"When was the last time you hunted?" I gave him a noncommittal shrug, and I could feel his attitude immediately change to anger again. "When was the last time you got your ass up from that window and looked at yourself in the mirror? You look like shit, man. You need to go hunt." Peter was right but that didn't mean I was going to give into him that quickly.

"You have no fucking idea what I am going through. You still have Charlotte. You never had to live through the pain of your mate telling you that what you had was over. So until you have an inkling of what I feel, you'd do well to shut up. You don't understand a damn thing." He hadn't deserve my anger, but he was here and an available outlet. I wanted him to feel as I had, I wanted anyone to feel like I had. He had a purpose in his life, and I had nothing.

"Boo fucking hoo," he spoke in a scathing voice "Poor, little Jasper, his wife left him and he has nothing else to live for. No one else has ever had to suffer some loss in their life. They would never understand the pain he is living through. He doesn't deserve what is happening to him. Hasn't anyone ever told you life isn't fair? I know that shit is cliché, but it's true. I know you are hurting right now and I am a convenient target, but it's time to man-up, Jasper. Stop sitting in this room crying like a little bitch. There are a lot of people in this world who have it a whole lot harder than you. At least there is your family to shower you with love," and with that reminder, he put the first crack in my armor.

"Esme and Carlisle have been calling non-stop to make sure you are at least doing okay. Esme cries to Charlotte on the phone about the kind of pain you must be in and the hard time you are having. All she ever does is worry about you." The second crack was made on the already weak protection.

"You have money in the bank and never have to worry about health or where your next meal is going to come from. You have a roof over head and friends who care. This may not be the easiest time in your life and it may not be what you asked for, but it happened and now it's time to deal with your shit. Stop trying to hide from the problems and confront them like a fucking man." I had all of those blessings that he had listed in my life, yet I still didn't have that defining thing that would anchor me to my pitiful existence.

I wondered if Peter knew what was taking place in my head because he simply scoffed at my lack of an answer, "At least get your ass out there and hunt. You haven't hunted since you've been here. You are more than accustomed with how dangerous that shit can be, even better than me." Peter was once again right. I knew my family was worried about me and I didn't have the type of problems other had to bear in life, but I was still hurting. I wanted some time to mourn my situation.

"Look, man, your right," I finally stated and weathered the smirk on his smug face, "but I still need time to deal with this. I just feel very lost right now. I feel like my life as no meaning and I'm just floundering. Give me some time to get my shit in order. Do you think you can do that?"

"Sure, brother, but you need to get your lazy ass out of this house and go hunting. You have until the time Charlotte and I get back. We are about to leave to go hunting in Phoenix. If we return to see you still haven't hunted, I will not stop Charlotte from kicking your sorry ass. I already had to stop her from coming right now. She's had to listen to Esme cry and listen to the grief she is feeling for her son, because you were too busy and 'in the middle of something' to even talk to your supposed mother. Be glad it was me and not Char in here at the moment." I could appreciate that truth.

"Remember, bitch, go hunting!" I rolled my eyes at his term of endearment but quickly remembered his vampire of a wife. I didn't want to deal with an angry Charlotte (couldn't stop the shudders). It was time to go hunting.

As I thought about eating and how long it had been, the back of my throat instantly flared and fired scorched my neck like no one's business. The last time I had hunted couldn't come to my mind or the last time I was in such pain from lack of nourishment. Peter was right and that sort of negligence was asking for unwarranted trouble.

"Thanks, Peter," I said in all honesty. "I appreciate the concern and reminder. I promise to go hunting tonight. My throat feels like it is about to fall off." I rubbed my flesh knowing it would have no affect on the pain. "Thanks for the ass-kicking, but more importantly, for not letting your wife have that pleasure." He couldn't help but chuckle.

"No problem, man. I'll see you when I get back. And, Jasper, you are stronger than you know. Your life has been hard and filled with a lot of heartache, but when the times really count, you are strong, just remember that. You are my brother and no matter what happens, I'll always be there for you." I was always certain he would be there. He proved it to me time and time again.

"I know, brother, now get the hell out of here, before your wife comes up here, and tell her thank you for everything."

"Well do. See you later." The door closed gently behind him.

After I heard Peter and Charlotte leave, I took one more look out the window and headed for the mirror over the dresser. What I saw scared the hell out of me. I hadn't hunted in three weeks and the effects of that decision were more than apparent. My eyes were the blackest I had ever seen them. My cheeks were sunken in and sallow. I had absolutely no color in my skin whatsoever. The little bit I had even retained was nonexistent. The bruises under my eyes looked like Charlotte had already gotten to me. I looked like a walking corpse. I needed to hunt and that had been yesterday.

My behavior was inexcusable. I knew firsthand how dangerous and precarious my situation was. After taking one more look in the mirror, I ran out of the house and into the night. I took off running to the north to the mountain in search of some big game. Mountains lion had sounded beyond heaven. Thirty minute passed before I started to pick up the trail of a big cat in the area. My throat flamed terribly. After another five minutes I found the animal and immediately snapped its neck. Draining it had taken less time than disposing of its carcass. I did, however, feel better. My thirst was nowhere near under control or sated, but there was no doubt that I had felt better.

Another fifteen minutes passed of me running to the west before I came upon another scent of a lion; my throat started to flare once again, I wanted the burn to cease. I was not too far off the trail when I was hit with a scent that made me stop, completely. My mouth immediately started to pool with venom. My senses grew more alert and my mind went into even more of a predator mode, looking for its prey. Just breathing in the scent, had me swallowing all the extra venom my mouth couldn't contain. In that moment I needed that scent above all else. I needed to feel that warm blood oozing into my mouth and giving my body the nourishment it cried for. I started running in the direction of that most delectable scent, the smell of fresh freesia.

* * *

Author's Notes: If there are still mistakes, please tell me and I'll fix them. No matter how many times I preview a chapter there always seems to be one that eludes me. I appreciate the help. Hope all is well. Much loves as always.

_Posted: 24 April 2010_

___**Edited: 24 January 2011**_


	3. Not the Angel

Disclaimer: SM owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. I just like to play with the ever so yummy Jasper.

**Not the Angel**

Part Three

September - Jasper's POV

_I wasn't far now. _

My mouth almost leaked venom with the salivating thought of that scrumptious blood. When I was about a thousand feet away from my prey I could see the prone figure lying on the ground. I already knew it was a human because nothing had that sharp, unique smell; it was no surprise for me. As I got closer I could to the woman – her smell was that of a female – it was apparent she was lost to be lost. Her clothes were torn and she had scratches on her legs and arms. She had crawled a ways; the marks were still scraped into the ground. My meal had wrapped herself into the fetal position and was unmoving on her left side.

_Something seemed to favor my plight_. Even as this thought passed through my hungry brain, I knew even entertaining the idea was wrong. I couldn't seem to help myself. There were no excuses for what I was about to do. I had now been taught about the sanctity of human life, even if I hadn't been given that lesson at the time of my change. Alice and Carlisle had taught me to feed from animals. These lessons were all known, but I just didn't seem to care. The blood was too fragrant and I was too hungry.

Carlisle and Esme being upset was a given, but they would eventually forgive me. I knew Alice would be disappointed also, but she didn't care about me enough to stay. She had let me go and all I wanted was her by my side. There was nothing now to be done, she had made her decision and I was about to make mine.

As I got closer, I could see that the woman was smaller than I had anticipated. Her long brown, thick hair hung to about the middle of her back in knots. Her face wasn't visible because it was covered by her tresses. She still hadn't moved and I knew she was asleep, her deep breathing and occasional sobs gave that much away. It was a good thing because she wouldn't have to feel me ending her life and I wouldn't have to feel her terror and fright from what I was about to do.

I walked closer to the slightly shuddering person. I took in a deep breath and savored the scent. The smell of salt on her face from where she must have cried earlier lingered in the air around her. Pieces of cactus and twigs were entwined in her hair. It was obvious how she got the scratches on her arms and legs that had already crusted over with her blood.

When I knelt down by her, I could see she even closer, she was a bird of a thing: so small. Because of her small saturate, the blood she had flowing in her veins wouldn't have sated my thirst, but it would go a hell of a long way in stopping the burn in the back of my throat. My hand moved to her messed hair and was stopped by the feeling of it. Her mane, despite the tangles and bits of debris, was the smoothest of silks. I relaxed my fingers and allowed it to run from the crown of her head to the middle of her back. I wasn't sure of my motions or why I had even entertained playing with my food. I wondered if her fallen state played with the little bit of humanity that seemed to still reside in my broken life. But even that humanity didn't seem to save her life. I was, perhaps, giving her the last comfort she would ever receive. I moved her hair to the side to get a better angle on her neck. As I brought my mouth closer and allowed my teeth to show, she finally decided to call out.

"Daddy, is that you?" she asked in her raspy voice. I immediately stopped. At that moment, of hearing her _young_ voice, I realized what I had known all along: I was a worthless piece of shit.

My one fucking rule I always had throughout all my existence and in all the battles I fought was never touch a child. Children were pure and innocent. They should never have to see the problems and bad things of this world. They should always be kept safe and protected. It was really the only rule I had for myself. I never really, before the Cullen's, had to live a life of restraint so it had been of no consequence while I fought in battles and more especially when I lived with the Cullen's. It was a line never to be crossed.

Here I was, finally at the end of my existence, bent over an innocent, ready to take her life because I was so fucking weak and had made excuses. I was beyond repulsed with myself. I had wanted nothing more in that moment than to stop being. The temptations to take a child's life or even thirst for one had never occurred and here I was ready to feed from her because my life was shit and felt I deserved something that was forbidden. How could I ensure such a notion?

I ran from the little girl, over to the nearby boulder and started to dry heave. I wanted to rid myself of the thoughts that had plagued me about her blood. I wanted to rid myself of the evil that was inside me. I wanted to rid myself of the monster I truly was. I wanted to rid myself of the pain and anguish I had felt since Alice had left me. I didn't want to hurt anymore. I didn't want to live anymore. I had sunk so low; I had convinced myself it was okay to feed from a child. It was more than apparent why I wasn't equipped of other's love and why Alice didn't want me anymore. She finally came to her senses and realized the type of creature I truly was.

I continued to heave, trying to purge out the ugliness. I continued to hurt for what I had almost done. I began to realize what I could have done and the real damage I almost caused. For the first time in about a month I had thought of someone else and their well being. It was more than clear that my life wasn't the only one in a mess and my brother had been correct in his scolding. I also wasn't solely focused on my own pain and heart ache. The thought of the poor child and how she came to be lost in the middle of nowhere plagued me.

"Excuse me sir," I heard the child say in her raspy, yet intriguing voice. I had been captured from her first call out to her father without even realizing.

She must have woken up with the loud noises I made. I felt in that moment like a deer caught in the head lights, but also came to the comprehension that I was at a crossroad in my life. This was going to be one of the defining moments of my existence; the air seemed to crackle with the importance.

My control had always been an issue. For years, I had struggled with trying to maintain my thirst. Coming to rely on Alice to warn me off before I was tempted. Then Edward had joined in on the crusade and my warning system had been doubled. I had let them take over and I took a backseat. The responsibility I should have taken from the beginning was now in their control. Of course, when I slipped up they had taken some of the blame upon themselves, and I knew that wasn't fair. I should have never relied on them to control me and my hunger. I should have never gone along with the status quo. My thirst was my responsibility and my problem. The slip-ups were my sole reliability. My resistance for controlling myself was therefore now low and Alice or Edward wasn't here to protect me. I didn't even have their warning.

I slowly turned around and was stunned into inaction. Her eyes captured me unsuspected. She had the biggest brown eyes I had ever seen. Her shade of brown seemed completely unique. It was as if the color was just made for her. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't look away from her gaze. She seemed to be reading my soul and finding all of the horrible things I had done in the past. She seemed to see all of my pain and agony I had felt and all of the depression I lived through. Her eyes were too young to have witnessed the things I had seen. I would never want her to witness the things I had. Her innocence should have been protected at all costs.

When she was done peering into my soul, she looked down as if trying to come to terms with what she had found. Nothing had ever struck me so closely or pierced me so deeply. Amazingly, I didn't feel any fear coming from her. All I felt was pure concern and sadness from the little one. I wondered what she was thinking and how she had even had such a talent. Something needed to be said, but my mind seemed to be blank.

I took in a deep breath, trying to clear my mind and emotions that were clogged in my chest. Immediately I knew that to be a mistake, my throat flared with her scent. My mind started to lose control again and but I put a stop to it in haste. My being a piece of shit was clear, having created so much tragedy, but I refused to add the murder of a child to the long list. With slime resolve in place, I decided to say something. Somehow she needed to get to safety and far away from the demon she had seen into.

The child looked up, and again I was hit by intense emotions. It amazed me that someone so young and fragile could feel such powerful things. She blinked several times, trying to rid herself of the tears that were gathering in her eyes. A couple slipped over the rims and slid down her cheeks. Her gaze became magnified because of all the water that was gathered.

"Are you an angel?" she whispered to me, sad curiosity filling her voice. I was nowhere near said angel. The sins I had committed in my life didn't qualify me for such a title.

"No sweet heart, I'm not an angel. Why do you ask?" I was inquisitive as to how she'd come to that conclusion.

"Well," she started to say then blushed. I immediately stopped breathing. Her smell became intense to my hungry yearning. "I thought that I finally died because I have been lost for a while, a-and you are really be-beautiful," she hid her face from me as she finished her answer with a stutter. I couldn't help but laugh. This little loveliness thought I was beautiful; if she only knew what I truly was.

"No sweetheart, I'm not beautiful. I'm far from it. You, on the other hand, are very beautiful. You have the true beauty," I told her honestly.

"Thank you," she said under her breath. She picked up her head and looked at me. Her cheeks were still tinged pink.

"Are you sure you're not an angel? You looked sad before," her voice sounded too young to be so observant. She noticed things quickly.

"Why do you still think I'm an angel?" she thought over my question while searching my face.

"Well I thought you might have been sad because you had to take me away from the earth and my parents, and you didn't want to. You reminded me of someone to TV. But then you are too pretty to even be an angel," she turned red again from her comment. I really tried not to laugh, but she was just too funny and inquisitive.

"I promise I'm not an angel. My brother and I watch a lot of sports on TV," I changed the subject, wanting to ease her embarrassment. The need to protect started to manifest.

"My dad does too. I just think he watches too much. He might be addicted. I think he was sad that I really showed no interest in sports. I like to read a lot," she was really forthcoming about her life.

"I like to watch sports, but I also like to read. I love history books and sometimes I read my father's medical journals."

"Your dad's a doctor!" I could feel her amazement. "He must be really, really smart. I don't think I could be one because I don't like blood. It makes me sick." I wish it had that same effect on me. As I ran out of air, I took another quick breath so she wouldn't notice and continued talking to her.

"Yes, he is really smart. He is also very kind and loves children. He would think you were beautiful," she showed me what I now knew to be her customary blush because of my comment and looked adorable. She was feeling embarrassed once again.

"Thanks," she whispered. "My dad is a cop and my mom Renée is . . . well I'm not really sure." Her confusion over took her embarrassment. "She likes to try all sorts of things and doesn't really like to commit to anything. She would probably be a hippie in another lifetime." I laughed because that shit was funny. The child really knew how to make someone laugh with her honesty and innocence.

"My mom likes to decorate things and she loves to garden. She loves everything and mostly everyone. She has a very kind soul and would never try to hurt anything, and she is beautiful both inside and out. You would probably think she was an angel if you saw her and you'd be pretty close in your assumption." She was starting to calm down with all the talking and the immense sadness she had felt earlier started to slowly abate. For some reason I couldn't define, I didn't want her to feel any sadness. This little girl had already stolen my heart unknowingly to us both, and I barely knew her.

"Your mom sounds just wonderful," her voice filled with awe. "You are really lucky," that was a painful truth which was becoming more obvious by the minute.

I felt like shit because of the way I had been treating Esme lately. Being the center of attention in my family always caused me to become uncomfortable. I never wanted such attention focused on me. However, I stilled loved them. Esme had always been wonderful, making sure I fit in and loving me unconditionally. I was pretty damn lucky to have her, and I was going to call her when I made sure this little one was alright and back to safety.

"I am pretty fortunate, little one. I have a wonderful mother who loves me, but I've been terrible toward her lately." The child looked sad again at my admission.

"Why have you been terrible toward her? You looked sad earlier, is it because of that?" She was too smart.

"Yes it has to do with my sadness, but regardless of the matter, I should never have treated her the way I did. She deserves my respect and love, and nothing else."

"I know you love her. I can see it in your eyes when you talk about your mother. I know sometimes when we are sad we only focus on ourselves and not other people, and that's okay." I found myself staring at her even more intently. "But I also know our families are there for us when we need them most. They want to be sad when we are and happy when we are happy." I was astonished. How could a little girl know so much about such complex emotions?

"How old are you, little one?"

"I'm ten going on eleven. My birthday is next month. How old are you?" she asked, her head tilted to the side. I just had to laugh. If she were only aware of my true age, the fear she would have.

"I am older than ten," I said laughing.

"I understand, you don't need to tell me your age. Renee says age is but a number and you are only as old as you feel. I just think she doesn't want to tell people her real age." The girl should do stand-up.

"How do you know so much about sadness and your family wanting to comfort you in time of need? What do you have to be sad about, little one?" she looked away before answering.

"Well this summer, I didn't really want to go to camp and I told my mom, but she wouldn't listen. I am not really an outdoor person and my coordination is really bad, meaning I trip on anything. I said that I could go to my dad's, but he is really busy with work and probably going to get a promotion soon. That's why I usually see him once in the summer around California." She finally took a breath before continuing. "So anyways, I was really mad at them, but then I thought my mother just wanted me to experience new things and meet new people. I realized I was being a brat and finally decided to come to camp. It made her happy so I was happy for her. She was going on some retreat so I just wanted to make everything fine."

I was amazed again. Even though she obliviously hated camp and the outdoors, she wanted to make her mother happy, when it should have been the other way. Renee should have realized her daughter's sadness and stayed home from her own adventures. It sounded like their roles were switched and Renee was more the child than adult.

"That was very big of you, little one. It's very noble of you to sacrifice your happiness for the sake of your mother's," I didn't want to sound bitter, but she shouldn't have to made such difficult and unfair decisions. I also knew I had no room to talk; I had wanted to drain her earlier. It seemed like everyone had taken advantage of the child.

"My mother always calls me her middle-aged child." Super mom strikes again. It was evident her mother was just kidding, but I could feel the child's insecurities when she said this. I only wanted to see her smile.

"Well I can see why," I started to say and her emotions dipped again, "You look positively old. I mean you are pushing eleven. If you are not careful you may reach the ripe old age of thirteen." She just laughed and blushed. I took another quick breath while she was distracted. Then she distracted me with her next question

"So why were you sad? Did you break up with your girlfriend or something? I know that makes a lot of guys sad at school. My dad was also sad when my mom left and took me. You kind of had that look on your face." Damn this child was just too smart.

She was so observant of everything and everyone around her. Alice was part of the reason, but the other part (bigger part) was the fatal mistake I had almost made. I had almost taken her life because of my stupid excuses and my fucking control issues. I had let others take control of my thirst and never really cared about it until I had slipped-up and saw the damage it caused. After time, things would go back to normal until my next fatal mistake. I was always on the fence with this singular issue, never making a final stand or committing, depending on others instead of myself. It had been bad but until the very moment, when killing a child was involved, did I realize the control shit needed to stop. I needed to learn to stand on my own two feet and not rely on others.

I also decided to be somewhat honest with her. I didn't want to lie to the child, but I also wanted to protect her from the true horrors of my past.

"You are right, little one. Part of me is sad because my girlfriend broke up with me, but another part of me is sad because I almost did something I would never be able to take back. I have been struggling with a problem for years and I've never really done anything about it. I fail to take responsibility for my actions and my problems. I let others take control and they had to suffer for my problems, and it's not really fair to them. Do you understand?" She was silent for a while. I could feel she was digesting what I confided in her.

"I understand, but I don't think you do." I was flabbergasted. She thought I didn't understand my own tribulations.

"Those others are responsible also, at least to a certain extent. No one asked them to help you with your problem. Did you ask them to help?" I couldn't speak, I just shook my head.

"You see they took it upon themselves. You never asked for their help. They probably knew what they were getting themselves into. Of course you are responsible for what you do eventually, but they also share some of the blame because they took it upon themselves, and when it really mattered their help didn't seem to come in handy. It also made you weak because you never fully had to deal with the problem on your own. I think it's called enabling someone. Did it help you?" Again I just shook my head.

"It's just like when my mother wanted me to go to camp and I didn't want to. I finally decided to go because it made her happy. She didn't know I would become lost. It wasn't her fault I became lost, but to me it is her fault that I am even in this situation. If she just would have stayed home instead of having to go on her retreat I wouldn't have been here. I don't blame her, but I know some of the blame is on her. Do you understand?" It was her turn to wait for my answer.

The little one had opened up my eyes. Some things that were always dark were shed with light. Even though I didn't blame Alice and Edward for my own issues and my mistakes, they had some blame on them because they had taken it upon themselves to become involved in taking over my lack of control. Of course, I held the most blame and was ultimately responsible for killing those people. There was no refuting that outcome.

It also reminded me of a news story I saw about a girl who killed herself. She was bullied, teased, and tormented mercilessly at school and the teachers never stopped it. She was threatened and terrorized until she couldn't take it anymore and then killed herself. Now, the kids who terrorized her were charged with her death. Even though she took her own life, those people were also responsible for the actions that caused the tragic outcome. Every action has a consequence and we have to face those results, all of the parties involved.

"I understand what you're saying, little one, and I think you're right. I never really looked at the situation like that. It is truly amazing how insightful you are. Your eyes seem to see what others are missing. You are very perceptive, little one. Never lose that amazing ability." She just blushed again and lowered her head. I could feel her embarrassment, and the pride in herself. But I really had to dig to feel that one.

"So how did you become lost?" Here we were talking and discussing my problems when she was lost in the middle of nowhere scratched up. Perhaps I should have paid her for the time on the couch.

"Our camp director took us hiking on boulder trail and I tripped and fell a little down the side of the trail. I must have hit my head because I woke up and no one was there. I called for help but no one heard or came. I tried getting up and walking, but I hurt my ankle when I tripped. I've tried crawling away, but didn't have the strength. I've been stuck here and I think they have already contacted my mother and I know she is just hysterical. She is just like that and I don't want her to worry anymore because I am fine." The child would never cease to amaze me.

She had probably been lost for hours. She was scratched, her ankle sprained, and in pain. All she worried about was her mother's wellbeing and my emotional state. I could feel the worry for her mother but not herself. She was surely an angel that heaven seemed to misplace. Maybe she tripped over a cloud and landed here on earth.

"Are you sure you aren't the angel? She just laughed and her face took on her established blush.

"I'm not an angel. What would give you that silly idea?"

"Well you are hurt, scratched, your hair is beyond scary," she just laughed harder at my statement about her hair, "You have dirt all over you and you're only worried about your mom. Aren't scared out here all by yourself?"

"I'm not scared now because you are with me, and I know you won't let anyone hurt me," such certainty filled her voice. "Plus I was scared earlier, but then I fell asleep and you showed up. Just like an angel. So if anyone is the angel it's you," she said, a smile on her innocent lips. I was not safe for her. Even now when I took a breath my throat would burn, but I knew I wasn't going to do anything to her. I would rather end my own existence than to harm a child, especially this little innocent one.

"You shouldn't trust me, little one. You don't know what I am capable of." She frowned and shook her head. I could feel her doubt, but not in regards toward her; it was directed at me.

"I know you won't hurt me, I trust you," she was insistent. "You got mad when my mom made me go to camp because I didn't want to and you tried to protect me from your problems," she must have seen my confusion because she answered my unspoken question, "You only told me about your problem in general terms, not giving me any specifics about your problem. You don't want to me to know because you think it might hurt me in some way. I can see it in your eyes. You also keep your distance from me, like if you got close you might hurt me, but I know you wouldn't." There was absolute nothing I could say.

She called me out and she won the argument. A girl of ten was able to best a hundred plus vampire; that sound around us had been my ego hitting the ground. I don't think she'd ever stop amazing me.

Here was this innocent child who saw through all of my shit, and still trusted me to be around. She trusted me to protect her. She had such a faith in me that it truly scared to my very core. This had been the defining moment that I needed, to get off the fence and start trying to take blame for my actions. It was time to man-up and start living my life for me and stop complaining about my problems.

In the course of an hour in talking to this child, she had changed my whole prospective on my most defining problem. She unknowingly gave me the courage I needed to stop being scared. She gave me the confidence I needed to try and make myself better. She gave me the dedication in myself to see that I had some potential to accomplish what I had always struggled with. Her simple and child-like faith gave me what I had really needed all of these years, and I was completely stunned that it was a child who was able to do this.

"Still, little one, you can never be too careful. You never know what kind of monsters are out there," I cautioned her.

"I know. I have a cop for a dad remember?" She smiled a tired smile at me.

I could tell she was starting to get drowsy. I needed to think of a plan in getting her to safety. I didn't trust myself to carry her. I wasn't that strong yet. I could have asked Peter to come and help, but he was in the city hunting and I didn't know how long he and Charlotte would be. I trusted him to take her. He had great control. He claimed it was because he didn't deny himself his natural food source, no matter how much he respected my choices. I could only think of one thing. I pulled out my satellite phone and saw that I had some reception. Alice always insisted on them, but damn were they expensive. After formulating the plan in my head, I looked at the child again.

"How could I forget?" I winked at her. She turned pink before smiling. She gave me a curious look from under her drooping lashes. I could tell she wanted to say something, but she was too shy.

"What do you want to tell me? I won't get mad, little one." The child scrunched up her face before speaking.

"Well I was just thinking about your girlfriend dumping you. She must be really stupid. You are a great person and I would like to have a boyfriend like you. Plus you are really pretty," she said it so fast I was surprised she wasn't a vampire. I never realized humans could speak so fast. I heard every word, but I thought she was too adorable when shy, so I messed with her a little.

"What was that you said, little one? You spoke so fast." She turned even redder and she hid her face as she started again. Her embarrassment was going through the roof. I held in my laugh, not wanting to discourage her.

"I said your girlfriend was stupid to dump you and," she quieted down even more, "I would like to have a boyfriend like you someday." She continued to talk under her breath, thinking I couldn't hear. "I just wish I was older and you are really pretty." I smiled at her innocence and felt something inside of me crack that always sheltered me from such pure things.

"You wouldn't want a boyfriend like me, little one. You could do so much better. I'm no where good enough for an angel like you. You deserve nothing but the very best for everything in life!" my voice crammed with conviction. I could feel she didn't believe me.

"You don't seem to believe me. What do you think I am being dishonest about?"

"I couldn't do much better than you. I can see the goodness in you. Your eyes say it all. You can't lie to me. You may have made mistakes, but the goodness in you will always shine through and will darken all that may not be so good. We all make mistakes, my mom likes to tell me and she is actually right. But what you do after those bad things is what defines us as a person. My mom may be nutty, but she can give some good advice, well every now and then." She gave me that simple smile.

There was her innate belief that I was good and that it shined above the rest. Something that was beyond my control had taken over in meeting the angel. Something within me that was greater than anything I had ever felt. My soul recognized that without me being aware of it. Out of nowhere and out of right field, I found myself making her a promise. Her faith in me was so strong that my knees would have buckled if I wasn't already sitting down. It was unbelievable that a human could feel those types of fierce emotions, and a child at that. She was a unique creature with some amazing potential. She would be amazing in whatever she did with her life, she was meant to shine to the world. I wanted nothing for her but happiness. She deserved nothing but that.

The child in thought yawned again, limiting my time and knowing it was coming to an end. It was sad tidings indeed. She cleared her arid throat before her stomach gave a mighty growl. I knew that her scrapes needed to be attended to also. I was just thankful none of them were bleeding openly. My own hunger wouldn't be ignored in definitely. I needed to hunt some more. I was glad she hadn't seen me before I took down the lion. I knew it helped my appearance a lot. It wasn't that I was vain; I just didn't want her to be scared of me anymore than she was, although her fear of me (or lack thereof) seemed pretty nonexistent.

I looked into her eyes again, and lost myself in her innocence. I couldn't even remember the last time I had felt like that. It was overflowing. I felt like I was floating on air and nothing in my world was bad, or would ever be. There was nothing there to impede me. I always wanted to remember this moment with this precious angel. She had changed me for the better and she didn't even realize it. I smiled back at her and winked. She naturally blushed and hid her face. I just continued to grin. Her eyes started to close and I knew she was close to falling asleep. For some reason, that thought made my heart hurt. I didn't want to let go of this moment. It seemed that if this little one was always with me nothing bad would ever happen, but I couldn't keep her and she needed to be returned to her mother. She had done enough for me. She started to drop off, but I could tell she was also trying to fight her tiredness, like she also didn't want to be separated from me. That's when she started to cry again, it was so sudden.

"Why are you crying, little angel?" My soul was breaking at watching her cry, tears running down her beautiful little face.

"If I go to sleep, it will be like this never happened, like it was always a dream. That thought makes me really sad," she whispered and broke me a little more. Maybe it would be a good thing if she thought I was a dream and nothing more. I never her wanted to be frightened of me and my mistakes. With my mind made up I started to hit her with some more lethargic waves, but cried all the same internally.

"Don't worry, little angel, I will always be in your dreams. If you are ever scared, just call me and I will be there to protect you. Always remember I will protect you, little one. I promise." She smiled a little, but I could still feel her immense sadness.

"I don't even know your name," she slurred. She was really going down fast. Being tired from her ordeal and me supplying her with some more lethargic emotions weren't helping.

"My name is Jasper, little angel," I murmured.

She opened her eyes once more and looked at me. I memorized the exact color and shape of her eyes and face. I imprinted her image on my soul. I never wanted to forget one detail of this little lost angel with cinnamon brown eyes, and slight green specks.

"What is it, angel?" I whispered softly, lulling her back to sleep. I took one more look at her eyes before they closed for good.

"I love you, Jasper. Thanks for taking care of me. I'll always remember. I promise, and remember you are good and beautiful even with your scars; you are beautiful," her voice now faint. I was again taken aback. I had no idea she could see my scars. They were so faint. But when I looked down, I realized how white I had been and with no complexion she was able to see my scars more so than usual. She was simply an amazing child. I wanted to cry because of her words and her effortless faith.

"I love you too, little one." I then made my silent promise to her, right there as I watched the light of the full moon bouncing off her hair and skin, making her look ethereal like the little angel she was.

"_I promise you, little angel that I will be better. You have helped me in ways you will never realize. Your straightforward and undemanding faith in me helped me to change for the better. Thank you for all you have done. I promise to do better and to always try to be the person you see in me. I will always try to control my thirst. I know it won't be easy and I will have my struggles, but I will try, for you and especially for me. I will never forget you, and when I am feeling my lowest, I'll remember your goodness and your belief in me. I will get up and try again. I'm sorry for the fear I may have caused you. But most of all, little angel, I'm sorry for almost taking your precious life. I have no excuses and I'll never forget what I almost did. I'm not sure if we will ever see each other again, but I will always carry that part of my soul you have captured with me. I will always try. I love you also, little one."_

After my silent promise to her, I got up and walked toward her, little by little, always keeping myself in check and making sure I was under control. I knelt down beside her and ran my fingers through her hair. I took a shallow breath and let the fire come to my throat. I remembered the burn and knew at this moment, in one of my darkest times, I was able to see some light at the end of my very long proverbial tunnel. I now had a defined path in front of me again. My little angel had given my life meaning again and a goal to achieve.

It was going to be arduous, but I knew with hard work and determination I could accomplish it, all thanks to the little one. I continued to run my fingers through her hair. I slowly bent over and placed a little kiss on her forehead, memorizing her scent and all the little details that made her special. Light filled my soul so bright I thought I would go blind. When the light receded, I realized I had been irreversibly changed. There was some instinctive knowledge that she was now a permanent part of my soul. Our bond had been cemented and nothing could change or take away our experience.

The feelings and promises I made to her created the connection that linked us together in our times of need. It was something I would never take lightly and always cherish. I leaned down and kissed her forehead again and whispered in her ear, letting the wonderful warmth take over, "Thank you, angel!"

"Bella, my name is Bella," she slurred seemingly talking in her sleep. I pulled my phone out with much pain, and made the anonymous call to the local police station after getting the number from the operator. I told them the location of her whereabouts and her fair health, just tired and a little scratched.

After I ended the call, I sat with _Bella_, as she told me her name was, and waited for them to rescue the little angel. I hoped her mother would listen to her from now on. I also hoped Bella would never in a situation like this again.

...

About two hours of me constantly running my fingers through her hair passed before I heard the rescue team coming closer. I knew my time was very limited and I needed to move before the dogs caught my scent, not that they already hadn't. I knelt down and kissed her little forehead goodbye.

"Thank you again, little angel. Never forget and I will always remember you and my promise." I gently kissed her cheek and got up. I looked down at her sleeping form before leaving. It was more difficult than I imagined it to be. As I turned around to leave she granted me one more miracle.

"Jasper, remember. I love you too." A tear slipped out of the corner of her closed eye.

I took off running and realized this was the start of my new journey and I had a promise to keep. I waited for them to collect Bella. When they were gone, I went back and sat in the place that was still warmed from her little body. I looked up at the stars and started to plan what I was going to do next. I needed to leave Peter and Charlotte's and go out on my own. I needed to find the strength in myself and the conviction. I also needed to call Carlisle and Esme and apologize for the pain I had caused them, not just for the last few weeks, but for all of the pain and worry I caused them over the years. Then I needed to thank them for everything and tell them of my love.

More than anything, I needed to start living my new destiny that had been gracious given to me.

* * *

Author's Notes: I am not really happy with this chapter, but I wanted to post it. I hope you like it. Thanks to all of those who read my lousy writing, and an extra thanks to those who review and add me to your alerts. I hope you enjoy! Thanks darlings and lots of love. :D

_Posted: 28 April 2010_

**Edited: 30 January 2011**


	4. No Thanks Necessary

Disclaimer: SM owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**No Thanks Necessary**

Part Four

September - Jasper's POV

A month passed since I had seen my little angel. Time seemed against me and the possibility of ever seeing her again. Time was relative to me, but even a moment seemed like an eternity without her; I prepared myself, every moment, for the real possibility of coming to fruition. The small sliver of hope that resided somewhere in my darkened heart, however, refused to be outshined and held out hope that maybe I would, again.

That night (which now seemed like almost a lifetime ago) after contemplating my next move and losing her scent that was washed away by the wind, I returned to Peter and Charlotte's. They hadn't returned from their own excursions and for that I had been thankful.

I had sat on the couch, dejectedly, and turned on the news. I figured they would have a story on her and her family, but I was wrong. I could never figure out why they didn't have a piece on the news. I thought that I would be able to learn her last name and be able to keep track of her. I wanted to make sure that she would be well taken care of and nothing bad would happen to her.

I watched for two weeks, before finally giving up hope. I went and visited, what I had come to think of as our spot, regularly, to remember my promise to her. I hunted twice a day and would return at night to look at the stars and remember. If I didn't have an infallible memory, I would have thought it never happened. But I knew she was as real as the promise I had made to her.

After two more weeks had passed I knew it was time for me to leave Charlotte and Peter's place. I just needed the time to prepare myself mentally and physically for what I had to do. I wanted to build up my strength and my will. My thoughts wandered back to that night after my time with Bella. I had kept part of my promise and contacted Esme and Carlisle.

...

End of August (A month previous)

_That night, my entire life seemed to have changed because of a little angel. I had lived for a long time, and I still didn't understand the secrets to this life. However, I did understand my promise and decided to call Esme and Carlisle, it was long overdue. I called the house, praying that Alice wouldn't answer the phone. I knew for sure I wasn't ready to talk to her yet. Luck was on my side because the very person I wanted to talk to answered. _

"_Hello," she said, her voice sounded strained. I immediately became sad. I recalled what Bella had said about Esme and how lucky I was to have her in my life._

"_I love you," I whispered on the phone, not really realizing the truth of it until that moment._

_Esme recognized my voice straight away and started weeping. Even though tears would never leak from her eyes as they had from Bella's, they were no less real._

"_Jasper, darling, I love you too. I'm so sorry you have to go through this pain right now. If I could take this from you I would. You have no idea how good it is to hear from you. Carlisle and I have been so worried about you. I cannot even imagine what you have been going through, and you have been in my reflections constantly. I talked to Charlotte, darling, and she said you have been so depressed, not really hunting. You know you need to take care of yourself, darling. If I were there . . ." she exclaimed all of this in one breath. _

_I knew she was just making up for the last three weeks. She was worried and I could hear the love in her voice for me. I could hear Carlisle in the background, asking if he could also talk to me._

"_Mom," I said like a little child, feeling my heart heavy, "I'm sorry for the way I have treated you through this. Just because I was going through my personal pain, gave me no reason to treat you in the manner I did. I apologize for my horrid behavior to you. I want you to know that I am thankful for all you have done for me. From the first time you met me, you have given me nothing but your love and support. Even when I slipped, you loved me unconditionally. I know I don't deserve your love, but I thank you for it anyway."_

"_There is no reason to thank me for my love, you are my son and always have been. I love you, Jasper, and want nothing but happiness for your life. I hate to see you hurting right now and I know there is nothing I can do, but give you my love and reassurance that there will be happier times. Maybe not now or in the immediate future, but there will be those times, darling. If I have to go to you and make those happy moments myself, then I shall do just that." Her voice through soft, broke no argument. _

_I couldn't help but laugh. I knew Esme would do just that. She would do anything for her children. _

"_I know you would, Esme, and I love you all the more for it. Thanks for everything. And I am sorry for the way I have treated you, not just now but for always. I held myself back from the family, always on the rim of everything. All you wanted to do was love me. I never made it easy, hmm? I know how much you love us Esme and I just made it more difficult. Yet, you still do and I am so thankful to have your support." There was a gentle silence as she hiccupped through her silent sobs. _

"_I already told you, Jasper, no thanks necessary. It is my right as your mother to love you. There is nothing you could do that would ever take my love. I may not be happy with some of the decisions you make, and I may not understand some, but I will always support you as best as I can, darling." _

_Her truths were and instant happiness to my soul. It was apparent to me that I would need her and Carlisle help's in the future. I also instinctively knew that I had it, no matter what mistakes I made. _

"_Thanks, Esme. May I please speak with Carlisle? I also owe him an apology."_

"_We are both on the phone, son, and you don't own me anything." I was surprised to hear him so quickly. I knew they had more than one phone in the house, but I guess he couldn't wait to hear my voice just like Esme had. It was also wonderful to hear him._

"_Father," my voice broke, embarrassingly, "I'm sorry for being such a terrible son. I'm sorry for the way I have treated you. I'm sorry for taking you and everything you offered me for granted. I'm sorry for all of the worry and pain I have caused you over the years, and I'm just sorry for everything." _

_I became choked up. I had taken Carlisle for granted. He was the leader of our family and guided us with compassion and love. I knew if anything had happened tonight with little Bella, he would have forgiven me. I had used that in part of my reasoning to justify killing her and I was just sickened with myself. I used his compassion and his forgiveness against him for my own selfish purposes. I would probably never tell him about Bella, because it was such a personal and enlightening moment, but in my own way, I was also apologizing for that sin. I needed his forgiveness. _

_And just like with everything I sought from Carlisle, he delivered._

"_Son, you have my forgiveness in everything you have done or think you have done. I know the sacrifices you have made, Jasper, and I commend you on that success. I know of the pain and heartache you have felt and I have felt those with you. I would take you in my arms and hug you, son, if you were here, but always know that I love you. Never doubt that I would forgive you. It might take me a while in some cases, but I will always forgive you. It took me but a second to love you, and I have never wavered in that and neither has your mother. We love every part of you, till eternity. Do you hear me, Jasper?" _

_I heard him loud and clear._

"_Yes, sir, I heard you. I know that I don't do everything perfectly and probably never will, but I know that I am thankful for parents and mentors like you in my life. You are my shining example, both of you."_

"_Good, son, I'm glad you comprehend me."_

"_So when are you coming home?" And just like, Esme came right to the point. She always wanted her family near, lavishing us with love. _

"_I would love to come home, Esme, but I am going to need some time." It pained me to say it, but the truth needed to be stated. "I am also going to need your help, both of you. It is one of the reasons I called, but the biggest reason I called was to tell you I love you and to apologize for being such an asshole."_

"_Language, dear, and you know Carlisle and I will help you in any way we can. All you have to do is ask." Carlisle laughed at Esme's reprimand of my language. _

"_What can we do for you, son?"_

"_Well, you know I have always had a problem with my control. It has been the main struggle in my life, the biggest battle in my life. Even struggling with my depression after I left that bitch Maria, sorry Esme, but that is exactly what she is, hasn't been as hard as this. Last night I had somewhat of an epiphany, if you will, and realized it was time for me to start taking a proactive role in my responsibilities." I took and breathe before continuing._

"_I have relied too much on others to help me with this, and I have realized, with the help of some else, that I need to do this on my own. I need to have the strength and the foresight to fight this problem, once and for all. I have to do this on my own, but I would like your encouragement and advice along the way."_

"_Of course, darling, you have it. Anytime you need to call, we'll be here. You can call this phone number, and I will make sure no one else answers it, except your father and me; don't worry." _

_I knew I could always count on her. Esme was always the first in line to help, even before Carlisle, and that was only because she was the first to speak. _

"_We will help you in any way possible, and if you ever need us to come and stay with you all you have to do is ask son, day or night and even when I'm working. The only time you won't be able to get a hold of me is probably when I am in surgery, but if you need me to come, I will. Family comes first above anything else." I had no words to describe Carlisle love and dedication he had for his family. I knew I would always be thankful to Alice for bringing me to the Cullen's. _

"_Thank you both from the bottom of my heart. I was thinking that I could call you during the week and update you on my progress. You could just listen to me and give me the encouragement and love you always do. I was also thinking that you could help me make sure my plan is okay and if you think I should make any adjustments. I know that if I need you there in person all I have to do is ask, but I also know that I can do it alone at first. I have to try without a crutch, or else I will always be depending on others instead of myself and I will never be able to turn this weakness into strength."_

"_You are amazing, Jasper; this insight you have, is amazing. I already know you have the strength my, son, now all you have to do now is apply it. It will be hard for you in the beginning, I won't lie to you, but I know you can accomplish it. I have every faith that you will succeed in this goal. It may not happen right away, Jasper, and without heart ache, but you will do it. You remember that I love you no matter what. I need you to remember that for me and your mother." I could feel a sense of foreboding, but shook it off. There was always fear in the unknown. _

"_I won't, and I thank you for helping me. You may get sick of hearing from me." I joked, but Esme wasn't having it._

"_I will never get sick of hearing from you . . ." She almost sounded scandalized. Esme was interrupted by Carlisle._

"_I think he was just joking, dear." _

"_I don't give a damn. I love you, Jasper, and I will always want to hear from you. I don't care if you feel the need to talk to me constantly for a week straight. If that is what it will take for you to get through this, than that is what the hell we'll do, you understand, Jasper?" She demanded. _

_She was so funny when she cursed. Esme only did it when she was really mad and never realized it. Of course we never pointed it out to her because none of us wanted to incur that anger. Even Emmett was smart enough to realize it. _

"_I'm sorry, Esme, it was a lame attempt at a joke at an improper time. I know you would do anything for me and I apologize for making light of it." _

"_It's okay, darling. I just want you to realize nothing is a sacrifice to help you. Nothing is more important than my family." _

"_So, what's your plan?" Carlisle asked. _

"_My plan is quite simple. I will hunt twice a day to make sure I am properly feed. I will move to a small town so I am not overwhelmed, and work my way up to bigger cities as I become more acclimated at controlling my thirst. I figure I will start out by spending about two hours in human's presence, outdoors, so the smell of their blood isn't too intense. When I become more accustomed, I will increase my time in two hour increments. After that is accomplished, I will move to indoor places and work my way up again until I can be in their presence, with minimum burn in my throat. My ultimate goal is to be able to hunt once a week and live in a big city. I know this is a very ambitious goal, but with hard work and dedication, I think I would be able to accomplish it."_

"_That is a wonderful goal, darling. If you work hard and keep at it, I know you will be fine. I'm not saying you will never have any hardships, but I know you can accomplish it. I have no doubt in my mind. Your plan is pretty sound. I can't find any fault with it."_

"_I would agree, Jasper. I have no doubts. We will help in any way we can. I do have one suggestion. Make sure you live in a location that is very close to a forest. Try and find a house, at least in the beginning, that backs up to the forest. It would be nice for you to have instant access in case you feel you need it. Other than that, all is fine. I cannot wait to see you accomplish your goal. I am proud of all you have accomplished now, but I will extra proud of you when you accomplish your ultimate goal."I loved that Carlisle said "when" not "if". He always believed in me and my strength._

"_That's about it. Thank you, guys, for your continued support and love. I will probably call you in a couple of days to let you know where I plan on settling. I still have my credit card and I am going to rent a house for now."_

"_All right, darling, take care. I already miss you. I love you, Jasper!" Esme was always so full of Adoration._

"_I also love you, son, and make sure you keep us updated. I look forward to hearing from you in a couple of days. If you need anything, remember all you –"_

"_. . . have to do is ask," I finished for him. They both laughed. _

_After I got off the phone, Peter had to ruin my buzz. _

"_You lucky, little fucker, If you would have treated me like that I would have kicked your ass to the curb," he joked, but there was a seriousness to his voice._

"_Fuck you, Petey. I guess that is why you are not my mommy or daddy, but my bitch." Esme would have gone through the roof if she heard my language. _

"_No thank you, I have Char for that and don't need your sorry ass." _

_He was in for it now. I could feel her anger and it wasn't going to be pretty._

_And 3…2…1_

"_What the fuck does that mean, Peter? What the hell am I to you, a booty call?"_

"_I didn't mean anything by it, baby, and no you just aren't a booty call." I have no idea where she learned that phrase._

"_You talk about me like I am just here for your fucking needs. Well let's just see how long you can go without, since I'm not here just for you to fuck me!" Charlotte yelled. _

_I was laughing up a storm on the inside. At least I wouldn't be the only one not getting any. Charlotte turned around and left the room._

"_You will pay for this, fucker. I know it's your fault. I will get you back; just wait and see, bitch." Just as Peter was about to turn around, Char came back into the room. Round two. _

"_It's not Jasper's fault you can't respect your wife, or at least keep your damn mouth closed. He didn't make you say that shit, it was all Peter, and you will get the reward, '_bitch'_!" _

_She turned around and left again, and this time Peter followed, but not without giving me the "finger". I decided to make him pay a little more, just because of the principle of it._

"_Peter, man, there is no reason to flip me the bird."_

"_Peter, you just added another week to your sentence and you know I can go that long."_

"_But, baby, Jasper –" He never got to finish._

"_Want to finish that sentence and make if four?" _

"_No, Charlotte. Three weeks is enough for me to learn my lesson." She smiled and left for good._

_Peter didn't say anything. He just sat down and stared holes into the wall. I knew it was time for me to leave. It was a good thing I didn't sleep; otherwise, I would have been murdered in the middle of the night._

_I got on the internet and looked for locations to move to. Esme, Carlisle and the family were in Northern Michigan on the shore of Lake Superior. I wanted to be close but not too close. I also knew they would be moving in a couple of years, so I decided to move to New York, in a small town up near the Adirondacks. It had plenty of wildlife and I found a house for rent that had five acres and backed right up to the State Park. I knew it was going to be the perfect location for me to start a new. _

* * *

Author's Notes: I know it may seem like an awkward place to stop, but it was for the best. I wanted to bring in Esme and Carlisle, and this chapter accomplished that. If you are confused or have any questions, please feel free to ask. Thanks for all of you who took the time to read my little story.

I also wanted to first thank all of those who added me to their alerts and favorites. I am humbled and feel very gratified. My heart always swells when I see them in my email. I wanted to give an extra thanks to those who went the extra mile and left me a review. They are like food for the soul and I loved each and everyone.

If you feel so inclined to review, please do so. I love to read all of your thoughts or even a one word response like "good" or "bad". It is nothing to sneeze at because it still lets me know what you thought. Much love!

_Posted: 3 May 2010_

_**Edited: 15 May 2011**_


	5. Losing The Light

Disclaimer: SM and her affiliates own all that is twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Losing The Light**

Part Five

February - Jasper's POV

The last five months had not been easy. They were trying and difficult. It seemed with each day that passed that I didn't see Bella, was another day where the light died a little more. I knew that this thought process was silly, but I couldn't seem to help myself any longer. I knew she was real and I had spoken to her. I knew she had changed my life, but it seemed that no matter how many times I told myself this, my brain just didn't want to believe it. I could feel myself sliding into a depression again. The phone calls to Carlisle and Esme helped, but it still seemed like a part of me was missing. It was like her special piece of my soul no longer existed.

I was also down to hunting once every day and it was difficult. Carlisle warned me to caution myself, but I felt if I wasn't moving in a positive direction, I wasn't keeping my promise to my little angel. I never wanted to disappoint her, so I continued to push myself harder and harder.

Carlisle didn't understand my need for my quick success. He continued to caution me on my hunting habits, he was concerned for my well being. In our last phone conversation he continued to admonish me. I also remembered a phone call I had with Peter prior to the one with Carlisle. Let's just say, some things are always better kept in the dark.

...

Phone call from Peter

"… _Yeah, bitch, I am still not happy with you. Don't even get me started on the pain cramps in my hand I had for weeks, not to mention my horrible case of blue balls," Peter scolded me. I couldn't believe he was still harping on this shit, months after it happened. _

"_What the fuck ever, Peter. You got what you deserved. Maybe in the future you should learn to watch that mouth of yours and take responsibility for your own actions." _

_I wasn't in the mood to hear his ass crying about his lack of sex. I also didn't want to hear about his apparent hand, dick coordination. I had other problems to worry about. My world was becoming dark again, with no light in sight. My little angel was leaving me and I needed her always. I needed her light._

"_I didn't deserve three weeks of –" Peter started, but I wasn't about to listen to his little bitchy tirade again._

"_Was there a reason you called, Peter, or are you just going to continue crying over the little usage your penis saw in the month of August?" I asked him in exasperation. _

"_Well now that you mention it, there is a reason. I wanted to give you some advice. You know that I just 'know shit' so I am not going to underestimate your intelligence and pretend I don't know what you have been going through. I may not understand it, but I still know."_

_I hated his gift at times. It allowed him insight into my already chaotic world. I knew he did understand that my lifeline to Bella was slipping and my mind and purpose right along with it. My life was becoming a black hole and my already made progress seemed nonexistent. Nothing was right anymore and I had no idea how to stop this maddening spiral. _

"_I know you 'know', Peter, you annoying bitch. So just say your peace and be done with it." _

"_Well, and I know this is going to sound out there, but it works. You need to learn to meditate. Not in the sense of being a monk, and that kind of shit, but in the sense of learning to shut down your mind and learning to become calm, learning to center your mind. You are having all of these negative thoughts, and they are becoming front in center in every aspect of your life. That shit isn't healthy, even for us vampires; especially for us vampires, we thrive on our senses."_

"_You are one weird bitch, Petey." A smile cracked my lips. "So why did you learn to 'meditate'? What grand adventure in your life caused you to learn to center your mind?"_

"_It's funny that you ask that, brother. Remember my little bitch-fit earlier, about having to wank off for three weeks?" Before I could answer someone else did._

"_I know you are not complaining to Jasper about your inability to treat me as your wife and not as a sex toy, right, Peter?" Char asked in the background. I thought Peter said she wasn't home._

"_Char, baby, when did you get in?"_

"_Just answer the question," she growled. I decided to keep my mouth closed and not get him in trouble this time. I really needed his advice and wasn't in the mood to piss him off. _

"_No, baby," he started to say in that placating voice every husband uses with his wife, "I wasn't complaining, I was just reminding Jasper of a conversation we had before you got home." He was such a bitch. _

"_Hmm . . . if you say so. Have you seen the video I rented from the store?" she asked, changing the subject. "I wanted to watch it because it is due back tomorrow."_

"_I think I saw it in the next room, in my study. I love you, honey," he said in a sickeningly sweet voice._

"_I love you too, and make sure you keep it that way. Hey, Jasper, I love you too."_

_I replied to her declaration and waited for Peter to stop kissing his wife's luscious ass. _

"_As I was saying," he finally started again, "you need to learn to center your mind. Meditation is really amazing and can do wonders for a person, I should know," he hushed into the phone._

"_I found the video, thanks, Peter," Charlotte spoke from the next room. _

"_No problem, baby." Were they ever finished?_

"_Mediation can mean a variety of things, but the core of meditation is learning to relax your mind, allowing you to become calm and tranquil. Breathing is a pillar of meditation. Learning to breath correctly allows you to shut down your body and essential become one with yourself. When you learn to breathe, correctly, mediation will help you to develop mindfulness, concentration, tranquility, and insight. You will be able to shut off the negative thoughts and let your mind and body rest. We may not be human, but our species also needs time to rest and reflect. You should start by lying down. Place your palms up and away from your body; allow your mind to relax all of the muscles in your body, starting with the neck all the way to the feet. Concentrate on three colors, this will become your 'color mantra' and will help you to think of nothing else. Keep repeating it over and over, allowing your mind to shut down. Breathe in for six seconds, allowing the air to completely fill you, and release for seven seconds. Learn to listen to the sounds around you, and learn to listen to what your heart and spirit are trying to say. I know this shit sounds weird, but trust me, brother, it works. I even got Charlotte addicted to meditation. There is nothing like centering your 'chi'."_

_I thought about what he said. It sounded plausible, and at this point, I figured anything could help. There was no harm in trying, and Peter really did know his 'shit'. My brother was throwing me a floating device while I was drowning in my blackness; I would have been a foul and derelict not to accept. _

_In times when I needed him, Peter never bullshitted me, he was there for me. _

"_Thanks, Peter. It does sound weird coming from your mouth, but I am willing to try. You have never led me wrong when I needed you, brother, and know I can trust your insight."_

"_That's my bitch talking!"_

_Peter was never serious for long, but that was one of the amazing things about him, the comic relief. _

"_WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!" I could hear Char scream, along with the rest of Arizona. _

"_Yeah, Peter, ride me from behind!" I heard a male voice yell in the background and it sounded very familiar. _

"_Let me show you how we real cowboys do it in Texas." I could hear Peter answer to the male. _

"_PETER, what the fuck is this?" I heard Char yell again. Peter must have entered the room because I could hear the voice loud and clear. _

"_Everything is happening so fast, it feels so amazing," the male continued to scream._

_What the hell was his voice doing in their house? I was beyond confused._

"_Charlotte, where did you find that?" Peter's voice quivered as he asked. _

"_Where the HELL do you think I found it, Einstein? It was in your video collection. What the hell are you doing and I thought I made myself perfectly clear on this subject." Char was fucking mad and I didn't have to be an empath to know it._

"_Let me ride you, Peter, you rode me like a little bitch. Let me show you how Emmett rides, and you better hold on. Just ask Rosie, she knows how I ride!" I Emmett screamed. Did he always have to be so loud and where was the fucking acid when you needed it. More importantly, what the hell were Emmett and Peter doing to each other in that video? _

"_Pull harder, Peter . . . you have to really yank it." I heard Emmett scream again. I felt like I was going to be scarred for life. _

"_Char, you have to understand, Emmett –"_

"_Like Hell, Peter, we told you not to do it and you went ahead anyway. Did you honestly think that Rose and I would never find out? She screeched. I'm surprised my ears weren't bleeding, yet alone Peter's. _

"_Char, we were only –"_

"_To bad, Peter. I don't want to hear your bullshit excuses. I was very clear on you not skydiving. You know it is calling unnecessary attention to us. What would have happened if the rip cord didn't work when you pulled? What would have happened if the parachute didn't work? How would you explain your amazing heroics on being alive with no heart beat? Not only that, you had someone video tape your jump. Could you and Emmett have been any stupider? How the hell did you explain to the man all of these amazing stunts you pulled in the air, while fighting gravity? I cannot believe you were this fucking stupid. Wait until I tell Rose about this video. You and Emmett are in some major shit. I MEAN YOU were riding him like a bull out of the chute!"_

_It was a good thing Charlotte didn't need to breathe because she said all of that in one breathe. It was also a shame I wasn't talking to anyone else in the family because I would have loved to witness the beat down Emmett was going to get from Rose. That was almost worth selling on Pay-Per-View (Rose vs. Tail-between-the-legs-while-trying-to-piss-himself Emmett). _

"_Char . . . I'm sorry . . . we didn't mean . . ." He was becoming hysteric. This was fucking funny and really took my mind off my problems. _

"_Too little too late, 'real-cowboy-from-Texas'. You thought three weeks was something, that will seem like a trickle of water compared to the rapids you are about to face. You should have thought about your consequences, Peter." _

"_But Emmett –"_

"_I thought we discussed you blaming your problems on others, Peter?" He was smartly silent._

_I was just glad I got my advice before this shit went down. I was also surprised he wasn't able to 'see this shit' coming._

_I was feeling ignored so I put my two sense in, "It's a good thing you learned meditation and how to center your 'chi' eh, Peter?" I know, I'm evil._

"_Shut the fuck up, Jasper!" he shouted over the phone. There was no need to become snippy with me and his language was not appreciated. Maybe he needed to learn more of a lesson._

"_Don't you talk to Jasper like that. He isn't the one with the listening problem or the one who doesn't know how to follow directions." _

_Poor little Peter; should I throw more kindling into the fire…?_

"_Yes, Peter, I was only trying to make a suggestion, plus I thought you told me Charlotte gave you permission to go skydiving." It was official, I was going to hell._

"_WHAT THE FUCK, PETER . . . I NEVER SAID THAT."_

"_You are going to pay for that, fucker," Peter whispered menacingly into the phone before he hung up on me. Well at least I wasn't the only one not getting any . . . again. _

_I wondered how deep his breathing technique was going to get. _

...

(Music Selection: 'The Animal I Have Become' by Three Days Grace)

Phone Call to Carlisle

"_Jasper, you need to slow down, son. I don't want you to push yourself too fast. You need to pace yourself. There is no race." He didn't understand that I was losing Bella. It felt that I was losing a piece of her every day. I needed to do anything that would help me remember her. Somehow I had it in my head – if I learned quicker, she would stay with me. I was feeling desperate._

"_I understand, Carlisle, but I feel that I need to continue forward. I don't want to be stuck hunting twice a day forever. It's been five months already, and I feel that I should be down to once a day. It is where I am supposed to be according to my measurements. Please just trust me." I knew it was a low blow. Carlisle always trusted my decisions, he never corrected me. He only made suggestions about what he thought was in my best interests. _

"_Son, I always trust in your judgment, but I just don't want you to overtax yourself. There really is no need for you to feel like you have to be at a certain place at a certain time. You should only do what makes you comfortable and secure in yourself. That is all I meant earlier."_

"_I know, Carlisle, but I needed to be down to once a day; it's just time. I will just have to put in the extra effort. I have been hunting once a day for about two months now and I do feel better, but I just need to make a little more effort. All I have to do is spend more time around people and put in the extra work."_

"_You shouldn't have to feel that you are straining yourself, son," he pleaded. "You should let it come naturally. It will in time. Everyone learns at one's own pace. There is no right way and no wrong way. The most important thing is for you to just feel comfortable with your progression and everything else will fall in line"._

_I was starting to become angry. He just didn't understand. Carlisle didn't know about Bella and he didn't understand my connection to her. It was the only think that I felt, which anchored me to her, and to my promise to her. He didn't understand the loss I was feeling or the darkness that seemed to building up in me. My little angel was my light and I needed that light to continue. I just needed to do whatever it took to keep that connection to her. _

"_You just don't understand, Carlisle. I need to do whatever I need to make sure I'm progressing forward. You just don't understand shit. You have no fucking idea what I am going through, okay. The light inside that keeps me going – is burning out and I have to do something or else it will be gone for good. So just get off my damn back and allow me to do what is necessary!" I yelled at him_

"_That is enough, Jasper." His voice was stern and filled with command. "You are never to talk to me like that again. I am your father and I deserve your respect. I have never talked to you like that and I never will. Don't tell me I don't understand shit. I watched as you slipped. I watched as the light left your eyes when you did. I watched you become a shell each time, and I watched as a little part of your beautiful soul died each time. I suffered with you, and I cried with you. It may not have been at your side like Alice, but I did nonetheless. Don't you ever presume to tell me I don't "understand". I may not have had that struggle with bloodlust like you, but I have had my own demons to face. I will always allow you to do what is necessary, but not at the risk of your sanity. You are in a very dangerous and precarious place right now, son, and I'm not sure what is pushing you. You need to back off or else the progress you have made will be for naught. I love you and only want what is best for you. I want that light that is in you to shine and never be dimmed."_

_Carlisle was right. I had lost track of my mind and allowed myself to be ruled by my erratic thoughts. I could hardly feel the little angel anymore and it scared the shit out of me. I didn't want to be in darkness again. I didn't want to be in the place I was when Alice left me. It was lonely and depressing. I wanted to bask in the warmth that her connection gave me. I didn't want to lose my purpose in life again. I needed to have that purpose in my life. _

"_I'm so sorry, Carlisle. You are right, of course. I should have never said those horrible things to you. Never once have you spoken to me in that tone or with such harsh words, even when you were angry with me. You have always treated me with respect and love. You may have raised your voice, but you never spoke to me in a condescending manner. You didn't deserve my anger. I am just feeling lost right now. I have gotten it into my mind that if I advance more and at a quicker pace, then the light will shine bright again. Do you understand?"_

"_Thanks for your apology, and I do understand what you mean. But you need to realize that you have all of these erratic thoughts in your head at the moment and are allowing them to fill you up, son. There isn't any room for anything else. You need to step back and clear out all the negativity so that your positive and beautiful beam can shine through." His statement made perfect sense._

"_It's like when a window is really dirty, it hardly lets any light through, but when you take the time to clean the window, the light will flood through and brighten everything in its path. Do you understand that?" _

_What Carlisle said again made a lot of sense. It's like my brain flipped the on switch and I was finally seeing through the fog that had blanketed my mind, not allowing me to see anything but my desperation._

"_I completely understand. I was allowing myself to think of nothing else. I just felt that it had to be now or else everything good in me would die. I know it is crazy, but I now realize I need to step back and reevaluate. Do you have any suggestions?"_

"_I would do what Peter told you to do," Carlisle started and I shuddered at the thought of that conversation. _

"_I know it sounds corny, but learning to center your mind can keep it clear of all those thoughts that don't accomplish anything and keep you on your intended path at a safe and realistic pace. If you feel that in a month, you are ready to hunt every three days and you have thought it through clearly and feel comfortable, then I would support you. You just need to make sure it is the right decision and for the right reasons, not some contrived reason you have out of desperation. I will support you in your decisions, son. I only want to caution you and help, those are the only reasons I bring up my concerns. The ultimate decision lies with you. I trust you. As you said from the beginning, this was going to be hard. There are no shortcuts or an easy way out. It is done by hard work and dedication to your intended path."_

_I took his advice to heart. I just needed to learn to curb my insanity. I decided to try the breathing exercises Peter said worked wonders. I would continue to hunt once a day, but then I would take the necessary time to center my mind and keep those erratic thought at bay. I informed Carlisle of my decision and he agreed with me._

The next day after I hunted (and thought about the advice from Peter and Carlisle), I sat on the ground and looked up into the night sky; it was so striking and clear. It reminded me of the night I had met my lost angel. She had opened up my eyes to my problems and troubles, unconsciously.

I closed my eyes and cleared my mind of thoughts. It was the first time in a while I felt better. I focused on three colors, which became my color-mantra and repeated them in my head. After about fifteen minutes of a silent mind, I could feel the fog lifting. I could feel the connection to the little angel stronger than I had in a while. I knew with continued practice and patience, I would get better. I needed to calm down and learn to balance my mind better. I knew it was harder only hunting once a day, but I would get better.

I just had to get better.

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: I just wanted to start out by thanking all of you who took the time to read my little story. An extra thanks to those who added me to their alerts and favorites. It really does me a lot. And an extra big thanks and wet kisses to those who reviewed. I truly enjoyed all of your comments. They were so thoughtful and meaningful. You are the best, and I thank you from my heart! I hope Peter's part doesn't feel to out of place with the rest of the chapter; I tried to make it seamless as possible. So I hope you enjoy.

If any of you are confused or have any questions, please feel free to ask. The most important part of this chapter was the conversation with Carlisle. Jasper is going through a very difficult time and is trying valiantly to do it on his own. Even though he has the support of his parents and friends, he was still having a difficult time. This chapter, even though it may feel like filler, is still important. Thanks again, and I hope you liked it (even a little).

_Posted: 7 May 2010_

_**Edited: 15 May 2011**_


	6. Everything Went Blank

Disclaimer: SM and her affiliates own all that is twilight. No copyright infringement intended. I just like to play with the ever so yummy Jasper. Shelly, however; is my creation.

Author's Note: This has been the chapter I am most anxious for you to read.

I wanted to thank all of those who read my little attempt at a Jasper and Bella story. An extra thank you to those who have added me to your favorites and alerts, it is very gratifying and makes me want to write more. And last, but most assuredly, not least a BIG thank you with sprinkles on top for those of you who took the time to tell me your thoughts. They truly mean the world to me, and I'm very grateful for your beautiful comments.

Now on a separate topic, this was a difficult chapter to write. It was very emotional, but I hope you like it. I worked really hard on it. I hope you enjoy it.

**Everything Went Blank**

Part Six

Jasper's POV - February

(Music Selection: _'Why' _By Rascal Flatts)

Another one . . . two . . . three . . . ten . . . twenty-three . . . thirty days had passed since my mental discord. A lifetime had passed in each individual day that my angel was not present. Our connection was there, but shadowed by my depressing thoughts. In times of my reflection and meditation, I could feel our link more, but for some reason it was still dimmed. The fog that clouded my mind had all but dissipated in the days following my new routine of meditation. But with each passing day that lapsed, I continued to allow my mind to wander; the pessimistic ideas becoming more prominent in the forefront of my constant waking mind.

I tried to counter this affect by thinking of Carlisle, and the advice he gave me about taking my time. There was no rush. My angel was there, her light never fully receding; I just needed to clear out the cobwebs. I always knew my bloodlust wouldn't have been cured overnight, but my internal monster sowed seeds of doubts. The lingering negativity created by these doubts continued to feed an ever growing mist that crept closer each day on the banks of my rationality. Destructive thoughts churned in my psyche causing me to further deteriorate and my internal danger to become more prominent. My negativity knew no bounds, and my rational decision-making ceased to exist. My ever present thoughts centered on a common message:

"_I am still here stuck in this rut, not moving forward, feeling I will never progress, being stuck forever in my same routine and slowly losing the best part of my angel. This can't be allowed. The only way to keep our connection alive is to move forward, doing what is needed to feed the light; doing what is needed to survive. Nothing is out of reach. I will not say goodbye to the best part of my already damaged soul." _

My thoughts and memories of Bella became more tainted and corrupt by my dirty mind, her ethereal light becoming darker and dimmer. Shadows filtered through the pure, untainted beam, cutting holes in my connection to the only good place I had left. The monster that I always kept hidden in its cage was fighting to be released, fighting to take over the little luminosity my soul had.

My harmful thoughts continued to progress, and what little reprieve I received from meditating was replaced by these erratic beliefs. I somehow convinced myself something needed to change. So with my already overtaxed mind, I started hunting every other day. My internal monster had converted my last shred of sense, and the rest of me went along. My sanity was pushed back and my lunacy took over. Hunting every other day made me more dangerous and only fed the madness. My fifteen minutes of mediation, after each hunt, slowly lost it potency, having little to no effect, and the fog of my desperation took over a little more, obscuring my lucid mind.

My cogent mind pleaded for me to return to hunting once a day, but I couldn't be persuaded; my illogical thoughts had a firm grip.

The last grip I had on my coherent self took over momentarily, and I allowed it to fill my mind. Thoughts of Carlisle came to me. I smile over the tiny battle I had won. I decided tonight that I was going back to hunting once a day. My meditation sessions would become twice as long until it helped to balance out and center my thought process. I would do what was necessary to control my sane mind.

My monster laughed at my feeble victory, waiting in the dark for the right time to strike. I ignored these notions and decided to call Carlisle before I got any worse. Today wasn't my usually day to talk to him, but in light of my fast losing sanity, something had to give. I needed something to help balance myself. My father and confidant was just the person I sought.

Carlisle picked up the phone and knew something was wrong. When I began my conversation with a meager attempt with a joke, he automatically knew.

"So how is my AA Sponsor doing today," I joshed him, trying to keep my voice light.

"I've been pretty busy. There was a bad accident and people have been in all day donating blood, especially your favorite, AB negative," he countered my attempt.

"Carlisle, you know how I like my O positive."

"Really, Jasper, that surprises me, I actually took you more for an A negative drinker, shaken not stirred." I quickly laughed, allowing its goodness to fill me up.

"You got me there, but don't mention it to anyone. But to be serious, thanks for taking the time to talk with me today. It sounds as if you are really busy at the hospital picking up the extra shifts. Make sure you tell Esme thanks for letting me borrow so much of you."

"It's no problem, Jasper, that what's I'm here for. Anytime you need me, regardless of the time, I will be there for you. You are my son and I love you."

Carlisle really knew how to make a vampire tear up. It was one of the reasons he was such an amazing doctor. He cared for all his patients as if they were his children, giving them all he had. I often told him he had a heart of Platinum; he'd have to in order to deal with all of my shit. I did come with a lot of baggage.

"Speaking of Esme, she reminded to tell you, you haven't called her in a while. You know how Esme likes to keep up with all of her children. Please make sure you call her soon, okay?"

"Sure, Carlisle, no problem, please let her know I will call sometime this weekend." I never really planned to.

The reason I didn't call Esme was simple. I didn't want her to be infected by my irrationality. Esme was my mother figure and I loved her. I never wanted her to witness me in this frame of mind. I knew I was denying her, but couldn't be persuaded. Esme was like Bella, and both of them were too pure to be polluted by my dirty mind. I hadn't talked to Esme in three weeks because it was around the time my mind started to become erratic again. Also after I had yelled at Carlisle last month, I feared I would do the same to Esme, I never wanted to take that chance. I never wanted to hurt her like I did six months before when Alice had let me go. It all seemed like another lifetime. After I was cleared once and for all of the oppressing mist, I would be safe to call her again.

"So, Jasper, how is it going with only hunting once every other day? Is it enough to sustain you for most of the time in between?" He cut right to the scary point.

I had informed Carlisle of my decision two weeks prior, but left out the information regarding my ever dwindling sanity. He had enough to deal with and I already knew his position. Subconsciously, I begged him to help the little boy that was calling out to his father. I guess my reason for calling him tonight was the same. I needed my father's love and reassurance. Carlisle love was a balm to my aching soul, giving me what I craved.

I decided to be somewhat honest with him. He deserved that much for all he did.

"I was just thinking about that very thing. It seemed to be going fine. It is more challenging of course, and I thought I was ready for that challenge. But then tonight I realized that some of that murkiness that made me illogical was starting to cloud my mind again. Before I called you, I finally realized it." I heard him release a contented breath.

"So I decided to go back to hunting once a day and meditating twice as much as before. If that doesn't work then I will continuously move it until I feel I have control of all my mental capabilities. I was taking a chance before, and I think it was my desperation that convinced me to hunt once every other day."

"I'm so proud of you, Jasper!" he exclaimed. "It is wonderful that you are able to tap into your mind and realize what the problems are. You are logical about what you are facing and try to come up with a plan to make yourself better."

The little boy in me rejoiced at the praise my father granted me. He smiled at the love he felt and preened at the attention.

"I still haven't hunted today," I started to tell Carlisle, "I wanted to call and touch base with you. I also know it isn't our regular day to talk on the phone but I wanted you to know where I stand." I omitted that I needed his reassurance and guidance. That was just too much weakness to let show. I was struggling enough.

"I always love hearing your voice and I appreciate the update. Just be sure you go hunting soon, okay. If there is anything you need just call me. I'm only just a plane ride away," Carlisle reassured me.

He and the rest of the family were still living in Michigan. I knew he wasn't that far, and if I needed him he would be here, no questions asked.

"I know, Carlisle. You put so much time and effort into me. I'm not even sure I'm worth it. I don't understand –" Carlisle growled into the phone. I was stunned into silence.

"I never want to hear that from you again! Do I make myself clear?" All I could do was nod silently.

"You are worth it, Jasper. You are my son and every second I invest in you is worth it. I don't want you ever second guessing my love!" he nearly yelled.

"I'm sorry . . . Carlisle," I stuttered into the phone, "I didn't mean . . . to offend you. I am grateful for you and Esme. You love me despite my faults. I only meant sometimes I don't understand why. Please, never think I'm not grateful."

Carlisle was silent for a few seconds and then asked, "What is this really about Jasper? Has something happened?"

How could I confide in him my failures? My internal monster called me a coward and snickered at my continued perceived weakness. How could I tell him about my eventual fall into darkness? How could I confide in him that my mind was eating away at my Bella and every good thing that she instilled in me; her very essence was being ripped from my very soul? How could I tell my father that my foolish and crazy thoughts were taking over and leaving a shell of my former self?

Even as I spoke with him, I could feel the mist grasp at my sanity that Carlisle provided, trying to kill any attempts at rational thinking. These thoughts made my throat burn, and my monster called out to be fed; it craved to be ruled by my thirst.

"Carlisle . . ." I started to say but changed my mind, "Nothing has happened; it's just been difficult. Since I started hunting once every other day, my throat is starting to burn more. But I feel that if I go back to once a day, I will never make any progress: one step forward and two steps back. Maybe I am just being too impatience."

"Son," Carlisle pleaded with me, "if you feel more comfortable hunting once a day, then please, do it. You don't have to push yourself. Only you know what you can handle. Take it one day at a time and see where you are. You know what they say: Rome wasn't built in a day. Have patience, my son. I have nothing but faith and confidence in you. My every thought of you is brimmed with my pride in you. You always knew it wasn't going to be easy; the most worthwhile things in life are fought for. Again, I caution you to have patience, my son."

I didn't know it was about this man that made me want to weep.

_Damn it. Man up, Jasper!_

"I will, Carlisle. I better let you go. I know you need to be at the hospital soon, it's getting pretty late. I better get my ass out there and go hunting. I'll talk to you soon, okay."

"Sure, Jasper. Take care of yourself, and remember my love for you. Never forget I love you. Oh, and Jasper, language. You know Esme wouldn't approve." I had to chuckle at this.

"Thanks, _Father_," I answered sarcastically, "I'll keep that in mind. Talk to you soon."

...

After talking with Carlisle I felt better, but my reprieve didn't linger. Long, slimy fingers of haze started to take over again, and the reassurances Carlisle had offered me were starting to disappear. My monster smiled a smile as if saying '_did you really think I would leave you alone? It was only a matter of time before I came back again.' _

My soul cried for the continued abuse it was taking. My heart cried for the hurt that was being heaped upon me. My Bella cried, her part of my soul was being hushed up and pushed further away. I needed to get out of the house and hunt. My little piece of common sense that lasted told me it was time to reclaim what was rightfully mine. I ran to the front door and opened the hall closet. I removed my jacket and slipped it on.

My house was located in town not too far from Main Street. I thought about getting one closer to the woods, but vetoed that idea. If I was ever going to learn to control my thirst, I reasoned I needed to be near humans and live among them. My house wasn't that far from the woods, and I could reach it within a five minute run.

Just thinking about my thirst caused the burn in my throat to intensify. I was skating on a precariously thin line. I needed to hunt. I thought about foregoing my usual routine and skipping my walk down Main Street, but thought against it. These walks were one of the only positive things in my life, and they were a prelude to clearing my mind before hunting. With one last fleeting thought about just going straight to hunting, I stepped out of my front door, and headed over the four blocks to Main Street.

…

Everything was peaceful. The wonderful thing about a small town was the early bed times. My walks allowed me the solitude I craved and the peace my soul so desperately needed. Street lights lined each side, and its rays filtered through the leaves on the trees, casting shadows on the sidewalk. I started my breathing excise of six second inhale, seven second exhale. I tried to focus my mind on the good in my life: my family, my friends, and my personal angel.

I looked up into the night sky and reveled in the beauty of the stars. I had a lifetime love affair with the night sky. The romance of the stars called to my empathy.

After walking half way down my path I suddenly stopped and everything went blank.

* * *

Shelly's POV

(Music Selection: 'Hold On' By Wilson Philips)

Today was such a hectic day. The store was filled with people all day, not that I was complaining, the more money they spent the better my store did. I ran a book shop in the middle of town. It was always my dream to open it up. I didn't have any kids and I had been divorced for ten years. I didn't have any family left, and my dream of this store was all I had, so all of the stress that went with it was fine. I loved all of my customers. They brought so much happiness into my life, not to mention their money. Valentine's Day was just last week so most of my inventory was gone. I was expecting a shipment in yesterday. However, I didn't receive it until today because there was some holdup with the delivery. There was always some excuse they gave me. I really didn't have the time to stock the shelves today because it was uncommonly busy. My poor part time girl was worked to the bone today. She had volunteered to stay after and help me restock the shelves, but I didn't want her to work too much more. This was just a part-time job and she had school the next day. After she was gone I locked the door and turned the sign from open to close. Thank goodness.

I took my shoes off and poured myself a glass of wine. I usually kept a bottle at the store for days like these. I put my Wilson's Phillips CD into the system and turned up the volume. I started in the romance section and worked my way to the children's section. When I was finally done with all of the sections, I headed over to the last one, my least favorite, THE SELF HELP BOOKS. I never understood Dr. Phil and his psycho babble. I saw one clip on the television where he said "Don't let your kids play with ugly people!" What the hell did that mean anyways? Like I said, weird.

Working in this section always made me evaluate life: I didn't have any children, I wasn't married, and I didn't have any family. I know it sounds depressing, but I wasn't sad. I had a good life; I chose to focus on my blessing. I had an amazing job, wonderful friends, and a nice home. I was able to pay my bill on time and put food on my table. I always had social interaction and down time at home, and I never had to worry about a man leaving up the toilet seat. I figured I had a good life. There were people so much less fortunate than myself. I figured if the good Lord called my number today, I would have been okay. It's not like I was morbid or anything, I just appreciated everything in my life. I had my hard times and struggles. But when they were done and over, I could breathe a sigh of relief for surviving and enjoy the good in life for a while. But if I ever needed a self help book, I would steer clear of Dr. Phil. He just wasn't my cup of tea or glass of cheap wine.

When I was finished unloading all the boxes, I pulled out my journal and recorded my thoughts I had. I loved to write and keep a record of all the thoughts in my head. It always helped to clear my head when I had a thousand thoughts floating in my mind. When I was finally finished, I put my journal in my purse, turned off the sound system, and slipped my shoes on. I turned off the lights and I stopped to look around my store that I had built from the ground up. Every inch of this store told an individual story of the time and sweat I put into making my dream a reality.

Ten years later and I still loved my book store. Life was beautiful. I closed my eyes and took in the smell of the books that still lingered in the air. So many memories of my time here flooded my mind, and I smiled. From the children that smile at a happy ending from a fairy tale book, to the man who came in every week looking for a new thriller, my shop was my own glorious world. I had so many fulfilling moments and all of them were wonderful in their own recollections. My life was so richly blessed and all I could do was sigh. I thought of one of my favorite quotes that said:

"_I don't think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains". _

Life was full of beauty, and in that moment I took the time to bask in the beauty. I opened my eyes and felt several tears dance down my cheeks, ending at my chin and falling to the ground in celebration of my life. I cried for all of the moments in my life that touched and left its marks on my soul. I was happy and if it all ended today, I would be grateful for all the seconds that lead to minutes that lead to the hours in a day which made up my life. I had regrets, but who didn't. We were all given our opportunities in life, and all we could do is live it to the best of our abilities.

For some reason I was feeling really reflective tonight (damn the self help section). I took in a few deep breaths and looked around once more, smiled, turned off the lights and locked the door one last time.

While locking the door to my shop, I felt a prickle on the back of my neck. I looked around and not seeing anything, chalked it up to my imagination. I began walking to my car which was parked in the alley next to my shop. All of a sudden I heard a noise behind me. I spun around again and still didn't see anything. Now I was beginning to feel scared. I picked up my pace and rounded the corner. I took my keys out of my purse again and unlocked my door. I was beyond ready to head home, I was really freaking out. All of a sudden an enormous wave of calm hit me. I felt like I was on laughing gas. All of my previous fear left my body and all that was left was euphoria. I realized my previous fears were unfounded and nothing was wrong. My life was good; my life was blessed; my life was beautiful. A smile blossomed on my lips and I sent a silent thank you into the night sky hoping it would reach the heavens and beyond. With the last thought of gladness lingering on my mind, I reached for door handle on the car and my life was . . .

* * *

Jasper's POV

(Music Selection: _'Untitled' _by Simple Plan)

Everything went blank. All I could focus on was the fucking burn that seared the back of my throat. In all of my existence, I could never remember it hurting this bad. In my mind, nothing else mattered, except that heavenly smell that assaulted my nostrils. It was the most intoxicating smell, my own personal euphoria. There was nothing on this earth I could compare it to. It was instant insanity. Every sane thought escaped my head leaving behind volatile ideas. My breathing started coming in rapid bursts sending me into a whirlwind of senses. My body couldn't get enough of that alluring scent. Venom was instantly pooling into my mouth. The flow was so intense it was spilling over and running down my chin. The burn of the venom was intense where it touched my skin, but it only seem to add to the pleasure I was feeling. My eyes became midnight black and the only reaction my mind computed was to take from and feed off that most astonishing smell.

I looked across the street and found my heaven. A woman was looking around her store, taking in her surroundings. She felt so content and happy in that moment. On closer inspection, I could tell she was crying for some reason. I wondered if she could unconsciously sense my presence. I quickened my pace and crossed the street, only thinking of my gratification. I hid behind the tree that was near her store.

After exhaling one last time, my personal euphoria came out and locked the door to her shop. The turn of the lock sounded in my ears, reminding me of what was about to happen. The venom in my mouth intensified and the monster that I was slowly becoming took over a little more. My unfortunate conquest turned around and headed for her parked car. Her survival instincts erupted, halting her progress. She took in her surrounding and not noticing the danger that lurked behind the tree, brushed off her fear as a figment of her imagination. The danger that always resided in me pushed my body around the side of the tree. In my haste to follow my prey, I hit some trash on the ground and alerted her to my presence. I quickly ran behind the tree again, making sure I was completely concealed. The woman stopped in her tracks and looked around. I surreptitiously looked at her from behind the tree, and was instantly struck numb. Brown eyes captured my thoughts and reminded me of a time when the moon was full and angels were lost from heaven. Flashes of my angel infiltrated the trance my inner monster created and reminded me of a silent promise I had made. As the predator induced haze slightly cleared, my shame began to appear. My mouth opened and I inhaled to clear my head. That was the second to worst mistake I made that night. Instantly my nostrils were filled again with that all consuming scent. And sadly, all thoughts of angelic little girls ceased to exist. My monster was taking over again and the only thought consuming my mind was getting to taste the most glorious smell there ever was.

The woman finally realized the danger she was in and her fear intensified. Her pace quickened and she rounded the corner finally arriving at her car. The predator inside me had taken over and refused to let her go. I willingly followed her around the corner and saw her reach for the door handle. Within the spans of a five second eternity many thoughts entered my mind.

No matter how much I tried to fight my hunger and thirst, it seemed insurmountable. My thirst would not yield to me. The monster that resided in me wouldn't be persuaded. I had worked for six months on controlling myself and all of the work and the resistance I gained meant nothing. My inner conscience that belonged to Bella, begged and pleaded for me to return, to fight for her. My other half that was evil fought for what was natural for me, to feed off of what was right in front of me. Conflicting thoughts continued to swirl in my mind causing me to lose my grip on reason. My unconscious was at war with my conscience mind and the continuous pull was ripping to pieces what little sanity I had left.

I knew in that moment of lost sanity, I was going to fail. I cried for my lost battle and mourned for what I was about to do. My monster was in complete control and nothing could be done. There was no hope, my mind was lost to my lunacy and the monster within me rejoiced at my failure and total surrender. My submission to my fiend was complete, and Jasper, Bella's angel, was nowhere to be found, lost to the utter darkness my monster created, losing what little light remained.

I knew my prey wasn't going to live for much longer. The only think I could do for her was give her peace. My monster laughed at my humanity and called it weak. But my humanity, or the representation of it, wouldn't budge. It pushed all of the peace and serenity at her, giving her a respite from her fear.

My humanity kept hold of the monster, waiting for her to receive her last gift. As she started to calm, I silently approached her from behind and took a half of second to linger in her euphoria and innocence. My humanity silently cried as my hands reached out and snapped the neck of my prey. As a single tear of venom escaped the rim of my eyelid, the monster regained control and rejoiced in winning the final battle. My thoughts were no longer my own and any trace of what made me human ceased to exist.

...

The Monster's POV

Warm, thick blood filled my mouth. Jasper had denied me for so long. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the most exquisite taste ever. The victim knew nothing of euphoria. Her euphoria was nothing to what I was experiencing. The soothing liquid filled my mouth completely and slid down my throat like warm honey. The taste lingered in my mouth until I took another pull from the vein in her neck. Her lifeline was my ecstasy, calling for me to take of her blood and make it my own. She was nothing to me, but the best delicacy I ever sampled. Her life was no concern to me. Her blood called to me and I wasn't to be denied. As I continued to drink from my prey, I lost my thoughts to my feeding, and immersed myself completely and irrevocably. My mouth stole her blood and it warmed my body making me feel high and satisfied. Her blood was my ultimate aphrodisiac, and I reveled in my intense desire her blood provided.

As I was nearing my completion, I cried for more. I never wanted to be without this sweet nectar. I knew of nothing better and my disappointment mounted. I wanted to kill her all over again and drink her blood forever. When I took the last sip of her blood I closed my eyes and swished it around my mouth, making sure to always remember the most amazing ambrosia that existed. I slowly swallowed what remained and mourned for its completion. I was starting to lose control and I began to get angry. Jasper denied me too much and it fucking pissed me off. I growled at the thought and realized I was finished. The haze started to take over and I could feel myself being pushed into the dark recesses of Jasper's rational mind. I fought to stay in control, but he was become too strong. With one last final push I was replaced by my sane captor.

* * *

Jasper's POV

The darkness that captured me completely was starting to thin and a little light was becoming brighter. When my mind cleared of its feeding frenzy, I felt disoriented. Never before had I felt like this. I had never lost complete control of my senses and allowed my monster to take over. I shook my head to try and clear the remaining fuzz that lingered in my mind. When I began thinking rational thoughts, my first inclination was about my surroundings. Looking around I realized, I was in an ally of some sort. I wasn't quite sure how I ended up here. My thoughts were coming at me so fast I had a hard time keeping up; my mind was in a constant spin and I felt almost lightheaded. Dark flashed started to appear.

My first memory was of me walking down the street. I remembered I needed to hunt really badly. I also remembered the smell and my soul cried out for me to forget. My heart broke for what I had done and my connection with Bella wept for the loss of innocence that I captured from her. In the dark recesses of my mind I heard an echoing laugh that mocked my sadness and the things I had lost tonight. It celebrated my weakness and toasted to my pathetic existence on animal blood.

My arms felt heavy and something was pressing into my legs. Slowly, I looked down and saw a woman's broken body in my arms. Little drops of blood stained her white sundress. Her hair was completely ratted and her neck was turned at an odd angle. Her eyes were closed and a small smile grace her blue lips. Her skin temperature was colder than mine and I realized her warm blood was flowing through my cursed vein, giving my body her warmth. My heart broke again for this fallen victim, who had done nothing wrong, but owned a book store. I raised my hand and brushed her bangs to the side of her head. After running my warm fingers over her cold skin, my reality started to come into focus. My actions were starting to catch up with me and my mind was failing to keep up with the guilt I was feeling. My body collapsed and I started to gag, trying to rid myself of what I had just done.

In the next moment, I remembered her eyes, brown. Almost the same shade as Bella's. My body continued to painfully dry heave. My convulsions were serve, the gagging became more violently. I wanted to rid myself of my evil. I didn't want this woman's blood coursing through my veins. I just wanted her to be alive again. I wanted to return to a time when a little angel looked at me and only saw the good. I wanted to keep my promise to an angelic little brown eyed girl who was beautiful and brave. I needed to stop thinking of Bella. My horrible act would taint her and the memory I had of her.

My existence was long and at times very dark, but the blackness that tainted me now was beyond description. I wanted it all to end, never having to live in this black hole that was now my constant companion. After righting myself, I picked up the woman's body and cradled her in my arms. Tucking my face in her cold neck, I started to rock her back and forth. Apologies fell from my mouth and into her now deaf ear. Deep, heavy sobs took over my body. The venom that pooled in my eyes burned. There were so many tears, but no outlet.

My mind swirled and I thought of Carlisle. He spoke of his love and faith in me. He believed that there was still good in me and I knew he was wrong. All of his faith in me was tainted and I knew I didn't deserve his love anymore. Carlisle was pure and uncorrupted like Bella. I thought of her worry for me. I thought of the sadness she felt over me and I mourned at my actions once again. I thought of Alice and her devotion for me. I thought of all she sacrificed for me over the years. I thought of Esme and her amazing love she held for me. My mother loved me without fail and I had failed her tonight. I had failed all those who had faith in me, but most of all I failed in a promise I had made six short months ago.

My final consensus was easy: I was a piece of rotting shit. I was the lowest there was. Six months of progress had gone down the drain. Six months of resistance gone in an instant. Six months of a promise vanished within a moment of weakness.

I continued to rock the woman in my arms and give her my continued apologies. After about two hours, I finally started to realize I needed to move. I needed to do something with this nameless victim that lay broken and silent in my arms. I looked around and noticed she had a purse. I opened it up and took out her license. Shelly Reynolds, born August 4, 1962; she was no longer just a nameless person. She was a real person. My body wanted to gag again but I realized my time was running out. I needed to move her quickly. I wondered if she had any family. I looked in her purse again and saw a book made of brown worn leather.

I quickly pulled out the worn book and opened it; beautiful spiral penmanship filled the pages. I realized it was a journal of some sort and was probably filled with stories from her life. I glanced at the first entry and began to read the story of Shelly:

_Toady was one of those days you wish you were someone else. The divorce is final. I knew it would be soon, but it still doesn't lessen the pain. I guess I am just numb at this point. I have already grieved over my lost marriage. I feel like a failure. Fifteen years, and with one sweep of my hand over a piece of paper it was over. My husband came home and informed me it was just over. I can't really blame him. We both had our problems. I was busy with my friends and book store, and he was busy with his law practice. I wonder if I was able to have kids if things would have been different. We tried for years, but to no avail. I would have loved to be a mother; to hold a child at night when they had a bad dream, help them with school work, kiss away their hurt, dance with them in the rain. I guess it just wasn't in the cards for me. Brent didn't want to adopt. I think he was just as sad about not being able to have children. He never wanted to live through the heart break again. I really couldn't blame him. After discovering we were not going to carry the titles of mommy and daddy, we grew apart. He would come home later. I never called to check in with him. We just fell apart. I don't blame him for moving on. I never gave him the emotional support he needed, because I couldn't even comfort myself. When I think back on all that happened, it is with a sad heart. It has been a year since we separated. I haven't dated that much. I guess I'm not ready. I don't want to put myself out there yet. Maybe one of these days I will be able to make that commitment again. As I write my thoughts down in this new journal I can't help but tear up. I still grieve for the life and marriage that never was meant to last. But as I promised myself earlier, I have to try. That is all we can do in this life, make mistakes, learn from them, and try not to repeat them. I will learn the lesson and apply them into my life. So when and if I ever do marry again, I know to communicate with my spouse, be there for them emotionally, and learn to solve our problems together. _

_So tomorrow when I wake up, I will count my blessings, open up my shop, and just try to be happy! I also need to get to the gym, but that is just between me and the pages in this book! _

As I finished reading her entry, I was speechless. She seemed like an incredible woman. She suffered her own heart ache, and learned to rise above it. I had killed this amazing woman I held in my arms. If I could have traded place with her in that moment I would have, but there was nothing I could do. After reading some more in her journal, I learned she was still single and she had no living family. I wasn't really sure what to do. She had no family to give her a burial. When she went missing who would look for her?

I was so caught up in reading about the life of this amazing woman; I didn't realize dawn was fast approaching. I needed to get the hell out of town, but first I needed to do right by Shelly. I gently picked her up and placed her in the front seat of her car. I took the keys off the ground and started the engine. I pulled out of the ally and headed for the highway. I got off at the nearest exit to the forest and continued to drive. I knew there was a lake that was pretty deep not far away. After I disposed of the car, by driving it into the lake, I carried her about twenty miles north of where her car now lay submerged. In the morning sun of a new day with the sunlight filtering through the trees, I buried Shelly Reynolds. I spoke my apologies to her. I dry sobbed and asked her forgiveness for my weakness. I just talked to her for hours of my struggles and my past life. Even though I had taken her life, I wanted her to know what a fucking monster I was. She didn't deserve to be touched from a monster like me.

When I had nothing left to say, I curled up in a ball and just looked into the sky. I looked at the clouds and thought about the never ending circle of death. After lying there all day, I realized I still had Shelly's Journal clutched in my hands. I read some more of her entries and continued to grieve for the life I had taken. When I got to the last one, I saw it had been written right before she left her store.

It read:

_Life is strange sometimes. A single thought can come and go into a person's head without rhyme or reason. Some are just mundane and pointless and others you will never forget. Some thoughts are to remind you that something needs to be done and other are there to remind you of the life you have and need to live. That is what happened to me tonight. Here I was just minding my own business and these strange provoking thoughts come into my head. I realized tonight how truly blessed my life has been. I have had hard times just like everyone else. I've had my problems and heart aches, but when I look at the whole of my life, the good far outweigh the bad. I've been through a divorce, I have experienced many deaths (the hardest being my parents) in my lifetime. I've never had the privilege of being a parent. Even though these are all very sad events, I wouldn't be who I am at this point in my life if I didn't experience these tragedies. _

_What I did get to experience was the love of a man, the love of amazing parents who always put my needs above their own, and the chance to try to be an amazing parent. I never had this clarity when I was going through these hard times. But then I always remind myself Hindsight is 20/20. I have my beautiful bookstore, the love of friends and neighbor and my health, even though I don't make it to the gym as much as I should. I can honestly say I love my life. I may not be the most perfect person, but I'm happy, and in the end that's all that really matters. I know if the Lord called me home today, I would look back on my life and smile. My life has been hard, and at times it has been easy, but above all else, it had been my own. With all of the mistakes I have made I can claim the scars that have imprinted on my body and soul. They are my battle scars and they are beautiful. They tell the story of my life and all I have accomplished. I have earned my stripes and I wear them proudly. _

_My life is beautiful. My life is complicated. My life is fun. My life is amazing. My life is blessed. My life is chaotic. My life is special. Above all else, my life is perfect. Never think I am some perfect, goody-stepford person. I have challenges and I make mistakes, but when I say my life is perfect, it means I am perfectly content. Of course I wish for companionship and love. I wish for children and family, but in accepting they weren't in the cards for me, I am able to be happy with my life. There are so many things I could see that are negative, but I ask myself, what will that accomplish? My honest answer to myself is absolutely nothing. _

_I remembered my favorite quote tonight._

"_I don't think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains_" ~Anne Frank

_No words could express my sentiments better. So my life is beautiful. And I take in a deep breath and sigh. A smile graces my lips and my eyes shine with my joy. _

_I'm not quite sure why I'm writing these thoughts, but this is what I was thinking tonight. I just wanted to write it down, so when I look at it one day when everything is going bad, I can smile. I guess that's about it. Oh yeah don't buy this cheap wine anymore, it makes you have funny thoughts._

When I finished reading, I was overcome with grief again. I was such a fucking monster. I deserved to be buried here and not her. I was suffocating. My head started spinning again. I had to get the hell away from this woman. I had to let her rest in peace. She didn't deserve me sullying her resting spot. I stood up looked down one more time and with a simple "I'm sorry" and her journal in my hands, I took off running. I ran for about an hour and realized I would have to wait until it was a little darker before I could go further. When it was about midnight I took off again. I ran and ran and when I thought I could run no further I pushed myself even more. Finally after hours of running I collapsed. I didn't know where I was. I didn't really care. Maybe if I just laid here and didn't move, I would disappear. Maybe I would wake up from this nightmare that was my life in the arms of my birth mother. She had always taken away the bad things. She made everything better. She was my hero as a child and I couldn't even remember her face. She was a blur in my waking dreams.

I had no idea how long I laid there. I didn't really care. I didn't want anything, I didn't want anyone. I was numb and had no intention of letting that go. I just didn't want to exist anymore. I heard some rustling not far from where I was lying. Whatever it was, I hoped it would end me, take me away from this horrible existence.

"Jasper!"

_My life was good; my life was blessed; my life was beautiful. A smile blossomed on my lips and I sent a silent thank you into the night sky hoping it would reach the heavens and beyond. With the last thought of gladness lingering on my mind, I reached for door handle on the car and my life was . . . no more._

* * *

Author's Note Continued: This may seem like a weird ending, but I wanted to end the chapter in Shelly's words. If you read the end of her POV, her thought was never completed. I always intended to have it be the last words of the chapter. I hope you were able to feel the utter despair Jasper felt, it was a difficult chapter to write. If there is ever a time you were going to review, could you please make it this chapter? I would really love to know what you thought. Even one word reviews allow me to know.

This was one of the original scenes I envisioned with this story and I always knew it would be difficult to write. It took me a long while to finish. It went through many revisions, but turned out alright in the end (I think). So with all that being said please let me know your thoughts. Until next time . . .

PS. That part with Dr. Phil was true. I saw it a few years ago on a clip promoting his show. I know . . . there are no words! :D

_Posted: 9 May 2010_


	7. I Am Not Perfect

Disclaimer: SM and affiliates (Summit, etc . . .) owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement meant.

**I Am Not Perfect**

Part Seven

Jasper's POV (Music Selection: "Breathing Hope")

"_Jasper!_"

Why was I hearing my name on the wind? Why would anyone want to even utter my name? It meant nothing but heart ache to those who came into my life. It meant murder and destruction. I was like this virus that infected people, bringing them down, taking away all that was good and precious in their life. No matter how much they tried to get rid of me, it didn't help. Eventually I would destroy them, leaving nothing in my wake but grieving and great sorrow.

My mind continued to think of the possibilities of who would want to be near me. Maybe it was the ghost of my mother, coming back to tell me what a disappointment I was. At least on that we could agree. Maybe it was my angel coming to tell me how I had let her down, and how I couldn't even keep a simple promise to a little child. I wished with my broken, cursed soul that it wasn't her. She never needed to see me like this. I would never want her to be scared of me. I was the loser. I was the failure who couldn't even overcome his demon.

'_Please, angel, please don't let it be you.' _my mind screamed over and over again.

"Jasper, can you hear me?" I heard the whisper again. Why couldn't it leave me and allow me to simply disappear? I wasn't sure if it was my imagination or not, but it was better off without me. It needed to get far away before it became affected. I didn't want anyone else's life to be ruined or tainted by my ugliness.

"Please, just leave me," I whispered aloud, pleading with something to just go away. If it had any sense then it would save itself and allow me to drown in my transgressions.

"Jasper, son, I need you to answer me. Could you please answer me?" Was it really Carlisle? How did he know where I was? How was he able to find me? Where was I in the first place?

When my mind started to clear from the confusion, I started thinking he needed to get away from me. I needed Carlisle to be fine and never infested by my ugliness. He had to leave.

I raised my head and looked into the face of my mentor. His features showed total devastation and I was the root cause to the problem. He was really here and not a figment of my fucked up imagination. He was really here and being affected by me.

"Carlisle," I whispered, my voice rough with many emotions clogging it. I was on the verge of breaking. "You need to leave. Please, just go. I don't want you here." I needed him to understand how toxic I was.

"Son, please talk to me. I'm here for you!" What the hell was he thinking, didn't I just tell him to leave? I knew he wasn't hard of hearing, so why wasn't he listening?

"Carlisle, you need to leave. Get up and go home. I don't want you anywhere near me. Please, if you know what is good for you, just leave!" Why did he not understand me? He was a doctor; he should have been able to understand me.

"Jasper, I'm not going anywhere. You need me. I need to be here with you. I need you, Jasper; you are my son!" Carlisle pleaded. Tears were already coating his amber eyes.

"I'm not your son! I'm a monster! A fucking monster who slaughters innocent people! Do you hear me, a fucking monster, a good for nothing fucking poison! Leave, Carlisle, before you are also tainted by me. Get the hell away from me!" I yelled at him.

He had to leave and fast. I could feel myself weakening. I could feel myself wanting his acceptance and love. I could feel myself wanting his sorrow for me. I wanted him to place his arms around his son and take away my pain that was almost too much to bear. I wanted him to understand what I had gone through. I wanted him to understand that I had tried to resist, but the call of her blood was too much, and I was too weak.

Most of all, I wanted to take back what I had done, but life didn't work like that. I wasn't a child whose father could fix everything with a simple hug. Shelly was dead and it was entirely my fault. I was so pathetic.

"You're not a monster, Jasper; you are a person with weaknesses. You are a person who just gave into that weakness. You made a very tragic mistake you will have to live with, but you are not a monster!"

He had to be kidding. Did he honestly believe what he just said? I mocked-laughed at him and his naivety. He just looked at me with sadness and love. He had to leave, I was just too pathetic, and getting mad by his acceptance of me. Every thought I had seemed like a contradiction. I wasn't sure how much more my already battered soul could take.

"Did you not understand me? I AM A FUCKING MONSTER! Try telling Shelly I just made a mistake. Oh wait, you can't because she is dead. Do you know why, Carlisle, because I took her life. I snapped her neck and then drank from her. I fucking sank my teeth into her broken neck and drank from her!"

"Jasper," Carlisle whispered. Pleading with me for something I wasn't able to give him.

"No, Carlisle, just leave. Leave before I taint your life. Just leave!" Carlisle just knelt before me. When he reached out, I immediately cringed and backed up. Why was he not leaving? He was pure and didn't need these horrible images of my haunting monster in his head. He didn't need to be defiled by my touched. As he started to speak again, I completely lost it. All of the pressure of my sins built up and needed to be released. I was a bomb and my fuse was down to the last. There was nothing I could do but explode. Carlisle was the intended victim because of his proximity to me.

"JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME, CARLISLE! I CANNOT TELL YOU IN PLAINER ENGLISH! LEAVE BEFORE I CONTAMINATE YOU TOO. DO YOU WANT TO BE STAINED WITH MY SINS?

"DO YOU WANT A DETAILED PLAY BY PLAY OF HOW I KILLED SHELLY? DO YOU WANT ME TO BEG FOR YOUR FORGIVENSS?"

"DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THAT WITH EVERY BREATH I TAKE ALL I WANT TO DO IS DIE AND NEVER POLLUTE SOMEONE ELSE OR WORSE, KILL THEM?"

"DO YOU WANT TO HEAR THAT I'M A GOOD FOR NOTHING FUCKING COWARD WHO COULDN'T EVEN CONTROL HIS OWN THRIST, SOMETHING HIS FAMILY HAS NO PEOBLEM DOING?"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME CARLISLE? WHAT DO YOU WANT? JUST GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!"

"LEAVE! LEAVE! LEAVE!" I screamed over and over again, pounding my fist into the ground, "LEAVE! Leav . . ." My voice finally broke from the enormous amount of emotions and strain.

I couldn't take anymore. I couldn't control my emotions anymore. I completely crumbled to the ground. Dry sobs shook my body so hard I thought I would break apart at any moment. Every dead muscle in my body hurt! Every sound that assaulted my ears split my head.

Then I felt him pick me up and put me in his lap. He began to rock me like a little child that hurt himself. Carlisle whispered in my ear, trying to sooth me the only way he knew how.

"My son, I love you! Do you hear me, Jasper? I don't care what you do or how many times, you are my son. From the first moment you came into my life, I loved you. I watched you struggle with this life. I watched you try to become a better person. I watched, my son. I watched and I loved every part of you!"

Carlisle ran his fingers through my hair as he continued to speak in my ear, giving me the comfort I so desperately needed, but didn't deserve.

"Jasper, please listen when I tell you we all make mistakes. I may have never killed someone because of my thirst, but I also killed. Some of our kind say that what we are is a gift, but I'm not really sure. We may have eternal life, but that doesn't mean it is a gift. I didn't ask to be turned into what I am, but I was. So I had to make a decision. My father raised me to believe life was sacred and something to be cherished. When I was given this existence, my belief system didn't change; I still felt the same, as I do today. So I had a choice to make about my eating habits. I choose not to take human life for my nourishment. I didn't want to kill anyone and feed from them. You see, my son; I refused to take a human life. I tried to kill myself, but it didn't work. Not until those deer crossed my path, did I find any hope in this existence, any reason to continue at all. I learned I was able to survive by not feeding off of humans, and learning to exist off the blood of animals."

He took a moment to recapture his thoughts. My harsh and frantic breathing was slowing down.

"Just because I feed off of animals doesn't mean I never took a human life. All you have to do is look at Edward, Esme, Rose, and Emmett. I took their lives and turned them. It was my choice and I have to live with those decisions every day. Some days I struggle with what I did, and other times I can almost live with my decisions, but I am thankful for my family. No one is perfect, Jasper. I am not perfect. I made mistakes and I will continue too. It is human, or in our case, vampire nature. Just because we are vampires, doesn't make us exempt from mistakes. Some days I look at Edward and watch his eternal struggle with what I did to him. Those are my worst days. I also have to watch Rose struggle with this life. I know if she were given the choice to be human again she would choose it within a second, regardless of her love for Emmett. I took away her choice, because I wanted to save her.

However, none of my rationalizations matter. I have to live with my choices. What I am trying to say is, yes you did a terrible thing and will you have to find peace with it. But my love for you, that will never leave. You are stuck with it forever, I'm afraid. Too bad, I am not the most happening person on the block, or something of that nature."

No matter how many times I talked with Carlisle, or how many times I was in his presence, he amazed me. The amount of compassion this man had for me was unfathomable. His love for me was staggering. I was in complete awe of my mentor and confidant.

I always wanted to be like Carlisle, and now I understood why. He loved everything and everyone, even those who wronged him. He was beyond my comprehension. Even though I could feel his emotions of love, understanding and forgiveness, didn't mean I could empathize with him. Until I lived his life and experienced his faults, I would never comprehend him.

My sobs subsided and my body trembling slightly stopped. Carlisle still held onto me, combing his finger in my curly hair. I could feel myself coming out of my shock, and the numbness had all but disappeared with my outburst.

"Carlisle, thanks," my voice croaked, "I don't know when or how, but I promise I will make this up to you. I swear! I always want to be like you. Thank you" I sighed and rubbed my eyes like a little child after taking a nap; the venom burning my fingers.

"You have nothing to make up to me, son," he whispered in my ear. "You also have nothing to prove. I already told you I'm proud of you. I will keep telling you until you either believe me or your ears fall off!"

I slightly chucked at his statement. Leave it to Carlisle to give me compassion laced with humor at a time like this. He was one of a kind.

"I rather I just believed you, I am rather attached to my ears. And I do believe, it's just hard to understand why. I have been nothing but a failure. I tried, but that doesn't even matter anymore."

"Jasper, what did I tell you on the phone the last time we spoke? I told you are worth it. I told you that you have so much strength in you. We all struggle and we will all continue to struggle. What matters is what you do after you make those mistakes. You can either disregard them, or learn from them. You also have to realize it is perfectly natural for our kind to feed off humans. They are our natural food source, but we as a family choose not to. Every day you sustain from them is a miracle, Jasper; each is a life saved. You were never taught our way, not until much later in your life. You have had a disadvantage compared to the rest of the family. You lived a life full of war. I cannot imagine the things you were forced to do or witnessed, but I admire you for taking yourself out of that situation. You were given a choice, and you did what was best for you. I am proud of the success you have made, and I will continue to be proud of the successes you achieve.

I know it seems difficult now, my son, but always remember, a new day will start soon and you get a clean slate. You can start over and start again. You know what Scarlett said, 'after all tomorrow is another day'. Even though she was a complete brat, she came to realize we can become better. You are going to do amazing things, my son. I don't need to have Alice's gift to know. You have so much strength, you have so much character, and you have the will and determination to reach your goals."

Again I was amazed by my father's words. I was so blessed to have his wisdom and his experiences. Most of all, I was blessed to have his eternal love. I promised myself right then and there, I would do better. I would overcome my blood lust. I would no longer skip hunting. I would do all that I could do to be better. I would make Carlisle proud for a reason other than just being his son. I would earn his respect again. I also remembered my promise I made to Bella. I was glad things ended differently with her. I truly would have died if I killed an innocent child. I didn't even want to fathom such a thought. I would find some way to keep my promise to her, and never let her down.

"Thanks, Carlisle! I want you to know I love you also. I know I fucked up, but I will be better. I promise I will do better. I will make this up to you and will always make you proud. That is a son's promise to his father!"

"I know, Jasper. You will make it." He quickly hugged me. "Okay, now let's go hunting because I think you need to. It has been about four days since you have fed."

I couldn't believe it had been that long since ending Shelly's life. I knew there would always be a whole in me for killing her, but I would try and do better for her. Carlisle was right about tomorrow being a new day, fresh with no mistakes. I was nowhere near over with what I had done to her, but I had to start somewhere. With the love and help of my mentor, I would try and accomplish my goals.

I stood up and stretched my body. I felt pretty weak and drained. It had been an emotional hell. I knew I would continue to struggle with the mistakes I had made. It would be a part of me forever.

"Are you ready, son? I thought we could go hunting and then go to the house we have here in Maine. After that, we can decide what to do. Okay?"

"I had no idea I was in Maine. I just ran and ended up here. Did Alice tell you where to find me?"

"Yes, and I am glad she did. But don't worry, I told her in no uncertain terms that she wasn't to tell anyone. Edward might find out, but if he does, I'll put him straight too. Don't worry about them, they don't want to feel my wrath; just concentrate on you right now. "

"Thanks, Carlisle, I'll try. Now let's go hunting."

"Sure, son. Oh, and please try to remember, I don't care how old you are, if you ever use that language with me again or talk to me in the manner you did, there will be consequences. I hope I have made myself clear for the final time on this issue." And he was serious. We knew when not to mess with Carlisle.

"Yes, father, sir!" I saluted. "Good, as long as we understand each other. Now let's go get us some fucking dinner. And if you tell Esme I said the word 'fucking' I will deny everything!"

* * *

Author's Note: I was going to add more, but I like where I left it. I didn't want to take anything away from Carlisle and Jasper's heart to heart moment, and I thought it was sufficient without a cliff hanger. I hope you liked it. Let me know what you thought, if you feel so inclined.

Firstly, thanks to all those who have taken the time to read this story. Secondly, thanks to those who have added me to their favorites and alerts, you really know how to make a person feel proud. And lastly, to all of you who reviewed, you are simply amazing. The reviews were all over the spectrum. They were wonderful, funny, heartfelt, long, short, beautiful, and so very, very thoughtful.

_Posted: 15 May 2010_

_**Edited: 20 May 2011**_


	8. The Only Words I Know

Disclaimer: SM and affiliates (Summit, etc . . .) owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement meant.

**The Only Words I Know**

Part Eight

Jasper's POV

After Carlisle and I finished hunting, we headed to the house we had in Maine. It actually wasn't far from where I ended up. The house was located in the town of Millinocket. The hospital, Millinocket Regional Hospital, served the regions healthcare needs. Carlisle had worked there when it had first opened in 1952. He was proud to have been one of the first doctors to have helped establish a hospital in the area. We were also proud of him.

Our house was located twenty miles out of the town. It was surrounded by 30 acres of land (what can I say, we like our privacy). When Carlisle and I arrived at the house, we opened it up to let it air out. After cleaning it out thoroughly and getting things in order, we settled on the back deck that faced the lake. I loved the views the property afforded. The deck faced Mt. Katahdin and the vistas were sublime.

I thought of the time the family spent here. Luckily, I didn't have any negative experiences associated with this house. I remembered times with Esme laughing while working in the garden. I remembered times with Alice and me making love on the shores of the lake while the rest of the family went out hunting. I remembered Edward playing his piano for Esme when she requested it. I also remembered Emmett and Rose having hot sex on the deck, thinking everyone was away. That was Emmett's fucking story, but I know he is a closeted exhibitionist. He wanted everyone to witness his adroitness. Esme had really let them have it. As Carlisle and I continued to watch the rest of the sun fall behind the horizon, my thoughts swirled around what was next.

"So, Carlisle, what's next? How long are you planning on staying?" I asked him, almost afraid to know the answer. I feared his leaving.

"I was planning on staying a few weeks. I considered you and I could use some solo time. I know I would like to be here with you right now. However, it depends on you, son," he explained to me, watching the sun as it finally disappeared. Twilight was soon to follow.

"What do you mean a few weeks? I thought you had to be at the hospital. I know how much they rely on you heavily. I don't want to take you away from something as important!" Shame coursed through me. I was over a hundred years old and still needed my "father" to hold my hand.

"Jasper, you are important me, more so than a hospital," he implored softly. He still continued to watch the silhouette of the mountains. Perhaps he was giving me some sense of strength. "Yes there are sick people, and they depend on be, but there is nothing in this world more important to me than my family. You, Esme, Alice, Edward, Rose, and Emmett are the most important aspects to me. Never doubt your place in my in my heart, son. I would do anything for my family!"

"Thanks, Carlisle. I feel like those are the only words I know anymore." That was the absolute truth, and I pushed it towards Carlisle. "You've done so much for me. Not just today, but since I came into your life. You never questioned Alice and me showing up. You simply accepted us with open arms. I'm not sure if I would have reacted the same way. It just goes to show the differences between you and me. It's like comparing water and oil: something pure compared to something that can cause massive devastation." I scoffed at how pathetic I truly was.

"Jasper," Carlisle huffed out of mock aggravation. I cracked a tiny grin. "I thought we had discussed this. I love you." He turned serious, now looking to me. His eyes implored to see, not only feel the truth. "You bring much joy into my life, son. I wouldn't trade you for anyone. So please, let's not talk about this depressing topic anymore. Let us sit here and enjoy the nature around us. Enjoy the time with your old man." I laughed out loud this time.

"I would hardly call you old, Carlisle, just wise." My mentor looked at me as if silently saying '_are you fucking kidding me'_. "Well what I meant to say is with your age comes knowledge that the rest of us adhere to and value."

"Thank you, son. I live to please my family. I love each one of you for what you bring into my life. Emmett brings joy and laughter no matter the situation. He gives joviality to the family. He is like a big child that has so much unconditional love. He loves Rose and would do anything to make her happy. He may speak out of turn at times, but he means well. Alice brings happiness to everyone and everything she touches. She puts her family first and always wants to help where she can. She is also a little tyrant at times, but I love her regardless. She keeps us impeccably fashionable and is always on the lookout for something that might harm her family. Alice is a bundle of energy that keeps us going in hard times. Rose is simply beautiful. She is also very complicated to understand. Her experiences before she was turned made her hard, but that is her exterior. On the inside, she is insecure like others, maybe even more so. She hides behind her mask of indifference. She is fiercely loyal to those she loves. She has a beautiful heart that wants to love. She loves her family, she may not show it sometimes, but I know it is always there." Carlisle stopped and took an unneeded breath.

"Esme is my heart. She is the heart of the family. She only wants me and her children to be happy. Esme surrounds herself with beautiful things, her children, her flowers, and her different designs. Esme is mother earth; she brings everyone to life with her love and compassion." . . .

"Edward, hmm, very complicated. He was my first companion, was there for me in my times of loneliness. Edward also sees himself as a monster, but he isn't. Edward – like Rose – never wanted this life. He thinks he has no soul, but I don't believe it. He is beautiful, not just physically, but internally. Edward needs to learn how to loosen up some. He can be too crotchety at times." We both laughed at the understatement. "Even when Edward went through his rebellion, I loved him, Jasper. He needed to make his own decisions and mistakes in life. And when he finally came home, I didn't love him any less. What Edward chose to do was up to him, and just like you, he will have to live with his choices." He pushed his love to me, wanting me to feel his love and acceptance.

"And lastly, but certainly not least, is my strength." I couldn't hold his eye contact as he spoke. I would have embarrassed myself. "That's what you are to me, Jasper." I wanted to break down at his heartfelt words. "Emmett may be physically stronger than the rest of us, but after everything you've experienced and as many times as it brought you down, you didn't take it. You rose above it. It may have taken you a while to realize it, but you did. Your experiences and encounters in life have made you the being you are today. Your knowledge is different than others, son, but no less valuable. You are an important part of the family. Each member has their place. We may switches roles sometimes, but we all fit. Do you understand, Jasper?" Of course I did; Carlisle loved each of us individually and as a collective whole. We each brought something to our family puzzle.

"I comprehend what you're saying. Do you know what you represent?" Carlisle just shook his head.

"You are the glue, which holds the puzzle pieces together when it is complete. You never judge us. When we do something wrong, you love us just the same. You may not understand our choices, but you stand by us nonetheless. You are our example and our leader. When times get troublesome, like they are for me right now, you hold us together. You give the wisdom and the knowledge we need. You give the support and encouragement we need to do better. You sustain and uphold us. You are our center and example. You're a loving father, husband, and friend, filling our lives in different ways. You are my mentor and counselor. You are my father. So tell me, Carlisle, do you understand?" I repeated his question.

Carlisle looked like as if he was going to cry. His eyes were glassy, reflecting my likeness at me. He lifted his hand and placed it on my face. He looked into my eyes and nodded.

"Thank you, Jasper, you'll never know what those words mean to me. They touched me deeply, son. I will never forget this time and this moment with you. I love you," he murmured. He then leaned in and kissed my forehead. When he pulled back, he simply turned in his seat and looked out at the view again. Twilight had befallen us.

…

The next three weeks flew by. Carlisle and I had a companionable time together. He was a balm to my soul. He helped me to see what I had done was a tragic mistake. After much talking and explaining my horrible sin to him, he helped me to see that Shelly was indeed my singer, the situation had been unfortunate.

"_From what you have told me, Jasper, I would assume that Shelly was your singer." What the hell was he taking about?_

"_I don't understand. What is a singer?" It was a concept I never heard of. _

"_Well as you know, each person's blood has a different scent and different flavor to us. Each individual person's blood calls to us in a different way. Shelly's blood, simply put, was the strongest aphrodisiac to you – not in the sexual connotation – but in terms of the influence it held over you. When we come upon our singer, their blood calls to us. It begs to be swallowed, to nourish us. There is nothing else like it, nothing can rival its taste, nothing else will ever rival its taste; it is complete perfection. You also have to remember, Jasper, you hadn't fed the previous day. I'm not sure what would have happened if you had, but I would guess the outcome would have been the same. I'm not saying you aren't strong enough," he clarified, not wanting to offend me. "I'm just saying the call of your singer's blood was infinitely stronger. Maybe if you had learned more resistance in your earlier years it would have been different. However that is speculation. One can never know, not even Alice. It happened, son, and ____c'est la vie__. You will learn from this experience. You will continue to grieve this experience, but above all, it will make you stronger."_

_Carlisle helped me to put things into perspective. It would never excuse what I had done, but it helped me to accept it a little more. He helped me to take the incident and grow from it. I had never heard of a singer before. I felt bad that Shelly had to be mine. I never wanted to have to deal with that type of pull again. I couldn't really explain what it felt like. No matter how much I pulled or fought against her pull, the song of the blood was stronger. I never wished that on anyone. _

Carlisle and I also hunted a lot. We had fun tasting moose, the local deer, some bear, and when lucky, a lynx. I tried not to eat too many of those, wanting to respect their small number; they were rare, but they were fucking good. Carlisle taught us to respect the environment and flow of life. It had a delicate balance we didn't want to disturb. After one evening of hunting, we had started a little game.

"_Hey, Carlisle, I dare you to try a beaver," I joked with him. I didn't really think he would do it. I could feel his contemplative nature before he answered. _

"_Alright, but if I do you have to try a raccoon." I really had no desire to, but I figured if he tried beaver, I could man up. _

"_Fine, you have yourself a bet, old man." When we finally found one Carlisle dug in. With the first taste, he started to flip._

"_That is some nasty shit. Fuck man, never again!" Carlisle yelled. That shit was too funny. His face was classic. I couldn't help but laugh my ass off. _

"_Keep laughing, ass, it's your turn." He smiled, letting me know it was time to man up. After we found a raccoon, I was sorry I ever brought it up._

"_That shit is just rank." I tried not to become sick. "I would rather starve next time!" I yelled. Carlisle just smirked._

"_I told you, bitch." I snickered at my "father's" pet name. "Maybe next time you will think before recommending these culinary delights," Carlisle joked with me. Damn he could be funny. _

I loved Carlisle when he was like this: just one of the boys. He loosened up and swore like a trucker. Those times were rare, and I cherished them. It was also a good thing Esme hadn't attended; she would have had a heart attack if she heard his language. Perhaps he would be sleeping in his study for a while. Regardless, he was just fun. We continued our game of 'if you do this I'll do that'. Over the weeks we sampled the nastiest shit there was: red squirrel, chipmunk, otter, but probably the worst was mink and muskrat. I had to take down a wolf after that little nasty bitch. I could still taste it if I thought about it (nasty little fuckers). Who would have guessed that the refined doctor cursed like a sailor and sampled such delights as weasel and porcupine?

Carlisle and I read and discussed our favorite books; we swam, played pool, watched different time piece movies, and just relaxed. But for the majority of the time, Carlisle helped me to heal. When I needed a shoulder to rely on, he was there. When I needed confidence, he gave it to me. When I needed to talk and vent, he simply listened. When I needed his love, he gave it unceasingly. He was the perfect companion. I knew when he left it would be difficult. I had come to depend on him for so much. He became one of my best friends. It was one of the main reasons that I wanted to start my journey alone, and without the presence of my family. I loved them unfathomably, but it was something I needed to do on my own. Crutches had only stabilized me for a time.

Out time together passed in the blinking of an eye, and before either of us realized, our last night was upon. It was time for Carlisle to leave for good. At least until I was ready to rejoin the Cullen's as an equal member of the family. I was finished being a hindrance.

"If you need me, son, just call and I will be here. You better remember that," he implored adamantly. He was not kidding.

"I will!" I reassured him. "I know you would be here at the drop of a hat, and I'm thankful for that, more than you'll ever know." I half-smiled at him

"I think we are of one accord, then. So as long as we are clear: no being a martyr." He gave me a stern look, which meant business. "You know your limits and your strengths. You can do anything you set your mind to, and I know that I sound like a greeting card, but I am implicit with every word I speak."

"Not at all, you sound like a caring father who wants the best for his child."

"Good," And just like that the mood was lightened. "I'm not really sure what I am going to do when I get back home. It seems as if I've been on vacation for three weeks. I'm not sure if I will even remember how to do my job. I do know, however, Esme is excited to see me. She was talking about all of the new positions she wants to try out. Supposedly, found some sex book in Rose and Emmett's room –"

'_No, No, NO,'_ my mind screamed. That shit was going to scar me for life.

"Damn it, DAD!" I shouted. "That shit was just too much information. I am going to have to bleach my mind now. Please, never tell me about your sexual experiences with Esme. She is like a mother figure to me. If you want to talk about you and someone else, I might be able to handle it, but never Esme. I'm glad you still love each other unconditionally and practice the fine art of 'lovemaking' (trying not to vomit), but enough is enough." I shuddered. I loved them and I was happy they were so in love, but there were some things children shouldn't know about their parents' relationships, no matter how natural it was.

"Well there was this one time at band camp, this bear came and . . ." He could be absolutely funny when he wanted to.

"I never knew you were an aficionado of sexual teen comedies. Please tell me you haven't experienced with Esme's apple pies," I begged, fear dripping from my words. I would be beyond help if the answer was yes.

"Don't be absurd, Jasper. I may know how to loosen up, but there is a limit to my openness. That particular activity may have been done by one of your siblings and found out by Esme. That is all I will say about that hell of a nightmare. I can still hear the screams," Carlisle finished on a whisper, shuddering at his memory. All I could think was _thank goodness for small miracles_.

"No need for more details. I already know who would do such a thing." I was just glad I hadn't found Emmett.

The rest of the night passed without incident. We went hunting again and just relaxed before he left. We talked about my plans and what I wanted to accomplish. We talked about the possibility of my return to the family, but I wasn't ready for that, no matter how much Esme begged me. I just couldn't face her and everyone else, at least not yet. My heartache and shame were still too great.

Carlisle helped me to set acceptable goals to work toward. I would only move onto the next phase when I felt ready. He explained to me that if I needed to back-track a step there was no shame. I had to do what was right and comfortable for me. Lastly, I showed Carlisle what had become my greatest treasure: Shelly's journal. It was so insightful and filled with many riches. I let Carlisle read it and he said Shelly sounded like a good woman. I knew she was. I showed him one of my favorite entries

"_Today was one of those trying days. Today was one of those days you question everything about life. What am I doing here? Does God really exist? What is my purpose in this life? Why am I alive? These were the bad day; days where you questioned who was there to live for. I had a terrible day at work and then came home to a lonely house. It was so quiet her sometimes. At times, I missed the noise Brent would make while working in the garage. I thought about the day that seemed to end my marriage._

_Brent and I had gotten back from the doctor's office. While we were there, my doctor proceeded to tell us that we couldn't have children. Hearing him voice my fears aloud was a whole other experience. My hopes were completely crushed. My life seemed to have no purpose anymore. I grieved in that moment for something I never had, except a lost dream. _

_I had always wanted to be a mother. I wanted to be able to rock my child to sleep. I wanted to teach my child the love I had for books. I wanted to teach him or her how to ride a bike. I wanted to put my child in the corner when they needed to be punished, kiss them when it was over, teaching them that every action has consequences, teaching them that even though they got in trouble didn't lessen my love for them. I wanted to walk my child to school for the very first time and wipe the tears as they embarked on their first solo adventure. I wanted to talk about love and how beautiful it could be. I wanted to teach my child about the bird and the bees, and experience all the awkwardness a parent feels. I wanted to be there when they asked their father why he had" a thing" hanging between his legs and what its purpose was. I wanted to have those embarrassing pictures to show their future spouses. I wanted to be their when they got their first best friend, their first crush, and their first kiss. I wanted to be there for all the awkward moments and all the funny ones. I wanted to be there in their moments of despair and moments of grief. I wanted to hug and kiss them when they were at their highest and lowest points. I wanted to explain that even though life may throw them a curve ball, it wouldn't always be bad. You had to learn to take the good with the bad, that's just how life is._

_I wanted to teach my children the meaning of life and how sacred it was. I wanted to teach them the importance of an education and applying oneself. I wanted to watch as they walked out the door for their first date. I wanted to watch Brent threaten the boy with Butch, his sod off shotgun, if he harmed a hair on his daughter's head (that's even if we had a girl). I wanted to watch them get ready for prom and graduation. I wanted to sit in the audience and watch them flush with their accomplishments. I wanted to witness their face when they got into the college of their choice and left home for the first time. I wanted to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas together. I wanted to watch my child get married. I wanted to watch their face light up with the love they felt for their spouse. I wanted to see them commit to the person they chose to spend their forever with. And most of all, I wanted to hold my grandchild in my arms, doing everything all over again with the next generation. _

_I never realized all the dreams I had for one child. It stands to reason, one never know what one has until it's lost. I had all these dreams and wishes, and they vanished with a simple Doctor's visit. He explained our other options, but Brent didn't really seem interested, and that was that. _

_I'm not sure what brought on this sad mood. Usually I can shake off the gloom. But some days no matter how much one try to be happy, it just isn't there. And no matter how many happy thoughts one has, it doesn't change anything. But then again, it's just like my mother always said, "Tomorrow is a new day without any mistakes. When you go to sleep at night, thank the Lord for what he gave you; say sorry for all your shortcomings, and go to bed. The new day will be there to greet you when you awake. Then get up and live your new day!" That woman was always too smart for her own good._

_That is exactly what I planned on doing. I know tomorrow will be another day. And if tomorrow is just as hard as today, then I will wait for the next one to come because there will be a good day in there somewhere. _

_I would live my life. And that was all there was to it. Mama was always right._

_PS. Don't forget to go to the gym tomorrow; I heard working out make one feel better. I bet that was just a myth some health nut conjured in his or her mind. Just joking . . ."_

Shelly amazed me. Even on her hard days, she would try and see the positive. She knew life gave you lemons, but it never deterred her. She made lemonade, or as she said "_I personally like to cut them up and eat them with salt, or take them with a strong shot_." She was just incredible.

…

The next morning after a quick hunt, I took Carlisle to the airport to catch his flight. It would be strange without him, but I would be okay. Carlisle gave me what had I needed, and the rest was up to me. He couldn't be my crutch forever. I had already experienced that with Alice and Edward, I didn't want to go back to that kind of life. I was ready to take responsibility for myself, once and for all.

As I hugged Carlisle at the gate he whispered in my ear, "Remember, my son, I love you. I am proud of you. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you. If you need me, at anytime, you get your fucking ass on the phone and call. Don't make me worry like last time. I need to know you are okay. Regardless of what you do, where you are, or what mistakes you make, you are mine; forever. I will always want you." Again Carlisle had the power to choke me up.

"I love you too, father, and I'm proud to be yours forever, yours and Esme's son."

After another hug, Carlisle disappeared, and just like that I was finally on my own.

Again . . .

* * *

Author's Notes: I want to thank all who continue to read. You are wonderful for even checking out this story. To all who add me to your favorites and alerts, you rock my world, and I am grateful. To all of those who take the time to review, you rock my universe and then some. Thanks for all the support and amazing comments. They give me much joy.

In the books we never really get to see anytime with Carlisle and the other "children". I know he loves them all, and I wanted to write a chapter about it. I also wanted to show how Carlisle becomes such an important person in Jasper's life, how he becomes more than a father figure but a friend. I also wanted to show how Carlisle – and even Shelly – was able to heal Jasper, even a little after his tragic, fatal mistake and explain why Jasper lost such control that night. Hope you enjoyed it. If you have time, please let me know what you think. I would love to read your thoughts on Carlisle and his relationship with the other children. I will also bring in Esme at some point, and more importantly Bella. I haven't forgotten about her; just a few more chapters and she will make her appearance. Don't fret much, darlings, there will be much interaction between them. I have a lot planned.

PS. All of these places in the chapter exist. I did a lot of research for this chapter; just an FYI.

_Posted: 18 May 2010_

_**Edited: 11 June 2011**_


	9. Trust In My Word

Disclaimer: SM and affiliates own all that is Twilight. No Copy Right Infringement intended. I just like to try to bring a different perspective to the character's relationships.

**Trust In My Word**

Part Nine

June – Jasper's POV

Watching Carlisle leave was difficult. It wasn't that I was scared, but it was difficult; knowing that my crutch for the last three weeks was being taken away would have frightened. I was well aware that once he left it would be an adjustment again. I needed to move on. Carlisle was my safety net, and if I needed him again, he would have helped. It's wasn't that I couldn't do it on my own, but my anxiety was rising. I was finally on my own again, and my apprehensive thoughts didn't help. I guess I was a little more nervous and fearful then I expected, because I was projecting it to the others around me. I was having a hard time keeping my emotions in check; humans where looking over their shoulders like someone was coming after them, and others were trying to hide behind the walls and people passing. The scene would have been funny if I wasn't upset; however, it was time for me to leave. I took a deep breath and held it all the way to the car.

When I got home, I made my way to the deck and sat down. It had been a long day. Even though I didn't get tired physically, I still need a rest every now and then from my constant changing emotions. I looked over the water and breathed deeply. It was nice not having to feel that burn, which humans incited in the back of my throat. Even though I didn't need air, it was nice to feel it fill my lungs, it was cleansing.

My mind started to go over my plans of what I was going to do next. When Carlisle was with me, everything had made sense. The plans we made seemed right and feasible, now that I was on my own again, I was feeling inadequate. I sat on the porch for the rest of the day, not really moving. When night finally settled, I went for a hunt, finding a lynx was just great (I do love my carnivores). When I was finished hunting I came home, took a shower, and went back to the deck. There I sat until it was time for me to go hunting again.

This became my pattern, it felt safe and secure. I knew I was barely surviving, but couldn't shake myself out of it. After three days, Carlisle called to check on my progress. I told him what I had been doing since he left. He told me it was common for someone who had suffered a trauma to find patterns and familiar routes in life. It helped a person to feel safe; it helped them to be able to control what went on around them. After speaking with Carlisle, I figured if I never varied from my routine, then nothing bad would happen. Carlisle told me he understood, but also encouraged me not to let myself get too comfortable with it. I assured him I would think about it.

As a few more days passed and nothing had changed, Carlisle started to get worried about me. I didn't need him close to feel his emotions. His voice just dripped with concern. Every word he spoke was laced with worry. I felt bad for causing him any kind of pain; he had already done so much for me. I did try to leave the house for other reasons other than hunting, but it was as if I was literally stuck to the deck. My body didn't want to move until it was time for me to hunt again. I even started to worry for myself. Something had to give, and that something came in the form of two phone calls.

…

After about two weeks of my constant pattern, I received the first phone call. I had just got back from hunting and wasn't really sure if I wanted to answer. I knew the questions would be the same, as would the answers. But if I didn't pick up, I would make them worry more, so with a final bated breath, I picked up the ringing phone.

"Hello," I answered, tentatively.

"Jasper, thank goodness you are okay. I was beginning to worry about you!" It was as I had suspected. However, I knew she hadn't just started worrying about me.

"I'm sorry, Esme, it took me awhile to answer the phone." I didn't want to lie to her. It had taken me a while to find the courage to answer.

"Jasper, are you okay? I have been worried about you, dear," she reiterated. The guilt was piling on.

"Esme, I'm fine. It's just been a little hard since Carlisle left. It is taking me a little while to get on my feet. You don't have to worry about me."

That was the wrong thing to say.

"Jasper Whitlock Hale Cullen, or whatever the hell you are going by these days, don't you ever tell me not to worry about you! As your mother, it is my right and my prerogative to worry. You are my life, your happiness is my happiness, your pain is my pain, and your worries are my worries, darling. Everything you go through, I feel. I crave to take your pain away. I never want any of my children to suffer. Everything Carlisle and I do is for our children's happiness. There isn't a day that goes by I don't think about you. I love you, Jasper, so don't you ever try to tell me not to worry about you!" She just successfully handed my ass to me on a silver platter.

"I'm sorry, Esme" I feebly apologized. "I know you worry, and I have felt it on many occasions, but never to this existent. I just don't want to cause you anymore pain; I'm sure you can understand that," I tried to reason.

"I do understand, Jasper, but you need to understand no matter how far you are or where you go, I will always think about you. It is a mother's job to worry about her children. I don't care how old any of you get, mentally. I need to know that my children are okay and being taken care of. I'm there for you no matter what."

Esme and I hadn't talked since my killing Shelly. I didn't want her to know my shame, but I also knew it was time to get over my fear. So, I told her what I had gone through, the anguish I felt in taking Shelly's life, the guilt I felt in causing another death, and the failure in not being able to stop myself.

Esme simply listened to my story. After, she cried, she consoled me, and she constantly assured me of her love. There was always something about a mother's affections that made one want to be a little kid again. When one is little, one's mother is the heroine. She fixes everything. And even though one gets into trouble and eventually grounded, one knows that after she is going to give hugs and kisses (and if lucky enough, one can con her into making cookies). Esme's love and acceptance was like that for me. It was the relief and solace to another part of my soul that even Carlisle couldn't touch.

"Again, I'm sorry for causing you all this pain. When I was with the family I always held myself back, never allowing myself to become a real part. I'm not even sure I could tell you a reason, but I guess I felt like the weak link. My problems and my control issues were mine. I didn't want to put them on anyone else, more than I already had. Every time I slipped up, I watched Alice and Edward take the blame because they didn't stop me in time. Then we would have to move again. I felt I caused enough shame. I also knew how much Alice loved the family. The Cullen's gave her something I couldn't. So I figured, the fewer problems I caused, the better for Alice and the rest of the family it would be. Alice loved me and would have left with me if you asked me to leave one day."

_Or so I had thought . . ._

"I didn't want you to have to make that choice, so I stayed in the shadows. You also know I don't like being the center of attention." I could her Esme sobbing. What the hell had I said?

"I'm sorry, Esme, if I hurt you." I whispered piteously. "I shouldn't have said anything, but it's like when I talk to you, my inner "little boy comes out. I want to tell "my mother" everything." Esme started to sob harder.

_Just fucking great, Whitlock Hale Cullen, you're on a role; maybe next you can go kick a little puppy, and then eat a kitten for dessert. _

When Esme finally calmed down, she explained to me why she had been crying. "I'm sorry, darling. I know you aren't comfortable with my crying. I'm hate that you felt like you had to keep yourself back. But, Jasper, I would never let you leave the family, no matter how many times you slipped-up. From the first time you and Alice came home, I loved you. I knew you were meant to be a part of the family. I may not have given birth to you, but the first time you came into my arms, I knew you were mine. My love for you, Jasper, is infinite; my concern and my devotion to you are never ending."

Esme was a creature unto her own. I could only think of Bella matching up to her.

"I also take some blame." I went to argue, but she spoke over me. "I should have never let you keep the distance. I could sense you were uncomfortable with all the attention, so I let you be. That never meant I didn't love you. I always cared for you, son. I always wanted what was best for you. When you had your slips, all I wanted was to take you in my arms and make it all better. I'm not sure if you would have let me, and Alice was there. I let her take the role of your comforter. But I also suffered, Jasper. I never wanted you to have to feel that kind of pain. I know it was never easy for you to live our lifestyle, but I was proud of you every day for your effort. You had to struggle more so than the rest of us. It just showed how strong you were. Your mistakes made you try harder. But regardless of all that, I loved you. Do _you_ understand, darling?"

"I understand, Esme. I could always feel your sympathy and compassion when I slipped. Your love for me was overwhelming at time. I was uncomfortable with it and didn't know how to react. It had been a long time since I had felt a mother's love. It is a powerful thing. Please, Esme, never feel bad. It was never your fault. You did help me and help console me. I knew if I ever needed you, there would have been nothing that could have stopped you." We both laughed at the truthfulness of the statement.

"I have your love still and our relationship is better than ever. I am sorry it took me so long to realize it. I'm sorry it took me splitting with Alice to finally accept that love from you. But, I won't make that mistake again. I promise, Esme. Sometimes I may shy away from it because I know my actions are causing you pain, but never doubt that I love you," I implored.

"I won't, Jasper. I won't doubt your love for me. And you also had better realize, I won't hesitate to punish you. You may be grown and you may have been in a war, but I'm your mother!" Esme scolded me. I knew she wasn't kidding. I could hear the seriousness in her voice.

"Now the reason I called you was to see how you were doing. Have you made any progress, darling? Have you gone into town yet?" Even on the phone I couldn't hide from Esme.

"I'm sorry, Esme, but there still seems to be some kind of block. I want to go around people, and I know it is the only way I can build up my resistance. But for some reason, I can't seem to remove this block, no matter how much I fight it. It won't budge."

"I know it is hard, Jasper, but did you ever think you are blocking yourself. I am not blaming you, per se, but I think you have become so comfortable and complacent you don't want to try. If you never set yourself up for failure, you will never have to worry about falling. But with that, darling, comes the bad," she went on to explain. "You will never be able to realize how strong you are, and you will never be able to celebrate your accomplishments. I want you to feel that joy, Jasper. I want you to see you as I do." I didn't dare speak.

"When I think of you, son, I think of your love and devotion. I think of your strength and your determination to accomplish your goals. I think of my son who came from hell and built a new life for himself, who left everything he knew and understood behind, adapting to a new way of life. He may have not done it perfectly, but he still tried. Most days were a struggle, but his love for his family caused him to want to do better. That is just who you are, Jasper. This person you are now, I don't recognize. I want you to overcome your fears, Jasper. I want you to embrace life and not hide anymore. I'm scared of you becoming comfortable with this new life and never wanting to come home." . . .

"I miss you, and I know you need this time away; that is why I let you go. However, you have to start trying again. You do what you must so I can have my son back home. I want to see you for myself and the progress you have accomplished. I also want to take my son in my arms and tell him how much I adore him. So please, Jasper, I am asking as your mother, to try!" she pleaded, trying to hold back the sniffles from her voice.

_Well shit! There went my last defense._

Of course Esme was right. I had been holding myself back. I didn't want to have to face any failures. I didn't want to have to face my fears and put myself on the line. But after talking with Esme, I knew it was time. I couldn't hide anymore. A mother's disappointment was a hard thing to swallow.

"Okay, Esme, you win. It is time for me to start living. No more hiding from my fears and concerns. I need to start trying again. I promise I will try to do better. I will come home to you. I can't promise you it will be easy or soon, but I will try. I need to shake off the cobwebs and do better. So tomorrow I will start again. Thank you for calling me out on my shit; it really was what I needed."

"Anytime, darling." She sounded as a burden had been lifted from her throat. "You know I am always here to call you out on your shit!" The laughter fell easily from me. "That's what mothers are for. If you needed, I would have come there and taken you by the hand, leading everywhere you that was required. It would have been potentially embarrassing, but who the hell cares. I would have done it. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my children. I love you!"

Esme never cursed, but when she did it was funny as hell.

"I don't think that will be necessary, but I'll keep that in mind. I love you, Esme, and thank you for everything. I will keep you and Carlisle updated on my progress. A good ass kicking is just what I needed from my mom!" I teased.

"You got that right, mister, and if I hear you are not keeping up on your promises, you will have to deal with me in person. I can promise you, darling, it won't be pretty. I am going to let you keep your word to me, but please don't make me come out there, not that I don't want to. I just want you to do this on your own. I know it is something you crave." Esme just had all knowing intuition a mother had. It was freaky as hell.

"I will and thanks, again. I love you. I'll talk to so soon."

"Okay, son, and watch that mouth; don't let me hear you using that language. I get enough of it from Emmett. You are my good son. I love you too, and I can't wait to hear from you. I know you need to call Carlisle. He said I took too long and now he has to go to work because I monopolized your time. I am a mother and it is my right to comfort my children so you will just have to call him later."

Esme just put everyone in their place. It was one of the many reasons we loved and respected her.

After Esme and I said our goodbyes, I knew I had to keep my word. It was too late tonight, but after hunting tomorrow, I would be taking a day trip into the town. It was past due.

…

After an hour after my talk with Esme, the phone rang again. I was surprised as to who would be calling me. It wasn't Esme or Carlisle because I just talked to her, and Carlisle was at the hospital. I didn't think it was my siblings; they were told not to contact me. After taking another unneeded deep breath I looked at the caller ID.

Well paint mbe blue and call me Billy, what did that bitch want.

"Hello, fucker, are you done crying over the spilt milk?" How did he know?

"Hey, asshole, yes I'm finished and how did you know?" I stupidly asked him.

"Because I _know shit_, Jasper. You should already know that, or did all that raccoon blood addle your brain," the bitch answered. I knew there was a reason I didn't want to talk to him. "How do you know what people are feeling?" he continued, not giving me a chance to answer. "How do you alter people's emotions? Or did you really think you were just that charismatic, fucker?" Good old Peter. One could always count on him to ruin the mood.

"What can I do for you, bitch?" I asked. I was already sick of him. I loved Peter and he was my brother, but his timing stunk.

"I was wondering if you needed me to come to Maine; you know . . . to braid your hair, pull you into my arms, and tell you everything is going to be okay. Or do you need to suck on a tit, and be burped by your mommy? No offense against Esme. You know I love her," the ass tried to amend.

"No, bitch, I don't need you to come here, and my mommy already kicked my ass. Do you feel better now?"

"Not really." His voice switched from joking to downtrodden. It could only mean one thing . . . "I haven't gotten any in about a week." He answered me; BINGO. Could he never stay out of trouble?

"Charlotte is punishing me for playing skeet shoot with her dishes; supposedly it was her good china. What the hell we even need china for is beyond me."

I could hear Charlotte yelling in the back ground.

"No, dear, that doesn't excuse what I did. I love you," he whined to her. Talk about being a bitch that needed his mother. I laughed at his hardship.

"What, Petey, can't deal with wifey? Do you need me to talk to her for you? I bet you wish you had my gift now, don't you, asshole."

"Shut up, fucker!" he yelled, finally becoming agitated with me.

"Just buy her some new dishes and be done with it," I counseled him.

"I already did, but she said if she just gave in I wouldn't learn my lesson; whatever that shit means. I told her sorry and one would think that was enough, but never is enough with women. No sex for two weeks. I swear, man, my dick feels like it is about to fall off."

Did he not think Charlotte couldn't hear him? Again, like clockwork, I could hear her yelling at him. This was too funny. Who the hell needed a soap opera?

"No, honey, I wasn't complaining. My punishment was fair. I also know I have two hands and can take care of my own needs."

"But my hand never feels as good as . . ." he started to whisper under his breath, but she was still able to hear him.

"No, I won't finish that sentence. You know I respect you as a woman, Charlotte."

She had his balls firmly in her grasp. I couldn't help but laugh at him.

"Shut the hell up, bitch. Stop trying to get me in trouble with the wife." I did feel sorry for him and thought he paid enough for his earlier comments.

"Okay, Peter. So what can I do for you?" I asked him, getting to the crux of his call.

"I was just wondering if you needed anyone else to hold your hand. I know Esme handed your ass to you today, but I wanted you to know I'm available between the hours of ten a.m. to noon, Mondays and Wednesdays. It seems like my hand will otherwise be occupied on Fridays, so you will be on your own." I had absolutely no need for his hands.

"Very funny, Peter! I think I can take care of myself from now on, _as you will also be doing – all pun intended, bitch_. I don't need your soiled hands anywhere near me."

"Just thought I'd offer, but seriously, man, if you need Charlotte and me we'll be there. I know this has been a hard time for you, and I respect what you are doing. I don't understand it, but I still respect it." Peter could never understand feeding off of animals. But even in the vampire world, there were anomalies.

"Thanks, Pete, that shit means a lot to me. You may not understand my choice, but you accept it and try to support me. Even when I was living with you and Charlotte – after Alice and I split – you never questioned my choices, well not too much. You allowed me to do "my thing". I appreciate it, brother. You and Char were my first companions after being with that bitch, Maria. You guys are my family, and I love you."

"Thanks, fucker, I love you too." Peter could never stay serious for too long. But that was one of the things I appreciated most about him. I already got enough emotional support from Esme and Carlisle.

I could hear Charlotte yelling at him again. Today just wasn't his day. "Damn it, Charlotte!" he all but shrieked. I snickered, being the good brother I was. "That really hurt! There was no need to smack me with a damn frying pan. Now you are just going to have to buy a new one."

"It wasn't just a frying pan; it was cast iron, and next time, take things more seriously!" Charlotte scolded him. "Give me the phone."

"Hey, Jasper, honey, how are you doing?" She didn't give me a chance to answer before she continued. "Peter and I have been worried about you. And I know Peter has the emotional range of his dick, but he does care." I knew Char was the right woman for him.

"I'm doing a lot better, sweet tea. Esme and I talked earlier today. You know how she is. She made me realize it was time for a change." I explained to her.

"I know, Jasper. Esme loves you so much. She is a good mother to you. But if you need Peter and me to come, we will. There is no shame in that, honey. You are family and we do for family. Never feel like you can't ask us for something." And that was the reason I loved them so much.

"Thanks, sweet tea. That means a hell of a lot to me. As I was telling Peter, you are my family and I love you guys. If there is anything I could ever do for you, all you have to do is ask, gorgeous."

"I know, Jasper. And don't let my ass of a husband make you feel ashamed. There is nothing wrong with needing to hold your mama's hand. I wish I had an Esme. She is quite an amazing woman. Her love and strength is something we could all learn from."

"And, Jasper, just because I love you doesn't mean I won't knock your ass out with a frying pan either."

"Cast iron, you mean," Peter corrected her. "I love you, baby," he quickly added. I could only imagine the look she was giving to him.

"Anyway, I have enough money to buy a few thousand, just remember that. You better not break your promise to Esme, or else you will have me to deal with also. And yes, I know about the promise. Peter just _knows shit_." It was the common explanation. "But you keep in mind what I said," she finished.

"I will, Char. I don't need all you after me. I already knew it was time to start living again. I think after Carlisle left I started feeling inept and hopeless again. When you are around Carlisle, you feel you can accomplish anything. He just has this amazing faith and love in people. When he was here, I was constantly reassured of his feelings. His never ending love and faith sustained me for those three weeks. Then when he left, I started to feel empty again. It wasn't his fault, but that's what Carlisle is like. He gives you the strength without even realizing it. His constant reassurance was like a drug for me."

Anyway, thank you, sweet tea, for your love and threats; I know they come from the heart," I mock-jested with her. I meant every word I said.

"No problem, honey. Anytime you need an ass kicking, I'm here. You can join Peter. He cannot seem to stay out of trouble. Maybe I should call your sister Rosalie and ask how she puts up with Emmett," she spoke more to herself. I knew her and Rose could be great friends. "But just remember what I said. I love you, Jasper. I hope to hear from you soon. I'll let you talk to Peter now."

"Bye, Char," I said before she handed the phone over. "And try and take it easy with Peter . . . he can't help it. He was born something stupid. He may _know shit_, but he doesn't know your shit, sweet tea. Don't punish him too much." After Charlotte handed Peter the phone again, I remembered why he was always in trouble.

"Thanks for that, fucker. You know how to sweet talk the senoritas. Maybe you can give my ass a lesson on how to talk your way out of problems. Charlotte was ready to come and kick your ass."

Charlotte yelled again at Peter. The shit never got old. "I know you were going to kick my ass too, not just Jaspers, and I know I don't know when to keep my mouth shut. I love you, baby!"

"Ah, Peter, I see you haven't changed in the time I talked to your gorgeous wife. Nice to know some things never will."

"Shut up, bitch. You know you love me. I have saved your ass too many times to count. But you are my brother and I'm there for you. All you have to do is ask. There is nothing Charlotte and I wouldn't do. We are alive because of you. I owe you so much, my brother."

"You owe me nothing, Peter. Even if you did, it has already been paid in full. You and Char came back for me. You took me away from a life you know was slowly destroying me. I'm not sure how much longer I could have lasted in that environment."

"You're much stronger that you let yourself believe, brother. You are going to make it out of this struggle. Your control will be amazing, Jasper. You will overcome, and this period in your life will be over. You will not have to doubt yourself any longer. When you go through more shit and think you can't hack it anymore, remember what I just said. Trust in my word, Jasper. I would never lead you wrong on this." Peter may be an ass at times, and he may joke around a lot, but when I needed him he was there.

"I'll remember what you told me. Thanks for the heads up. I already knew it was going to be hard, but your faith and guidance in me will make things better."

I could hear Peter clearing his throat. He only did that when there was something he wanted to say, but wasn't sure if he should. I guess it was a tick he retained from his human life.

"Just say it, Peter," I encouraged him.

"Damn man you know me too well. I just want you to know I know of your promise to Bella." I was not expecting him to say anything about the little doe-eyed angel that made me question my life and finally helped to push me on the path I was on now.

"I know she wouldn't be mad at you, Jasper. We all make mistakes and we all have our crosses to bear. Bella is no different and she would understand, trust me on that. I know you have been wondering what she would think of you. You are not a monster, no matter what sins you commit or think you commit. It is natural for us to feed off of humans. Bella would understand that. All you need to remember is you did make her the promise to do better and to stop sitting on the fence. You have kept that promise so far, Jasper, and you will continue to. Never doubt, brother."

Bella was this beautiful secret to me. She was unknowingly there for me at one of my darkest moments. Her concern for me and her simple faith in all that was good, helped me to want to be a better person. After Alice, I felt like I had nothing left. I had Peter and Charlotte there, but they also had each other. Bella was there for me when I needed her the most. She was the spark I needed to light my way because I was drowning in the darkness.

In her time of need, she had worried about my sadness. If that selflessness didn't help to make anyone better, I didn't know what would. Her pure compassion and untainted view of the world was just what I needed to turn the corner. She had given to me the right amount of hope that I needed to start my life again, without Alice. I received purpose to my life. When I drained Shelly, I felt I had failed Bella. I failed in my promise to her. I failed her faith in me. I no longer was good enough for her compassion and worry.

"You're right, man, that has been something I have been struggling with," I whispered, still unsure of whether or not I wanted to admit her out loud. "There has no one to talk to because I haven't told anyone about her. It was such a private moment for me; I didn't want to share it with anyone. But don't feel bad for bring it up, Peter. It was something I needed to hear. I just ask you don't share it with anyone. Could you do that for me?"

"Sure, bitch." We were back to normal, and for that I was more than grateful. I would put up with all his "bitches" and "fuckers". "Then we can paint each other's toe nails and talk about all of the girls we have crushed on. But seriously, I won't tell anyone."

"Don't make me tell Charlotte about the dude at the bar in –" I started to threaten, but he cut in. His buttons were as easy to push as Emmett's.

"You wouldn't, fucker!" he yelled, I could hear the fear in his voice, "Even though we are vampires, you know you had a hard time telling the difference. I know, _I know things _with my gift, but my radar never went off that something was going to happen."

I knew just how to get him worked up. To be honest, I had thrown so much confusion at Peter that night he never would have been able to tell the difference anyway. But there was a limit to my honesty, and I wasn't going to tell him that. That was my little secret to have.

"Calm down. I won't say anything. We are all curious at some time."

"Shut the hell up. I don't care how much Charlotte or your whole motley crew loves you. I will throw you into a fire and find a way to piss on the ashes!" He wished. He was never able to best me, even with his freaky ass gift.

"Keep telling yourself that, Petey!" I laughed at him. "But, hey, man, I have to get going. I need to hunt before I go into town today. I appreciate you calling. Tell Charlotte I love her, and when she is ready for a real man she knows where to find me."

"I keep my woman plenty satisfied, bitch. She has no need for your little petty officer or whatever you call that miniscule dick of yours. But I'll pass the message on. And, Jasper . . ." he said, letting my name linger in the space between us.

"Remember what I said, you will be fine, and you will get through this. It will not be easy, but you will beat it. You are strong and you can kick this in the ass. I'm here for you, my brother, anytime. I'll talk to you soon."

After I got done talking to Peter, I had more hope than ever. My family was here for me. They loved me and would continue to love me no matter how much I would mess up. I was one lucky son-of-a-bitch. I didn't plan on disappointing them.

* * *

Author's Notes: I hope that was alright. Esme walked a hard line in this chapter. I knew she would be worried and understanding of Jasper, but she also wanted him to stop hiding from his problems. She needed to be caring and loving, but also firm with him. I hope I was able to find that balance. My mother is a lot like Esme. She comforts me when needed, but she will also call me out on my problems when she has too. It doesn't matter how old I am. She is an amazing woman.

Also with Peter, there is no explanation. He is what he is, and I would never want to change him. Charlotte also has all of that cooking equipment, because she likes to cook. It is one of her hobbies, even though there is no reason for it. I think we all doing things for no other reason than just doing them.

Much love like always.

_Posted: 22 May 2010_

_**Edited: 11 June 2011**_


	10. Another Tomorrow

Disclaimer: SM and affiliates own all that is Twilight. I just like to share Jasper sometimes. Emma is my little character. I hope you fall in love with her like I did. I also don't own the song 'Will You Be There', just borrowed the lyrics. No copyright infringement intended.

**Another Tomorrow**

Part Ten

It was time to go home. It had been two years since I seeing Bella. Two years filled with struggles, hardships, and difficulties, but completely worth it. As I continued my walk in Central Park, I relished the rainy day in the middle of August. I really had no destination in mind. Often times I would take strolls through the park, just people watching. My control was pretty good. I worked hard to ensure that what had happened almost a year and half ago to Shelly would never happen again.

I now hunted once every week and that was just to maintain myself. I could go longer, but I still wasn't ready to test the theory. It was probably a good thing I could sustain myself for that long because hunting around New York City wasn't easy, at least for us vegetarian vampires.

As the grey clouds rolled by in the sky, I sat down on a park bench and took in my surroundings. New York City really was a place unto its own. People said one either loved or hated it. I couldn't say I loved it, but at this time in my life, it seemed to fit. It was such a diverse city that had everything at your finger tips. If there was anything a person needed, I'm sure it could be found. What did I need in New York City? It was quite simple: I needed people.

When I first arrived, I needed to be around a lot of people. I had worked myself up from small, barely there towns, to something bigger each time I moved. When the time finally came for me to move to a big city, I narrowed my choices down to here and Boston. Both cities had their own beauties and each had individual attractions to offer, but New York just seemed like the right fit. I lived here for about four months and there had been no slips or close calls, for that matter. My hard work finally paid off.

All of the years and decades of struggles were a thing of the past for me. That's not to say my throat didn't flare when I was around humans because I still felt the burn, however, by channeling my thirst and thoughts to something else, I was able to manage myself. The burn that used to rule my life was now ruled by me. A large part of my success was Carlisle. Throughout the two years he had been my constant cheerleader. He always encouraged and pushed me when I needed it. He didn't allow me to second guess myself. Carlisle had become my mentor and a true father in all the ways which mattered. When I lived with him and the rest of the Cullen's, I always appreciated all he did for Alice and me, but I lived on the perimeter of our family. I seemed to be the black sheep, the human drinker. My past and my adversities made me fundamentally different from them. I had never taken advantage of Carlisle's guidance and past experiences. Now that he was such an integral part of my life, I often wondered how different things would have been today if I had let him into my life, allowing him to guide and influence me from the beginning. Those were questions that would never be answered.

Bella had been the start, and now she was the beginning of my ending journey to control what I had thought was impossible. She had and would always be the initial driving force to my motivation. From our first meeting under a star-studded sky to my current thoughts, Bella was never far away. We had a bond that would never fade. It took me a while and a very disastrous mistake to learn that nothing could really damper that bond. On the first year anniversary of meeting Bella, I remembered going to a secluded location and pouring out my emotions about what had happened. I released my feelings in a positive manner, and I remember the words I wrote that day, which seemed so long ago.

…

_One Year Anniversary of Jasper and Bella's Meeting _

_I took my guitar, my journal, and a blanket to my favorite spot by the river. The sun decided to shine again today, trying to warm my soul and heal it. It was just as well it shined today because I wasn't going into town. As I lay down beneath the sun's rays, I closed my eyes, letting the heat soak into my cold body. The sun seemed to heat right to my soul, healing the parts that hadn't closed all the way. The sun was the reason for life and it seemed to bring my soul out of obscurity and into that life. It wasn't very often that my kind was able to enjoy the fire-star, but when I did, it brought warmth and clarity to my mind. _

_As my lids closed, Bella's face appeared in my mind's eye. I pictured that night and all that happened. I thought about the turning point in my life, about my hunger and the burn I felt that night. I thought about Bella's eyes, how I could almost read into her soul as it cried out to mine. I always wondered how a little girl of ten was able to have such a profound impact on me. Perhaps saving the life of a person creates a bond between the individuals that is unbreakable. Opening up my eyes, I looked around me and enjoyed the peace I felt in this time. For once, I almost felt healed, somewhat whole; my ghosts were quieted in this moment, allowing me solitude. I pulled out my journal and wrote what my mind and heart were screaming to say. _

_My hand flew across the clean pages, marking them with all the struggles and opinions which subsided in me. _

_.~~._

"_What it is that connects people together? What is it that brings two people together in one place, one time, and in one shared experience? Some call it fate and destiny while others call it coincidence. Some believe it is a divine intervention or a higher power, leading one down their chosen path. I'm not sure what it is, but I am thankful for the intervention. I am not proud of my actions that almost hurt Bella, I would never be proud of that moment; it was one of my darkest experiences. I had just lost Alice, the driving force that propelled my existence. None of these are excuses or reasons; it was just the way my life was at the time. It was one of the hardest times and I wasn't taking proper care of myself. _

_When I came upon Bella, I only thought with my instincts, how a predator sees it prey; my next meal. When I finally realized she was only a child, I wanted to kill myself. I always had one cardinal rule for and that was to never harm a child. I would end my own existence before I had ever harmed a little one. They were never to be thought of as my next meal. I hated myself because I couldn't even do one thing right. I let myself make excuses as to why it was okay for me to even eat this human. In that moment I just didn't give a fuck. Her smell was so mouth watering and delicious. It would never rank anywhere near Shelly's, nevertheless, I was hungry and wanted that blood, nothing was going to stop me, or so I had thought. _

_After realizing Bella was a child, I wanted to rid myself of her smell and the vile thoughts about draining her. After I gagged and sobbed, I heard the voice of an angel. It was a sound I would never forget. Her concern was astounding, her love pure. _

_Before her eyes fluttered closed, I took one more look into her untainted brown, doe-eyes. I wanted to keep that image with me forever. It was in that moment I had promised her I would get off the fence and try to be better. I needed to stop flip-flopping. I needed to stop making lame excuses for my lack of control, finally learning how to take responsibility for the monster that resided in me. Bella had also given me a new drive, an objective to try and strive toward. My soul seemed to accept this challenge. It just wanted something to cling to, and I held onto it for dear life. I didn't want to drown anymore. I wanted and needed to learn to swim again. _

_When I was finished putting Bella into a deep sleep, and gently kissed her head, the promise that was in my soul seemed to become one. I felt warm inside for that single second and then it was over. But I knew that something had been irretrievably changed for good. Even after the disastrous six months that followed, and I was once again surrounded in darkness, my soul embraced her promise. It may have been lost in that darkness, but it was always there. When I killed Shelly I thought I had lost that part of my soul forever, tainting the most precious part of me. Bella's part, however, wouldn't let me forget. With Shelly's sacrifice and Carlisle's guidance, her part of my soul was able to grow again and flourish in the cleanliness. I knew there was more to do, but my experience with an angel-child helped me to change for the better._

_I never knew if I would see Bella again or if our lives would cross again, but I would always carry a part of her with me, the most beautiful and innocent part." _

_.~~._

…

As my mind shifted from Bella, I thought of the last person who had helped me the most on my long passage, the one who suffered the ultimate sacrifice: Shelly. As my journey was now completing, I pondered on the profound impact she had on my transformation. Six months had passed since the anniversary of her passing and I thought about how I spent the day, commiserating her life. It was a day similar to Bella's, and a day that I wouldn't forget with my infallible memory.

…

One Year Anniversary of Shelly's Death

_Pennsylvania this time of year was cold. Snow clung to the branches of the trees and covered the ground in a blanket of white. To me, it represented purity and cleanliness. Shelly's resting place was undisturbed except by my presence. The sun reflected off the snow and my skin. The sky was blue, white puffy clouds drifted along without a care in the world. I watched the sun reflect of my skin, taking in all of the scars I had accumulated over the years. They were a sign of my battles and struggles. They represented my past life and all I had to live through. _

_My former life was hell, plain and simple, but it was all I had ever known. My skin was a testament to that life. I had detested my scars for so long. They were a constant reminder of the sins I had committed and the hell I raised. They were still painful for me to look at, but I now realized they were also a sign of my accomplishments. I fought through the quagmire of hell to get to where I was today; it was a good place. I had the love and support of my family and friends, I had a life I was somewhat proud of, and I had gone against all I was taught since my infancy and rose above it. _

_As I sat down next to her grave, I __contemplated on one of my greatest sins. I had no scar on my skin representing Shelly, but a scar that was deeply carved into my very soul. It was a blemish that would never fade. I pulled out my journal and pondered what I wanted to write today. I decided to let my heart write the words on the blank page._

_.~~._

"_Today is the year anniversary of me taking your beautiful life, Shelly. Three hundred and sixty five days of anguish, mistakes, and triumphs. These accomplishments came at a heavy price that I wish you never had to pay. Because of my weakness and inability to restrain myself, you had to pay the ultimate price: your life. You never will know the depths of sorrow I felt in what I did. There will never be a justification for what I did, and I would never make an excuse. Your life was yours to live, and I never had a right to take that away from you. That night after I took your life, I cradled your body. I wanted to breathe life back into you. I wanted to switch placed with you. I know that it was a hopeless cause, but I tried nonetheless._

_I had gone six months in a sea of turmoil and pain. I had little purpose in my life, the only thing I had was a promise to a little angel to try. She had given me a new direction, but the night I took your life it wasn't enough. I was struggling with myself; I felt like I was losing the only light I left in my cold dark soul. The only light I had came from that little angel and I couldn't lose it. I made bad choices based on desperation and need to hold on to that light._

_I knew my thoughts made no sense, Shelly, and they were crazy, but at the time they made sense to me. The fog that captured my mind told me my thoughts were sane, and the monster within me agreed. It clung to these thoughts and pushed my sane judgments further from my mind. I knew this was happening that day and I needed to hunt. I wish I had just gone straight to the woods, pushing those horrid notions from my mind and embraced the thoughts that made sense. I wish I was a different person and lived in a different place. _

_The thing I regret most is my lack of control. There were all of these reasons why I did what I did, but none of those reasons take away my lack of control. I had decades to learn, but I never took the opportunity. Now that I know what it feels like to hold down the monster that tries to take over me, I know that night I still would have killed you. I'm so sorry to have to admit it, Shelly. I wish I could lie and say it would never have happened, but I just can't. _

_You were my ultimate turning point in my journey. Alice led me to the path, my little angel gave me the push off of the fence to walk down that path, lighting it with her internal goodness. And you, Shelly, you gave me the determination and the strength of mind to finally pull my head out of my ass. _

_To many times I made excuses for the things I did, but when I took your life, those excuses stopped. I finally took responsibility for all of the fucked up shit I did over the years. Please forgive my language; my mother would have my hide if she knew I wrote this. But it truly describes the pain and loss I created. _

_That morning when I left you for good, I ended up in Maine and my rock found me. My father is this incredible person who loves with his entire being; he posses the most compassion of anyone I know and that include my mother Esme. His capacity to love is so immense it sometimes blinds me. He helped me to not take your life for granted. He made me realize I couldn't change the past, but could learn from my mistakes. I could take the lessons you learned in your life and apply them to mine. I am sorry because I read your journal and I also let Carlisle read it, but I wanted him to know the amazing person you were. He agreed of course. _

_When he finally left, I knew what I had to do. I couldn't let your sacrifice go to waste. I needed to finally overcome the demon within and learn what I always knew. It was a hard journey, filled with places and events that have helped to carve out the creature that is sitting beside you today. It wasn't always easy, but everything I did after you was worth it. _

_You, Shelly . . . you were the foundation that I was able to build all of these experiences and memories on. You were my most defining moment. You completely stripped my soul and made me take the closest look. You made me bare enough to see all of the things I used to excuse my behavior; you took it away and left me a blank canvas to paint a beautiful picture on._

_I could truly never apologize to you for taking your life. My repentance will never be complete because I cannot give you back your life, and for that I will always be eternally sorry. I can only make restitution for the life I took from you. I know it will not be the same, but it is the only thing I can offer. I hope I can bring something worthwhile into this world and try to take away some of the ugliness._

_I want to thank you, Shelly, for all of the wonderful things you accomplished. You set an example for me to base my life on. Your journal is one of my greatest possessions, something to always cherish it. Nothing will ever make up for my many, many mistakes, but all I can do is try. The promise I made to that little angel will continue to give me the strength I need to keep trying. _

_I do love you." _

_.~~._

_There was more I wanted to write, but my mind became blank. My heart had purged its pain, and even though it would never be whole, Shelly helped to close the fracture a little. She was another one of those stars in my sky that had my destiny written there. I lay back in the snow and started to move my arms and legs. When I stood up, I saw my perfect snow angel, shaped in the lush, white ground. I moved to the other side and sat down again. I pulled out my favorite book, turning to one of the pages I loved and read aloud. _

Shelly's Journal Entry

"_When I was a teenager I will admit it, I loved Michael Jackson. He was this amazing performer that got the country dancing to 'Thriller'. His music inspired generations and people all over the world. I was one of those people who knew all the dance moves and lyrics to his songs. I am just glad that no one can see me in this moment, my face is beet red. It is so embarrassing to admit that even in the privacy of my journal. But there is a reason to my madness. I write this embarrassing detail for a reason. _

_One of his songs inspired me in one of my darkest moments. When my mother died it was the worst. She was my best friend. When I was younger, I adored her. She was my role model and my mentor. When kids were looking up and aspiring to be Madonna and others like her, I was trying to be like my mother. She was the world to me. What she said was law and her advice was like my bible. She was such an amazing woman. She would listen to me when I was sad. She would comfort me in my pain, usually kissing away my problems. No one would ever compare to the person she was. I loved my father and though had a great relationship, mother was my everything. _

_Of course when I made the wrong choices and caused trouble, she would punish me. The punishments were fair, but filled with love. I deserved what I got. My mother always said our actions have consequences and the way we handled those consequences said a lot about the person we were. She told me to never get stuck in the shadow of my mistakes; let the light shine and it would burn away all that was bad. She loved me for all that I was and accepted me for me. I wish everyone could have someone who was as amazing and wonderful as her. _

_The day she died was completely unbearable. I thought I would never go on. My depression took me over completely; there was nothing to be done. My light was gone and I needed her by my side. I needed her love and her comfort. I needed her arms around me, telling me everything was going to be fine and my life still had a purpose. One day – for some reason – I was listening to the radio. I was never sure how it was turned on, but I heard Michael Jackson singing. It brought me back to my youth and my beautiful memories of my mother. She would laugh at my dancing, but she was a good sport. She would be right by my side, dancing with me. She was never shy about making me happy. She would have done anything. After I was done reminiscing I started listening to the lyrics to the song "Will You Be There". I heard the words that helped me to come out of my depression. _

'_**In our darkest hour, In my deepest despair, Will you still care? Will you be there? In my trials And my tribulations, Through our doubts, And frustrations , In my violence, In my turbulence, Through my fear, And my confessions, In my anguish and my pain, Through my joy and my sorrow, In the Promise of another Tomorrow, I'll never let you part, For you're always in my heart'.**_

_Tears poured out of my eyes and I cried so hard. I cried for my mother and her comfort that only a mother can give. I had missed her so much when she left me. But then after time, I realized my mother would always be with me because she was 'always in my heart'. I carried her everywhere I went. Her life and her memories would always live on in me. Her wishes for my life and her happiness in all I accomplished were imprinted on my soul. My mother would always be my best friend. Mr. Jackson had it right. I would always miss her, but I would always have her. _

_I got up the next day and started living my life. There would be moments of weakness and hurt, but with every step I took into the future and every breath I took to sustain my life, I would be okay. It was the lesson my mother was always trying to teach me: the sun would always come out. It may not be tomorrow or the day after, but it would come out and shine on me and she would be there smiling. _

_I just hope the sun doesn't come out tomorrow because then I will have a reason not to go to the gym. :D Just joking, maybe I will get out my thriller CD." _

…_._

Back to Present Time

The thunder rolling in the distance shook me from my thoughts. It started to drizzle. People started taking out their umbrellas and picking up their pace. Finally going home was going to be difficult, but I was ready. I was ready to be with my family, I had missed them very much. It's true what one says about being absent, It really did make the heart grow fonder, even mine that hadn't beat in over a century. The most challenging part would be seeing Alice. Not only would I be seeing her, but we would be living together. I wasn't in love with Alice anymore and she was no longer the center of my world, but I still cared for her very deeply. I still didn't understand why we couldn't be together, but I respected her decision. I would never force her to be with me. I knew what it felt liked to be forced into something.

Home had been calling to me these last few weeks, and since then I had been preparing myself to face her. I was strong enough to rejoin my family as a real member. I would no longer be a hindrance to them. I would be their equal. Carlisle couldn't tell me enough about how proud he was of his son. He told me about telling everyone in the hospital he worked in his son was finally coming home. He sure did know how to lay on the guilt. So, as I prepared myself to return to the fold, I began to wrap up the life I had built for myself. I put in my notices and now it was finally time. Believe it or not, I was active in my community. After long talks with Carlisle and making sure I was absolutely ready, I (now hold your breath) volunteered at the local children's hospital.

I volunteered three days a week at St. Jude Children's Hospital. I started volunteering seemingly out of nowhere. I was talking to Carlisle on the phone in early June. He was telling me about an article he had read that was written by a gentleman who volunteered his time at a children's hospital. This man said it was one of the most fulfilling things he ever accomplished. Carlisle then went on to say he wish he had more time to work in the children's ward in Forks.

It struck me like lightening; I had been wondering what I could be doing more of. I had been in New York City for a couple months, and I seemed to be missing something in my life. I asked Carlisle whether he thought it would be prudent of me to serve at one of the children's hospitals in the city. After much debate, Carlisle felt I was ready to be in an atmosphere like that. Carlisle called around and found out St. Jude's was looking for more volunteers in the cancer ward. I called them, filled out the necessary paper work, got the necessary references, and was taken on board.

Carlisle flew out and accompanied me my first day on the job. I felt like a child being lead by his father to his first day of school. Nonetheless, I was happy he agreed to accompany me. After the first week of training and Carlisle with me every step of the way, I was ready. The first time at the hospital without him was nerve-racking, but after the day was over I knew I would be alright. These were little souls that were battling for their lives. Being around them had made me a better being. I found strength and hope in their courage and continued strength. Some of the children were more scared than others, but the majority of them were hopeful. The children were beyond beautiful, and I knew leaving them would be difficult.

I also knew leaving New York City would be tough, but I was ready. Watching these children's struggles and watching the parents that wept and hoped for their children's wellbeing gave me the strength I needed to face the last of my demons, my unfinished business with Alice.

I was most especially going to miss Emma. She reminded me of Bella a lot. She had the same long brown hair except her was lighter. She also had these beautiful, soulful hazel eyes. On my last day, I had gone up to her room.

_"Hey, Jasper, how are you today?" she asked as I entered her room._

_"I'm fine, sweetie. How are you feeling today?"_

_"Mommy says the doctor said I'm doing much better. Can you believe that Jasper?" She smiled at me._

_"Of course I can, sweetie. You only have good things in your future!" I told her while waving my arms like I was looking into a crystal ball._

_"You're so silly. Jasper, can I ask you a question?" She looked at me shyly._

_"Shoot," I told her._

_"Why did you look so sad when you came into my room? You are too pretty to look so sad."_

_At this I couldn't help but laugh. It never stopped to amazing me how perceptive children were, especially Emma. Before I going to the hospital that day I had finished packing my apartment and was preparing for my return home._

_"Well thank you, sweetie, but I am not nearly as beautiful as you. But yes I was kind of sad. I was thinking about my family and how long it has been since I've seen them," I explained._

_"Why is that, Jasper? Don't you miss your mommy, daddy, brothers and sister?"_

_"Of course I miss them, but sometimes things happen that we have no control over. The best thing to do is figure out what is best for you and your family. At the time it was best that I leave. I needed to be on my own for a while. It has been a while though since I have seen them. My dad and mom visit me sometimes, but I haven't seen the rest of my family in a while!"_

_"Wow! Has anyone ever told you, you are really honest! Usually when I ask an adult a question they pat my head and try to brush me off." Again I laughed at her statement. She was just too adorable._

_"But, Jasper, I think you should go home. I'm sure your family misses you. Probably your mommy misses you the most. I know if you were my brother I would really be sad if I didn't get to see you!"_

_Talk about a heart breaker. After it took me hours of debating with myself on whether or not I should go home, a little eight year old breaks it down it two sentences. And people thought children were too simple-minded to know anything about adult problems, myself included._

_"Same here, sweetie, I would love to have a sister like you. But I think you're right; it is time for me to go home. It's been a long time coming. But, I hope you know how much I'm going to miss you!" I whispered to her, while playing with her stray hairs._

_"I know, Jasper. I'm going to miss you too! You have been such a good friend to me." When she was finished tears started leaking out of her eyes._

_"Don't cry, sweetie, you won't even have time to miss me. From what I hear, you will be going home soon. I couldn't be happier for you." I wiped the tears that ran down her cheek._

_She giggled, "Your hands are always so cold. But I will miss you. If I were 15 years older I would make you my boyfriend and never let you go home to your family." Again I chuckled at her statement._

_"You don't want me. You could do so much better! But I better be going. You are supposed to be sleeping, and if someone catches me in here, I could get you in trouble. We don't want that now do we?"_

_"No, sir, but remember what I said, Jasper. Don't be scared to go home. Remember the story of the prodigal son in the Bible" I gave her a small nod. "He was welcomed home with open arms."_

_How the hell an eight year old knew that story amazed me, but then again, she was right._

_Before I left, I gently leaned over and kissed Emma on her forehead. I wasn't sure if I would ever see her again, but knew I would never forget her._

_I'm not sure what it was about little girls in my world, but they seemed to have a penchant for saving me._

_Emma closed her eyes, and just as she was on the brink of sleep and dreams, she whispered, "I'll miss you, Jasper!"_

_I turned around and answered her back, "I'll miss you too, sweetie."_

The rain drops were now coming down in big fat drops, molding my wet clothes to my skin. Some people were looking at me, feeling like I was crazy to be sitting in this weather. I figured they were right. I got up from the bench and started the walk back to my apartment. The rain felt somewhat ironic. Some viewed the rain as a cleansing, washing away all that was unclean, and bringing new life. It provided life and made things grow. Water was essential to everyday existence; it was a continuous cycle.

My life had been hard and my problems endless, but the past two years had been my cleansing. My strength was displayed in my everyday decisions, my mind was clear and sharp, and my past always a reminder of my future. The journey to control my thirst was over, with that brought a new lease to my life. The only thing remaining in the uncharted waters of my life was facing my family once more.

I thought of Emma and her final advice to me, _"Remember what I said, Jasper, don't be scared to go home. Remember the story of the prodigal son in the Bible; he was welcomed home with open arms."_ I guess we were about to see how right she was.

* * *

Author's Notes: Well, his solo journey is finally over, and the only unfinished business is . . . well you have to wait and read, but I'm sure you already have an idea. Some of you who have read this chapter may not have liked it or may have thought it repetitive, but I say that is unfortunate. I needed Jasper to explain in his own words and thoughts what he was going through and feeling. His journal gives us insight into what his narration doesn't about his thinking process. I wanted to tie up all the loose ends of the first part of the story.

Emma was a doll to write. She was a lot like Bella, and I believe that is why Jasper was so attached to her while working at the hospital. I just wanted to write a little scene about their relationship. I know it may seem out of place in the chapter, but I thought it fit in nicely with his final thoughts and his ending journey.

Well I think that is all I have to say. If you have any questions, you are always free to ask. I reply to all reviews and PM's. I hope you have enjoyed the first part of Jasper's journey, and hope you stick around for the next part . . . Bella. Yea! One more chapter to go before her appearance. Thanks to all those who reviewed, added this story to their alerts/favorites, and took the time to read. You're all amazing.

Much love!

_Posted: 27 May 2010_

_**Edited: 16 June 2011**_


	11. Welcome Home

Disclaimer: SM and affiliates own all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Note: This chapter is the closing door to Jasper's old life, and the beginning to the second half of the story. Bella will be in the next chapter, YEA! I hope you like this chapter; it wasn't really my favorite, but still necessary. Of course not feeling well will make you hate just about everything.

**Welcome Home**

Part Eleven

The eleventh hour was before me. I was about an hour away from Forks, and I was getting anxious. After talking with Carlisle on the phone earlier in the week, he informed me the family was back in Forks, Washington. I wasn't with the Cullen's the first time they resided there, so I was eager to see the house. From what Esme confided it had always felt like home to them. She said the family was finally together again and the only thing missing was me.

Emmett and Rose had gone on another honeymoon of some sort, not long after I left. They often did that, and quite frankly it wasn't something I wanted to be thinking about. I got enough of Emmett and Rose's lust when I was at home. Carlisle told me that everyone was enrolling at the local high school and would be starting the day after Labor Day, which was in a couple days.

I didn't really need to hunt, but decided to stop anyway. I needed the time to clear my head and center myself. I pulled my Infiniti QX56 on the side of the road and got out. Carlisle warned me that it rained constantly here, thus making it perfect for vampires. I shut the driver side door and stretched my body. There really was no need for the action, but it was one the human habits I picked up somewhere in my travels.

I walked into the woods and took in a deep breath. There was so much moisture in the air I felt like I was inhaling water. I could smell and hear a few deer about two miles to the east. I took off running, allowing my senses take over, but never all the way. While hunting, I learned to retain some level of control and awareness. I never wanted a repeat of my darkest hours. After taking down three deer and disposed of their carcasses, I sat down on a fallen tree. I took in my surroundings. I was so close to my family. After two years and only seeing Carlisle and Esme, I was ready to see everyone else.

Carlisle told me everyone was excited to see me. They were anxious to learn what I had been up to these last couple of years. Everything Carlisle and I discussed was private and wasn't shared with anyone else. This was not easy to do with a family full of vampires. Our family had no secrets. Eventually, everything always came out into the open. I asked Carlisle not to say anything, because I wanted to tell them myself. I didn't want Carlisle to have the burden of telling everyone about my weaknesses and failures; he didn't deserve that obligation, even though he would have taken it willingly.

The only other ones who knew were Alice and Edward, and that was only because of their talents. Carlisle assured me they hadn't discussed it with anyone else. I knew his word was law in the house so I had nothing to fear. I stood up from the tree and started to make my way to the truck. Did I mention how much I loved my baby? I just bought it a year ago. I loved Infiniti's. They were so kick ass. As I got back on to the road I knew I had about another hour before I literally came face to face with my past.

…

As I pulled onto the road that led to the house, I took an unnecessary breath to help settle my nerves. I thought of Bella's brown eyes and the worry she had for her mother. I thought of her selflessness in her time of need, and I thought of her worry for me. Thinking about Bella always helped to calm me. It brought me to a time and place that was both dark and endless for me. But in thinking about that time, I knew that if I could survive that, I could survive facing my family and Alice. I pulled up to the house, and noticed it was more like a mansion. It was a huge white house with three levels. There were windows everywhere and I could see why Esme loved it so. Even though it was big, the house screamed "welcome home".

When I approached the front door, I took in the emotional climate of the individuals of the house. It was so strange. I only seemed to be picking up on one being. They were weighed down by fear, happiness, and anxiousness. It was a good thing they were a vampire or I was afraid they would explode. The only other person I recalled feeling such ranges of emotions was Bella. How she was able to withstand it with her frail human body was beyond me.

Carlisle assured me the family would be here to welcome me, but I guess someone had different plans. No matter how long I was away from Alice, I would always be able to sense her. I could hear her breathing rapidly, reassuring herself she could do this. I figured this time was as good as any, I put my hand on the door knob and turned. When I walked into the foyer I couldn't see her, but as I made my way into the living room, there she was. From what little I had seen of the house, Esme had done a wonderful job. The back wall was completely taken up by a bank of windows. The walls were painted a muted off white color that seemed to sooth the soul. The furniture was done in complementary colors that blended in with the room. There was a huge sixty inch screen TV facing the couch with every game imaginable. No need to guess who that belonged too. For some reason I couldn't picture Carlisle and Esme playing some video game. There were two chairs opposite the couch facing each other. A large grand piano in the corner completed the room.

Sitting in one of the chairs opposite the couch was Alice. She had yet to look at me. She had her knees drawn up to her chest with her arms wrapped around them. Her head was laid on the top of her arms. I couldn't see her face. There really was no need; I knew every curve, line, and texture to her beautiful face. I knew all of the different faces she made and what they meant. I knew that when she had a crease between her eyebrows, she was thinking hard about the latest sale that was about to happen. I knew when a slight smile she was trying to keep from appearing on her face, she was thinking about something funny Emmett had done to provoke Edward; usually it was because he called him Eddie, a name he detested. And most of all I knew when her eyes glazed over and her face became blank she was having a vision. That was the look I liked the least. That was the look, which changed my entire life.

I really couldn't take the silence anymore. I approached her slowly, not wanting to frighten her. Alice lifted her head and looked into my eyes. I was immediately taken back to the last time I had seen her. I remembered every word spoken, every touch felt, and every sound uttered. I remembered the look of devastation and loss on her face. But most of all, I remembered her feelings of grief and acceptance. Today Alice was feeling some of those feelings, but to a much lesser degree. I looked at her face and saw she had a slight smile playing on her lips. It was in this moment and after two years of separation that she finally spoke.

"Hey, Jazz. Long time no see, huh!"

Out of all the word combinations and all the scenarios I ran through my head, this was not what I expected. To be honest, I was not sure what to expect. It wasn't my gift to see future possibilities. Alice continued to stare at me, waiting for me to talk. I ran my hands through my hair, which was something I did when nervous.

"Yeah, Alice, it's been a long time," I answered her, my voice a little shaky from my nerves. "So what have you been up to since I last saw you?" For some reason, I felt this overwhelming need to laugh. Everything was just so awkward. This was not how I picture our reunion.

_I would come through the door. My family would all greet me with hugs and pats on the backs. I would see Alice, everyone would become uncomfortable, and Emmett would make a stupid ass joke to break the tension and receive a slap in the back of the head from Rose. The room would clear out. Alice would start crying and apologize for breaking me. I would embrace her, telling her it was okay. We would then talk about what happened and then decide to be friends. Life would return to what we made it. _

This silence and discombobulatedatmospherewas uncomfortable to say the least.

"I know, Jazz. This is so weird. I'm not really sure what to say or do. I feel like I am constantly spinning and it's never going to stop!" Well that was a surprise to me.

"What, are you kidding? The all seeing and powerful Alice doesn't know what is going on?" I teased her. Alice stuck her tongue out at me and shook her head.

"Shut up, Jazz. You know what I mean," Alice tinkled, and just like that some of the tension faded. I walked further into the room and sat on the couch, taking a look around. It really was a beautiful place.

"So," I started to say, "How many playstation's has Emmett broken recently?" Alice just giggled.

Too many for me to count." I guess it was a good thing Alice knew when to play the stock market, or all of Carlisle's salary would have gone towards video game equipment.

"I am sorry, Jasper, for everything," Alice whispered. I knew she was. I could feel her remorse. It was covering me like an overheated blanket.

"I truly never meant to hurt you. If I could have taken your pain and struggles these last two years and made them mine, I would have, but then you wouldn't be the person sitting here that you are today." I could feel the truthfulness of every word in her statements. Alice loved me and wanted nothing but the best.

"Thanks, Ali, that means so much to me. I know we didn't leave things on the best of terms."

"I know, Jazz, and I am sorry for that also. I didn't know what else to do. There were so many visions come at me. I felt like the walls were coming at me from all sides. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you in any way. I wish things could have been different for us." Again, I felt the truth of her statements. Alice never wanted to hurt anyone.

I never took the time to realize how much she was hurting. Alice had a way of hiding some of her emotions from me so I wouldn't worry about her. It never really worked too well, but sometimes she would get lucky, and pass something over my head.

"I'm sorry too, Alice," I started to say but was cut off.

"You have nothing to apologize for. You didn't do anything. It was me who turned your world upside down, leaving you alone to figure everything out. I was the one who changed everything. But I swear to you, Jasper, if there was any other way I would have tried to find it." Alice was partially right; she had changed everything and turned my world upside down. But she was also wrong; I did owe her an apology.

"You're wrong, Ali, I do own you an apology. I knew how much you were hurting. I could feel it with each breath you took. Even with the emotions you tried to hide from me, it never worked. I think you underestimate my gift at times." Alice threw me a sad smile. "But as I was saying, I never tried to lessen your pain. I let you live through hell those last couple of weeks. I was angry for you not confiding in me. I wanted to know why you were avoiding me. I felt like I had the right to know . . ." Alice interrupted me again.

"You did have the right to know, Jazz. I just didn't know how to tell you!"

"Regardless, Alice, I should have never let you suffer so much. You were in more pain than me, but I wanted you to hurt like I was. I was such a selfish bastard. I hope you will be able to forgive me for not making any of it easier on you." Alice just got up from her chair and sat next to me on the couch.

"There is nothing to forgive, but if it makes you feel better, I do!" At this statement, Alice grabbed my hand. I wasn't sure what I was expecting to feel, but what I did amazed me. I felt comforted and loved. I felt that there was hope for us. With time we were going to be okay.

"I hope in time we can become friends, Jazz. I don't want to lose you again! It was hell without you, but I know you needed the time away to start your own path and destiny."

I'm not really sure what Alice meant about starting my destiny, I thought I already had, but I figured I would find out in time. "Sure, Ali, I'd like to be friends again. Let's take it slowly, see where each day takes us, okay?"

Alice squealed and hugged me. She was never this easy to please when were together. I hugged her back before pulling away. It was still a little awkward.

"Thanks, Jazz, but I should probably tell you we will be friends again. Sorry, buddy." I laughed at her antics. It was nice to see Alice a little happy and content. But then, I also realized I would have to get use to her visions again. I lived without them for two years, and it had been liberating. Never knowing what was going to come, being allowed to make my own mistakes, and learning on my own time. Her visions were a side effect with living with the Cullen's, something to be tolerated. It didn't mean I liked them one bit.

"You are an evil, little pixie; you know that right!" Alice stuck her tongue out at me again and giggled.

"I know, but you still love me!" At these words Alice froze and started to become unsure of the situation. I wanted to put her at easy.

'You're right, Alice, I do love you. Okay. Never doubt my love for you. It may not be the love we shared while together, and it may not be that all consuming love I felt for you, but my love for you is still there. It's just taken another form." Alice looked as if she would cry; I was no good at these situations.

"Thanks, Jazz. I love you too. Never doubt."

I didn't doubt her. I could feel her love flowing around us, and it was strong. Alice had always loved strongly and fiercely, it was just who she was.

"So, Jazzy," she started and reminded me how much I hated that nickname. I held my tongue. "What would you like to do? The others aren't expected back for another hour. I wanted us to be alone. I wanted to give us the chance to clear the air somewhat. I hope you don't mind."

"That fine, Alice. I actually appreciate you doing that. I'm also glad we got the chance to do it alone without an audience, and by that I do mean Emmett." Alice laughed and stood up. "Would you like a tour of the house?"

"Sure, let's go." I finally agreed. Our problems weren't magically fixed, but by clearing the air a little, we were able to move on and learn to coexist with each other. We just had to take it a day at a time.

Alice skipped out of the room and started the grand tour in the kitchen. I wondered if the girl had an internal coffee machine that gave her so much energy.

The kitchen was just as beautiful as the living room, but I expected nothing less. There were granite counters, stainless steel appliances. The cabinets were dark wood with glass fronted doors. The floor was a travertine tile on a diagonal pattern. It was clean from top to bottom, but of course we hardly ever used it. Alice showed me the dining room next; there was the table from the other house. Esme loved her antiques. We then checked out the second floor. It had all of our rooms except for Emmett and Rose's, and for that I was grateful. My bedroom and study were right next to each other. They were decorated in light blue with tones of grey. It was very masculine, but not overly so. Esme had done an amazing job, and my favorite thing in the room was the bed, believe it or not. It was an oak sleigh bed. It was centered in the room with a sofa at the footboard. It had grey bedding with blue stripes running horizontally. On the dresser was a 45'' TV.

My study had two leather club chairs, a few tiffany lamps on the desk in front of the window and two places on the side tables next to the chairs. The shelves housed all of my books that I left at the old house. It was so nice to be among my possessions again.

On the third floor was Carlisle study and the sex fiend's bedroom. Carlisle study was classic. He had hundreds of books on the shelves. A massive desk was on the far wall facing the door, two club chairs were place in front of the fire place. He also had two wing back chairs place in front of his desk. He always wanted everyone to be comfortable.

We made our way back down stairs and to the living room. I took a seat on the couch, taking the time to look out the window. The view was unbelievable. It felt like we were living outside. Everything was so green, many different shades. I don't think I would ever tire of the view. Alice sat down next to me and grabbed my hand. As I turned my attention to her, she took a breath before asking me the question that was on her mind.

"How hard was it really, Jazz? I was able to see some of the time what was happening, but I couldn't tell how you were feeling. If it is too painful just forget I even asked the question." I looked her in the eyes. I use to be able to lose myself them, but that didn't happen anymore. I also didn't want to talk about this right know, but she could be relentless.

"I'm not going to lie, Alice, it was difficult. The part where I almost killed an innocent was the fucking worst. You cannot imagination the pain, and I would never want you to." Alice's eyes misted over with venom. "In that moment, I never hated myself so much. My life was never easy, as you well know. It was filled with so much ugliness and pain. The things that I did are inexcusable, not to be forgiven. I was a fucking monster. I caused devastation and a wake of death as long as the Nile, but no matter how bad I was, I lived by one rule only. I would never touch a child. Maria knew that. She never even tried to tempt me with one. Thank bitch knew there would be hell to pay if she even tried."

"Wow, Jazz, I don't think I've ever heard you speak so candidly of your past. I know it was always difficult to talk about." I laughed at her statement. Alice seemed to be confused.

"Sorry, I wasn't laughing at you. I was just remembering something someone told me. She said I was really honest." Emma was such a precocious angel.

"Are you talking about Emma? I would love to have met her. I also think it was amazing what you did for her and her family." Of course Alice would have seen. It made me a little upset. It was something I had done in private.

"Please, Alice, don't tell anyone about it. I really didn't do anything a person in my position wouldn't have done." Alice shook her head.

"You're wrong, Jazz. What you did was such a beautiful gesture. Paying all of her medical bills and then setting up a trust fund for her to receive when she goes to college was beyond amazing. It is just the kind of man you are. I always knew you were astounding. I want you to know that Emma will be able to use that trust fund for college. She will get better. I just wanted you to know that." Alice had just made my week.

"Thank you, Alice. You don't know how much that means to me. I was never sure how she would fare. The doctors said she was getting better and would probably stay in remission, but one never knows. To hear you say that she will make it is just amazing. She really is beautiful and so preconscious. Some guy is going to have his hands filled with her!"

'You're welcome, Jazz. I like to see you smile. I know you haven't had many opportunities to smile these last few years, so I will just have to take every opportunity to make sure you do." I liked that she had shared that vision with me, but I really didn't want to know anymore. I wasn't a fan of her gift. Those were thoughts left to another time.

"Alice, you are one of a kind," I said, trying to keep the mood light. "How did I ever put up with your pixie self? Were you always this annoying, or is this something you picked up from Emmett in my absence?"

Alice stood up and walked in front of me. She was throwing off some serious mischievous vibes. I was immediately on guard.

Alice then attacked me. Her little fingers went straight to my underarms. Did she really think I was ticklish? I was a vampire after all. After about five seconds of the little annoying pixie poking me, I picked her up and threw her onto the couch. I leaned over her and began poking her back. Alice was in hysterics, not from me tickling her, but from the amount of laughing vibes I was throwing at her.

"Jazz. . . . stop . . . please . . . I can't . . ." she sputtered out between laughs.

"What was that, Ali? I couldn't understand. Did you ask me a question?"

"Jazz.!" Alice screeched at the top of her lungs.

"What, Alice? You have to tell me what you want?" I joshed her.

"Jazz . . . I . . . Jazz please!" she continued to scream. I decided to play with her a little more.

"Please what, Alice, make you laugh some more? I can do that for you?" I hit her with another strong cheery vibe and added some tickling on top.

"Damn it, Jazz . . . you have to . . . I . . . stop!"

"Say please, Alice," I chided above her giggling.

"Please, Jazz . . . No more!" she screamed. Her eyes were glassy from the venom that pooled there.

"That's not right. I said say 'please Alice'!" I teased her.

"Fine you, bastard . . . Please." I hit her with another strong dose of laughter just for calling me a "bastard". I was one, but she didn't have to know that.

"Okay . . . Okay . . . Please Alice," she choked out.

"Say, 'I'm Sorry', and I'll stop!" I really did have every intention of stopping after this round. She paid enough.

"I'm sorry, Jazz! No more . . . please!" I took her off the laughing juice, and let her get her breath back. When she finally recovered, she smiled up at me. "It really is wonderful to have you home!"

"Thanks, Alice. It's great to be back. I really did miss you!" As I spoke, I leaned over her little form – still lying on the couch – and wrapped her in my arms.

It was great to have my little sprite back. Our relationship had always been comfortable. Even though we still had a long way to go, I knew we would be alright. The hour I had spent with her proved just that. When I was about to release her, someone behind us cleared their throat.

...

"Well what the fuck is going on here?"

SLAP!

"Damn, baby, you know how much that hurts!" Emmett screeched. I laughed at him. He really was too funny.

"Well then why do you even open up your mouth? Do you have no filter from your brain to your mouth?" Emmett stared at Rose as if he was trying to figure out what she was saying.

I got up from the floor before helping Alice off the couch. I looked past Rose and saw Carlisle, Esme, and Edward coming through the door. Esme just stopped, staring at me. I could feel her love about to burst. She took me in again, trying to decide if I was really here. Perhaps she thought me an apparition.

Tears started filling her topaz eyes. Her joy seemed to fill the entire room. I took it in and projected to everyone. I wanted them to feel the amazing amount of love she had for her children. Esme started to cry harder, shaking her head as if telling herself I wasn't standing here. A sob escaped from her lips, she put her hand over her mouth.

"I'm home, mom. It's really me, I promise."

"Jasper," Esme whispered. She ran to me, and I lifted her off the ground. She wrapped her arms around my neck. She continued to sob into my chest. I sent her my love and waves of calm. I was happy to see her, but I hated it when she cried. She just clung to me. I picked her up higher and spun her around. I wanted to hear her laughing. Of course she granted me my wish.

"Jasper," she laughed, "you put me down this instant." I just spun her around again. She continued to laugh along with the rest of us. I finally abided her request, putting her down. She brought her hands to my face, looking into my eyes as hers started to water again.

"It's so good to have you here, darling. I knew you would eventually come home," she murmured through her tears. She kissed each of my cheeks. "My son is home and our family is finally whole again. Please tell me you are staying, darling."

"I'm staying, Esme. I start school the day after labor day, along with this lot." All of the other high school bound 'children' groaned. Esme turned, shooting them the look all mothers seemed to have. Suffice it to say no one made a peep.

"Tell me, darling, did you get to look at the house? I hope you like your room and study. I worked really hard to make sure they were comfortable enough. Did you get to see the outside garden? We have plenty of land and more privacy than anyone could ask for. You have to see the hospital where your father is working. The school isn't too far from it. We don't live too –" Carlisle was the brave soul to interrupt Esme.

"Esme, dear, may I say hello to my son before he gets the Spanish Inquisition." Esme released me from her embraced and turned around. Carlisle gulped. Emmett was snickering like a fool.

"What was that, dear? Did you just ask me to release my son that I haven't seen _in over a year_ so that you could have a turn?" Carlisle looked around the room, silently asking anyone for help. No one wanted to step up to the plate so I decided to give him a break; it was the least I could do. I put my arm around Esme's shoulder and kissed her cheek.

"Aww, mom, give him a break. He hasn't seen me in a while too, what would you say, Carlisle, it's been about four months?" I shot him a little smirk, and he just grinned. "I know he misses me, but of course not as much as you, _mom_." And just like a house of cards, Esme fell. She could never resist the title.

"Okay, darling, I will let Carlisle have a turn." She stepped to the side and allowed Carlisle to approach me. He was weary of her and walked to my other side – as if to avoid her. I could tell she wasn't really mad; she was just having him on.

Carlisle stood in front of me, drinking in my appearance. He placed his hand on my face and brought my head to his shoulder before wrapping me in his embrace. This was the moment I had been waiting for. This was the moment I had always envisioned, making my father finally proud of me for accomplishing my hardest trial. I couldn't hold in my happiness anymore before the dam broke. I was a starved child in the embrace of his father, who was his hero. I grabbed clung to him and started to cry. I could hear Esme and Alice also crying. They were celebrating my triumphs and homecoming. Carlisle then said the words all sons want to hear from their fathers.

"I'm proud of you, son!"

Carlisle had said those words to me countless times over the years, but this singular moment was the defining time. I had finally made him proud of me on my merit. He was one of my saving graces, and I gloried in his praise. My joy seemed endless in that moment. I released my emotions, letting everyone feel them. Esme came up and wrapped her arms around us. The three of us hugged for a while, reveling in our love Emmett was not to be outdone.

"Jasper isn't the only child here."

SLAP!

"Damn it, baby, you know how much that hurts."

"Then let them have their moment," Rose scolded him. I took pity on him.

"Come on, Emmett, get in on the action."

"Foursome, hell yes!" Emmett ran over and wrapped the rest of us in his massive arms. I unwrapped myself from Esme and Carlisle and embraced my giant ass brother.

"It's good to see you, brother. It's been a long time." I hugged Emmett and then Esme attached herself to me again, but not before she . . .

SLAP!

"Oww, mom. That hurt. I thought I was your little boy!" Emmett pouted, never being able to even fill the requirement of little boy.

"Then my little boy needs to learn to watch his language." Emmett had the good grace to look shameful.

"Sorry, mom." Esme just smiled and kissed his cheek. Emmett's dimples popped out and he was happy to have his family whole. I looked over Esme's head and saw tears in Rose's eyes. I knew she had a hard exterior, but she loved her family fiercely, only wanting the best for everyone.

"Am I going to get a hug from my twin sister, or am I just going to get some love from Emmett." Rose actually giggled before running to me.

"I do give the best kind of love, huh Rosie?" She ignored him; I ignored him also, causing Emmett to pout.

The rest of them released me and I took my sister into my arms. I picked her up and spun her like I did to Esme. Rose tucked her face into my neck and cried. I knew she was a big softie inside.

"Welcome home, Jasper. I missed you," she whispered. I put her down and stroked her hair.

"I missed you too, sister. I'm sorry for all the pain I put you and the rest of the family through. But always know I loved you and everyone else at every moment." Rose nodded her head.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Jasper. We all love you and missed you. I'm so glad you are finally home."

"Me too, sister, me too." Rose stepped out of my embrace and clung to Emmett.

I turned around, staring at the remaining person in my family. We were never really close. He and Alice had the close relationship. Edward was another one who I owed an apology to. I put him through a lot and he suffered because of my mistakes. He should have never been put in such a position. I should have taken responsibility of myself from the start. Edward shook his head and looked at me.

"You're wrong, Jasper. You owe me nothing."

"Can someone tell us what you two are gossiping about?" Edward and I smiled at our outspoken brother.

"I was thinking how much I owe Edward an apology for the pain I caused him. I put him in precarious situations over the years when I should have been taking responsibility for my own actions. Edward seems to disagree."

"I made my own choices, Jasper. You never asked me for help. You never sought me out. I wanted to help you and Alice, so I took it upon myself to play the role of mediator in your life. Any failings I had or the pain that was caused from those mistakes was my own. I shouldn't have interfered, Jasper, and for that you have my apology. I should have known you could do it. I apologize for coddling you, Jasper, and having such little faith in your abilities." I could feel his sincerity.

"Its fine, Edward. You are also forgiven. There are no hard feelings." I stepped up to him and put out my hand. Edward took it, and I pulled him into my embrace. He was uncomfortable but finally hugged me back.

"I love you, Edward," I whispered, not wanting to embarrass him. I could feel his returned affections, but he was uncomfortable in front of everyone expressing it.

"_Its fine, Edward, I know you love me. I can feel it. There is no need to say it out loud," _I told him in my thoughts. He just nodded. When we were about to let go 'the mouth' had to make a comment.

"Aww, look everyone . . . Eddie has finally gotten some action, and now he is acting like a blushing bride."

Emmett was snickering from his comment and looked around at everyone else's expressions. Esme was mad as hell. Carlisle was just fine; he already expected this from Emmett. Rose was fuming mad and Edward wasn't far behind her. Alice was just shaking her head, trying not to laugh.

"Um . . . sorry Eddie," The big-ass vampire tried to apologize, awkwardly.

Unfortunately, he drew the short straw. Emmett took off running and was followed out the door by Rose and Edward. I knew he wouldn't get far. I sat down on the couch and thought how good it was to finally be home. Esme and Carlisle sat down on either side of me, and Alice sat on the floor at my feet. I looked down at her and winked. She smiled at me. Esme threw her arms around me again, smothering me in her love and joy.

"I'm so happy. I have my family back. Thank you, darling, for finally coming home. The family was never the same without you." I was happy to be home and with the ones I cherished. However, I knew something would always be missing, and when my angel reappeared, things would be absolute in my existence.

"Eddie, I was just happy you finally got some action, even if it was with your brother." I could hear Emmett in the background.

SLAP!

And that one wasn't from Rose. It was good to be home.

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: I had Jasper driving an Infiniti because I love them and so does SM. I read an interview with her saying how much she loved hers. Also I hoped you liked the chapter. Sorry it has taken me a while to post it. I rewrote it a few times, and finally decided to leave it alone.

I wanted to start out like always and thank all those who continue to read. I hope that you find a little enjoyment in this story. To all of those who add me to their favorites and alerts, you guys rock my world. Thanks for wanting to keep up with it. And always thanks to those who review. I would have never gotten this far without your comments and thoughts. You all rock my universe. I also wanted to thank those who gave me wishes to feel better.

Thanks again and much love to all.

_Posted: 3 June 2010_

_**Edited: 17 June 2011**_


	12. Completely Stunned

Disclaimer: SM and affiliates own all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Completely Stunned**

Part Twelve

Two Years Later – Jasper's POV

My high school career was finally over, to my immense relief. When one attended high school as much as my siblings and I, it tended to become a pain in the ass. Over the many decades, we had been to countless high schools in countless towns, but this was my last time. I understood why we went to go to school; it allowed us a chance to stay in a place longer so we didn't have to move as often. Carlisle and Esme provided so much love and happiness for us as a family, so it was the least we could do for them.

My decision not to go to high school anymore didn't really come as a surprise to me. I never enjoyed being around teenagers and having to feel their rollercoaster of emotions; the hormones alone where enough to kill a vampire. I knew that I wanted to do something else and expand my horizon. Now that my bloodlust was in complete control, I had an endless amount of possibilities I could do. Since I was turned at a later age then my siblings, I could branch outside the realm of high school, not worrying about anyone really question my age. I couldn't pull off thirty like Carlisle, but I wasn't too far behind. My age or appearance wouldn't be a real hindrance for me.

My final high school graduation was bitter sweet. I would no longer have to suffer the constant highs and lows of teenage life. I was moving on and closing a door to a significant part of my past. The two years that I attended Forks High passed quickly. I was a vampire and time was limitless, but those two years passed in the blinking of an eye.

Sitting under the rolling clouds of graduation day was surreal. I had done this numerous times, but I felt like it was the first time for me. My anxiety astonished me. I hardly ever got nervous, but this felt so final and it was. It was actually time for me to go out into the world again and make my new mark. It was time for me to embrace my goal and start on the road to medical school.

I had anticipated this day for two years and now that it was finally upon me, I was feeling anxious. I would be leaving at the end of summer and attending Oregon State University. I knew Esme couldn't take me being far from the family again so I decided to go there for my premed program. They had an excellent program, and I didn't feel like I was making any sacrifices. I would have started in the summer, but we were planning on spending it on Isle Esme. It was time for our family, without too many distractions.], not to mention unlimited access to the sun's rays. That was the best highlight.

I looked around at my fellow graduates, wondering what they were going to do with their lives. I pondered who they would meet and fall in love with, how many would be successful, and how many would live to see their first high school reunion. Emmett, Rose, and I were graduating this year and we were all headed to OSU. Alice and Edward had one more year before they were done, and joined us.

My decision to become a doctor was based on several things. While I was living in New York City and volunteering at the hospital, I realized it was something I wanted to pursue. Working with the children and cancer patients in general had opened my eyes further to the sanctity of human life. Carlisle always respected life and valued it, he was taught its meaning from a child, but my eyes saw clearly, for the first time, the struggle and effort people put into saving another's life. I was no stranger to death and the never-ending cycle of life, but working in the hospital gave me a new perspective. Taking Shelly's mortality was the catalyst for my decision.

Now that I had complete control, I wanted to take advantage of some of the opportunities. I wanted to be like Carlisle, making a difference in the life of others. I had taken so many lives over the years that this felt like my opportunity to help those who were in need. People made a difference everyday by doing the simple things in life and every action of kindness was commendable, but I wanted to be like Carlisle. I had the time and the resources to help make that difference. My decision to become a doctor just seemed the like the next logical step on my journey. It also felt like the right decision in my heart. Carlisle was the one who finally asked me the question.

…

_Carlisle was sitting at his desk in his study, reading one of the many medical journals we received in the mail. His door was opened so I knocked out of politeness. _

"_Hey, son, what can I do for you?" Carlisle asked, looking up from his reading. I entered his office and took a seat on one of the chairs. _

"_I wanted your opinion on something. How good do you think my control is?" I was curious about his opinion._

"_To be honest, Jasper, I'm amazed. The progress you have made in such a short time is wonderful. I always knew you had the strength and the fortitude to overcome your bloodlust. However, to have done it in the time you have is amazing. Now you don't seem to struggle at all. While in school you have no problems and there is never a need to monitor you. I don't think Alice and Edward know what to do with themselves anymore. You are completely self-sustained. You have such a strict schedule for feeding and you apply that to every aspect of your life. You seem to be in perfect balance." I was elated by his answer. I still needed his approval and acceptance. _

"_Thanks, Carlisle, that means a lot. My throat still flares from time to time, but I have absolutely no desire to feed off humans, and I never feel a temptation to even try. I know my throat will continue to flare, but I'm hoping that with time, it will be nonexistent like yours." Carlisle continued to stare at me and I could feel his curiosity rise. _

"_What is this about, son? What are you trying to tell me?" Here was the question I was dreading and looking forward to the most. My throat seemed to close up; I really didn't want to hear his doubt in my next goal or my future abilities. _

"_Well, after some thinking and major consideration I have come up with my next goal. I have put a lot of thought into it and have weighed my options. I know that one of the keys to my success was structure in my life and having a plan. My goal to control my thirst was accomplished through the patterns I set up for myself. It was also accomplished from the steps I took and the limitations I place on myself. Now that I can control my bloodlust without any trouble I want to go to medical school." _

_I literally held my breath waiting for Carlisle to comment and the potential let-down. Carlisle smiled at me before standing. He came around the desk and gave me a hug._

"_You don't know how proud this makes me, Jasper." I smiled at him because I did have a sense of what he was feelings. "Okay maybe you do have some idea, but the depths of my pride in you are limitless. I know this is a very ambitious goal. I think it is a beautiful one. I will support you in any way I can. I know Esme will too. Do you have any idea as to where you want to go to school and what area of medicine you want to practice?" I was ecstatic. My worry was for naught. I should have never underestimated him. His trust in me was complete. _

"_Well, I'm not sure where I want to go to school yet. I was wondering if you could make some recommendations. I don't want to go to high school any more. I feel now that I am in control, my options are limitless. I want to help those who are in need. I have caused so much destruction and I wanted to help rectify it. I know it won't make up for my short comings, but it is a start in the right direction. It feels like the right choice for me."_

"_That's wonderful. I can make some suggestions, but it will ultimately be up to you. And I know what ever school you choose for your undergrad and advanced degree will be lucky to have you."_

"_I have been reading some of your medical journals and after volunteering at the hospital in New York City, I have decided I want to work with children or babies in some aspect, but other than that I really haven't given it a thought. I really wanted your opinion first before I got my hopes up."_

"_Jasper, I am honored that you value my opinion so much, but you don't need my blessing. You can do anything you want. Well maybe not sports or becoming an astronaut." Carlisle winked, "But your future is truly wide open. If you want to go into medicine, I know you will be a success. I would recommend that you start volunteering at the hospital again so you have more experience to put on your resume, and make sure you do well in school, which I know isn't a hardship for us to do. But if you succeed in school and get good recommendations then you can have your pick of any university." _

_Carlisle was wrong about me needing his blessing, but that was fine, he needed to be wrong at least once in his life. Now that I knew med school was a possibility, I had a lot to consider. It was now real and I needed to make my plans for the next phase of my new and almost limitless life. We were only into the first semester of my junior year of high school so I had time to volunteer and put it on my resume. _

"_Thanks, Carlisle. I really needed this talk. I wanted to know your thoughts and now that I know I have your blessing I'm ready. I'll go by the hospital on Monday and sign up. I'll do everything necessary to become a volunteer."_

"_No problem, son, and now that I know it is you taking my journals and not Emmett, I would like for you to return them." Carlisle winked. I could feel his humor and pride. I could also feel his mischievousness._

"_Why are you feeling mischievousness?"_

"_I know in the past Emmett as taken my medical journals for some devious reason of his own, and I thought it was funny." I gave him a peculiar look, knowing he wasn't telling me everything. "Okay . . . fine," he budged. "I was thinking of mentioning it in front of Rose, but he is already in the dog house for trying on her favorite black teddy and tearing it. I don't think I will ever understand him," Carlisle finished while shaking his head. _

_Carlisle could be evil when he wanted. I loved when he was just one of the boys. Of course this only happened when we went on male hunting trips. Esme would lay into his ass if she knew some of his exploits. If we could only get Eddie to loosen up some, it would be perfect. _

"_I don't even want to fathom what makes Emmett tick, very scary thought indeed."_

…

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the principal's voice calling the names of the graduates. I looked to my family in the stands and smiled. Esme was feeling really sad today. She knew that in a few months three of her children would be leaving home and making their way for at least a year into the world without them. Carlisle was also sad, but the majority of his emotions were pride. No matter how many times we went through this mundane process, he was always proud. He had his arm around Esme's shoulder while her head was buried in his chest. Edward was sitting on her other side, rubbing her back. The love they felt for her was amazing to witness. She was the heart of our family.

As all of our names were called and we received our diplomas, I thought about these two years and all that happened. They were wonderful years filled with so much love and happiness. We had our fights and arguments, but the love for our family surpassed any petty arguments we had. There was one moment that was my hardest to relive. It was hard for me to think about, but it also gave me much joy.

When graduation was finally over and after many pictures on Esme's request, we made our way home and got ready for our trip to Isle Esme. The rest of the family went out for a celebratory hunt, but I declined to go. When I was finished packing, I laid on my bed, starting my meditation process. After I was relaxed and in a proper state of mind, I allowed my thoughts to wander back to last summer and that moment where my world was right again, and then my subsequent emotional relapse.

…

_My interview had gone well. I really didn't fear rejection. I was pretty confident I was going to get into Oregon State University. It was the summer before my senior year of high school. My grades were outstanding and the recommendations I received from my teachers and doctors at the hospital were very praising. The college interview was mandatory, but I was a shoe in. I had no worries. My flight was in an hour and I couldn't wait to tell Esme the good news. She was worried about me going to the east coast again, not returning home ever again. Even though she tried to hide her fear, I could still feel it. I knew she never wanted her kids to leave, but she also wanted to give us the room to live our lives. It was a hard balance for a mother to find, but Esme did pretty well. _

_I had my day of the week, which I devoted to her. After all the years of taking her for granted, I wanted her to be reassured of my love. So on Wednesdays, Esme and I would spend the remainder of the day together. Sometimes I would play my cello for her, other times she and I would go and take pictures of different things around the different towns. I would help her garden sometimes, and lately we had gotten in the habit of going antiquing. My time with Esme was wonderful and I knew she appreciated it. _

_After the short flight from Oregon to Seattle, we landed at Sea Tac Airport, and I made my way to the baggage claim area. I was passing some of the boarding gates when a smell caught my attention. I was completely stunned. My body seemed to have lost all of its mobility. This was what I had been waiting for. Three years had passed but I would never forget that smell, it was imprinted on my soul, freesia. _

_I closed my eyes and inhaled that sweet scent that put me onto the path I was walking today. My little, brown-eyed angel was near. I convinced myself that I would never see her again; my time with her was over and her only purpose in my life was to share some of her childlike faith in me. She was there to give me the confidence I needed at the time and the realization to look beyond myself and think of others. I had allowed myself the false hope that I would see her again, but then I had to leave that behind. It made me erratic and made me do things I knew were dangerous. I had worked hard at regaining my sanity and I needed to be careful. _

_I took in one more breath of the freesia-scented air and turned around. I searched for Bella, but was having a hard time finding her through all the throngs of people. I knew that Alice was waiting for me at baggage claim, but I needed to find out if this was the little angel. I knew her smell, and even though I hadn't smelled it in a while, I was not mistaken. _

_As I was looking for her, I was hit with the strongest emotions I had felt in a while. My knees almost buckled on me, but I was able to stand. People were looking at me, wondering if I was alright. Sadness and grief were the strongest. I also felt worry and dread. The longer I felt these emotions, the more I was sure Bella was around. My mind started to race with the possibility of actually seeing her. I needed to see her. I wanted her light and goodness to fill me. It had been such a long time. I wondered what she was doing in Washington and why she was feeling such distress. I wanted to make her happy and take away all her fear. _

_I turned around again and saw a flight that was going to Phoenix. This had to be it. The flight attendant was calling for last minute boarders. I started to panic, had I missed my chance of seeing her, was she walking down the terminal already? It wasn't fair that I was able to know she was there but even glimpse her. Then I heard a woman call out her name._

"_Bella, it's time to go. I'm sorry, baby, but we need to go." I looked to my left and then I saw her. My world stood still, I was captivated by the little angel whose heart was breaking. Her head was bent over and her long brown hair covered her face. She had her hands folded in her lap, and I could tell she was crying. My heart broke for her tragic feelings. I wondered what happened to make her feel this anguish. _

"_Come on, baby, we're going to miss our flight home," her mother whispered in her ear. Bella wiped her eyes and stood up. _

_She moved her hair behind her ears and I was able to see my first glimpse of her in three years. She would be about thirteen going on fourteen. Her hair fell to her lower back, and she had grown a few inches. Some of her baby fat had melted away, leaving her face more adolescent looking. Her eyes were still big as ever and she was a little stunner. Her tears seemed to make her more real. Even though she seemed to live in Arizona, her complexion was a pale white, like she never went out in the sun. Her paleness didn't make her look pasty; just translucent and fragile. _

_I took a breath and looked at her eyes. Bella couldn't see me so I took the opportunity to look at those eyes that followed my every step these last three years. Her cinnamon orbs sparkled with her tears. They were a deep brown with flecks of dark green around her irises; they were beautifully tragic. I wanted to wipe the tears that fell from off her cheeks. I never wanted to see her sad, and her heartbreak was crushing me. Bella took her mother's hand and headed for the gate. I couldn't seem to move. I wanted to take my little angel and wrap her in my comfort. I wanted to see a smile grace her lips. _

_I didn't understand why I couldn't move. My angel was leaving and I was wasting my opportunity to comfort her by just standing here. I needed to get to her now. As I was about to walk toward her, my mind started to work again. I could feel my mind trying to push the Bella induced mist away and think clearly. I realized I couldn't just walk up to her and hug her. I would probably get arrested. She probably didn't remember me any ways, it had been a while ago and she had been distressed. My heart broke at the thoughts. Bella had been such a big part of my life, she had influenced me and helped me change for the better. She probably didn't know who I was. But that didn't matter. I wanted to take away her sadness. She was too good and precious to feel such strong feelings of despair. _

_Renee gave the agent the tickets and they started for the plane. Why was I not doing anything? I needed Bella to remember me. I needed her to know about the impact she had on my life. I needed to make sure she was really here. What the fuck was the matter, I needed to move but I couldn't. As Renee and Bella were about to turn the corner, I threw Bella the strongest amount of calm that I could muster. I wanted to give her some sort of comfort, and this was the only way I could think of. My heart broke again at the thought, but then something amazing happened. Bella turned around and looked into my eyes, my soul lit up so bright. For the first time since I had seen her, my soul felt complete; my soul felt like it was on fire, and I would never be cold again. This was the completion I had been missing. I knew that her light and her bond outshone everything. I had forgotten how bright it was. _

_She looked into my eyes and stopped in her tracks. She squinted, as if to see me better. She then recognized me and she started to cry again. I raised my hand, gently waving to her. She continued to stare at me and then she spoke._

"_Jasper," she whispered. I smiled at her as if to answer her question. She started to smile through her tears. _

_Her mother and the ticket agent started getting impatience. They were trying to get her attention, but she was caught in my gaze._

"_Bella, it's time to go now. I know you are hurting, but we need to go. We are holding everyone up." Bella ignored her mother and tried to pull her hand from her grip. _

"_Bella, stop this right now. We are holding up all of these people, and it's time to leave." _

"_Jasper," Bella whispered again. She was starting to feel some hope through her sadness. My heart soared because I was able to offer her something in her time of need. Bella tried to pull her hand free again, but her mother wasn't letting go._

"_Bella, there is no Jasper. How many times do I have to tell you? I have let you have your fantasies but this is not the time. It's time to act like an adult and get on the plane. Do I make myself clear?"_

_I was starting to get angry with her mother. It wasn't like she was the paragon of what an adult should be, and here was her daughter in her time of need being scolded because she was looking for me. My heart was happy at the idea that Bella had called for me before. She remembered me and I had brought her some comfort in her trials. My heart was feeling so many emotions and I was starting to fall apart. _

"_There is a Jasper, mom. How many times do I have to tell you? Please believe me. I wouldn't lie to you!" she pleaded with her mother. Her voice was thick with tears. It hadn't changed much over the years. _

"_We are not going through this again, Bella. It's time to leave." _

_People were starting to stare at them. I was still across the way from her and hadn't moved. Her mother was tugging at her and no matter how much Bella pulled back, she couldn't get away. While I watched, my mind became more active. I needed to get to Bella and protect her; she needed me in her time of sorrow. My feet started to move toward her; it felt like the part of my soul that was hers was fighting to get to my little angel. The rational part of my mind knew that I couldn't run to her at vampire speed. I would give us away, and we couldn't afford the Volturi on our case. I walked as fast as I dare, but it wasn't fast enough. _

"_Jasper, please help me, you said you would be there. I need you!" the little angel pleaded with me, effectively breaking me. Tears were running down her face, her brown eyes were rimmed red from crying. Her anguish was so strong. I knew I wouldn't get to her in time. _

_My erratic thoughts were screaming for me to run and never let her out of my sight, to protect her no matter the cost; the rational part of my mind was telling me to think about all that Carlisle and my family had sacrificed, and to not expose what we really were. My heart was breaking from all of the conflicting thoughts and emotions. But I knew in the end there was nothing I to be done. I would never get to Bella, and even if I did, there could be major trouble. Right before Bella turned the corner, I raised my hand to her and waved goodbye. She looked at me, tears soaking her eyes, and gave me a little smile. _

_She realized that I would never get to her. She understood there was nothing I could do. I pushed all of my reassurance, love, and peace toward my little angel so she would be comforted in knowing that I cared for her. Her smile grew bigger. She seemed to realize that the feelings she was experiencing were from me. I'm not sure how she knew, but the important thing is she did. _

"_Be happy, little angel. I'm sorry," I mouthed the words her. Bella nodded._

"_Thanks, Jasper, I love you! I always remembered and I always will," she whispered through her tears, and they became my own. My heart was screaming at me to do something, but there was nothing to be done. My soul literally felt like it was being ripped in two. The pain was immense, but I didn't let Bella see it. I needed to be strong for her, even if it was just for a second. Right before she turned the corner she looked at me one more time._

"_I love you too, little one!" I said allowed this time. She nodded her head, letting me know she heard my words. With one more wave of her little hand she was gone out of my sight. I could still feel her emotions. She was feeling a little content, but still really sad. But I had given her just a little relief from her troubles. _

"_Thank you, Jasper. I knew you would come when I needed you the most. You wouldn't break your promise," I could hear her whisper._

"_Bella, for the last time there is no Jasper," Renee scolded. _

"_Okay, Renee," Bella answered through her tears. "There is no Jasper." I could feel the relief from her mother, but I could also tell that Bella was lying. _

_She knew I was there for her and that warmed my aching soul. My little angel had been taken from me again. I had waited for three long years to see her and my wish was granted. I was glad I could do something for her in return. I waited for her to board the plane. I could still feel her, and even thought she was feeling depressed, the point was I could feel her. Bella had really been there and for that one moment in time our paths crossed again, our bond was strengthened. As the plane pulled out of the gate, I immersed myself in her feelings, letting my soul feel hers and then just like that she was gone. _

_Bella was gone again and all I wanted to do was have her back. My irrational thoughts told me to run after the plane, get to her before she disappeared. The sane part of my brain said it was time to go home and be thankful that I was able to see her again. I didn't know what side to listen to. My mind was at war. All I recognized was Bella was gone, and I didn't even know why she was crying. I had to get the hell out of the airport. I didn't know how much longer I was going to be able to hold it together. My mind was fucking me up. I needed to clear it. _

…

_When I approached the baggage claim, I could see Alice standing there with tears in her eyes. She had obviously seen what I went through. Her tears were not what I needed right now. Alice understood what I wanted and led me out to the car. I quickly got in and shut my door. Alice had already started the car and we were on our way back home. My mind was warring for me to turn around and go after my little angel, but I knew I couldn't. My mind was screaming for me to do all of these different things at one time, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt trapped in my mind. I needed to get out of the car. _

"_Alice, you need to pull the fucking car over. I need to get out of here!" I looked around and saw that we were in a wooded area; I would have a chance to run. I wanted to get out of my head and find something physical I could anchor myself to. I felt alone, and my darkness I held at bay for months was capturing me again. My mind was running in circles. Something had to be done. _

_When Alice pulled over, I quickly ran into the woods and took off. I needed something that would help me to clear my thoughts. I needed something to hold on to and take me out of the darkness. I needed my little angel. I never thought that if I saw her again, this would be my reaction. I envisioned myself happy and enjoying the light she brought into my life, I never imagined I would sink into my irrational fog. I had worked so hard to change this negative behavior and structure my life. I never wanted to be in that place again, but I felt like I was sinking fast. _

_A few deer passed my trail, and I needed the substance, I needed something that was normal and a part of my routine, maybe then I could come out of my erratic fog. After taking several down, I sank to the ground, trying to control my breathing, allowing my mind to concentrate on something so mundane. It started to work somewhat after about fifteen minutes. I could feel my mind trying to center on what was positive. Possibly, if I could think about my family and all of the blessings they gave to me, I wouldn't see all that was lacking in my life. _

_After thirty minutes of meditation and breathing, I had become reasonably calm. I could feel my mind shifting from crazy thoughts to more rational ideas. When I finally opened my eyes I realized Alice was sitting next to me. I was so caught up in my sorrows and contemplations I hadn't even realized she was there. _

_I held out my hand, and she took it without pause. Alice had become one of my best friends. I still loved her deeply. She intertwined my fingers with hers and sat down next to me. The anxiety I felt in losing Bella again was still high, and Alice's comfort was amazing. She gave me the anchor that I needed to focus on. I brought our entwined hands to my lips and placed a gentle kiss on the back of her hand. Alice just smiled and laid down beside me. I could feel the skin on her arms rub mine. It sent shivers of awareness down my spine. _

_Her contact was something I started to crave. I took Alice into my arms and laid her head on my chest. When she was situated I ran my fingers through her soft hair. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to feel the connection of someone real and someone that was next to me. Her reactions matched mine, and I clung to those feelings. I needed something that wasn't centered on Bella, as much as it hurt me to admit that. Alice seemed to be providing me with my release. I didn't allow myself to think of anything but her and the reactions she coaxed out of me._

_I opened my eyes and looked down at her. She was drawing circles on my chest with her fingers. I put my hand under her chin and lifted her face to meet mine. We stared into each other's eyes and silently communicated what we were feeling. I ran my fingers from her chin to the apples of her cheek. Alice leaned into my touched and sighed at the sensation of my fingers grazing her skin. Her response stirred something in me. It took me back to a time when Alice was my comforter. In my times of trials and heartache, she would allow me to lose myself in her. She was my lover and had provided me with a physical release my body craved. _

_Alice looked into my eyes and I could tell she was thinking the same thing. I allowed past memories to consume my every thought; the way I would kiss her, the way I felt when I moved inside of her, the way she would respond to my kisses along her neck. I subconsciously knew these were dangerous thoughts, but I did nothing to hinder them. I wanted to feel something real, and I wanted my body to feel what only a physical release could bring. I wanted to lose myself in Alice. I closed my eyes and brought my lips to hers. I gently skimmed my lips against hers, waiting for her reaction and her ultimate rejection, but it never came. Alice answered my kiss with so much raw passion and intensity it left me speechless. I brought my hands to the back of her neck, massaging her skin while changing the angle. _

_As I continued to kiss Alice, my mind became blank. The only thing I hung onto was the anchor she provided me with. My mind slipped even further into my wild abandon; I kissed her even harder, making her feel my need and my heartache, the darkness that crept over me. My hands found their way into her short soft hair, and it brought me back to a time when I ran my fingers through Bella's hair, hair spun by angels themselves. I knew the comparison wasn't fair to Alice, but my mind was beyond the realm of impartiality. _

_Thinking about my angel's hair caused her face to once more come to the forefront of my mind. Bella's unbelievable sadness brought me out of my mindless actions and I realized in that moment what I was actually doing. In not thinking clearly, I threw Alice off of me and she went flying. I bent over my knees, my forehead touching the ground. I tried catching my breath, allowing time for my ever-changing mind to catch up. I had kissed Alice out of desperation, wanting to feel something other than fear to ward off the feeling of abandon. I had needed to cling to something that was real, something that I could touch and in turn touch me. _

_In trying to think coherent thoughts and not allow myself to become riotous, I did just the opposite. Seeing Bella in pain was almost beyond imaginable, and trying to be strong for her was harder than I anticipated. Her pain became my own, her sorrow became my own, and her painful heartbeats became my own, the rhythm to which her pain and mine coursed to. I allowed my lunatic thoughts to finally take over, and did something that should have never happened. I had taken advantage of Alice and her past feelings for me. I had used her in the worst way possible. We were no longer together, and it wasn't right for me to make myself feel better by using her as an outlet for my present insanity. I felt like gagging at my actions. I felt as if I had let Bella down in some imaginary way, but couldn't quite figure out how. _

'_Bella, Bella . . . she had actually been in front of me,' I thought. _

_I repeated her name over and over again in my mind. I allowed our special friendship to become the only thought in my head, and tried to push out all the other things that wanted to send me over the edge. Her bond to me became my sanity, and her light that always shined, even in her grief, filled me up and dissipated the lingering illogical fog from my mind. I dropped to my back and willed the ground to swallow me. _

_I was beyond embarrassed about my actions. I permitted myself to become senseless after all the time I spent in trying to tame my fanatical behavior. I had failed Bella in not being able to protect her, and I had failed in my friendship with Alice, by using her as some kind of emancipation from my mind. I truly felt sickened by my actions, but I knew that the ground wasn't going to be my saving grace. I had to face the mistake I made. I turned to my right side and looked at Alice. I already knew she was there. She was leaning up against a tree with her knees drawn into her chest, her head was bowed. I could feel the disgust I had for myself rise, but I pushed it aside. I needed to concentrate on Alice. I continued to look at her, as my mind continued to wind down. I needed to make sure I was in complete control of myself. After my steady breathing, and knowing I was going to somewhat alright, I pulled my form from the ground and sat up. _

"_Alice." I whispered, not wanting to take her by surprise. _

_I could feel her shame radiating from her tiny body. My own guilt almost consumed me as I watched. She had nothing to feel sorry about. I had taken advantage of her in my weakness, and allowed myself to become carried away. The blame was fully on my shoulders, and I felt the weight of that load. _

"_Alice, I'm so sorry," I whispered to her again, wanting to take away her sadness, like I wanted to take away Bella's. Alice still didn't move and I was starting to become worried. "Alice, answer me," I commanded her. The harshness of my voice must have awakened her because she lifted her head and finally looked at me. Her face was shrouded in misery, and her emotions were not far from that. "I'm sorry," I apologized. I wanted to kick myself for not being able to convey anything else to her. _

"_Jas . . ." she started to say but stopped. She ran her hands through her disheveled hair, and I slightly smiled. Alice chose that moment to look up and stared at me with shock. _

"_I know it is inappropriate for me to be smiling, but I've never seen your hair in such a wild state before. You're always so immaculate and well put together; I'm not even sure why I seem to find that funny," I explained, trying to make my voice and thoughts serious again. _

_Alice gave me a small smile in return. I could tell she also thought it was funny. She did look like a deranged, little pixie. _

"_Enough, Jasper, I know I must look affright." Her smile still lingered on her lips. _

_However, the next moment we both came crashing down into reality, and I wasn't sure what to say to her. She deserved an explanation because of my actions. I inhaled deeply and prepared myself to tell her about something that gave me both sadness and immense joy. The sadness stemmed from what I had almost done to Bella when we first met (in my madness), and the happiness came from my knowing her. _

"_The thing is, Alice . . . the reason I acted the way I did was . . ." My inability to not articulate coherently was making me frustrated. I wanted to explain to Alice, but I also wanted to keep Bella to myself. _

_She was my angel and my private salvation. It made no sense, but I didn't want to share those memories with anyone. I barley spoke of her even with Peter. The little bit I had revealed to him felt like a huge invasion of privacy. I did feel better with his reassurance about her, but I didn't want to share, I never claimed to be perfect. _

_Alice was looking down at her designer shoes and picking at some of the leaves that littered the ground. "I know," she finally whispered, which caught me off guard. My instant surprise turned to relief than a little anger. Sometimes I truly loathed her visions. "I'm sorry, Jasper, but it's not like I asked to have this gift!" she defended fairly. She made perfect sense. _

"_Sometimes, I just wish you couldn't see some of the horrors of my actions. But also, Bella is a very private thing to me. I haven't even discussed her with Carlisle, and as you know, I tell him mostly everything." She gave me a little nod of her head. But then I could feel something else coming from her. When she looked at me I could read the confirmation in her eyes. I felt angered and betrayed by her. _

"_I know, Jasper," she said again, saying my full name for the second time. I knew she was very distressed. She only said my full name in times of great anxiety. I still felt betrayed by her actions. She had known all along, and she gave me no warning, allowed me to go completely destroyed and broken. "There was nothing I could do, Jazz. I could have warned you, but what would have that accomplished? Trust me when I say I saw all the possible outcomes and it changed nothing." _

"_That was one of the visions that made you leave me, wasn't it?" I already knew the answer, but I wanted to hear it from her lips. I needed to know for certain._

"_You think I wanted to leave you?" she countered, her hands fisted in her hair. "I would have fought anything and everything to hold onto us, Jasper. You weren't the only one going through hell. I loved you beyond reason, and my life changed just as much as yours." I was speechless at her confession. I had assumed she would have been inconsolable, but hearing her actually say the words brought it to a whole other level. _

"_Alice, I'm not sure –" I started to say, but she immediately cut me off._

"_No, Jasper, you don't have to say anything. I don't want your pity, and I don't deserve to be pitied. We all have to make sacrifices and choices. I chose to let you go in the hopes that you could finally become what you were always meant to be: healed, Jazz. You deserved to finally look at yourself and see what everyone else saw, someone worth fighting for. When you first came home, again, and asked me what I had been doing, I intentionally ignored the question. I didn't want you to pity me, I wanted you to see me as strong and the Alice you remembered." She was curled into a tight little ball as she finished her explanation. _

"_I'm still not sure what to say, Ali. You are amazing, and I never deserved you in my life, but I'm sure as hell glad that you are." _

_She raised her head from the ground and her venom filled her eyes. I picked myself up and made my way over to her. I plucked her up and placed her next to me. I pulled her into my arms, allowing my thankfulness and love to surround us. Alice whimpered, but I could also feel her comfort and peace. _

_It had taken two years, but I think we were finally coming to an understanding about our past, and putting it where it belonged. The pain, longing, heartache, torment, and every other thing we had felt were slowly dissipating. I knew there would always be some piece of us that mourned for our past love, but in finally talking about the past, we were able to move on. I kissed her forehead and pulled away. Alice looked at me, giving me a small reassuring smile. _

"_Thank you, Jazz." I _

"_No thanks needed, pixie." She giggled and moved over, putting some space in between us. I grabbed her hand and squeezed. _

"_I also owe you an apology for earlier. I'm sorry for using you, Ali. I needed to feel something real and you were available. I should have never taken advantage of you, and I knew it was wrong. I'm also sorry for pushing you away so severely and suddenly." She started to reply but I wouldn't allow her to take any of the blame. She may have felt something in my kissing her, but that was to be expected. It still wasn't her fault. "No, Alice, I won't allow you to take any of the blame. Please just feel my remorse, and let it be enough. I don't want to hear an apology coming from your mouth." She smirked and I knew I won. I gave her a smirk of my own and just like that, a weight was pulled off my shoulder. _

"_I do love you, Alice," I reassured her again, wanting her to know how I felt. _

"_I know, Jazz. And, I love you." We gave each other one more intimate look, smiled, and put everything we discussed away. _

_And then as if the gates had finally opened, I willingly told Alice about all that had happened with my angel. She already knew what went down, but she never knew my feelings on the subject, what I had really felt. _

"_. . . and when I saw the little angel today, I was stunned. I never thought I would have the opportunity to see her again. Then all of the things I felt and the promise I made to her came rushing back. The bond that we share and her part of my soul was filled with light and it almost blinded me. Then I realized she was going through some major pain. I'm not sure what happened, but I just wanted to comfort her. I wanted to give her the peace she gave to me once upon a time. She turned around and recognized me, Alice. My soul rejoiced that the little angel didn't forget me; she even called out to me in her troubles. She trusted me to be there for her and she knew I would. She had that blind faith in me still, and it warmed my soul. I never truly understood the connection we have, but I know it is strong and completely consuming. I have such a problem with my rational thoughts when she is near. All I want to do is make her happy and see her smile; my soul almost craves it. When Bella told me thank you and she loved me, I about lost my mind. I wanted to be in her presence always. Her mother took her away, and all I wanted was to take her back. Crazy, hmm . . . _

_When I couldn't feel her anymore and knew she was gone again, I needed to leave before I did something unpredictable. I could feel it building up. When we got here and I started to kiss you, I wanted to release my pain, but then I couldn't do it at your expense. You deserve more respect from me." Alice looked away into the woods, but I felt her gratefulness. I had done the right thing in stopping myself from going further. _

"_Thank you, Jazz," she finally whispered into the night. _

…

The bed creaked beneath my weight as I switched my positions. Thinking about that time, and seeing Bella again made me almost restless. My need for her never diminished, but that evening in the woods I learned several things: my need for Bella would always be there and I could be consumed with it. I also learned that Alice loved me endlessly, and she became one of my best friends, besides Carlisle. When I had a problem and I didn't want to confide in Carlisle (which was very rare), I knew Alice would listen without judgment. She'd give me her honest opinion. She respected my privacy and gave me space when I required it.

I often thought of Bella and wondered what she was going through. I prayed that she was well and taken care of; she deserved so much. I knew she was meant for extraordinary things and she could accomplish anything she set her mind to. As she grew and progressed in her life, I wanted her to have happy experiences, filled with so much warmth and love. I hoped her mother provided her with the opportunities. I hoped she had an Esme and Carlisle in her life, to give her all that her heart desired. Bella embodied her name both in spirit and heart, it was the perfect fit for her: beautiful.

It was now the end of my high school phase and tomorrow we would be leaving for Isle Esme. Bella would be starting her sophomore year, and I silently wished her all the luck and success. My next step was premed and then medical school, I wanted to become the person she could be proud of and the person she could always put her faith in. And with regard to my family, I wanted to make them proud of me and my achievements. I knew the next part of my life would be long and difficult, but with the love of my family, Shelly's vision of life, and Bella's unwavering belief in me, I would succeed.

I would always hold onto my connection and the memories I had of Bella, never allowing them to wander to far from my conscious mind. I knew I would see her again one day. When that time came, she would be proud of the person I would become, and she would smile while her jade-speckled eyes glistened with her happiness, because she always believed in me.

* * *

Author's Notes: Alright everyone, there you have it; finally some Jasper and Bella interaction. I wasn't sure about writing this chapter, and was very nervous to post it. I knew it was only a memory of Jasper's from when he saw Bella, but I think it was the right way to write it. I needed to put more information into this chapter and writing it this way allowed me to. I also needed to have some closure for Alice and Jasper.

This chapter sets up the rest of this story. There is a lot planned for our favorite couple. More time will pass, but don't worry, it is Bella and Jasper's turn. I won't keep them apart in the chapters anymore. The next post will be what I call entr'acte. It will finally be a Bella's POV. We will learn why she was upset, and what has been going on in her life. I'm excited to post it.

I wanted to especially thank Calliso for her unwavering support, especially with this chapter. Your help was wonderful, and thanks for the advice.

Please let me know what you thought. The entr'acte should be up on Saturday. It will not be nearly this long. It is more of a bonus chapter, if you will. Thus the name Entr'acte . . .

Much love.

_Posted: 10 June 2010_

_**Edited: 17 June 2011**_


	13. Entr'acte

Disclaimer: SM and affiliates own all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Entr'acte**

The sound of the engines of the plane drowned out the noise from my crying. Life sometimes never was fair. I never liked Washington. I was a child of the sun, loving the feel of the soft, warm rays on my skin; although, one could never tell by how pale my skin was. Even though I was born in Washington, Arizona was my state of choice, not because of my mom, but because of the weather. When I was a baby, my mother Renee left my father and took me along for the ride. Of course I never had a choice because she had custody of me.

I would occasionally visit my father in the summers for a couple weeks. I would either meet him in California – where the rest of his family was – or I would spend the time with him in Forks, Washington. My father was a police officer in the small town that he lived in, and he loved his job. When I was with him it was sometimes awkward because we didn't have a lot of hobbies in common. However, our personalities were still alike and I knew my father tried. We were both quiet to a fault and never comfortable expressing our emotions to each other. 'I love you' was not a common phrase in the Swan household. Even though my dad Charlie never told me out loud, I still knew he loved me. I could see it in his eyes and the way he always tried to protect me from the big, bad world. I was and would always be his little girl; it was the way of fathers since the beginning of man. Or so I liked to believe. I also looked like my father. We had the same dark hair and plain brown eyes. Charlie always said my eyes were like melted chocolate with mint chips in them. I smiled at the memory.

…

"_Your eyes aren't plain, Bells," he laughed._

"_Yes they are, dad. What are you looking at?" I rolled my eyes at him. Charlie just poked me in the ribs making me giggle._

"_They look like melted chocolate sprinkled with mint chips. Your eyes are brown, but when you really care about someone or something, or when you are upset they have green specks in them. They are beautiful. It's like your mom says 'your eyes are the window to your soul' or something like that." I smiled at him. It was rare when he was sentimental with me. I cherished the moments. _

"_Thanks, dad. I know you are trying to make me feel better and I appreciate it, but I know you are full of it." Charlie stood up and walked in front of me. I was getting nervous thinking I crossed the line. He bent down and grabbed my face._

"_You aren't plain, kiddo. You are beautiful." Tears filled my eyes without permission. Charlie cleared his throat. _

"_Thanks, dad. That means a lot to me, really." I gave him a little smile._

"_Well," he said, clearing his throat again because he was becoming uncomfortable with my water works. "It's the truth kiddo – plus your eyes turn dark brown when I tickle you!" he shouted. _

_His fingers found my ribs and my stomach. I was laughing so hard my emotional tears turned into happy tears. Charlie laughed along with me. His laugh was deep and rumbled in his chest; he had the greatest laugh. When he finished tickling me, he wiped my tears and looked into my eyes._

"_See, dark brown. I love every shade of your eyes, kiddo, and I love you." My heart swelled with love for my dad. _

…

"Bella, baby, it's time to wake up." I sat up with a start. I must have been dreaming of my time with Charlie. I was nine years old that year and spent the summer with him. We had a great time that year. We hung out a lot, just the two of us. He made an effort to do what I liked and I went fishing with him.

I wiped the sleep from my eyes and realized they were still wet. Renee dried the tears from my cheeks and placed a kiss where her hands were.

"I'm sorry you have to go through this, baby. I know you didn't get to spend much time with your father, but he loved you more than anything in his world. All he ever wanted to do was protect you and make you happy."

"I know, mom," I answered brokenly. "Can we please not talk about this right now? I would just like to go home and lay down," I pleaded with Renée.

"Sure, baby, we can do what you want." She looked at me again, I could tell she wanted to say something else, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear it. I could see she was sad too, and I wanted her to feel better.

"What is it, mom?"

"You can always read people so well. It's just when I look at you, it reminds me of your father. You look so much like him and you were always more like him then me. You are my middle-aged child."

I knew I hadn't been ready to hear her words. My eyes filled with tears, and I wiped them quickly. Renee never realized that it made me self conscious when she made that remark to me. I tried not to act old, but I couldn't really help it, it's the way I was built. I smiled at her, not wanting to alert her to my hurt feelings. I got out of my seat.

After getting our baggage and a cab home, I entered my room and lay down on my bed. My heart hurt. I missed my father, and I wanted him back. I never had had enough time with him. Now he was lost forever. He would never tickle me again, he would never pester me about going fishing with him and he would never pester me about not knowing anything about sports. I would never sit in my father's lap again as he comforted me when I was sad. Most importantly, I would never be a daddy's girls again. My father was gone and there was nothing I could do. I would forever miss the love of my father.

The funeral was what you would expect for a cop. He was honored for his services followed by a seven gun salute. I was given the flag that draped him. I clutched it to my chest. My tears dampened the cloth, and Renée put her arms around me. I was still missing my father. My mother couldn't fill that hole in my heart. My father was my unspoken hero, he always would be and nothing would change that.

I rolled onto my side, thinking about another person who came into my life like an Arizona wind and swept right out just as quickly. I often thought about my phantom angel. I had never wanted to go to that horrible camp, but Renee wanted to go on her retreat; who was I to stop her. She deserved to live her life the way she chose. She had become pregnant pretty young, being a mother never really crossed her mind until I came along. As I grew older she never knew how to deal with me; I was so very different than her in every aspect of my life. Where I was content, she was a free spirit; where I felt at peace, she felt restless.

Renee lived her life on the cusp of existence: always trying new things and living for the moment. I was more rational, looking at life differently. By the time I was nine, I started taking care of Renee. I would cook and clean, I paid the bills and made sure we had food in the house. I never faulted Renee for her oversight; it was just the way she was. I loved my mom, but we were just different. I reminded her of Charlie and she left him because she was too young to settle down and wanted to experience what the world held for her. Renee wasn't built for a life in the suburbs. She always cautioned me about marrying early, encouraging me to live my life for me, and not to settle at a young age. This was all good advice, but I just wasn't her. I just took her advice with a grain of salt.

My mind traveled back to when I had first met my phantom angel. When I went on that hike and fell down the trail, I knew I was in trouble. After coming to, from passing out, I tried to stand but my foot was too damaged. There was no where I could go. No matter how loud I called out, no one came for me. I was scared for Renee and Charlie. I was there only child and they loved me so fully. They would be scared and going out of their minds. Charlie was the strong silent type, but he would eventually break down on the inside. I didn't want them to be scared, but there was nothing to do. I started to cry, thinking there was a good possibility I wouldn't be found. I didn't want to die. But being accident prone, I was accustomed to these incidents. I tired myself out from crying. The next thing I knew, I was waking up and a beautiful broken angel was in front of me.

I could tell Jasper was sad from the first time I looked into his eyes. There was so much anguish and pain. I felt myself wanting to take it away all from him. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. His skin was so white, but was I could see he had faint scars on his arms. I wondered what could have caused them. My heart broke for the pain he suffered. His skin was flawed but still beautiful. His eyes were this unbelievable shade of imperial topaz that glowed in the light. His blond, curly hair fell into his eyes, casting a shadow over his brows. The pain in his orbs spoke to my soul, and all I could think about was how tragically beautiful he was.

I realized what I was thinking and blushed. I hated when my cheeks gave away my embarrassment. A light bulb went off in my head; Jasper would help get me back to my parents. I had no fear of him. There was something about him that spoke comfort to me. The immediate connection I felt with him scared the living daylights out of me. No matter how much I tried to think otherwise, the bond between our souls was there and real. I felt like Renee when she was on her flights of fancy. And when our time was over I was heartbroken. I never knew if I would see Jasper again, but he promised me that he would always be there.

When I closed my eyes and listened to him speak to me for that last time, I knew that I loved Jasper. It was crazy and made no sense, but it was just the way I felt. I couldn't explain myself. I was lost to him and my soul would always be united with his.

Over the years, I would call out for him, to save me from my nightmares and to save me when I didn't want either of my parents. He was with me when I had no friends and felt my loneliest. He was with me when my mother went on one of her crazy streaks and brought me along. He was with me when I needed him the most. Even though he never showed up physically, I could still feel his worry and concern for me internally. I knew without a shadow of a doubt he was really there no matter what Renee said to me. She didn't have to believe me about Jasper. He lived in my heart. I thought about earlier and actually seeing him in person since the last time we met on a star-filled night.

…

_My father's death was the hardest things that I ever had to live through. I would feel his loss and abstinence from my life forever. No amount of time would change the love I felt for him or take away the memories we shared. I loved him since the day I was born, and I would love him to my dying day. The first night after he died, I called out for Jasper to come and take away my pain. I wanted him to be there for me like he was in my time of need when my life was in danger. He had promised, and I knew he would be there eventually. Renee was mad because I would call out for him in my time of need, but I couldn't help it. Jasper had been there for me, and I had felt safe with him. My soul felt comforted by his. I needed that now more than any other thing. _

_After Charlie's services, and after we were done packing his house, Renee and I left to the airport; it was time to go home. My father was gone, and I was leaving him here to sleep forever. I still hadn't seen Jasper and it added to my anguish. I thought that I would see him – even if it was for a minute. They were childish dreams that I never grew out of. So with another look around and a piece of my innocence lost, I got in the rental car and headed to the airport. After checking our bags and locating our gate, I sat down and started to cry for my losses. I cried for my father, all of the things he would miss out on. I cried for my lost innocence and the realization that I would never see Jasper again. I must have zoned out because Renee was telling me it was time to go. I took another deep breath before standing up. It was time to face the truth. I said a silent goodbye to my childhood hero and my phantom angel. I followed my mother to my bleak future. _

_Then without any warning, I felt that peace I had felt only once before. My battered heart stopped for a second before it started beating again. I was stunned and scared all at once. My heart would break even more if I was wrong. I turned around slowly and saw the person who my soul cried for the most. Tears filled my eyes, clouding my vision of him. I always knew he would be there. My soul was filled with such a radiance I thought I would go blind. I would never understand this bond I had with Jasper, but somehow he was the other half of me. He was my friend and my comforter. He was my savior in my time of need. His very presence in my life made everything brighter. Even if I never knew him, my soul would still be his. Our bond was not romantic, but it was filled with love and a deep friendship. He smiled at me and waved his beautiful hand. I was lost to him all over again. Time and distance may have dimmed our connection some, but it would never break. I was comforted by that amazing thought. _

_I didn't want to leave him. I wanted to run into his arms and let him comfort me, taking away all of my pain while I took away all of his. Just in those few moments we had together, my heart was lightened. I felt comfort from my pain. _

_When I saw Jasper was becoming sad, I tried to get away from Renee. I wanted to run to Jasper. I felt like it was my job to make him happy, but no matter how much I struggled with her, she wouldn't let go of me. I started to panic; I never knew if I would see him again. Our time was over too fast. Before I started to cry again, I felt a rush of joyful love and reassurance; my heart was filled with an indescribable peace. Jasper had stirred those feeling in me. It wasn't my imagination, and I couldn't explain how he did it, but I know for a surety it was him. I closed my eyes and let the feeling fill my soul. A smile came to my lips at the rush of emotions. Renee pulling on my arm jolted me out of my comfort. I opened my eyes again. _

_I looked in Jasper's butterscotch eyes, not knowing when I would see him again. He spoke silently to me, "Be happy, little angel. I'm sorry." _

_My eyes instantly watered. I wanted to weep because I didn't want to be lost forever from him; I never wanted to be without. However, I was well aware life didn't work that way. I knew he was sorry because he couldn't get to me. Renee was still pulling on me. I nodded to him, letting him know I understood. _

"_Thanks, Jasper, I love you! I always remembered and I always will," I whispered. I needed him to know and understand I never forgot our connection or my love for my friend. _

_I knew he was suffering. I could see the pain in his eyes and my soul longed to take his sadness. He only deserved to be happy. He was an amazing person, no matter what he thought of himself. I could see the truth so clear. The tears were falling from my eyes so fast; there was no reason to wipe them away. My mother pulled me again, and right before I turned the corner, I looked to him again to get my fill. He spoke to me once more._

"_I love you too, little one!" _

_My heart was screaming for him, but I had to leave. My soul broke, but underneath the pain I was grateful that I was able to see my friend again. I nodded my head again and waved goodbye to him before he was out of my sight. It was one of the hardest things I had to experience, and on top of my father's death, my anguish was high. However, I was content in the knowledge that Jasper had come. He had been there for me in my most trying time. He gave my soul something that no one else could. While we were waiting in line to get to our seats, I whispered my gratitude to him and sent it to the heavens._

"_Thank you, Jasper. I knew you would come when I needed you the most. I knew you wouldn't break your promise."_

"_Bella, for the last time there is no Jasper." I was sad that after all these years she didn't believe me. But we had been through a hard time, and I didn't want to add to her pain anymore. I just wanted her happy again. _

"_Okay, Renee, there is no Jasper," I lied to her and cried for her doubt in me. My mother wanted to believe what she wanted; there was no changing her mind._

…

I rolled onto my back and brushed the wetness from my face. My heart was still calling out for him, but there was nothing to be done. I had to have the hope and faith that one day I would see Jasper again. Until then, I knew he would be with me forever because I carried a piece of his soul with me. It silently waited to be reunited with him.

* * *

Author's Notes: And there you have it. If you have the time I would love to know what you think. Thanks again for all the support and encouragements over the last couple of months.

Much love to all.

_Posted: 12 June 2010_

_**Edited: 19 June 2011**_


	14. Amazing Achievements

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Amazing Achievements**

Part Thirteen

8 September – Jasper's POV

"Emmett," I grumbled into the phone. He was my five going-on several decades old brother. "I cannot go treasure hunting with you. I don't care if you had Edward hide the treasure well. I have to go into work today. I'm sorry to burst your simple-minded bubble, but this is the life of an adult." I knew I sounded harsh, but sometimes I couldn't take his over active enthusiasm.

"How long are you going to babysit Eddie's ass stick, and how did you even get it wedged out of his ass's mega grip?" I tried not to laugh because I would only be encouraging his behavior. He did have a point about our tightly wound brother.

"I'm not even going to dignify that inappropriate question with an answer," I said in my most pompous voice, knowing it would raise Emmett's hackles.

"Damn it, Jazz, man. Why the hell are you joining Eddie in his I-speak-like-an-educated-person-and-not-an-oversexed-Duke-getting-head-in-a-trashy-second-rate-novel campaign?" he yelled in his toddler voice. I loved Emmett, but damn he could be annoying. "Why the hell am I surrounded by men who want to take their shirts off because their hard nipples are straining the fabric, ride on a white horse, and try and save their hooker of a damsel who gives second rate head compared to my Rosie?" How did Emmett know so much about Harlequin Romance Novels anyhow?

"Emmett, for the last time, keep your sexual escapades to yourself. And how are you so well versed in horny romance novels? I would dearly love to know how you know the plots so intricately."

I could hear only silence on the other end. I smirked.

"I'm not going to grace that beyond ludicrous assumption with a response." Now who sounded like a squire on some maiden voyage to conquer his lady loves' over used female parts?

"Come now, brother, tell me your favorite title, 'The Nave and The Maiden' by Blythe Gifford, or my personal favorite 'Scandalous Lord, Rebellious Miss' by Deb Marlowe." I held in my laugh.

"I . . . I . . ." Who knew Emmett could be silenced so effortlessly.

"Me thinks thou doth protest too much," I finished, allowing him to work out the meaning himself. When I knew he was silenced for good I finished my conversation with my lascivious-minded brother. "Well it was nice speaking to you, Emmett, but since you seem to have removed Eddie's ass stick from my ass and got it caught in your mouth, thus silencing you, it's time for grown-up Jasper to go to work. I'll leave you to work out the taste of Edward's asshole; let me know what you think." It felt good to get one up on the big guy.

"Fuc . . ." he started to yell his eloquent answer (having dislodged said stick), but I accidently hung up. I laughed at my trumped brother before getting ready to leave.

I thought about my job, and the compassion I felt toward it. Eight years had passed since I made my choice to work in medicine, and I never regretted it for one moment. After one year of high school and seven years of medical training, I was so eager to get done with school. I skipped a year of medical school by doing summer terms. Thinking about the beginning of my medical training brought back memories of Bella and the last time I had seen her. Two thousand nine hundred and twenty one days comprised the eight years it had been since I had last saw my angel. And not one of those days passed without her beatific face and eternal goodness in my thoughts.

Being a vampire had its advantages, but it also had its pitfalls. I had never thought about my unlimited amount of time until Bella came into my life. I wasn't and human; time had no bearing on me, but it did on my angel and her destructible body. My days were twice as long as hers because of my lack of sleeping, which made it seem all the longer since I had seen her. I thought of the years that passed without her beautiful distraction as I finished getting ready for work. There were funny moments, sad moments, disgruntled moments, and some that caused me to question my sanity.

…

Year One

I had graduated from high school for the final time and got accepted into the university of my choice. My grades were, of course, amazing, and the relationship with my family was strong. I was off into a world that held much potential for me and unrealized dreams.

…

Year Two through Year Five

My four years at Oregon State University were short of amazing. I had gone to college before and majored in many things and in many fields, but premed was wonderful. It was easy to see why Carlisle (even Edward for that matter) was somewhat addicted to medicine and science. There was so much knowledge to be learned, ways for me to actually make up for some of my failed life. To learn how a human body functioned and survived opened my eyes to the fragility of the human plight. The world us vampires shared with humans was diverse, filled with many calamities that threatened them, but through innovation and science, humans were given the opportunity to actually stand a fighting chance. The many prospects amazed me.

My classes were interesting, always keeping me busy. I wanted to learn everything and anything that could give me the advantage in saving a life. I had taken so many lives over my years of destruction that I wanted to learn to do the opposite. Carlisle was an immense help and supported me even though both our schedules were very busy schedule. After Alice and Edward graduated Forks High, Carlisle and the rest of the family came and joined us that were already living in Oregon. It was wonderful to have them near.

However, I quickly learned that with everyone at home and living under one roof, I would have to live on my own. I became accustomed to being somewhat independent that it was almost hard for me to adjust to living with so many. I wanted to have my family close by me, but I also wanted to have my own personal space again. When Emmett, Rose and I first moved to Oregon, I lived separately from them. I had my own apartment, while they had theirs. I could never survive school, working at the hospital, and studying while living with the twenty-four seven sex duo. Our situation worked out well, and the distractions that Emmett caused were held to a minimum.

When Carlisle and Esme moved near us, she wanted us all together. It had been a while since she had the opportunity to mother us, so with much trepidation, I relented to her wishes. To say that it was hell – living with Emmett and Rose again – would have been a gross understatement. I gave Esme one year, knowing I couldn't take the distraction anymore. I wanted to be serious and take my studies earnestly. I wanted to try and finish school within six years. Carlisle cautioned me, making sure I took my time to take all the classes I wanted and not regret missing anything in my hurry. His advice was of course heeded, and I decided to go the extra year and graduate in seven.

So after the hell of my second year of college (third year without seeing Bella), I moved into my own apartment again and life returned to sanity.

My third year of college was underway and I barely ever took anytime to have fun. I was so devoted to my schooling; little was able to break my concentration. One evening Emmett came over and with much pestering and with some help from an evil pixie, I finally decided to go to an activity that Emmett planned for us. What the fuck were we thinking to let Emmett have any control over what we did?

_After finally getting to Portland and listening to Emmett sing one hundred bottles of Eddie's Venom on the Wall, I was ready to strangle him. I never knew vampires could get headaches, but Emmett was able to prove that theory with a twenty minute car ride. I opened my door, raced out of the car a little too fast and sucked in glorious fresh air. Emmett called us all on, with barely restrained murderous thoughts I followed him. _

_I had known it was a fucking mistake to agree to anything Emmett had suggested. Here I was for the second hour and counting, listening to some chick (if you could actually call her that) with cat hair stuck all over her clothes, beat on her bongos and whine about the unfairness of the American society and the role women played in a male dictated culture. I was all for women's lib and equality, but this shit was just ridiculous. I could have been studying and learning about life saving techniques, not how a flower given to a woman symbolizes a woman's lady part and the man's need to dominate said part. Where the hell did people come up with this stuff? I looked over at my two sisters and could read the same expression on their faces that mine had. They were beyond livid; Rose was at the top of that list. Emmett was in for some pain when they got home. That fucker deserved it and more. _

_Thinking of the fucker, I looked over to my right and saw the devious smirk that graced his face. That bastard was enjoying our suffering. He was feeling nothing but glee and mischievousness, while the rest of us were feeling murderous and most likely thinking of how high we could get a fire before we threw Emmett into it. Edward looked over at me, giving me a nod of his head, confirming what I thought._

'_I say we tear his dick off, through it into the fire, and leave the rest of him intact.' I thought, Edward laughed at my wicked thoughts. _

"_What the fuck is so funny, Eddie?" Emmett screamed over the cat lady and her bongos. The only positive was Emmett was able to silence her, along with everyone else in the café. "This poor dude is trying to talk about the unfairness to hoe's and you have the gull to laugh at him." Well this shit was about to get interesting. Edward just shook his head and waited for the outburst. _

"_Who the hell are you calling a dude? How dare you disrespect a female by calling her that vulgar word!" screeched the mistaken dude with her hairy chin. _

"_There is no way you are a woman," Emmett continued, oblivious to all around him. "Now my Rosie is a woman through and through, and you, sir, are no woman. I can see your penis through your shorts." Emmett pointed at her unattractive camel toe. Damn Emmett could be so oblivious, or perhaps intentionally unobservant. "Now if you are done talking about how you never get laid and how your cats are the only people to understand you, then there are others who would like to have a turn?" I had absolutely no words. Emmett was beyond unbelievable. The rest of the audience was laughing; there really was nothing else to do. I felt torn between pity and hilarity for the poor person and just stayed blank._

_The cat lady picked up her bongos, threw them at Emmett's head, and ran from the stage in a rage. "It's assholes like you that continue to degrade the fight of women everywhere!" she yelled as a parting phrase. _

_Emmett of course was not to be outdone. "And it's dude's like you that cry in their parents' basements about never being able to have sex, while playing world craft and talking in Klingon." Thankfully the lady, with the horrendous camel toe, was gone and didn't hear Emmett. The man-child was unfazed and proceeded to take the stage. With the mike in hand, he continued his down spiral._

"_Well ladies and gentlemen: I'm sorry for some people's poor manners." He had to be kidding himself. "To leave in the middle of a performance is just uncalled for, but thankfully there are some who come prepared." What the hell was he up to? Emmett pulled out a black book that was wrapped in leather and looked to be old. I wondered what he was planning again. "Tonight I would like to read to you about a little boy who seemed lost and loved his mother. His story is one of real hurt and pain." _

_I looked over to my left and saw that Alice was in some kind of vision; Edward was trying to make sense of what she was seeing. In the back of my mind I could hear Emmett reading from his little book._

"_Sometimes I feel that my family doesn't understand me. I'm like a lone ranger, staring out at the bluffs of solitude. My brothers and sisters have each other to make love too, and my parents try and make me feel included, but . . ." Emmett continued while others in the audience started to make gagging noises at what he read. Emmett wasn't fazed and on read. "I'm never one to shoot the shit, but how much can one make love before it is enough. I would think that a man's_ _external sex organ would fall off from total exhaustion. I myself have never taken in the delights of making sweet love to a woman, but in personal experimentation, while listening to Al Green's 'Tired of Being Alone', I have learned that there is a limit to the amount of times a man can ejaculate. My brother Emmett is the biggest love machine I have had the pleasure of hearing." _

_Alice came out of her vision, shaking her head to clear the imagines. Edward was beyond murderous, ready to shit fire out of every orifice he possessed. Then it finally hit me, Emmett was reading something personal of Edward's. Rose had her head buried in her hands, shaking her head at her soon to be dead husband. _

"_Emmett!" bellowed Edward, finally reaching his absolute limit. Emmett stopped reading and looked at him, a smile playing on his lips. "What the fuck do you think you are doing? I wrote those words in a completely different fashion, you are making up some distorted bullshit." _

"_I know, Eddie, but I thought the people in the audience would feel your pain more if I reworked some of the entries." Emmett loved to push Edward's buttons, but I think tonight he had gone too far. Edward stood up and I quickly followed, making sure that nothing got out of hand. _

"_Get your ass off that stage right now, put the mike down, hand me that damn book, and quietly make your way out of this establishment," Edward hissed. _

"_Or what, Eddie?" Emmett had the balls to challenge him. _

"_We shall see who is really the mama's boy. I have no problem making my way home and conveniently tell Esme about your performance debut on how you made her family sound improperly intimate," Edward stated confidently. _

_Emmett gulped. He knew his ass was in trouble. Emmett tried to give Edward an apologetic smile, but he wasn't having that shit. Emmett quickly dropped the mike and ran from the stage out the door. Edward turned around and addressed the crowd. _

"_I'm sorry for the trouble caused tonight. I hope you take our sincere apologies to heart!" he said, the crowd erupted into applause. Edward bowed down, accepting the praise. The rest of us followed him out._

That was a fun night, but also very messed up. Emmett of course never learned his lesson, but usually a few well chosen words from Edward could get him to shut his mouth. No one wanted to face Esme's wrath. One would think us being vampires and all, we wouldn't be afraid of her, that wasn't the case.

…

My fourth year of college passed, and I was now ready to finally graduate again. The next round of my education called to me. Fourth year of college was fun, but in learning the distraction Emmett and everyone else could be, I opted to go to a different school than the rest. I sent in my applications and was readily accepted to Yale Medical School. This is where I knew I was going to go three straight years instead of taking a break and going four. I was anxious to finally be done with school, wanting to be in the real world, making a difference. I loved to learn, but I was just ready to work. I also didn't want to have to deal with teachers who tried to come onto me. I understood that vampires were supposed to be beautiful, and everything about us was geared towards luring our prey, but some were just beyond creepy.

So after graduating summa cum laude, having Esme be very emotional, and having a professor fired, I left OSU, and made my way to New Haven, Connecticut.

…

Year Six through Year Eight 

The three years that I attended medical school, were indescribable and so very fulfilling. It was something that I had actually accomplished without taking the life of another or even being tempted to. The years weren't hard because I did have photographic memory, but they were a challenge. The years were filled with studying and little time for anything else. I spent some time with my family, but the majority of it was spent in school. Carlisle was proud and understood my need to excel. I was ready to help others, I wanted to start righting some of those wrongs that my past was littered with.

When I was finally done, I graduated top of my class with honors. Thus is fell on me to give the speech at graduation.

_The day was cloudy with spurts of rain. Most people hated this weather, but I looked forward to it. I was able to go outside and walk around. New Haven wasn't that sunny, but on the days that the sun did shine, I was usually stuck on campus until the sun set. I never complained, but it sure was nice that on my last day here I would be able to walk to my graduation freely. _

_I took my seat up on the stage, waiting for my name to be called. When I was finally announced, I took a deep breath and made my way to the podium. I looked out into the crowd I would be addressing and started my long awaited moment. A picture of Bella smiling passed through my thoughts, I was comforted in having her with me._

"_Dean Thomas, Dr. Hamlin, Distinguished Guest, Family, Friends, and my fellow graduates, a wise man once said: _

'_You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own.__And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go.__' Well ladies and gentlemen: Dr. Seuss was correct in his assumptions. _

_On this day and in this month and in this year, you are those people who will decide where your life will take you. You have achieved something that no one will be able to take from you. Eight years ago, give or take, you started out with a dream and the determination and fortitude to accomplish that dream. When you told your families of that dream their first thought was probably, "Okay how much is this going to cost?", but then they realized that your accomplishment and the knowledge you would gain would far outweigh any monetary value. _

_You probably entered college as a scared individual who had never lived away from your parents or guardians or your life lead you down this path for a certain reason, but whatever the reasons, you decided to embrace the challenge that college would offer. You worked hard for the next four years to be accepted to the next part of your dream that would take you to your ultimate goal. Now here you sit, another four years later with your recent success and achievements, still as individuals, but as a collective whole more confident and ready to accept the challenges that life and careers will offer. You are ready to embrace this next phase of your life with the same attitude and perseverance that was required when you started medical school. _

_As you make your way into the world and the work force remember the lessons that you learned all throughout school, hard work and dedication will get you far, when life starts feeling to overwhelming and tough take a deep breath, and realize you can do anything you set your mind to. We are not limited in what we want for our futures, but limitless in our knowledge and talents for what we know we can achieve, and through the support of our friends and family all things are attainable. And just like Medical school, we may not reach our goals in the immediate future, but after we do what is needed and we prove our worth we will become all that we ever hoped for when we were just starting out on this goal. _

_In my personal life, I have had my individual challenges and my failures, but from those failures I was able to learn from my mistakes and embrace those challenges which tried to hold me down. I worked through my struggles and hard times and when I overcame those disappointments, I stood back and rejoiced in my success. The joy on my parents' faces and the words "I'm proud of you" were more praise to me than any award I may have received. So on this day when we celebrate the hard work it took for us to reach the pinnacle of schooling, let us be proud of those who helped pave the way for us to be here and let us say to them, "Thank you for the encouragements and dedication you put into us. We could not have done it without you." _

_In that distance future when you are established in your career choices always remember the joy you felt on this day. Remember the light that filled each of your souls and the smiles that graced each of your faces, and never let that feeling fade, because you have succeeded in your goals and laid another brick to the foundation you will build the rest of your tomorrows on. I congratulate you on all of your success and triumphs this day. I congratulate your families and all those who have strived to help you achieve this accomplishment, and I congratulate all of those who have passed before they were able to see what they helped you to attain on this glorious day. We are done with this chapter of our lives and we are ready to embrace whatever is waiting for us in our futures. Again congratulation and always remember your amazing achievements."_

_As I sat down once I completed my speech, I looked around the room at the different faces. I felt their joys and happiness. I felt the parent's happiness for their children, but also their sadness in realizing that their children were all grown up. They were ready to embrace their futures. I felt some of the relief of the teachers in creating another batch of the future doctors of our world. I was riding an emotional high. _

_Carlisle, Esme, and the rest of the family were here to watch me in my big moment. It had been a long journey for me, but worth every moment, excluding taking Shelly's life. I smiled at my family, feeling relieved that I had finally accomplished something so worthwhile and something Carlisle, my family, Shelly, and my angel could be proud of. _

My years without Bella had been hard but successful. I had missed her at every moment, but she was never far from my thoughts.

I ended my stroll down memory lane, and realized I needed to get to work. I grabbed my keys, made my way to my beautiful baby, and allowed her to drive me the too short distance to work. I made my way into Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center (DHMC), where I had been working on my internship for the last few months. I moved here after graduating, to be near my family and to take an internship. The rest of the 'Cullen Children' were currently studying at Dartmouth. Instead of going back to school again after graduating from OSU, they enrolled at Dartmouth to study.

I entered the doctor's locker room and prepared myself for the long night that was head of me. I was glad that this was my last night shift. It really didn't matter to me what shift I worked, but for some reason, I preferred the morning and afternoon. I set out to work, clearing my mind of all that would distract me, allowing my mind to center on those who would need me.

After a somewhat busy night, I made my way into the last ward and checked on the overnight patients. Most were already asleep and doing fine. As I turned the corner and made my way down the last hall I had to cover, I immediately stopped. For the third time in my existence I . . .

* * *

Author's Notes: Hello, loves. Sorry for the mini-cliffe (I know I'm evil, mwahaha). I hope you liked the chapter, even a little. I know it is nowhere near my best, but it was very necessary. I needed to progress the time a long, and I needed to do it in a fashion where everyone wouldn't be confused with the time jump, and what happened in between.

If you are still confused, sorry, :D

The next chapter is the VERY BIG ONE, and what everyone has been waiting for.

Also, I will be out of town for the next month. I had to make an unexpected trip for a few weeks to help out my God Mom. I will try and update while I'm away, but I really cannot make any promises. My first priority is helping my God Mom. I will at least post the next chapter next week, probably in the beginning of the week. I know everyone is finally anxious for some real and quality Jasper/ Bella time, and I promise the chapter will not disappoint, even if this one is. I wanted to get something out there before I left, and I didn't have enough time to make it great so it's just fine.

Until next time . . . Much love to all.

_Posted: 17 June 2010_

_**Edited: 21 June 2011**_


	15. Promise I'm Here

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Promise I'm Here**

Part Fourteen

8 September – Jasper's POV

I completely stopped when I smelled the scent of freesia. My world paused and the only thing that mattered was her smell filling my lungs, my dead body. I inhaled deeply, trying to convince myself that the moment was real, not some alternate universe where time was cruel and meant to taunt me. My little angel was near; the only thing I could process was I had to be near her.

I quickly walked down the hall to where her scent was mainly concentrated and took another deep breath. Her scent was now almost tangible to me, like I could reach out and touch it. My longing to be near her intensified as I slowly opened her door and looked in. And there she was – the little one –my angel . . . Bella.

No matter how many times I played the reality out in my mind, it just couldn't be true. It had been eight years since I'd seen Bella. Watching her sleeping in her bed, she looked peaceful, like nothing bad in the world could ever touch her. She was curled up on her side and the blanket was pulled up to the bottom of her chin. Her eyes were closed tight; a slight smile graced her face. She resembled a small child curled up on the couch, taking a nap. Bella was even more beautiful than when she was younger. She had always been striking with her long, overflowing brown hair and deep gazing cinnamon eyes. Time had been gracious to her. Bella's beauty was timeless, and no matter what age she reached, she would always be beautiful.

My mind continued to spin at the sight of her. When I started my rounds, I had never imagined that my little angel would be here. I never knew when I would see Bella again. Over the past eight years, she had been on my mind, never leaving for more than a day. Whether in the deep recess of my mind or in the forefront of my thoughts, she was there. I always wished for her a happy and fulfilled life, never wanting her to feel the pains and ugliness the world had to offer.

The last time I saw Bella at the airport, I had sensed some of her innocence about the world around her was gone. She had experienced some tragedy that took away some of the rose tint from her glasses, leaving behind in its wake a new understanding and hard concept she had to learn. I was a realist and understood people had to experience things both positive and negative in order to grow as a person. However, that never stopped me from wishing my little angel all the splendor the world had to offer.

I pulled from my thoughts and found the courage to step into her room. I breathed in deeply. Immediately the smell of freesia and spring time filled my nose. The nostalgia of being somewhere I belonged started to flood inside me. I always knew no matter the place, time, or how long in between seeing her, my link with the little angel survived. Even if at times it seemed dormant, it was still there, waiting for the time it could come out of obscurity.

I closed my eyes and simply basked in the smell that had changed me so long ago. My breathing became deep, and my mind centered on everything that was Bella, forgetting the mundane around me. I opened my eyes and blinked several times, making sure this was real and not some damn daydream that I was partaking in. When I was positive my mind had not gone off the deep end, yet again, I moved closer to her bed. When the little angel was around, she became center stage and everything else faded into the background. There was no explanation as to why it happened. She was just that kind of person that one could lose themselves in, never desiring to be found.

I moved the end of her bed and saw her file hanging from the end and on the cover were the words, Isabella Swan. For the first time since I had met her, I knew her last name. It was fitting.

A noise caught my attention. Bella started to shift lightly in her bed. Her emotions were becoming anxious; I wondered what was going on in her mind and what dreams were filling her subconscious. Her eyelids were moving rapidly and her breathing was becoming shallow.

During my private monologue, I had forgotten the reason that I was here. I snapped out of my mind and came back to the present; I was in the hospital and in Bella's room. Bella was actually here and I was not in the land of make-believe. My mind kept replaying these words, willing it into my person, making me believe the message my mind was trying to convey. When I seemed to finally comprehend my surroundings, I realized my feet were bringing me closer to her sleeping figure.

Was I ready for this? After all these years of separation, was I ready to meet the adult Bella? Did I want to learn about the person she had become? Was I ready to learn about her life and all she had accomplished in her twenty-two years? Was I ready to replace her imagine in my head of all that I had built Bella up to be with the real her? Was I ready to let go of the little angel that had captured me so fully, finally allowing me to live my life free of my bloodlust? And most importantly, was I ready to learn the reason why she was laying five feet away from me, sleeping in a hospital bed?

All of these questions assaulted my mind. Doubt and fear assaulted me. No matter what I seemed to be thinking, however, my feet had a life of their own, and they were bringing me even closer to her.

I wondered what Bella would think. Would she be afraid of me? Would she be angry at me for not making more of an effort the last time I saw her? Would she recognize me and know who I was? Would she wish me far away from her? Would she want me to know what she had seen in her life and why she was here? These were questions that only the little angel could answer. They scared me shitless.

I finally noticed my feet had stopped moving. This moment was surreal, like a dream one has over and over, but never living the dream awake. I looked down at Bella and noticed how agitated she appeared. She seemed to be fighting something in her sleep, trying to get to something that wasn't in her reach. Her determination was strong, even for someone who wasn't cognizant. I wanted to wake her, but I wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do, I didn't want to scare her.

Now that I was this close to her, I could see she still lived up to her name. Her hair was still that deep mahogany color with chestnut highlights scattered within. Her hair was long and fanned the length of the pillow, down to the middle of her back. It was thick and I wondered if stuck my hand in it, would it disappear. Her forehead had little lines that were pinched because of her anxiety. Her eye brows were drawn tightly together.

Her almond shaped, doe-eyes were scrunched together. Her thick, black lashes were kissing her beautiful cheekbones as they fluttered over her skin. There were tinges of pink on the apples of her cheeks, and her small pert nose held the slight upturn from her youth. Her full bottom lip was sticking out, forming a cute little pout. Her heart shaped face was the picture of grace and timeless splendor.

Bella's skin was stretched tightly over her bones; the roundness of her youth was long gone. Her skin was still fair, as if it was never touched by the sun's rays. I couldn't see the rest of her because of the blanket, but I didn't doubt the rest was just as beautiful.

Even though Bella was beautiful, I could tell there was something wrong. Her face and neck were too pale, as if she hadn't been outside in months. Her hair had tangles from lack of brushing, and her cheeks were somewhat sunken in like she had lost a fair amount of weight.

My worry for her started to increase. My own concern and unease were becoming stronger as the minutes passed. I wanted to know what she was going through and what I could do to make it better. I wasn't sure how long I stood there, and I really didn't care, my focus was on the person sleeping before me. My fingers were begging me to touch her, to feel the warmth that only her skin could provide. My soul was crying for me to protect her, to make everything in her life better. This was an irrational thought, but my soul told my rationality to go to hell, because where Bella was concerned, noting was impossible.

"Jasper, please." Bella's whimper broke through my internal monologue.

My whole body awoke at the sound of her voice. Her tone had lost some of its high pitch from youth and became a little deeper. She no longer sounded like the little girl that was in my head, but a woman who was hurt and feeling pain. I inhaled deeply from my surprise and could smell she was anemic. Her lack of iron and vitamin D were really insufficient, and in the short amount of time I had been with her, my heart broke. Her call for me was only more heart wrenching, because I knew it was something she did when she was scared or suffering.

I tentatively touched Bella's cheek, my hand flared with heat from within as if I had some internal heater that was turned on full blast. I pulled my hand back like I had been burnt. Bella groaned in her sleep.

Did she know I was here? Was she groaning because of the loss of contact with my skin? I could feel her apprehension, but I didn't know what it was attributed to. Did my little angel realize I was really here or was she just calling for me to help her because it was habit? I wasn't sure what to do; I wanted to caress her flushed cheeks and untangle her magnificent hair, but was I ready to face her awake? Was I ready to look into her soul searching eyes and see the pain that would be reflected in them? I took a couple of deeps breaths, trying to stabilize my ever-changing mood. I opened my eyes and allowed providence to take control.

My fingers found their way to Bella's hair, and I gently started to work out some of the smaller tangles that were in her bangs. I moved closer to her and ever so slightly sat down on her bed; my other hand rest on the apple of her cheek that was not pressed into her pillow. Bella lifted her face, bringing it closer to the hand that was caressing her pink skin. A slight smile formed on her lips. I could feel the hot air that she exhaled in her sigh.

Her feelings of restlessness and agitation started to fade, being replaced with comfort and peace. My heart was overcome with love for this little one and happiness for the calmness I was able to provide her. Maybe she would be okay with me being here, and maybe destiny was ready for her to have a more permanent place in my life. I knew I was ready for her to wake. I wanted her to know I was here. With one silent prayer to the heavens above for strength and good luck, I leaned over Bella and spoke to her for the first time in eight years.

"Little angel, I'm here. I'm sorry it's taken me so long, but I promise I'm here," I whispered to her as I tucked hair behind her ear.

Bella shivered from my cool breath, her lashes started to flutter rapidly. I could feel her fighting to wake up. I could feel her determination to wake up from her world of dreams.

"Bella, open your eyes and you will see me. I'm here, little one," I pleaded. Her lashes were fanning her face erratically, struggling to open. When I opened my mouth to say something else, a tiny hand tenderly touched my cheek.

"Jasper," she rasped softly, "I knew it. I knew you would never leave me . . . you promised."

Her eyes were still fighting to open, but her smile was in full bloom. Her cheeks were filled with color from her excitement. Her heart started to beat a little faster, and the dregs of sleep that didn't want to release her were wearing off. I pinched her chin between my thumb and forefinger and raised her face up so she could look directly into my eyes.

After eight years of a drought from her murky eyes, I wanted to see them as soon as they opened. Bella granted my wish three seconds later. With one more thought of 'come what may', I opened my eyes and looked into the pools of brown with jade swirls that captured my soul ten years earlier. Bella's smile was contagious and I matched it with one of my own.

"Hi, phantom angel" she greeted; her eyes were fighting the brightness in the room. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and willed the venom away that tried to fill my eyes.

"Hey, little one, long time no see," I answered her lamely.

Bella laughed. She immediately started coughing because her throat was so parched. I turned around to get her some water from the pitcher that was on her table.

"Wait, don't leave!" she pleaded with me. My heart broke at the tone of her voice. I immediately wanted to reassure her, to put her at peace again.

"I'm just getting you some water, little one. I'm not leaving." Her cheeks flared with color before giving me a sheepish smile.

"Sorry."

"There's no need to apologize, angel," I said as I finished pouring her water. I turned around and held the cup out to her.

"Could you please help me up a little? I have a hard time moving these days." My anxiety at her condition became frantic. What the hell was wrong with her?

Hiding my fears from her, I placed my arm behind her back and gently lifted her into a sitting position. The blanket fell from her chest, down to her legs, and my eyes almost popped out of my head.

How the hell could I have been so stupid? I became so involved with Bella that everything else had just disappeared; that's how it was when I was in her presence. Now that I was finally listening clearly and not allowing anything else to distract me, I could hear the tiny little sound that overpowered Bella's.

A rhythmic _lup-dub, lup-dub, lup-dub._

…

My mind completely shut down; the only thing that registered was the sound of the tiny heartbeat. It beat twice as fast as Bella's and seemed to be strong. I was at a complete loss for words; I didn't know what to fucking say or think. I couldn't believe that I hadn't even registered the sound of the amazing little heartbeat. My little angel was pregnant with her own little angel. My world was spinning and I thought I was going to pass out; something I never believed possible for my kind. I closed my eyes and tried to internalize the information. I allowed my mind to catch up with what my eyes and ears beheld.

My ego was taking a beating at the moment. I was a damn vampire. I was fast and had senses that rivaled all other creatures. My mind had the capacity to compute things at an alarming rate and could retain anything and everything. I went to medical school and lived for over a hundred and fifty years. I killed people and beat the shit out of other vampires. I was a fucking badass from the Southern Wars, and others cowered in my shadow.

Despite all those things, I was sitting next to the little angel, not realizing she was going to have a baby. I had an urge to go back to Yale and hand in my diploma; or at least have some of the staff fired for not being intelligent enough to teach me how to recognize a pregnant woman. Who the hell was I kidding; I was the dumbass who couldn't pay attention to his surroundings. As I started to settle down from kicking my ass, I could tell Bella was a little hysterical. I snapped out of my internal soliloquy. I picked my head up and gently smiled at her, trying to show that I was fine.

"Jasper, you scared the crap out of me. Why didn't you answer me? I was trying to get your attention for about five minutes!" Bella huffed out.

She lowered her hand from her heart. I didn't want to overwhelm her. I took her tiny hand in my and started to rub gentle circles on the back. My insides instantly heated and my skin prickled from her touch. I wondered if she could feel the coldness of my skin.

"Bella, could you relax for me please? I didn't mean to upset you. I was just lost in my thoughts. It's been so damn long since I've seen you. My mind is just coming to terms with the situation," I explained in a soothing voice. I didn't want her to know what a dumbass I was in not realizing she was pregnant. "Take a few breaths for me, little one."

Bella breathed in and out a few times, her heart rate started to decrease. Bella looked at my face and started to smile again. I could feel her elation and happiness.

"Jasper, thank you," she said as water crystals appeared in her eyes, "for coming. I just knew you would be here. From the first time you made your promise to me under the light of a full moon, I knew I could trust you. In times of my deepest despair, you have been there. Whether in my dreams or in person, you have kept your promise. You have given me peace and comfort that you will never comprehend. My life hasn't been the easiest, but your presence in my life as made it special. What more could I ask for." She tilted her head to the side and a tear slipped.

"You provided me with the strength and fortitude I needed. Your part of my soul has never left, but clung to me in my most trying of times. It's something I could never repay you for. Please, don't think I am this creepy person who had these creepy feelings. I know it may not make any sense to you, but I just had to thank you. I'm sorry," Bella finished, effectively hiding her face behind the curtain of her hair.

I was amazed at the things she confided in me. I knew those had been my thoughts and feelings toward her. Bella's light saw me through some of my toughest moments, but I never contemplated that my influence had such a profound effect on hers. I never allowed myself to indulge in those thoughts because of my past. That was dangerous territory, not to be messed with. I could feel her discomfort and embarrassment.

"Bella, there is no reason to apologize. What you just said to me is amazing."

She moved a little of her hair from her face, allowing me to see her incredible brown and jade eyes.

"Thank you for being so honest with me. If I recall, it was always one of your more entertaining qualities. Your honesty is refreshing and brings a peace to my life. No matter what you say, I know it is the truth. Sometimes my life is shrouded in shades of grey. I know this confuses you, but one day I will elaborate. Just know, angel, that I appreciate your honesty. Everything you said to me outlines your influence in my life also. I've had a tough road, but your beautiful light brought me out of the shadows of my troubles and into the sun. I could never repay you for the impact you made in my life. Even though I have had some hard times, your faith turned me around. I also had the most amazing mentor to guide me over my very troubled waters," I added thinking of Carlisle.

"The love of my family was also such an amazing gift in my life. But make no mistake, little one, it was your initial child-like faith in me that helped to set me on the course my life took, and I have been grateful for that experience from the start."

_If not initially ashamed to almost taking your life_ . . . I added as in an afterthought in my head.

Bella was feeling awe at my words. I guess she never realized the impact she had made. I never thought she would. Even though she knew I was struggling with some things in my life, she never knew the extent of my problems. I didn't want to take any of her innocence she had in the world, or the good she saw in me. I guess that made me a coward, but I wouldn't change my decision.

"Wow, Jasper, that was beautiful," Bella whispered through her smile.

She placed her hands on her swollen stomach and rubbed small circles on the lower part of her abdomen. My eye sight went to her hands. I was flabbergasted again by the fact she was going to have a baby. I hadn't seen Bella since she was thirteen, and now she was twenty-two, expecting a child. I wanted to reach out and feel the little life in her stomach. While working in hospitals, I learned to love the miracle of life, the changing of a little egg into a full little person. It captured my fancy over the years and it never ceased to amaze me. I could feel the calming effect of her stroking her stomach. I stored it in the recessed of my mind.

"Damn, Bella, I can't believe you're pregnant," I blurted out, stupidly.

I felt like a dumb ass and wondered if I morphed into Emmett. How did he never feel any embarrassment at such horrible statements? Bella just laughed at my gaff and put me at ease. She was amazing.

"Yes, Jasper, I'm going to have a baby, thanks for pointing out the obvious," she joked. The snicker on her face made me want to blush.

"How did it happen?" Did my stupidity know no bounds?

"Well, Jasper . . . when a man and a woman love each other –" Bella said in between her laughs. She thought she was so cute (okay maybe she was, but not at my expense).

"Ha-ha, very funny, angel. What I meant to ask was how far along are you?"

"I'm about seven months. Can't you tell from the beach ball that is my stomach?" She smiled at me. I could already feel her incredible love for her child. Bella's love was complete and she hadn't even held her baby yet.

I couldn't believe I was going to admit this, but I felt she would see it as a complement. "To tell you the truth, I didn't even realize when I first saw you. When you were trying to pull me out of my stupor of thought earlier, I was internalizing the change in you. I was really taken aback." Bella smiled at me, and I could feel her gratefulness.

"Thanks for the pick-me-up. I swear I wasn't fishing for a complement."

"Sure, angel, women are never looking for a complement. And a pregnant woman is the most dangerous one of all. Beware of what you say or she may sit on you," I teased her.

"Hey!" Bella yelled while trying to put her hands on her hips to look fierce. She was too cute.

"Okay, okay, I give. You look stunning and so effervescent. Your radiance outshines the sun, and your translucent glow even makes the moon jealous."

Bella was speechless and tears started to gather in her eyes. What had I done now? I wanted to make her smile and my mouth was ruining everything.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry, angel!" I appealed to her. Bella just shook her head, trying to attempt to wipe her river of tears.

"No, Jasper, it's not your fault. My hormones are all over the place. If someone says something nice to me I turn into a leaking faucet. Don't pay attention to my waterworks. What you said was beautiful." I felt better, but I still hated to see her cry.

"No problem, Bella. The next time I need to wash my hands, I'll pay you a complement and stick them under your eyes. How does that sound?"

Bella wiped her tears and whispered 'smart ass' under her breath. I just chuckled and pretended not to hear her.

"Ha-ha, now who is the comedian?" At least my joke was funny, if not that original."

"Sure, Bella, whatever you say." I smirked at her.

"Do you need a time out? Do I need to put you into the hallway until you learn to be a good boy?" I raised my hands in surrender.

"I knew you were a smart guy. Never mess with a pregnant woman!" Bella said while pointing her finger at me.

I took her finger from the front of my face and placed a kiss on the tip. Bella blushed before smiling shyly at me. I didn't know what possessed me to do it, but her blush made me happy that I did. Her innocence was one of the most endearing things about her.

Bella cleared her throat and tucked her hair behind her ears. "So, Jasper, what are you doing in my room?" I was completely amazed when I woke up and found you here. I always knew you would come again, but I never knew when," she stated seriously.

I thought about what she said earlier about her dark times. I wondered why she would feel like she needed me now. Surely the father of her child was nearby. For some odd reason that thought made me want to cringe. I had no claims over Bella; she was just my little angel, making my world less dark.

"Well to be honest, I work here. This is where I am doing my internship. The first part of my training is here in the emergency room. I was making the last of my rounds when I realized you were here. When I came in, I was just as amazed as you were. All I could do was stare and try to keep myself from fainting."

"Wow, Jasper, to say I'm impressed would be an understatement. Congratulations, I'm so proud of you. 'I knew the force was strong with this one'!" Bella laughed at her own joke. I couldn't help but laugh with her. She bought so much happiness into all that was around her.

"I guess you were right, Jedi Master."

I winked at her, remembering her reaction from when she was younger, and obliviously not much had changed. Bella blushed before hiding her face behind the wall of her hands. I gently took her little hands in mine, removing them from her face. I could already feel the warmth from our bond. Bella gasped, I was easily lost in her dark mahogany eyes. I knew she could feel the connection between us and it also amazed her. Her cheeks became even more flushed; her jade green flecks appeared in her eyes. It was lovely to witness.

"I forgot what we were talking about," I honestly said. Bella continued to look as if I had stunned her.

"Bella, are you in there?" I smile at her innocent face. Bella shook her head, trying to remove the cobwebs that took over.

The expression on her face was one of beauty and simplicity. After all the years of separation, Bella had still retained some of her childhood purity. It was magnificent to witness.

"S-Sorry, Jasper, what were you saying before I lost my mind in the clouds?"

"I was explaining why I was here in your room, angel."

"Oh, yeah," she whispered, her cheeks became pink. "So . . . um . . . you're a doctor now?"

"Yes or something like that. My father is the real doctor, and I am just a pale imitation of what he is. His knowledge and experience can rival anyone I know. He is my constant example in my personal and professional life. Carlisle is beyond amazing and I know he would simply love you."

"How do you know that, Jasper? He hasn't even met me," Bella murmured, pointing out the obvious.

"I know that, Bella, because I love you. You are my friend. Anything that I love and cherish in my life is loved and cherished in my parents' life. They respect my decisions, and know that when I love, it is complete. I don't love easily, but when one meets a fallen and lost angel on a star-filled night, one cannot help but love something that was never theirs to love." She blushed a little before letting tears spill.

"In one of my darkest hours, you gifted me with your light that I never deserved. I took it selfishly, Bella, because your innocence called out to me. I never deserved your gift, little one. You gave it anyway, and I loved you from the beginning. I hope I'm making some sense and not coming off as some pervert." I cringed at the thought.

"Don't doubt, Jasper, I understand completely," she softly spoke through her beautiful tears, "Even though I was young, I could see your pain. It radiated through your eyes and was not to be hidden. I could feel your pain, Jasper. I wanted to take it from you. You saw yourself as some kind of monster that was irredeemable, but I saw differently. I saw this beautifully scared, little boy who was crying for some purpose in his life. You were falling, Jasper. I wanted to be the one to catch you. None of this makes sense, it doesn't today, and it didn't ten years ago. If the psychologist heard us they would probably lock us in a padded cell together. What do you say; want to share four padded walls with me?" Bella wiggled her eye brows at me.

"What the hell, it's not like I have anything else planned for the future."

"That's the spirit, honey." Bella laughed.

Her cheeks were flushed pink from her giggling, and she was breathtaking. My soul begged for me to touch her. I placed my fingers at the top of her forehead and pulled her hair behind her ear. Bella ceased all her joking and stared into my eyes. Her jade green flecks were so prominent in the dark brown pools. They captured my full attention.

"You're so beautiful, angel. Time could never compete with your grace, Bella," I told her seriously.

Bella's gorgeous eyes filled with liquid diamonds that spilled over onto her flushed cheekbones. I was completely taken with the little angel. Her warmth spread through my whole being, centering in my cold heart.

"No, Jasper, I could never compare to your splendor. Your whole body, from your face to your toes, screams magnificent. It's not fair to the rest of us how beautiful you are. It's not just your looks, but your actions and the love you give to others. I may not know the stories of your past, Jasper, but I can see your splendor. It's in your eyes, and they tell me your path. You have had hardships and many tribulations, but the core of who you was strengthened by what you had to go through. It only made you stronger, more resilient to withstand what came your way." It was my turn for my eyes to fill.

"You don't doubt yourself any longer about your past problems. You radiate respect, so much charisma, Jasper. You are simply an exquisite, phantom angel!" she finished on a sigh.

Well shit, I was speechless. What could one say about that assumption? I was put to shame in my description of her. Bella may not have realized it, but she was better than me, in everything she did and in every cell within her little body. There were no words for me to express that.

"Angel, you see me through the wrong tinted glasses. But thank you for your beautiful words. You have always made me want to be a better person. Thank you, little one," I said, tilting my head in recognition.

"You're welcome, Jasper."

...

The emotions in the room were becoming overwhelming. The bond that we shared was calling for me to seek some kind of release. It was begging for a simple touch: a brush of her cheek, a sweep through her thick hair, a graze over her milky neck. We were lost in each other's gazes. Nothing seemed to be able to penetrate our little world. Her sweet smelling breath mingled with mine and created its own scent. Bella's eyes were wide and the jade jewels that were swirling around pulled me closer to her, begging me to see the secrets hidden in their depths. We were inches apart, and I was trying to hang on. Bella brought her tiny hand to my face. She played with the rouge curl that always hung above my left eye.

"Jasper, what's happening?" she asked while threading her fingers through my hair.

"I don't know, angel," I sighed back to her.

I scooted closer on the bed and closed my eyes, letting myself get lost in her touch. Bella traced the outline of my lips, bringing me back to her attention. My eyes opened and were centimeters from hers. As I leaned in to taste her lips, Bella pulled back and removed her hands from my face. They landed softly on her stomach. I was startled by her sudden movement. Bella seemed to snap out of our trance and immediately her cheeks turned red. She looked down at her stomach and mumbled under her breath.

"Sorry, Jasper, that was my fault. I'm not sure what happened."

I was also confused. I didn't know what came over us. I never looked at my little angel in that light. It would have been wrong and completely irreprehensible. Now that Bella was older, and quite frankly a woman, I didn't know how to view her. I never want to cross any lines that put our friendship in jeopardy or put her in contention with the father of her child.

I was angry with myself in allowing my behavior. I shouldn't have put her in that position. I knew she was pregnant and had many emotions and hormones running through her body. If I was to see her again, and I knew that I had to (there was no question about it) I would have to be on my best behavior.

"There is no need for your apology. I take full responsibility for what we did. It is I that owes you the apology. Please say you will forgive me, angel. I promise not to let that happen again."

Bella smiled slowly, taking my hand in hers. She placed my hand on her lower stomach and we waited for something. Right when I was about to ask her a question, I felt the most amazing thing ever. Bella's little angel kicked. My hand seemed to tingle even more so than usual. A dreamy look overcame my face, and I was awed.

"Do you mind?" I asked her as I placed my other hand on her stomach. Bella shook her head. I brought my head closer to her baby bump.

"Hi, precious one. Do you know how blessed you are?" I spoke to her little one. "I know how much your mommy loves you. It is over the sun, to the deepest parts of the ocean, to the farthest heavens in the night sky, and more than anything, anyone could comprehend. That's how fierce she loves you, precious one."

The baby kicked again as if answering my questions.

"Do you think I love you, precious one?" I asked her belly, and to my amazement, the baby kicked at my question. I knew without a doubt that the little one answered yes. My whole body filled with awareness and another piece of my heart and soul were stolen from me. "I know, precious one. How could I not already fall in love with you?"

I placed my lips reverently on her belly and kissed her little angel that captured my heart. I looked up for the first time I started talking to the baby and saw that Bella had silent tears cascading down her beautiful face. I wiped the tears from her cheeks. My body reveled in the warmth that our bond seemed to provide.

"No more tears, angel. Be happy for me."

"I am happy, Jasper, more then you can know."

I knew she was happy. Her happiness filled me up and wrapped me neatly in her love. Bella stopped crying and plastered a smile on her lips.

"See . . . happy." I rolled my eyes and placed my hands on either side of her smile. I took the corners of her mouth and made her smile even bigger. Bella laughed even louder and tried to slap my hands from her lips. I wondered again if the coldness from my skin bothered her.

"Bella, may I ask you a question that could potentially be weird?" She looked askance, but nodded.

"Do my hands feel cold to you? Usually when I touch a patient, they comment about the temperature of them."

"No, Jasper, your hands aren't cold to me. They feel warm."

I was shocked, to say the least. This had never happened to me through the whole course of my existence. I would have to talk to Carlisle. I wanted him to meet her anyway, so I would broach the subject with him.

"Close your mouth, Jasper. There is no need to feel surprised. Your skin feels extra warm when we touch, but it's more than that. My skin feels like it comes to life when you touch me. It tingles and quivers at your touch. I know it sound so ludicrous and wonky, but I don't know how else to describe it. But there's more. From the first time I saw you to now, you look the same."

My mind started racing, I felt like I was about to have a panic attack. I knew Bella was smart and perceptive to a fault. I should have realized she would notice the odd things about me, but I let my irrational mind rule my decisions regarding my actions toward her. I allowed my heart to overrule my mind, because where Bella was concerned, all of my rules were thrown out the window. I could feel her apprehension in continuing.

"Don't be scared, angel, you can tell me anything that is on your mind." Even though I was scared shitless, I wanted her to continue.

"You are more pale then others, and even more than me. You haven't seemed to age in ten years and you can make me feel emotions that you want. When we were at the airport, I could feel your love and concern for me. I knew you were comforting me in my time of need, giving me the support I so desperately needed. You seemed to know that I needed you then and you gave willingly. When I got home from the airport, I went into my room and cried because you were taken from me again. It wasn't fair, but I knew that was life. I prayed that you would come into my life again, and for some reason I was comforted by that thought. I fell asleep with you on my mind. You hugged me in my dreams, telling me of your love. I knew you were different then, but it never changed my longing and need for you. I didn't give a care about what you could do differently. It only made you more special in my eyes. So there is no reason to fear me. I love everything about you, and that isn't going to change. You will need to come to terms with that," Bella finished her monologue with sass in her voice. My little angel never ceased to amaze me.

My mind still raced with the usual excuses to give her and the continuous lies that were associated with my life. There was one rule we vampires had to follow above all others, and I never wanted any harm to come into Bella's life. I weighted my options and thought about the consequences of my actions. Bella looked at me with her honest eyes. I knew I couldn't lie to her.

"Jasper, what is it that makes you so special and different?" That was the sixty-four thousand dollar question.

I looked into her eyes and answered her honestly, "I can't tell you that, Bella. At least not right now. Please don't hate me, angel. I swear if it was in my power to tell you, I would. Please trust in my love for you; I honestly cannot tell you. This is one of the shades of grey I was talking about earlier. My life is so complicated. I never wanted you to be tainted with my problems. I hope you don't want me out of your life. I'm not sure I could live without you again. I'm just sorry!" I finished.

I removed myself from her bed. Bella grabbed my hand and brought it to her lips.

"I really do understand, Jasper. I do wish I could know everything about you, but I trust you, and I know you are being honest with me. I appreciate your candor. I know in time you'll tell me."

I pulled her hand up to my cheek and pushed my face into her small, warm palm. I looked at her face and smiled at my beautiful friend.

"Thank you, angel. You don't know how much your trust in me means; one of a kind. You were correct when you said I could make you feel what I wanted. I'm what some call an Empath. Everything you feel and the emotions that run through your body, I can feel; not just you, but everyone around me. Yes, it can get overwhelming, but I have learned to live with it. My so called "gift" is second nature to me. It is like one of my other senses.

"Goodness that is amazing, Jasper. I could never imagine having something so unique like that. I'm sure it can also be so overbearing at times. I'm not even sure how you can stand to be in this place, filled with so many people. You are sensational."

I winked at her. Bella immediately blushed. I just laughed out loud as she rolled her eyes.

"I know, angel, I can feel your aggravation." I smiled all knowingly.

"Okay, that is going to get old."

"To be serious, Bella, I am in awe of you. How many people could be told that they have a whole other sense and be fine the next minute? Your level of tolerance is amazing and that makes you even more special. You accept me for what I am, no suspicion, and only absolute trust."

"You have been honest with me, Jasper even though your instincts are telling you to protect me. I appreciate that, if the only way to show you that is through my trust then so be it. You deserve it and I'm just grateful you are in my life again." She looked away from me and up to the ceiling. She was feeling a myriad of feelings.

"As am I, angel," I said. I could feel her becoming tired. She covered her mouth as a huge yawn overtook her. "It looks like you are about ready to sleep again," I tried to say in a calm voice.

"I know, Jasper," Bella said through another yawn. "I don't want you to leave either, I just got you back." My heart leapt at her words and a smile returned to my face. I knew this wasn't the last time that I would see her.

"Go to sleep, little one. I'll see you again," I said in a more reassured voice. Bella's eye lids began to close, but her smile remained. She grabbed my hand and held on.

"Stay, Jasper, till I fall sleep," she murmured. I would grant her any request.

"Always," I answered, and with my final word, Bella left to the land of sleep. I smiled at her beautiful face.

I gently leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Goodnight, angel. I promise I'll come back." I bent down lower and spoke to her growing baby, "You also, tiny one. I already love you."

Her baby gave me another kick, and I smiled at her child's innocence. I gave a final pat to her stomach before pulling my hand away, marveling at the thought of Bella being pregnant. I finished and got up from Bella's bed. I placed one more gentle kiss on the palm of her small hand that was in mine, then placed it on her stomach.

I looked down at my angel and realized I had Bella in my life again. She was going to change my world once again.

_However, it would always be for the better, _I thought

* * *

Author's Notes: Surprise! Well there you have it. I hope that it was alright and lived up to some of your imagination. If you have the time, I would really appreciate of you could tell me what you thought.

Thanks again, and I hope all is well. Much love.

_Posted: 28 June 2010_

_**Edited: 11 July 2011**_

_**Reviews are always welcomed. **_


	16. My Soul was Absloute

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**My Soul was Absolute**

Part Fifteen

Jasper's POV

I was still in shock from my recent discovery. So much time had passed and just with one conversation, the years melted away. We were once again, two strangers who had first met under the light of a full moon and millions of stars glittering in the sky; one barely older than a child, and the other a drowning man who wanted to give into his thirst. So much time and so many memories, none of it ever compared to the time I had spent with a fallen angel so long ago.

After that meeting my life had become centered on someone who spent a majority of a little less than a day in my presence. Time was a fickle mistress, for those who lived by it. But in my relationship with Isabella, the mistress ceased to exist. Time was a figment of man's imagination in our connection.

Of course Bella had grown into a beautiful woman, not that I expected any less. I had also changed so much over the years, but our time was still relative. She may have changed physically, emotionally and socially, but our connection, our fundamental foundation was the same. The time, we first shared, twelve years ago was firmly rooted in our cores, never changing, only growing stronger and more firm.

When I got home that night, I went into my bedroom and lay down on my seldom used bed. I laid spread eagle, stretching my muscles and lengthening my limbs. While staring at the ceiling, different shapes started to appear before my eyes. The texture on the ceiling allowed me to make any picture I wanted. My mind slowly drifted to the one person that I had completely lost myself in tonight. Every aspect of her captured every aspect of me. My world revolved around her and everything else was lost. It continued to amaze me how I was able to lose myself so easily to a wisp of a girl.

Her hair was still chestnut with lowlights of darker browns and ravens. It was thick and filled my hands with pure curly silkiness. The tresses fell to the middle of her back, and when she wanted, could obscure her face from my view. Her heart shaped face thinned out and was well defined into that of a woman's. Her baby fat had disappeared and was replaced with refined, graceful features.

Bella's eyes were as big as ever, and her jade flecks sparkled through the brown, making her eyes deep and fathomless. People thought brown was a boring color, but on Bella it masked her secrets and hid her deepest desires. The brown added to the mystery of her eyes, and gave them a dark alluring tone. There was nothing boring about her shade of brown.

Her little upturned nose, from when she was small, matured into a strait lined nose that fit perfectly in the center of her beautiful face. Her lips were the one flaw in her make-up. Her top lip was cupid bowed and was uneven with the bottom. Her bottom lip was full and plump, giving it a slight pout. Her top lip was slightly darker shade of pink, but it added to her appeal. Bella's bangs cascaded over her forehead and fell over her uneven sculpted eyebrows, into her eyes. She was simply beautiful.

The biggest surprise to me had been her stomach. _Being seven months pregnant could do that to a person, Jasper_, I scoffed.

After I heard the quickened heartbeat, my surprise drifted away and was replaced with awe. My mind still saw Bella as a little girl, worrying selflessly over others with no regard for herself. Her stomach was so perfectly round and filled with the miracle of life. She was going to be a mother and I was amazed. I knew with time, the image I carried of her as a little girl would be replaced with the exquisite woman that existed today. I was already half-in-love with her unborn child, and I had just met him or her. But the reality of her being pregnant brought another truth to me: she had truly been with a man and that man had sired Bella's child. It broke me to think about it. It clenched at my gut until I had to change the direction of my thoughts!

As my mind continued to wander, my heart felt like it was going to burst. My eyes welled up with my useless venom and my soul gloried in my renewed happiness. After eight years with Bella at the very center of my world, she was finally, physically, present and I was overcome with emotions. My body was racked with dry sobs, and I wept for hours. My life was finally complete again and my heart was overcome with love.

With just one meeting of my angel, my soul was absolute. The years of crying out for her presence was now over and my emotions were of absolute bliss. My tears were of joy and happiness. A little was "shed" for our long separation, but that was over, and the induced drought I suffered from her was no more. She was in my life once again and all I could do was weep and smile through my unshed tears. As my body started to calm, I turned onto my back and looked up at the ceiling again. Bella's face was the most prominent picture in the different swirls of the textured ceiling.

. . .

When the morning light of the grey overcast day filtered into my bedroom, I got up from my Bella-induced coma and headed for the shower. My body stood still as the water from the shower head washed away all of the emotions I experienced through the night. The warm water caressed my body, causing me to think of the warm that blanketed my form from Bella's touch. It had been the same from when she was younger. For some reason our bond caused heat to flow through my cold stone body, thawing out the chill that always resided. It was a mystery to me and I had no answers. When Bella touched me she felt warmth and no ice. Our connection was ambiguous to me, leaving many questions, with not many answers. I knew Carlisle, when he found out, would be as excited as a cat who got the cannery. Carlisle loved a good mystery and wouldn't stop until he was able to unravel some type of answer. It was one of the many things we loved about him and tolerated from him; one never loved to be his science project.

After washing my body, I wrapped a towel around me and felt the individual water droplets fall down my chest. I wiped the steam from the mirror and studied my reflection. I would never age physically, but when I gazed at myself, I was able to see change. For one, I was no longer ashamed of my scars. There were many and they were ugly, but like Shelly had written, they were her battle scars and told the story of her life. I was also more confident. Even though I was never tempted any more with my bloodlust, I always rejoiced at the victories I won every day.

My battle for control was long and arduous, my monster long since silenced. However, I never took for granted my success and thanked whoever listened for my continued triumph. I was also more confident in my body. To me, it was acceptable, and no longer had an ugly scarred reminder of my pain and depression. It was my tool in living and helping others. It was strong, sculpted and refined. Woman often propositioned me, but for some reason I was never tempted. Don't misunderstand me. I loved sex. I loved riding my ecstasy until I felt I would die all over again. I loved to work my partner up into passionate frenzy, making them beg me before finally allowing them their ultimate release. Making them claw at my back and scream my name as they reached their pinnacle and we fell together.

With my confidence came humility. I know I was in control of myself, master of my destiny, but I also realized that with my knowledge came a responsibility. I could spout all day the wonder that was me, but nothing would be accomplished. I worked for my achievements and continued to mold my future, but I also realized without the help, love and sacrifice of so many, my current reality would cease to exist; I would be living in another time and place. My accomplishments belonged to so many and I recognized that. I didn't begrudge anyone their part in my life. I was a collaborative effort with so many different people. Each shaped my life, either for the worse or the better, depending on the person. I was humbled by my circumstance and family. I was blessed, and each day I actively reminded myself.

After reflection, I quickly dressed in a pair of dark wash jeans and a white buttoned down shirt. I rolled up the sleeves to my elbows and distantly heard Alice sigh. I put on my high quality designer shoes that Alice continually filled my closet with and made my way to the kitchen. I grabbed my keys, wallet and cell phone and headed to my car. She was one of the loves of my life, a 2008 Infiniti G37 Coupe in silver. My baby was fast, beautiful, and had an engine to literally die for. Black tinted windows hid the grey leather interior that molded to my body perfectly. My love affair with her was history.

I pulled into the hospital staff parking and made my way inside. I wasn't due to start my shift for another few hours, but there was something I needed to do. I usually arrived right before my designated time, keeping up the pretense of a sleep deprived intern. I made my way over to the emergency ICU and inhaled deeply. Many different smells invaded my nose, but the loveliest one of all replaced them. The smell of freesia was my comfort. I quickly walked over to her room and stopped outside the door. I inhaled once more, allowing myself the time to relax and become centered. My hand grabbed the door handle and pushed it opened to reveal my entire world.

Bella was cuddled under the covers. Her eyes were closed and a blanket pulled up to her chin, hiding the treasure that hid underneath. A smile graced my lips and my emotions became out of control. My happiness knew no bounds and my mind rejoiced in the knowledge that Bella was real and not a figment of my imagination. My need to touch her became overwhelming, and I quickly made my way to her side. In their own accord, my fingers reached out to trace the apple of her cheek that was exposed; warmth instantly flooded my hand. I closed my eyes, reveling in her induced heat that traveled the length of my body.

Bella sighed and moved closer to my touch. With a big yawn escaping her mouth, Bella opened her eyes and looked into mine. Her orbs were a dark brown that still held the glassy look of sleep. A smile appeared on her lips and was wobbly due to lack of use. She was the picture of innocence and beauty. My heart felt liked it clichéd at the very sight of my angel.

"Good morning, Jasper," she croaked out in her morning voice.

"Well it is a very fine morning, now that I am in your presence," I complimented her and she gifted me with her customary blush. My soul warmed at the sight of it.

"Jasper, is there something you cannot do?" I was confused by her question. I looked at her obliquely, and Bella read the look on my face.

"Not only are you beautiful, thoughtful and beyond gorgeous," it was my turn to look embarrassed, "but you have the ability to charm and make me blush so early in the morning. It simply isn't fair." I wondered if she realized what she was saying. Her voice was still slurred with sleep, and when she was younger, she was too embarrassed to talk about my looks.

"Oh, my little angel, you are correct in your assumption. There is nothing that I cannot accomplish. My world is limitless and my looks are ageless." Bella rolled her eyes and accompanied it with small giggles. Her laugh was entirely too cute and made my heart sigh.

"Just as I suspected, a puffed up peacock with his tail feathers on display." I laughed at her comparison and shook my head.

"How are you doing this morning, angel? Are you still tired? I can leave and come back later to check on you, if you wish?" I asked her. Bella surprised me as she began to panic and grabbed my hand.

"No, Jasper, I don't want you to leave. I'm not done looking at you." Her voice was completely serious. "You only just came into my life and I don't want this to be a dream." Silent tears slipped from her eyes and bathed her cheeks in salt. My fingers wiped her steady flow, and my lips followed their progression. Bella closed her eyes as my lips met her skin; she placed her hand in my hair, threading her fingers through my curls.

"Not a dream, never a dream again," she whimpered. I pulled back and looked at her face; it was splendor personified.

"Not a dream, angel." The emotions in the air were thick and surrounded me. I allowed them to fill me up, making sure this was real.

"So, Isabella, when are you going to be freed from this ward?" I joked with her. Bella just gave me a sad smile.

"I should be released sometime tomorrow." I couldn't understand why this would upset her. Most of the patients I came in contact with couldn't wait to be far from here.

"Why are you sad?"

"It's nothing, Jasper. I'm tired, I guess. You being here has excited me, and I must have been more tired than I thought." I knew this was not the entire truth, something was being left out. I wanted to see a smile on her face.

"Well, if you don't mind and if I am not stepping over any boundaries, may I be there for your release party? If you need a ride or any help getting home, I'd be more than happy to accompany you?" I offered selfishly. Bella graced me with a shy smile and my heart lightened.

"Really, Jasper? That would be wonderful, but as long as it isn't an inconvenience to you."

"It is no problem. One thing about me you'll come to realize is that when I make an offer, I am quite serious. I want to help you in any way I can. I just got you back; I want to be there as long as you'll have me."

"I . . . don't know what to say," she stuttered.

"What do you want, Bella? Am I being to forward or taking any liberties I shouldn't be?" I needed to know. My heart needed to know.

"No, Jasper. I want you too, and your friendship, for as long as I can. I just don't want to disappoint you. There are some things you don't understand. But if you will help me home tomorrow, I'll explain. Please don't make me talk about it now." Of course I was instantly curious and wanted to know all I could, but I also understood her need to hold off. I wouldn't have to wait long, and if there was any doubt, I could never deny her anything."

"No problem, honey, but may I ask you one thing?" She gave me the approval with her silent, and I finally asked her what I should have found out last night. "Why are you in the hospital at all? I could have looked at your medical chart, but to be quite honest, I forgot because I became lost in your very presence," I told her from the heart. I hadn't meant to be so sappy. My little friend gave me a shy smile, the jade in her eyes shimmering out of the brown. Bella looked away from me again and the smile that had graced her lips turned into something quite different. My mind already started running through scenarios and possibilities for her being here; they all caused my soul to ache. Bella opened her mouth and her explanation filled my ears.

"I've been pushing myself too much lately. I haven't been getting the necessary sleep and food the baby requires. A few days ago, I collapsed at work from sheer exhaustion and my boss called for an ambulance. The doctors have kept me for a few day; they wanted to make sure I wasn't dehydrated anymore and the baby was at the right levels. I've been on a constant IV Drop, and forced to eat the proper foods. So I guess now that everything is fine, and I'm well rested again, I'm free to go. But I've been given strict instruction about my health and the baby's," Bella finished with a squeaky voice. I could smell the salt water in her eyes; my heart called out to hers, wanting to take away her lingering pain.

"I'm sorry I brought it up, angel, but I'm also glad you and the baby are okay. There is no need for me to give you a lecture, and I hope you are going to be fine. I don't know what would happen if I lost you after we were only just reunited," I told her honestly, but also not wanting to scare her with the intensity of my feelings.

"Thanks, Jasper, and I also understand what you mean. I've only just found you again, and already you have become an important person in my life. What do you think they put in the water in this place?"

"Not sure, angel, but it must be something great. How could I ask for someone as wonderful as you?" Bella immediately turned red. She hid behind a curtain of her hair, and I smiled at her timid reaction. She was too much fun to play with.

"May we please change the subject and talk about something else?" she pleaded with me from behind her hair. I relented a little.

"Sure, we can talk about something else, like my amazingly good looks or my incredible ability to do anything. There is also this very fine specimen of eye candy that is before you." Bella laughed and tried to hide her blush behind the curtain of hair again. I stopped talking and gave her the time to collect her blush from her cheeks and replace it with her normal color.

While Bella was attempting to sit up, her blanket fell to her knees and her swollen stomach appeared before me. I placed my hands above her stomach and looked into her eyes, silently asking for permission. She gave me her acceptance and I lowered my hands.

Her belly was firm and filled with her child. I think I would always marvel at the notion of my little friend being pregnant. I ran lazy circles on the bottom of her stomach, waiting for a response from the little one inside.

"What do you think, little one? Should we talk about my eternal beauty?" Bella rolled her eyes, but her child disagreed. Her baby kicked my hand in response and a silly smile graced my lips.

"I refuse to talk about your looks, Jasper. I don't care . . " she started to argue.

"Tut, tut, angel. You are out voted. The little one and I agree. But instead of me, let's discuss you and your perfect face." Bella's blush intensified and her smell became even more wonderful.

"Jasper," she sputtered, "I am not going to even dignify that comment with a response." I of course ignored her comment.

"I bet you are going to be as beautiful as your mother, baby. I can't wait to meet you and see your darling face." The precious little one kicked again.

"I am already half in love with you, how is that possible?" Bella was radiating happiness and tears slipped from her eyes.

"Not more water works, young lady, or I will be forced to remark on how enchanted I become just by looking at your face." Bella chuckled while wiping her eyes.

And so the rest of our conversation continued. We talked about her beauty, very reluctantly, and entirely on my part. We talked about her stay and her being happy to eat real food instead of the 'unidentifiable mystery meat' the hospital provided. We talked about her night and what she did after I left. We talked about my night and how it was spent 'staring at a wall and being in shock of seeing her again, after so many years without each other'. We talked about my car and how awesome it really was. Bella of course became jealous and I had to poke fun at her; there was no other option.

"There is no need to fret, angel. My car holds nothing on your beauty. I would willingly drive her off a cliff if you asked."

"Jasper, please, as if I would be jealous over something as trivial as a car . . . drive it off a cliff you say?" A mischievous smile bloomed on her face.

"Bella, honey . . . please don't get any ideas!" I pleaded, fearing for the safety of my lovely lady.

We talked about her fear of hospitals, but she wouldn't give me any concrete reasons as to why. When my time was coming to a close, I took her hand in mine and place a kiss on the back. I sighed at the familiarity. Bella, of course, blushed at the gesture; I smiled.

"I have to go on my rounds in a little while, but if you like, I can come later for a few minutes and check up on you, or make sure you're alright."

"That would be wonderful, Jasper. I look forward to seeing you later."

With one more perfect smile from my angel, I left her room and started my job that I had trained eight years, in her absence, to accomplish.

I unwittingly whistled a tune as I began to check on the other patients who needed assistance.

Bella stayed in my constant thoughts throughout the day. A smile would frequently appear on my lips, and people would ask, but I would keep my reason for being happy a secret. I didn't want to share her with anyone just yet. And so the thoughts continued:

_My angel was real, and she was finally in my life again. I would be there for as long as she needed me, but I figured my need was greater than hers. I just needed to make sure my intensity didn't frighten her. My friend was home and my life was close to perfect. _

With each second that passed, I literally counted down the time until I would be in her presence again. My need for Bella at the moment was high, and after eight years of not seeing her, each moment felt endless. She was in the same building as me, and yet I couldn't see her. I wanted to visit her during the day, but there was never a time, today had been uncharacteristically busy; it was almost as if fate was trying to make me suffer even more.

After seeing my last patient of the day, I quickly made my way to the locker room and showered off the day's work. It had been a long and arduous day; I stretched my dead muscles before turning off the water and drying off. I quickly dressed in what I had on this morning and sought out my angel.

Bella was propped up on her bed with the remote control held loosely in her hand. Her eyes were slowly closing from the strain, and it was evidently clear that whatever she was watching on the television didn't capture her attention. I allowed a little smile to overtake my mouth as I watched Bella fade into a drowsy slumber. She was finally in my eye sight again, and my world was fine. I silently made my way over to her bed and Bella immediately opened her eyes. I hadn't meant to startle her, but her reaction was adorable. She brought her small hand to her heart while her big eyes were glued to my face.

"That was completely unnecessary, Jasper!" she said in her most scolding voice. I bent down and gave her a simple kiss on her soft, warm cheek. I made my way over to her ear and Bella placed her hands on my chest after I whispered in her ear, "Sorry, angel, and my most sincere apologies." My breath hit her lobe and her little shoulders shuddered at my cold breath.

"It's fine, Jasper." Her voice was raspy; I smiled at her sleepy state. I pulled away slightly and looked down, giving her a warm smile.

"I'm also sorry about not being able to come sooner. We were beyond busy today. I didn't want you thinking I was staying away voluntarily." At my words, Bella bent her head down; I could feel the guilt coming off of her in waves.

"I'm sorry for thinking that, Jasper, but it honestly had nothing to do with your character. I just felt that I was nothing special to come and visit. But, please, know that I would never think that about you. Your every action is filled with something amazing, and I'm so very lucky to have you as my friend."

I shook my head at her words, and felt sad at what she thought of herself. I gently grabbed her face between my hands and looked deeply into her eyes. Her stare was just as intense, and I knew she was actually going to listen to my words. I only hoped she internalized them.

"You're wrong, Isabella. Your very presence in my life has been nothing short of amazing. I love everything about you, down to the ten toes on your feet. Please, angel, never doubt my love or your importance in my life, please, please! I don't know how else to say it," I finished on a murmur.

Bella covered my hands with hers. Our eyes never lost contact, and the moment between us was captured by the look in her eyes. The tears that lingered in her eyes made every color in the rainbow present, but the thing I noticed the most was her love. It was real and in plain sight.

"I love you, too," she answered as she brought her lips closer to my face and kissed the tip of my nose. The moment was lost as my laughter filled the room, and Bella soon joined in. She was beyond silly sometimes, and my love for her grew.

"You're one of a kind, angel. I wouldn't ask you to change." Bella just gave me a small smile and immediately yawned. I could feel her tiredness and decided it was my sign to take my leave. "Alright, angel, I think it's time for me to leave for the night." I said explicitly; I didn't want her thinking I was leaving for good. "But I'll be here, bright and early, ready to celebrate your release from this joint." Bella rolled her eyes at my joke, but still gave me a smile.

"Do you mind waiting until I fall asleep again?" Her voice was small, and I could feel her embarrassment at the question and her need to have someone.

"Never a problem. I'd love to stay until you fall asleep." She gave me a grateful smile and finally found a position that was comfortable to her.

I pulled the covers up to her chin as she seemed to favor and placed my lips on her forehead. Bella sighed at the contact and my heart melted at her need for me. "Goodnight, angel. Find a world tonight where everything is bright and my love for you is present." Her eyes finally closed, and the hand she threaded through my rouge curl, fell listlessly to her side.

"Night," she mumbled through her sleep. M little friend left me for the night, to journey somewhere I couldn't follow. I placed another kiss to her forehead and pulled away. I placed my hands on top of the blankets that covered her unborn child. I gently ran my hands over the baby and wondered at what it would look like, and more importantly, would it look like the person who had helped to make him or her. Regardless of who the father was, I knew the child was a part of Bella, and I would love him or her like there was no tomorrow.

"Goodnight to you too, baby. I can't wait to meet your beautiful face. I can already feel your mother's love for you, and it is beyond amazing. How very lucky you are." I felt a little flutter beneath my hand. A smile bloomed on my face, and I knew every word I had thought or spoken in regard to the child was true. I could feel my anticipation in wanting to meet Bella's miracle. "I also love you, baby." I felt another flutter.

I guess my love wasn't one-sided. I gave one more gentle rub to her stomach, trying to be careful in not waking Bella, and removed my hand. I made my way to the door, looking over at my sleeping angel.

"I'll be here in the morning. Please never doubt your place in my life." I left the room, and with each step I took from Isabella the sound of her heartbeat and that of her child's, gave me the comfort that I needed to withstand her absence from my life; even for the night.

I internally cringed as the one thought which circled through my mind,

_You are in trouble._

* * *

Author's Notes: Thanks to all those still reading this story. Thanks again for all the well wishes. My family is doing better, but unfortunately I have gotten sick. When I was flying to home, some unknown person on the plane had no regard for others, and continued to cough without covering their mouth. The whole time I was cringing thinking, "I'm going to get sick", and low and behold, I did. To be honest I feel crappy.

I hope all is well with everyone. Much love.

_Posted: Friday, 9 July 2010_

_Edited: Thursday, 8 December 2011_


	17. The Life She Had

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**The Life She Had**

Part Sixteen

_"She realized as a girl of eight that if she sat down and wrote her stories, she could escape the parts of life she didn't like, embroider the parts she did and thus control the life she had."_

_- Dudley Clendinen_

Jasper's POV

"Hey, Carlisle," I said as I answered the phone after the third ring just as I walked through the front door of my home. "How's everything going?"

"We have no complaints, son. Everyone is fine, but the reason I'm calling is to see how you're doing. Alice has been acting peculiar again, and I guessed it was in regards to you. Her visions have been bothering her lately, and for some reason she seemed sad after several of them." I wasn't sure what to say or how to respond. I wasn't ready to tell him of Bella, she was still mine. I also wasn't sure about Alice and what she was seeing. To be honest, I really didn't have any desire to know. Her vision had enough of an impact on my life, and I had no need for more.

"I haven't talked to Alice this week, and if she is having some visions regarding me then I have absolutely no need to know them. My life is my own and I'd like to keep it as such," I finished. I tried to keep the anger from my voice, but a little was beyond my control. I had forgiven Alice long ago for her part in my past, but it was an automatic action, hearing that she was having potential visions of me and my life.

"I completely understand, Jasper. Your life has already been filled with disaster and heartache due to some of Alice's visions. I would be scared for you if you weren't leery of her visions," he said with a smile in his voice. My mentor could always bring light into any dark conversation. I just couldn't wait for him to finally meet Bella; well I guess I could wait a little while.

"Well said, father," I responded and his laughter filled the phone. He took another breath to speak; I automatically knew there was more.

"I was also calling in regards to your mother. You know how she becomes when she doesn't hear from you in a while. You have completely spoiled her and now when you go even four days without calling, she immediately thinks something is wrong. You have created a monster, and I only say that because she is out on a call she received about one of her projects." Carlisle may have been a three hundred plus year old vampire, but when it came to his wife, he was a scared little pussy cat, along with the rest of us in the family.

"I'm sorry if I've caused you more problems. I promise to call her soon," I assured, trying not to sound preoccupied. I knew, however, Carlisle picked up something else in my voice. I internally yelled at my perceptive father.

"Is there something going on, Jasper? You are never one for putting off Esme. As soon as I told you of her concern, I would have heard the dial tone by now and Esme would be reassured. Please, if there is something wrong or you need me in any way, let me know!" Carlisle pleaded. My father was a wonderful man, and I felt guilty at my not telling him about the recent changes in my life.

"There is something going on right now, Carlisle, but rest assured, it is nothing nefarious. I just can't tell you right now," I explained in a low voice, trying to comfort the blow in my words.

"You tell me everything, Jasper," he answered in an almost petulant voice.

_Esme wasn't the only one I had spoiled_. I smiled at my thought and answered my concerned and sad father, "I know, Carlisle, but this is something I'm not ready to share. I promise when I am, I'll come to you first."

"I'll hold you to that, son," he said in a joking manner, and I knew he was going to be fine. "Also make sure you give Esme a call sometime, soon." He added emphasis on the last word. "I'm not sure how much I can deal with her worrying over you. I used to think that Edward was a mama's boy; now there are two of you in the family." I became defensive.

"Hey! I'm not a mama's boy! I just respect Esme and appreciate the love and dedication she puts into our family." I wasn't kidding anyone; I had become a mama's boy, but there were worse things I could be, and had been. "Fine," I conceded with acceptance. Carlisle continued to laugh. "I'm a mama's boy, and I'll be sure to give her a call soon."

"It's nice to know I can still intimidate my children into admitting their problems," he boasted through his laugh, but I would have my laugh soon.

"I love you, mommy," I crooned before hearing Carlisle's huge intake of breath. He turned around, and I could only imagine what his face looked like in that moment. "I'm surprised you couldn't hearing her enter the room, Carlisle. I think your old age is finally catching up to you. Good luck," I rang as I hung up the phone. I could hear Esme start into him as he finally hung up.

I never professed to be perfect, and it was truly nice to know that my wicked side was still there, if not dormant most of the time.

The rest of the night was spent with finishing some work I had missed yesterday and making sure I was caught up with everything I needed to do. I wanted to spend my time with Bella tomorrow, with nothing interfering with it.

. . .

When the grey light of morning broke through my windows, I immediately grabbed the clothes I had chosen and headed for the shower. I didn't take any time in lingering over the warm water. I had a goal and that was to get to Bella. I finished getting ready in record time, and pushed everything else in the back of my mind. I focused on my angel that was waiting for me. I took the necessary time in saying good morning to my other special lady before I made my way to the hospital. _One had to appreciate such a car_.

I entered through the visitor's entrance and flashed a quick smile to Betty, who was attending the counter. She flushed red, and I gave her another smile. She looked away as I passed and thanked my lucky stars I didn't have Edward's gift. I made my way past the necessary halls before finally coming to Bella's room.

When I entered her room, I was surprised. It was still early, yet she was already awake. Not only was she awake, but she was packed and ready to leave. A grin graced my face as Bella turned to look at me. She was sitting on her bed, playing with her fingers. She looked like a child who was ready to be released after being punished. The only thing that ruined the illusion was her pregnant tummy.

"Hey, Jasper," she greeted me in a happy sing-song voice. My heart lifted at her excitement and my grin became wider.

"Good morning, angel. I can see you're ready to go." She missed my playful sarcasm and gave me a big smile.

"That I am, Jasper. I'm already checked out, all the necessary papers are signed and I'm just waiting for my chauffeur to escort me home." I laughed at her cheek before finally approaching her. As I placed a kiss a on her forehead, Bella reached up and ran her small fingers through my unruly hair. I pulled away and saw that her eyes were closed. "Thank you, Jasper, for being here and taking me home; I'll never know how I got so lucky. My luck usually goes the other way." I wanted to frown at her statement, but chose to let it go for now. My main concern was seeing her home safely.

"No worries, angel," I said, trying to keep the situation light. "Shall we leave?" Bella immediately popped up from her sitting position on the bed. She slightly stumbled, and I held on to her, making sure she was fine. "Be careful or you may have to spend more time here," I joshed. She gracefully rolled her eyes.

"Let's go, driver." _That cheek_.

She grabbed my hand and nearly pulled me from the room. I quickly grabbed her bag from the bed and allowed my angel to lead the way. As we made our way outside, Bella took in a deep breath and looked to the sky.

"Hello again," she whispered through her smile and started walking again. I wasn't sure what to do, so I simply held onto her hand and escorted her to my car.

"Bella, this is my other special lady. She will be taking you home today," I introduced honesty. Bella just scoffed at my words. She would never understand the relationship between a man and his baby. She didn't have the right genes. I opened the passenger door for her, making sure she was situated and comfortable before gently closing it. I dropped her stuff in the trunk and made my way to the driver side. "Are you ready to experience what this wonderful creature can do?" I asked and Bella ignored my question. I laughed at her actions while pulling out of the parking lot. As I made my way to her house, I could hear her grumble something about _men and their cars_ and _honestly, it's just metal and nothing special._ I ignored her asinine comments and told my girl to do the same.

. . .

Small, dark, cramped, rancid smelling; these were just some of the adjectives I would use when describing Bella's apartment building. When we had first arrived to her neighborhood, with her giving me the directions, I was shocked. The neighborhood she lived in wasn't the best. I instantly feared for her safety. I wasn't a snob by any means, but I was literally speechless at the thought of Bella living in this environment. My entire heart started to feel sad. Was this the only place my angel could afford? Was she really that terribly off? I had always wanted the best for her, and after looking at her current environment, I was distressed. I didn't know what to say or if I should even comment.

After parking the car in her designated spot and turning the engine off, I looked over and gave her a small smile. I didn't know what else to do. Bella was feeling a little embarrassed and apprehensive. Had I done something to make her uncomfortable? A light blush covered her cheeks as she reluctantly returned my smile.

"Home sweet home I take it?"

"I know it's not the greatest neighborhood, but it's all I can afford." She barely spoke above a whisper. The stain on her cheeks became even more pronounced. I now understood her earlier emotions.

"I'm not here to judge you, angel. I'm only here to help you with anything you may need. I would never judge you off of how you could afford to live. I like to think I am not that lowly or shallow."

"I didn't mean to imply anything, Jasper, but you have to admit, it isn't any place where a pregnant woman should be living alone." One mystery was solved; the father of her child wasn't living with her. Now the question remained, 'where the fuck was he'.

"I'm sure you're doing the best you can. Now let's get your things out of the trunk and into your apartment. I'm sure you're ready to get inside." Bella gently nodded as reached for the door handle.

"What do you think you are doing?" Bella jumped at my question, I must have been louder than I realized. I chuckled at her reaction. She shot me a dirty look.

"Sorry, angel," I said between my laughs, "I didn't mean to frighten you. Talk about a scared little rabbit." Bella grunted. I could feel the agitation rolling off her.

"What?" she shot at me.

"Don't be mad, honey," I sweet-talked her. "I was only going to remind you to wait for me to open the door. My mother raised me to be a gentleman. You don't want that training to go to waste, right?" Bella rolled her eyes at my lame attempt and folded her arms over her chest.

"Thanks, honey," I continued to play with her. I quickly leaned over the seat and kissed her flushed cheek. Little sparks of light flared behind my eyes as my lips heated over her skin. Bella became redder and cleared her throat, as if doing so would clear the tension in the air.

"Right," she mumbled.

I made my way out of the car and watched in amusement as Bella reached up and touched her cheek where my lips had just been. A weird fluttering started in my stomach and added to my already mounting confusion. I opened the car door and took Bella's hand in mine. Our customary heat shot through my hand as I helped my seven-month pregnant friend from my car. Bella looked into my face, giving me a small smile in thanks. I reluctantly let go of her hand and retrieved her small overnight bag from the trunk. After closing the trunk, I followed Bella to the stairs; I climbed behind her until we reached the front door to her home. Her apprehension seemed to increase as she reached into her purse and found her keys. As she was about to slide the key into the lock, she turned around and faced me.

"I know there is no need to ask, but please don't judge. I am not saying this to make you mad. I know you, for some odd reason you are protective over me, and, well, this isn't a four-star hotel. This is the best I could afford on my salary."

"I understand, little one, and I promise not to judge you. I have learned that many of us do the best we can. What more is there? So please, just open the door because this bag is getting heavy."

_Yeah right_, I internally thought.

Bella took a deep breath before finally turning the key. She reached for the door handle and twisted. My first impression of her apartment was small, dark, cramped and no place for an angel to live. I didn't need the light to see Bella wasn't joking about the condition of her apartment. My heart started to bleed for my angel. Different images flooded my mind about what she must have gone through, what she had to live through. I couldn't take the pictures, so I shut my mind down and walked into her home. It smelt like the next door neighbors were having Indian food for dinner and having a Rocky marathon for entertainment. My sadness increased.

"I know it's not much, but -" I wouldn't let her finish.

"I know, little one," I said to her, because in that moment, she looked like a little child ready to cry. Her big brown eyes were filled with water and her little hands trembled. I dropped her bag, walked over to her little form with her protruding belly and took her in my arms. Her tears bathed my skin has they passed through my shirt. Bella placed her arms around my waist and buried her face into my chest. One of my hands found their way into her silky tresses, following the length of her hair. Small sobs escaped her lips as her crying jag started to subside. I continued to run my fingers through her amazingly soft hair as she quieted down.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled into my chest.

"No need to apologize; I can only imagine the pregnancy hormones you are experiencing," I told her, trying to give her an out. She deserved a pass. Bella smiled. I lead her over to her small, worn couch.

"Thanks, Jasper."

"You know, this seems to have become a trend with us. Firstly, one of us becomes upset. Secondly, one of us apologizes. Lastly, we cap it off with some form of appreciation. If we aren't careful, we may just end up like that forever. I think that's how the old adage goes, or is it something about making some sort of face. If you ask me, I think it's some lie our parents tell us."

"Jasper, you are one-of-a-kind, my friend."

"Why, do I dare say it? THANK YOU?" Bella just laughed and playfully hit my leg.

"So now that we have the crying, apologies and grand gestures of thankfulness out of the way, what is on the agenda for the day?" she asked, but immediately turned red. I could feel her embarrassment and wondered what thoughts could have given her that reaction. She gave me a look of sadness; I gave her a look of confusion. "I'm sorry for assuming you'd spend the rest of your day with me. I'm sure you have other things you need to do, or certain people you would want to see," she finished in a low voice. I was intrigued by her feelings but decided to focus on her instead.

"There is no one more important than you today, angel. I already have everything done, so I am at your disposal. We can do anything to your heart's content."

Bella gave me a small smile and asked the question I wanted her to ask most of all, "Would you like to hear the stories of my past, Jasper?" I was beyond intrigued about her life and what had happened to her in my absence. I was also worried about her stress levels, not including her recent stay in the hospital. I would never want to do anything that would jeopardize or compromise her health. Nothing was more important than her current health situation.

"I'd love to hear your story, little one, but never at the expense of your health," I explained in a calming voice, not wanting her to think I wasn't interested in her life. She gave me a gentle smile and grabbed my hand that lay between us on her couch.

"I understand your concern, but I think I'll be fine. I would like for you to hear about my life and what has happened to me since I becoming older. Not all my memories are happy, but they are the experiences that shaped who I am today. We can always do it another day, if you are unsure. Just so you know, I have a perfectly qualified doctor sitting directly beside me," she finished with a smirk. It was my turn to roll my eyes, which only caused Bella to laugh. I wasn't even sure what was funny; maybe it was the thought of me being a 'qualified doctor'.

"Fine, angel, you win. I would love to hear what you'd like to tell me, but please keep in mind that if you feel, at any moment, you cannot handle the stress, it's okay to stop. There can always be another time; I only want your safety. Are we agreed?" I turned my hand around and intertwined our fingers.

"Sure thing, doc," Bella joked. I gave her an indulgent smile.

Bella started by telling me about her mother and Renee's constant need to live life on her own terms. I already knew how immature her mother could be, but gritted my teeth together so I wouldn't offend Bella by degrading her mother. After some time, Renee had finally found a man named Phil.

"She was completely enamored by him, Jasper. Everything that Phil wanted became what Renee wanted. Her life seemed to be dictated by his every desire. I never begrudged her, for wanting him. I had never seen Renee so happy or stable. Of course, she traveled with him to games and was still known for her flights of fancy, but the majority of her bad habits seemed to disappear. We were happy for a little while. As the happy times passed and things started to settle, Renee and Phil married on a beach in Mexico. I thought he was alright. I never really spent any time with him, my mother dominated his every free moment, but that was fine, things were as they should have been.

Then after more time passed, and the honeymoon period wore off, the newness of being together left. We were left with a Phil who liked to party. My mother usually joined him on his excursions, staying out to all hours in the night. I started to dislike Phil, Jasper, and the bad things he brought into our lives. I never said anything to my mother because she was finally happy. Phil could give her something I couldn't. As the partying continued my mother and all the things I loved most about her, started to fade. I was left with nothing but confusion and sadness."

I wanted to mourn for Bella and her missed experiences as a child. The person that Bella knew and loved had abandoned her daughter for her "new" husband. Bella was lost, and it seemed like she had no one to love only her and depend on. My heart broke for the little girl and her sad moments.

Bella took a deep breath and continued with her story. I started to become concerned as her sadness started to increase. I wanted to tell her to stop, not to go on, but I somehow knew Bella needed to continue. So with reluctance, I bit my tongue and allowed her to continue.

"One night, after my mother and Phil had come back from some party or other, I listened as they crashed through the house to their bedroom. I thanked whoever was listening that my mother had gotten home safely. After about thirty minutes, and not hearing anything else, I turned my mind off for the night, willing myself to sleep. Right before I was completely gone, a noise woke me. At first I thought it to be in my dreams, but as I closed my eyes again, I knew I wasn't imagining it." Bella voice had been reduced to a whisper. Her anxiety was high and my fear for her health increased.

"Bella, maybe that's enough for one day. I would never want you to over-exert yourself." I didn't want her to think I was trying to make decisions for her; I was only worried about her safety. Bella ignored my comments and continued. I could tell she didn't do this intentionally; she was lost in a world of her memory. My voice didn't even register to her. On she went, and with the next sentence she spoke, my world almost seemed to collapse on me.

"Then I heard . . ."

* * *

Author's Notes: I know I'm a horrible beast, but the next chapter is super, super long. I had to really stop here. This chapter was a transition to get us to what we want to know, what happened to Bella without Jasper. I hope you liked this short chapter, nonetheless. I hope to read what you think about this little ditty. I know it isn't the best thing I have written, and it probably bored you senseless, but I would still like to know your thoughts (yes you the one reading this boring author's note) :)

Thanks again to all those still reading this little story. I hope all is well with everyone. Much love to all.

_Posted: Wednesday, 14 July 2010_

**_Edited: Wednesday, 7 December 2011_**


	18. Leaves of a Book

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. Warning: Sensitive Material (slight non-con) may not be suitable for everyone. It's the opening part and clearly marked within the two bars.

**Leaves of a Book**

Part Seventeen

"_Each has his past shut in him like the leaves of a book known to him by heart and his friends can only read the title__"_

_- Virginia Woolf_

_. _

Jasper's POV: present

"Then I heard my door open . . ." Bella started to explain to me.

My body automatically froze. All of the unneeded oxygen left my body, and something happened that hadn't occurred in ten years: my internal monster awoke from its long slumber. The growl seemed to vibrate from my chest, resonating throughout my body. The monster no longer thirsted after the call of blood, having been somewhat tamed long ago, but for the justice over Bella. No more words were needed for me to partly assume what had happened. Those six words she uttered to me were enough to want to kill him.

"Um . . . Phil, he came into my room and," Bella whispered, as if barely speaking the words aloud would make it not true. Could a dead heart break anymore? "He came closer to my bed. I could hear his feet as they slid along the carpet. I started to get really scared, and I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest. Then he ripped the blanket from my bed and . . ."

Bella closed her eyes and turned away from me. I knew it wasn't a slight against me, but a defense mechanism; she was trying to protect herself.

* * *

Bella's POV: past

_My heart was running a mile a second. So many different thoughts went through my head. Time seemed to stop; the only sound I could __hear__ was my aching heart, Phil's continued footsteps and his labored breaths. When he finally approached my bed, I could feel his eyes staring into the back of my head. I wanted to run from the room screaming. I wanted my father to protect me. I wanted . . . I wasn't able to finish the thought._

_Phil grabbed my blanket and ripped it from my body. I lay there in my nightgown, exposed to the cold and his cruel sight. I automatically wrapped my arms around my knees, pulling them even closer into my chest. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare. I wanted to look out my window and see the sunrise of the next day. _

"_Well . . . Well . . . Well, if it isn't the little bird, finally exposed and at my complete mercy?" he slurred._

_This couldn't be happening. There were times when I would catch Phil leering at me, as if undressing me with his eyes. What could I have done at the time? I had no one to confide in and no one to tell. I slowly turned my head and looked at the monster that was before me. His hair was all over the place and there was a very dark five o'clock shadow littering his chin. His eyes seemed to glow with a maniacal light. I never thought he was good-looking, but my mother swooned over him; there was no __accounting__ for her taste. _

"_You need to leave, Phil! Just turn around and leave," I forced my voice to say. I wished it could have been more forceful, but I was scared, only wanting out of the situation._

"_That may be a problem, pumpkin; I have no intention of leaving. I have wanted you for a while, and I will have you. Your mother is finally asleep, and there is nothing to interrupt our time." He smirked at me. I felt like my dinner was going to make a reappearance._

"_Phil," I started to beg him as I wrapped my arms more securely around my legs, "You really need to go, now." _

"_Come now, pumpkin, you know I have no intention of leaving; haven't I already told you that, and your mother claims you're smart," he said, mocking me. _

_My fear started to rise as he moved closer to my bed. He now stood no more than half a foot from me. I could smell the horrible odor of alcohol and smoke from his night of celebration. _

"_Please," I pleaded, trying to appeal to any sane part of him, "Phil, just leave me the hell alone."_

"_Oh, pumpkin, how many times have I asked you to call me daddy. There's no need to be formal__;__ we are family." I felt myself gag at these words. _

_My body shook from my uptake reflexes. Phil, in seeing this, became angry. His eyes turn a darker shade of navy blue, his mocking smile turned into a full sneer. _

"_I make you sick, do I, pumpkin," he snarled. _

_He lunged at me and fell on top of the bed. I tried to turn to my left, but he was a little quicker. Phil moved on top of me and manacled my hands above my head. No matter how many times I yanked my hands, they wouldn't budge. He had a firm grip with no intention of letting go. I tried to move my legs or any part of my body, but it was no use. I was stuck at his mercy. _

"_Now this is more like it, pumpkin. This is a position I like to play." I started to gag again at the thought. I quickly swallowed my bile and continued to struggle. _

_Phil lowered his head, bringing his lips to my neck. He licked my neck with his cold, vile tongue before biting down. _

"_No, Stop!" I whimpered. Phil ignored me and continued with his assault on my neck. _

_I started to cry in earnest. Time was running out and there was nothing I could think to do. I wanted away from him. I wanted my father to love and protect me. I wanted my mother to have chosen someone better. But, most of all, I wanted Jasper to come and save me once again. He was my Phantom angel. He had been there for me in times I needed him most. Whether physically or mentally, he had been there. _

"_Jasper, please help me," I whispered. I knew it was unfair to him. There was no way he could've known what was happening. There was no way for him to have heard my pleas._

"_I'm not your pretend Jasper, pumpkin." He must have seen some confusion on my face because he continued, "Oh, yes, your mother has told me all about your infatuation with your imaginary friend. I guess the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree," he sneered in his greasy voice. I felt betrayed by my mom's actions and her need to tell Phil everything. "Now let me show you what a real man can do." _

_He started attacking my neck again, and all I could do was squirm under his firm hold. I could feel the bile rising again, and this time I had no intention of stopping it, but in the next moment something happened. _

"_PHIL," my mother yelled from their bedroom. _

"_Fuck, what does she want now?" he grumbled from on top of me. _

"_PHIL," Renee yelled again._

"_This isn't over, pumpkin. Be sure of that." _

_He placed one more kiss on my neck before rolling off of me. After he left, I got up, locked my bedroom door and retrieved my blanket. I curled up on the bed and sobbed for I didn't know how long. In between my episodes, I thanked Jasper for being there with me. I thanked him, my father, or whoever else helped to take the monster away. _

_I spent the rest of the night thinking of the good things in my life: I thought of the love Charlie had for me and the way he always called me 'kiddo'. I thought of my times with Jasper and his use of 'little angel'._

_I began to felt dirty, like I would never be clean again. I wanted to take a long scalding bath, but I was too frightened to leave my bedroom. When the light of a new dawn finally broke through the curtains in my bedroom, I gave a sigh of relief. I could hear the others in the house starting to move around. Renee had always been an early riser. I remember her telling me some psycho babble about the sun and it being the "most mystic" in the morning. I could also hear the monster getting ready for the day. He had early morning practice and I once again thanked my lucky stars. When he had finally left, I got up and ran to the bathroom. I turned the water on as hot as it could reach and cried under the falling drops as it washed away the nightmare from the previous night. _

_After finally scrubbing myself raw, and my neck ached from its intense wash, I knew what needed to be done. I knew that after last night there would be a repeat performance. My mind was made up; I was getting the hell out._

* * *

Jasper POV: present

"That day, I packed my stuff up, loaded it into my second hand car and told my mom I was leaving. She tried to plead with me to stay, but I wasn't going to change my mind. I just couldn't, Jasper. I had to leave." My little broken friend finished her explanation on a choked voice.

"I understand, angel. I'm so sorry I wasn't there!" I pleaded with her. My little one had gone through hell that night, and I would have given up everything in my world to have been there for her, even my firm control. "I'm so sorry!" I stroked her cheek as her tears fell.

Bella finally calmed down and looked at me from under her wet lashes. I gave her a wobbly smile that she returned with one of her own. She rubbed small circles over her stomach, as if trying to protect her unborn child from the stains of her past.

"So where did you go, little one?" Bella untangled herself from my arms and sat up. I could tell she was trying to be strong and wanted to do this on her own. I reluctantly let her go, allowing her to have her independent strength. It really did my heart good to see Bella looking brave once more.

"I had inherited my father's insurance policy and his pension. Since I was already eighteen, I could legally claim them. I also got his house in Forks."

_Well, I'll be damned__,_ I thought. _Could the world become any smaller__?_

"We were living in Florida at the time. It took me a week to drive to Washington State, but I didn't care. The further away I drove, the better I became. I enrolled in Forks High and finished out my senior year there.

"Did you ever tell Renee what happened?" I asked her quietly.

"No, Jasper." I didn't understand how she couldn't tell her mother that her piece-of-shit husband tried to take advantage of her (I couldn't even think of the other word because I would have left to hunt after him and kill him with my own hands).

"Please, don't look at me like that. Renee was happy with Phil and I didn't want to ruin her happiness. She chose Phil and she was madly in love with him, Jasper. I couldn't take that away from her. Please, try to understand." My angel was so selfless. Her charity knew no bounds.

As much as I wanted to argue with her, I knew it would be fruitless. The past was over, and Bella had made her decision.

"I understand you have a big thumping, bleeding heart, little one. You give so much for others and take so little in return. It is one, and has always been one, of the things I loved about you." Bella gave me a little smile to show her thanks.

"So tell me about your time in Forks? Did that bastard ever try to come after you?" Bella ignored the second question. I could feel she wasn't ready to talk about that yet, so I let it fall. Bella placed her hands on her stomach again and a soft smile appeared on her lips.

"Well, after I first got into town, I found Charlie's house. On my eighteenth birthday the lawyer sent me a copy of Charlie's will and all of the other documents. I knew the address and had my copy of the key. I spent the rest of the day cleaning up, making sure I was even able to live there. You should have seen the place, Jasper. It was such a mess.

"I can only imagine, little one. After five years of no one living there, I can only think of the state of the house," I said with a shutter.

"It wasn't all that bad, Jasper," Bella mock-scoffed, rolling her eyes. My silly little friend had a bad habit of doing that. "But it did need a good scrubbing. I was sore for days after. Also one of my dad's friends looked after the place. So the only things that really needed to be done were cleaning and dusting."

"And tell me, did you find any big creepy spiders or rats? Did they come out and greet you while you sang a happy song while working." My angel of course rolled her eyes.

"Seriously, Jasper, we need to work on your joking skills. Please be quiet and let me finish my story." I was highly offended. I didn't need any work.

"I will have you know that no work needs to be done on me. I am a fine specimen of man. I am utterly perfect, and the things I could do to a woman could have them sore for days. Any time you want an example, let me know, honey."

Bella seemed to be in shock and her face was burnt red. _Was it something I said, _I joked with myself_._ When she still hadn't responded I started to think I crossed a line. She was my friend and I never wanted to make her uncomfortable.

"Look, angel, I'm sorry for my out-of-line comments," I quickly apologized.

"No, Jasper," Bella sputtered, "you're fine. I was just thinking about something," she finished in a higher voice than normal. Her cheeks were stained red, and her embarrassment was nearly choking me. On top of everything else, I could feel something that I was sure I was mistaken about. It was buried so far down under her embarrassment. I let it go and looked at my little tomato.

"You were saying." I smirked at her.

"Um . . . yeah, It . . . um . . . took me a few days to get everything in order. I did the grocery shopping and made sure all of the utilities were in my name. After the weekend was over, I knew it was time for me to start the month of October at Forks High.

. . .

_I hated the first day of school. The 'new kid' was always the shiny new toy everyone wanted to play with. It was just like Christmas. One is so excited to get their presents, but after about a week the newness would wears off and the present lays forgotten somewhere, collecting dust. It wasn't that I was cynical or anything, but I had already experienced some of this in town while I went grocery shopping._

"_Why are you living here?" "Where are your parents?" "Are you going to be here for long?" These were some of the questions that people felt were their business. It was the price of living in a small town. I knew that after a while, things would settle down, but in the mean time, I was in the spotlight. _

_I pulled into the parking lot and made my way to the school office, conscious of the many stares I received. Ms. Cope was nice enough, but smelt of cats and had a few stray hairs on her clothes. After getting my schedule, I made my way to my first class, knowing the torture was about to begin. _

"_Could Isabella Swan please stand and introduce herself?" _

_No she cannot, I felt like shouting at the dunderheaded teacher. I guess they were too old to remember what it felt like on the first day and being the center of attention. After an internal sigh and roll of my eyes I stood up and took my few minutes of shame._

"_I like to be addressed as Bella, please. Let's see, some boring facts about myself no one will remember after today and will probably continue to ask me until my ears bleed. I hail from Arizona, but recently moved here from Florida. I lived there for a year, before I decided to move here. My father use to be a police officer here, and I would spend summers with him. I'm an only child, I love to read, and my life's ambition is to become a teacher and put new students in the spotlight. Oh… and my favorite color is dark amber." _

_I took my seat and the teacher looked at me askance, trying to figure out if what I said was the truth. Of course the slight against him flew right over his balding head. He proceeded to bore me for the rest of the period. _

_There should be a law which states that a teacher, during each period, is not allowed to be redundant. They should be fined for wasting a student's time. After introducing myself three times before lunch, I was about ready to bite someone. All I wanted was to spend my lunch hour in peaceful solitude with my mystery lunch meat. Seriously, was that too much to ask? Apparently it was. After taking a seat in a secluded corner, five people got the hint and sat down at my table. I was starting to think the people of Forks weren't too sharp (all pun intended)._

"_You're Bella, right?" A kid with blond hair and baby blues asked me. I wanted to answer, "Do you see any other new kids having to introduce themselves continuously (that have brown hair and brown eyes) and answer to my name?"_

_Could he have been any more __oblivious__? _

"_Yes, I'm Bella," I deadpanned. He looked at me sheepishly as his cheeks turned a light shade of pink. I felt relieved, another member of the blush club. My heart started to feel that he could be a kindred spirit. _

"_Sorry, I can only imagine what you're feeling right now, having all the teachers make you stand up, having people ambush you with stupid questions about your name." I started to feel guilty about taking my frustrations out on him. _

"_Look, um . . ."_

"_Michael Newton, but everyone calls me Mike." He smiled at me, his left dimple coming to life. _

"_I'm sorry about earlier. The first day of school is a pain, and you were the first person who spoke to me. So by proxy you received my anger. It wasn't fair to you, and I apologize. _

"_No sweat, Bella. I understand, really I do. I'll try not to be so stupid today, but that's all I can promise. One never knows what tomorrow will bring." I was starting to like Mike more and more. _

_The other kids started to introduce themselves, and I could already tell there were some who wouldn't like me. Jessica seemed like a nice girl, but was obviously attracted to my new friend. Her friend, Lauren, was a wash; I could tell she already hated me. I couldn't understand why, but I wasn't going to make her problem mine. Angela was a sweet, __quiet__ girl that came off really shy. I knew the feeling. Ben was alright. He was nice enough; I could see myself getting along with him. Angela turned beet red when he sat down next to her and my heart soared even higher, another blush club member. The town of Forks was littered with them. It was obvious she liked Ben, but as it seems to be the credo of every guy since Adam, he didn't notice. Others joined us, but I gave my attention to Mike. _

"_So, Bella, you come from Arizona, love to read, love the color dark amber, and despise teachers that make you introduce yourself on the first day; and let's not forget you don't like to be called Isabella." I was waiting for the stupid question to slip from his tongue; 'how is your first day of school going', but I was pleasantly surprised. "What are your favorite books to read?" I smiled at him, giving him a silent thank you. _

"_Well, I love the classics, anything from 'Pride and Prejudice' and '__Wuthering__ Heights', to 'Huckleberry Finn', to the playwright Tennessee Williams." And so the game, twenty questions, commenced. Different people took turns asking me different questions that varied from, have you broken any bones (too many to count), to what college do you want to attend (Dartmouth), and what car do you drive (a POS, aka, piece of . . . well, you already know). Lunch turned out to be quite enjoyable. Unfortunately the bell rang sooner than expected; I cringed at the thought of two more classes. _

"_Cheer up, Bella. It'll be over before you can say P.E." _

_Mike had only a slight idea of how vertically challenged I was. He would find out soon enough. After partnering with Mike in science, and helping him a little, the time of reckoning came. I reluctantly changed my clothes because the P.E. teacher from hell said, "This isn't some day at the spa, Swan! Get changed just like everyone else." I wonder what car it drove. I don't think I would have been held accountable if I modified its brake a little. Mike, bless his poor heart, offered to partner me. Things started to go well . . . until,_

"_Shit! That hurt!" he yelled from the ground. We were playing volleyball, and, somehow, the ball had come towards my legs instead of my arms. I intensively kicked out and my foot connected with Mike's forehead. I didn't even know my leg could go that high. He had turned around and tried to help me with the ball. Instead, he got a nice-sized bump on his head. I really did feel terrible. He was on the floor and had tears in his eyes from the pain. Everyone around us was laughing, some crying, from lack of air. I bent down and tried to help him as best I could._

"'_I'm so sorry, Mike. I tried to warn you and everyone else on the team. I am no good at sports." As he lifted his head, I could see it was already starting to bruise and swell. It would be the size of Rhode Island in the morning. The laughs intensified and my blush became even darker. _

'_It's fine, Bella, really. Damn, I feel dizzy." I took his hand and helped him up. I really hadn't meant to dropkick him in the head on the first day of school._

"_Swan," the he/she P.E. teacher yelled (I wondered if it was some unwritten law that gym teachers had to look a certain way; not that all of them were gender-neutral), "Take Newton to the Nurse and you're excused for the rest of class." I could hear a sigh of relief from the rest of the students. I grabbed our things and led Mike to the infirmary. After making him lie down and putting an ice pack on his head, I tried to apologize again. _

"_I'm really sorry, Mike," I said quietly, keeping my head down in shame. Mike grabbed my hand and ran little circles over the top. _

"_Bella, look at me please." After taking a deep breath, I raised my head and looked him in the eyes. His face had a tiny smile on it and his bump was getting bigger. "It's fine, really. There is no reason to apologize anymore. I'll look like a really bad kung-fu movie for a while and then things will be fine. I could be permanently brain damaged, but what is life without taking a beating from a pretty girl. My blush intensified and I felt even guiltier. Not only had I kicked the shit out of his head, but I had been rude to him at lunch, writing him off as a 'stupid idiot'. _

"_Thanks, Mike, you're too kind. I promise to make it up to you."_

"_Well you could go out with me on Friday." And there it was, our friendship was over before it even began. I was nowhere near ready to date. I didn't even want to try. Mike must have seen something on my face because he tried to play it off. I could tell he was a little hurt by my silent rejection. _

"_I was just joking, Bella. How about you help me out with my Science homework and we can call it even." I was so thankful. He had given me an out, and I didn't even have to say anything, but I needed to anyway._

"_Sure, I can do that. You know, you are pretty lousy in Science. Maybe you can say the head trauma caused you to have a block for all things Science." Mike just laughed. "And just so __we're__ clear, I'm not really into dating at the moment, Mike. I've had some pretty bad things happen, but that's just the tip of the iceberg." Mike gave me a comforting look, so I continued "I'm not sure I would ever bring any good into someone's life. What I'm trying to get at is could we just be friends?" I finished after floundering with my explanation. _

"_Sure, Bella, anything you want," he reassured me._

_I gave him a smile while we settled down and waited for the school nurse to come relieve him. After another twenty minutes, the nurse finally made her appearance and said we could go. When we were excused for the rest of the day, I gathered our things again and led him to my car. I helped him into the passenger seat before getting into the driver side. _

"_I'm sorry you can't even drive. But I will pick you up and drop you off for as long as it takes. It's no problem." He smiled, his left dimple danced in his cheek._

"_Now there is a bonus, a hot chauffeur at my beck and call. Maybe after I heal, you can kick me again."_

"_Sure, Mike," I started to joke with him, "and then I can see how bruised your butt will become by my foot." He raised his hands in surrender and we laughed together. _

_. ._

_His house was beautiful. It was a large brick home, with beautiful white pillars in the front. The door was blue with a magnificent stained-glass window. The gardens were in their fall bloom and had so many different kinds of flowers and bushes. _

"_Wow, this is really pretty!" I praised him._

"_Its home," was his humble response. After helping him out of the car and into his house, we walked into the front foyer. It was decorated very tastefully, with nothing gaudy or over the top. It felt like a well lived in home, with an air of sophistication. The tan leather couches in the family room were big and well worn. The TV was gigantic and the toupee cream walls were lined with family portraits. I placed Mike on the sofa and put down his backpack. I needed to leave._

"_Well, Mike, what time should I come gather you up?" _

"_Well school starts at 8:30. So is 8:00 am alright?" _

"_No problem, I'll be here, bushy tail and all. Do want any coffee with that order?" I was being sincere. I still felt terrible for what I had done to him. _

"_Um . . . if you are serious, I don't drink coffee. So any herbal tea will be fine." I was surprised by his answer, but just nodded my head. I would have to stop at the store as well as look for a job. My to-__do__list was piling up._

"_Sure, no problem, but I really need to go."_

"_Are you sure you can't stay longer? My head is really starting to hurt me." He was giving me puppy dog eyes. I rolled my eyes and play-scolded him._

"_I know you aren't going to use your head on a regular occurrence. But I really do need to leave. I have to go around and try to find some job in a small town." Mike smiled at me with a stupid smile and I thought he was finally going around the bend._

"_Why are you looking at me like that?" _

"_Well, I am the answer to your troubles." I looked at him askance. "Well maybe that wasn't the right way to phase it. You see, Bella . . ." he started to say and I couldn't help myself._

"_Usually with my eyes, Mike. What is your point?"_

"_If you would have let me finish, my family runs an outdoorsy store and we are looking for a part time employee. And yes, no experience is required. If it helps, I can put in an okay word for you. I have to take away some for the horrendous head injury." I didn't even care that he was teasing me, he was welcome to. _

"_Are you serious, Mike? I would kill for the job. I really need it." _

"_No sweat, Bella. The job is yours and you almost did kill me, so I guess you qualify for the position." I just rolled my eyes and gave him a big hug. _

"_You are the best, Mike." _

"_That's what all the girls say." He winked at me and the rest of the afternoon was spent talking and watching horrible talk shows on TV, and of course doing the dreaded science homework. _

_When his parents got home I was introduced and they offered me the job. After being forced to stay for dinner, I finally arrived home and reflected on my whirlwind first day._

_My teachers were the spawn of Satan, Ms. Cope smelled like cats, more people blushed in Forks than anywhere else, Lauren had something stuck up an unmentionable orifice, Ben was a typical clueless male, the he/she gym teacher was (well I wasn't sure what it was, except) evil, I could make grown people cry with laughter, no one would want to be near me in Gym, I would kick the crap out of someone's forehead if they messed with me and I had a real friend in Mike. Not to mention a JOB (yay)! _

_As the days turned to weeks, and the weeks turned to months, Mike and I became more comfortable with each other. We had an easy friendship. He never asked me out again, which I was thankful for. We talked about life and school. We talked about books and what we wanted to do after graduation. Mike was my friend; he was a hell of a friend, even if he did follow me around like a puppy at times. But after a swift kick (just kidding); I never complained, too much, because he really did help me out a lot. I knew there was nothing he wouldn't do for me. _

_On the first day I was willing to write him off as some dumb, jock type. But after getting past the boyish behavior and the lost puppy routine, I found he had a big heart just like others, and I was so thankful to have him as my friend._

. . .

Jasper POV: present

For some reason, I wanted to find Mike and cut off, no, hack off his balls with a blunt machete. I knew there was no logical reason for me disliking him. He had helped my angel in her time of need and came to her rescue. That was the crux of my problem; I wanted to be the person who was there for her. I wanted to be the person she first turned to in a bad situation. I wanted to be the person Bella loved the most. I was a selfish creature, but there it was. I had to be honest with myself. I was simply jealous of Mike. He got to be there for Bella, and he got to love her. He was able to do for her what I couldn't, and it broke my heart.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I guess I upset you again. I thought this part would have made you laugh."

"It's not that. It sounds like you and Mike were lucky to have each other's friendship. I just wish, and I know it's impossible, but I just wish I could have been the one you needed. You have helped me so many times in my life, and I just wanted to be that person for you, angel." Bella looked at me with water diamonds in her eyes. Now what did I say to make her cry?

"Don't you see, Jasper, you were that person. From the time you saved me as a little girl, I cast you in the role of my savior and protector. Not only in times of great need, but in times of joy; you were the person that was with me through it all. I never knew if we would every see each other again, that's just the nature of the world. But whether or not, I would always carry you with me. Please understand Jasper, because I don't know how else to explain. We met when I was a child and you became my best friend. It doesn't make any sense to me – this bizarre connection we share – but you are my friend.

"Little one, you are one hell of a person, and I also don't know how else to explain." I took her hand in mine and ran my fingers over the top of hers. They were so soft; her little hand looked too fragile in mine. I wanted to gather her in my arms and always keep the bad away, but I knew Bella had more of her story to tell. The little mother turned and faced me on the couch. A small smile had crept onto her lips and contentment was shining in her eyes; she was one hell of a girl, and for some reason it felt like worms invaded my stomach.

"So, my jealous friend," she started to say, but I wasn't going to let her get too far.

"Now, little one, you need to understand that . . ."

"Oh, Jazz, I understand all too well. You feel that Mike has taken your spot in my life, but no one could ever touch what was never theirs. You captured my soul first and never let go. Mike was there for me and became my wonderful friend. We understood each other and supported each other. If you would have been with me, I don't think Mike would have even captured my attention, but then I would have missed out on a wonderful relationship and I could never regret what Mike and I have, no matter how much I love and missed you, Jasper. That doesn't take away anything from you, my friend."

My heart felt the love I had for Bella all over again. There never seemed to be any cap on the space for my love regarding her.

"So, Bella, tell me what happened next."

"Well, as I was saying, Mike and I became pretty good friends. Once I realized he was this little puppy deep down who wanted to be loved and treated well, I got to see the real him, not the persona he showed to everyone else. After I started picking him up for school and helping him with Science, we got into an easy routine. We were friends with the others, but if there was ever a major problem, or the other one just wanted to talk, there was only the two of us. Mike would drive us to school one week and I'd take the next. He came over on Thursday nights to study and I would make him dinner. I went over his house on Sunday nights for dinner with his family. He worked almost the same schedule as me at the store, and we were nearly inseparable."

I was ready to add his dick to the missing appendage list, along with his balls. I was that angry with him.

"Then Mike started dating Jessica." I felt better after hearing that. He was okay to keep his penis for the time being.

"I told you she liked him and I finally encouraged him to give her a try. Not much changed between us. The only difference was, now instead of just him and me, we added Jess. It took some adjustment, but things finally started to click. They seemed happy enough together, and I tried to give them as much space as possible. I didn't want to intrude in their relationship. Their first fight happened when she found out he and I applied to the same places for college. They weren't even dating at the time when we applied, and she was mad. After finally showing her reason, she calmed down and things were fine again. In March, our acceptance letters started to show up and Mike and I were accepted into my dream school. It was just a pipe dream for me, something to hope and wish for, but in reality, I realized I would end up at Peninsula College."

I knew Bella underestimated her potential. There was no way any university would turn her down, and if they did, what a bunch of idiots.

"It took Mike a while to break through my stunned silence. I couldn't believe that my unspoken dream of going to Dartmouth came true. Their English department was amazing and since I was fifteen, I wanted to attend. A few days later, Mike received his letter, and just like that we were both going to my dream college. He had planned to stay closer to home because his father wasn't doing so well, but after some encouragement from his family, he decided to come with me."

Bella's face looked serene as she lived one of her happy moments in life. Every face she showed to me was beautiful; she lived her emotions on her sleeve. I didn't have to be empathic to know her feelings.

"School finally was coming to an end. My mother had finally given up hope of me returning. She couldn't even threaten me because I was an adult. I never discussed the monster and if she tried, I would either change the subject or hang up. I never saw or heard from him. My life was happy, and the trauma he put me through was finally behind me. Prom came and I had already decided that there was absolutely no way in HELL I was going. Mike tried to convince me, but after threatening him with my butcher knife and the how-the-possibilities-were-endless-on-cooking-his- private-part speech," Bella turned a bright red trying to tell me how she would cut his penis off, "he backed off and finally learned I wasn't going."

That was my little angel, amazing.

"About midnight . . ."

. . .

_I hated the thought of Prom. It held no interest for me, the idea of paying over two hundred dollars for a dress and wearing __heels__ were such a killer. I couldn't spend my money on such frivolous things. Mike had offered to buy me a dress, but I couldn't let him. He was dating Jessica; it wouldn't have been fair. I just didn't want to go. _

_The gym had been decorated in the finest colored toilet paper and the tables that were set up had corresponding colors on the table cloths. The music wasn't my style and the thought of getting dry-humped by the rest of the senior class wasn't appealing. So I rented Carrie, ordered a pizza and made popcorn; my perfect idea of prom night, without the terrible hangover, and no idea of whom I had gone to bed with. Other people had an amazing time at school events such as prom, but I wasn't one of them. I guess I was a cynical person after all. _

"_That is just sick on so many levels," I cried as Carrie had blood poured over her head. Right as the girl was leaning over the grave and Carrie made a sudden grab for her, to bring her down into the dirt . . ._

_(KNOCK)_

_I jumped about five feet in the air and spilt the rest of the popcorn all over me. My heart was racing and about to gallop right out of my chest. I turned down the volume and looked out the window._

"_What is he doing here?" I asked myself as I reached for the door handle. _

"_Bella, I'm sorry to show up like this, but Jess and I just broke up." Mike looked like a drowned rat who was about to cry. My heart was already breaking for him. He was my friend, and I didn't want to see him hurt. _

"_Come in and tell me what happened." I stepped out of the way. Mike walked into the living room and sat on the floor. His blond hair was plastered to his face and his cheeks were flushed from his terrible night. After I got him a clean towel from the linen closet, I walked into the living room and he looked up. I could see the sadness flashing in his baby blues. _

"_What happened, M?" I called him by his nickname. _

"_I found out Jess was talking a bunch of shit, so I called her out. When she finally admitted it, I said goodbye and left. I wasn't sure where to go so I walked over here. I really am sorry. It looks like I interrupted a hot date," he joked, giving me a sad little smile._

"_The movie was over anyway, and to be honest, it scared the crap out of me." Mike laughed a genuine laugh. The silence settled over us once again. I started to fidget as his stare became more intense. _

"_I could never have another friend like you, Bella. You are perfect in every way." His eyes were alive with seriousness and the tension that started to choke me became uncomfortable. What could I say to a comment like that?_

"_Um . . . thanks, Mike, but you're wrong. You seriously overestimate my . . ."_

"_No, Bella, you underestimate your self-worth. You are your most serve critic, and so much of what you think about yourself is unfounded. You are smart, caring, beautiful and like no other. From the moment I was dumb enough to sit at your table, and ask if you were Bella, I have been blessed. So please, let me be right and don't argue with me for once. And don't even think about rolling your eyes." _

_Well, I guess someone knew me too well. There was only one thing I could do. A very old tactic: change the subject. _

"_So what was Jess saying, and you can tell me. You don't have to protect me all the time." _

"_I guess I'm not the only one who knows too much about the other. You don't really need to know, Bella. It was just childish shit." Didn't I just tell him not to protect me?_

"_Come on, M. I'm a big girl; I can even dress myself and tie my shoes. So please stop babying me and tell me what she said." BOYS! _

"_Fine, let's see. She said I was an asshole who had my head stuck so far up your ass that I could probably see when you were going to have your next bowel movement, and that is putting it lightly for your__ sensible ears." All I could do was laugh at the absurdity of the statement. Mike looked at me like I was crazy, but that crap was funny._

"_Mike, she's just jealous. She likes you so much and she feels threatened. It really is a shame she is dumb." _

"_I know, Bella, but she didn't have to shout that shit out for everyone and their dog to hear. It turns out the bitch was also telling people that you and I were sleeping together the entire time she and I were dating. I may not have been the best boyfriend, but I would never disrespect her by sleeping with someone else. That shit was too low and I couldn't take any more. So I told her goodbye, have a nice life and to fuck off. Then I made my dramatic exit. I wasn't going to listen to anymore garbage."_

_The smile wouldn't be kept from my face. _

"_Well, I'm sorry for how things ended between the both of you, but she really had no right to say those things, and in front of everyone. But look on the bright side; we have three more weeks of high school and two months of summer before it's off to the real world known as college. Jess will have to learn to grow up, but don't make her problem yours. On Monday, hold your chin up, ignore her, and if all else fails you could always tell her to eff off again, but I would personally spit gum in her hair and call her a dodo head or poop head, which ever you prefer. And that is what I call taking the mature way out." _

_My friend just laughed until we were finally both in tears. Mike was great and Jess was one stupid (not to mention poop head) girl, for breaking up with him. _

_When we were able to breathe again, Mike reached over and pulled me into a hug. It was a beautiful hug shared between friends that loved and respected each other. I pulled back and looked into his face, giving him a bright smile. _

"_You know that I love you, right?" _

"_Yeah, Bella, I know." _

"_You also know that you just got me all wet, right?"_

"_Are you sure that was me? I think you peed in your pants from your fright and now you are trying to blame me," was his brilliant response. "I won't tell anyone that Carrie scared you." I rolled my eyes this time and got off the floor. _

"_I'm going to go change, you are going to change also and then we are going to eat the rest of my cold pizza, make some more popcorn, put in another movie, and forget this night even happened. How does that sound?"_

"_That sounds amazing, Bella, but if you throw in a beer you got yourself a deal."_

"_That would be found at the amazing after prom party you seem to be missing right now. I wouldn't mind if you wanted to go. I'll just eat my food and watch my movies on my own," I joked with him._

"_Fine, my too good friend. We will skip the beers and drink milk, sound good to you?"_

"_Throw in the chocolate and you have a deal. I almost forgot the bendy straws." I winked at him while we made our way up the stairs. After getting him his spare clothes he kept at my house (because let's face it, we lived in Washington State where the state bird is a falling rain drop, and who likes to sit in wet clothes), we both changed and reconvened in the living room._

"_You rented 'Carrie', 'She's All That' and 'Not Another Teen Movie', yet you refused to go to Prom?" Mike asked while looking at me like I was crazy._

_What's your point, MIKE?" I said while placing my hands on my hips and pretending to be mad._

"_Nothing. I just learned that I will never understand GIRLS." And I knew he was right. We were a complicated breed. And we intended for it to stay like that. _

"_Never fear, you aren't supposed too."_

_After debating each movie and the merit of each, we finally settled in to watch "She's All That', chocolate milk and all. We made fun of the movie through its entirety, arguing about the best teen movie of all. When no one was declared a winner, I went to get up but my wrist was held in place by Mike's hand. I looked at him in confusion; a serious look was plastered on his visage. _

"_What's the problem, M? Did you want to tell me something?" I asked, uncertainly. Mike pulled me down, and I willingly sat next to him on the couch; the blanket lay forgotten at my feet. He leaned forward and I inhaled. He pulled me into another hug; I inwardly cursed myself for such a reaction. Mike was my friend, there was no reason to feel shy and timid with him. He released me slightly before whispering in my ear._

"_Thanks for being such an amazing person. I only wish the world was filled with girls like you. This night went from horrible to wonderful just at the sight of you. You somehow make everything better, just by being you." I shivered lightly from his hot breath hitting my ear. Mike kissed my temple before pulling back. My throat became dry and something erupted in my stomach. This had never happened before to me. I felt like I was going to panic. What was happening to us?_

_He pulled back and I could see the love on his face. Everything he just said to me was written on his boyish features. He smiled and my favorite dimple greeted me. My hand seemed to come out of nowhere and placed itself on his cheek. He leaned into my hand, his smile became even bigger. _

"_You make my life better, also. I came here with no prospect of having any friends or even the possibility of a job, and with one kick to the forehead, my life changed. You have made it so wonderful. We fight, argue, laugh, sometimes I cry; however, we both blush. But what I want to say is, I have enjoyed each and every moment with you."_

_Mike leaned forward and placed a kiss on my forehead. This was a moment I would always remember. The next moment was one I would always cherish. He looked into my eyes and finally brought his lips to mine. They were different than I expected: soft, yielding and somewhat supple. His lips ghosted over mine and sent a peaceful feeling throughout my body. My fingers and feet began to tingle and the butterflies assaulted my stomach. I tentatively brushed my lips over his, allowing him to take charge. He deepened the kiss, slowly running his tongue over mine. It was beautiful and intimate. After one more kiss to my bottom lip, he pulled back. A smile graced the lips that were just on mine. My hands found their way to my mouth; I looked him in the eyes. They were filled with love and friendship._

"_Thanks, my friend," was his soft response before he changed the subject for good. _

"_Do you want to watch 'Not Another Teen Movie' or watch some TV?" I was still stuck on what happened earlier and didn't register what he had said. Mike pulled my hair back and placed it behind my ear._

"_Breath, Bella, it's going to be fine," he reassured. After finally taking the hint, I opened my mouth, allowing oxygen to fill my body. _

"_I'm sorry." I didn't know if I was apologizing for the kiss or my lack of speech. _

"_There's nothing to be sorry about. We kissed, it was perfect. We're friends, Bella, nothing will change that. Now, we are going to watch the last movie and just enjoy our friendship." And with that, we did exactly what he said. _

_The first half hour was tense for me, but after him making fun of the faces I was making and my silence, I started to unwind and just enjoy 'our friendship'. The rest of the night passed with us watching the rest of the movie, playing board games and eventually falling asleep while talking about what we wanted out of life. _

_When I woke up in the morning, I found breakfast on the table and a note saying:_

_Thanks for being my beautiful friend. Last night was filled with memories I will take with me everywhere and remember always. You are the best Bella and I love you, my friend._

_~ Michael_

_I cried a little at the simple note while eating my slightly cold breakfast of runny eggs and burnt bacon. My friend was wonderful. I didn't know what I did to deserve him. The rest of the year passed and nothing else happened. We finished classes, walked, received our 'diploma's' (The real ones would come in the mail) and attended the Graduation parties. Life returned to normal. Our kiss was never mentioned. _

_The summer passed with days at the beach, work and much needed down time. We read, ate out and spent time with his family. We even took a weekend trip to Seattle. The summer finally wound down and with much packing and tearful goodbye's, Mike and I drove our separate cars to Dartmouth College to start our new lives._

_Of course I wouldn't forget my parting line to Mike's ex, she did have it coming. I was walking to my last class on the last day and she just had to start something. I turned around and said:_

"_I'm not going to stoop to your level, Jessica. All I have to say to you is good job. You ruined something good that had the potential to be amazing. If you actually put in half the time into your relationship that you did with rumors and jealousy, it might have worked out, but I guess you will never know. Mike and I are friends and he is incredible. He would have never done any of those things you accused him of. We are almost done with high school and it's time for you to grow up. I really hope you do, Jess, because the world isn't going to be put on hold for you to grow up. So grow up you, poop head, and if you need that in plain English: fuck off, bitch."_

_With those parting words, I turned around and walked away with the applause of half the school following me._

. . .

Jasper's POV: present

I was in shock, not only from her 'kiss' with Mike, but the thought of her being at Dartmouth. Emmett and Rose were at Dartmouth the same time she was. After we all graduated from Forks High, I went off to premed and Emmett and Rose went off on another honeymoon to reconnect. They were one of the most connected couples I knew and not just emotionally and spiritually (if you catch my drift). After a year hiatus from the family, they rejoined Esme and Carlisle before enrolling in the same college as me. After they finally graduated for the umpteenth time, and thought about the next step, they decided to attend Dartmouth. They tried to persuade me to move, but I wouldn't budge. I was already established in my program, and I didn't want to start over.

Carlisle and Esme also tried to convince me, but I was too hardheaded. My reasoning's were simple. I wanted to take school seriously. I didn't want any distractions from the family or any help from Carlisle. I wanted to prove my worth and I wanted him to be proud. Also Emmett was just a distraction by himself. He was a man-child, and it almost took the entire family just to control him. He was a major distraction I just couldn't afford.

But all of my reasoning now seemed in vain. Bella had been in New Hampshire, not far from my family, and I had the chance to be with her years sooner. My dead heart cracked into a thousand pieces. I wanted to weep for the loss. I knew it was all over and done with, but it didn't lessen my pain. There was never any guarantee that I would have met her sooner, but there was the possibility, and I missed the opportunity because of my pride. Bella must have seen the sadness displayed in my eyes, because she laced our fingers and ran soothing circles on my cold, dead skin.

"Why is it that every time I finish one of my stories, you seem so sad, Jasper?"

"It's really quite simple, angel. I wasn't in them. I know it is very selfish of me, but I want to be honest with you. I also realized that I had the potential to find you years before now, and the time just seems wasted. My family wanted me to move here and go to the one and only Dartmouth, but I refused them. My siblings were going there at the time, and I didn't want any distraction while in med school. I also wanted to do well and get all the opportunities from my hard work and not through the merits of my father. It all just seems like wasted time," I finished more to myself than her.

"You're so wrong, Jasper! Your time wasn't wasted," she implored me, "Yes, there was the possibility we could have met sooner, but it was only a possibility. There were never any guarantees. Your time has been spent so wisely. You have done incredibly well, and I don't even know your full history. But from what I've seen, you are amazing. Also, there is nothing wrong with wanting to stand alone and get your accomplishments on your own. Sometimes it can be a lonely road with no one to share it with, but that is not your case. You seem very close to your family and when you speak about them, your eyes fill with love. I always wished we would meet again – after the airport – and now we have. I wish it was sooner, but it wasn't and I have to say I am glad."

My heart broke again at her words. She didn't want me in her life. My angel didn't want me near her, and I could understand. I was a monster for so many years and had done so many things that there weren't enough books to fill the pages. Bella must have finally realized this and my heart just broke. What was I to do? At this point, I needed her in my life. I didn't think I could go on without her. She was my best friend, and in the last three days, Bella had become my world again. It made no sense, but there it was.

"You are misunderstanding my words." I looked at her in confusion and she just smiled (at a time like this I might add). "I always, and I mean always, want you in my life; make no mistake." My heart started to mend some of the broken pieces at her words. "But if you would have come into my life sooner, my world would have been consumed by you. You just have this thing about you. Whenever you are near me, everything disappears and the only thing remaining is you, my best friend. We have such a weird friendship that I couldn't even begin to describe it, and it just consumes us. If you would have been here sooner, I wouldn't have my baby, and I could never regret it, not even for you, Jasper. It literally hurts me to say that because of our connection, but I could never regret my baby. He or she is a part of me, just like you are!" she finished with a sweet smile on her pink lips.

"I understand, Bella, and thanks. I could never ask you to resent being pregnant with your child. I myself am already half in love, and I have only met your baby a few days ago. We also seem to share some kind of connection. Whenever I talk to him or her, I can feel this vibe between us. It's amazing!" I finished with a goofy smile on my face. Bella giggled.

"Sorry, I was rambling again, it seems." If vampires could blush, I'd be scarlet. And don't think I forgot about Mike kissing her, my innocent little angel. He would now be losing an arm and possibly a leg, along with his cock and balls.

"You know, Jasper," she started to say. "I understand what you're talking about. The first time I learned I was pregnant, I was completely terrified, but the next day, I really didn't need any more time, I realized I had this little bundle of a person in me and he or she was going to be a part me. I was amazed and scared at the same time, but in the midst of all these feeling, I was just in love with my baby. It is one of my fondest memories, thinking about falling in love with my child." A dreamy look covered her face, the love of her child written all over her beautiful features. The love I felt from her was so overwhelming, and I felt a little high. One very important question stilled remained.

"So, do you want to hear what happened next or just call it a day?" I looked at her face and could see the strain from the day and the emotions she relived in telling me her story. I didn't want her under unneeded stress, so I had my answer even though I was very anxious to hear the rest.

"I would love to hear the rest of your story, angel, but I think you need a breather. What do you think?"

"No, you're probably right. I am feeling pretty tired." Bella stood up and she started to fall back down. I immediately caught her as she sat back on the couch.

"Are you all right?" Worry laced my voice as I asked my angel about her fall.

"I'm fine, Jasper. I must have been more tired than I realized. I think I'll just go to bed; it's been a very long day." I wasn't ready to leave her yet, but what else could I do.

"Well I think I might head on home then." I could feel her panic start to rise, just like when I was about to leave her hospital room. My heart soared at the thought, but I also felt sad at her feeling fright at anything. "What's wrong, Bella?"

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I know you need to leave and I'm just being selfish. Please don't worry about me."

"You can ask me anything, and I would never think you selfish. Now what would you like?"

"Well, I know we hardly know each other, and you just came back into my life, not to mention you bringing me home and making sure I'm alright, but would it be too much trouble to ask you to stay. I know it's asking a lot and you would rather have your own bed but . . ."

"Bella, stop and breathe for me. It's no problem. If you'd like me to stay, I can. I would just need to run to my apartment and get a change of clothes. Would that be fine with you? I would be no longer than an hour." She smiled and gave me a silent nod.

.

As I left her apartment, I thought of all I had learned about her life. She had been through a lot, but she was still the amazing, sweet girl that I had first met. I couldn't wait to hear about the rest and find out the answer to the question my mind kept repeating like a broken record.

.

* * *

.

Author's Note: Well there you have it, the first part of Bella's back story. There will be more to come. This chapter was already very long, and the next one is shaping up to be almost the same length.

A very special thanks to Calliso for the help with this chapter. You are awesome!

Much love as always!

_Posted: Wednesday, 21 July 2010_

_**Edited: Tuesday, 10 January 2012 **_

_*Note – there will still be errors. I try to find them all, but even I'm flawed . . . LOL. If you find any, please don't hesitate to PM me. I welcome all corrections!_


	19. Between Friendship and Love

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. Lyrics belong to "Train_"_. No copyright infringement intended. The factual information in this chapter is true; I did some research on it. I tried to make things accurate.

**Between Friendship and Love**

Part Eighteen

"_One kiss breaches the distance between friendship and love__"_

_- Anonymous_

Jasper's POV from the present

When I arrived back at Bella's, I found her asleep on the couch with the sheets for my make shift bed wrapped around her. She had obviously fallen asleep not long after I left. She was feeling content, all around happy. I hoped that my appearance in life attributed to some of that happiness.

I walked over the sleeping angel and knelt down. Her swollen belly was sticking up as she lay on her back.

"Bella," I whispered close to her ear, trying to wake her up. Nothing. I placed my hand on her lower stomach, drawing little comforting circles around her unborn child.

"Hello, baby, how are you doing tonight?" I asked, obviously not expecting a response. When I felt nothing I continued to talk, "I know your mommy has had a tough day, and I know all of the emotions I made her relive weren't the best. But you must know how much she loves you. Every breath she takes is for you, baby. You are very lucky to have such a remarkable mother, and I hope you know I love you, too, baby." The little kick was soothing to my hand and brought a smile to my mouth.

"There you are, sweetie. I'm glad you seem to love me. I can't wait to meet you. I know my family would love you, especially Esme. You see, she always wanted a child but never had the opportunity. She is such an amazing mother, to me and all of my siblings. I know she'd love you to pieces, not to mention spoil the living daylights out of you." I felt another nudge on my hand and chuckled.

"You seem to like that idea. I don't think your mommy would, but you should always remember that love is the most important thing there is. Your mother would give that to you in abundance, never doubt that, sweetie. Well I should probably take your mommy to her room; I can't imagine the couch being all that comfortable."

I carefully picked up Bella, carrying her to the shoebox that masqueraded as a bedroom before placing her gently on the bed. I ran my fingers over her bangs and pushed them to the side; I bent down and place my cold lips on her warm forehead, silently wishing her goodnight. I turned to leave, but Bella grabbed my hand, grasping onto it rather tightly. She was still mostly asleep; her eyes kept drooping shut as she tried to open them.

"You're back. I knew you'd come back," she slurred in her sleep ridden voice.

"Of course I'm back. I could never intentional stay away from you, angel." She gave me a tired smile and moved over closer to the wall, trying to make room on her small bed. "What are you doing?" I was confused by her behavior. Did I smell of something unpleasant?

"I'm making room for you, Jasper. I don't want you to leave me again." Her eyes were shut, her mouth barely moving. I wondered if she was even coherent and aware of her statement.

"Bella," I called out. She just hummed her response.

I wasn't sure if I should leave. I didn't want her to be freaked out in the morning and her not remembering to ask me to stay. I also didn't want Bella thinking I abandoned her in the night. After my internal struggle, the devil on my left shoulder won; I effortlessly slid in bed with her. I gave her as much space as possible. I looked at the ceiling; it had been a long day filled with many emotions. I wished in that moment, to be normal, to slip into a dreamless sleep; what it must have been like to be able to shut one's brain down for a while and reside in complete silence.

I looked to the side and saw a smile gracing her lips; I was happy she was happy. I listened to her heart beat, enjoying the even faster heart beat of her child. It was such a miracle being able to listen to such an amazing sound. My hand found its way back to her stomach. I spent the rest of the night talking to the little miracle. Around dawn, the baby started to settle down and soon fell asleep. After a few hours later, Bella started to stir. She looked over at me. I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep.

"Thanks for staying," she whispered before making her way off the bed, after much work. When she left the room, I opened my eyes and thought about what I would learn today about the stories of Bella's past.

Fifteen minutes passed before I got off the bed, venturing into the living room. Bella was in the middle of eating her cereal and yogurt. I was no food connoisseur, but it smelt just horrible. Bella gave me a shy smile before offering me some breakfast. After declining on account of not being a breakfast eater, I went into the living room and allowed her time to eat in silence.

"Do you have to work today?" she asked as she took a seat beside me on the couch.

I held her hand, assisting her in sitting. She may not have needed my help, but I was raised a gentleman, and I wasn't going to let a seven month pregnant woman do something on her own when I could be of help.

"Not today, angel, I'm all yours. So what would you like to do?" She was feeling happy and apprehensive. I wondered what was going on in that pretty head of hers.

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to hear some more of my story, but if there's something you needed to do, or you just want to leave, that is also fine." Her happiness must have been about me not having to work and spending the day with her. At the thought of me leaving, her happiness was slowly turning to disappointment.

"Please, Bella, I could never find such wonderful company as you. So I think that means you're stuck with me for the day. I would love to hear anything you have to say." She gave me a shy smile and took a deep breath, her hand automatically going to her stomach. I braced myself for what I was about to hear.

"Well, after I left off last night, Dartmouth was calling and I was fast approaching in my second hand car. I had become attached to it, so, decided to take it with me. When Mike and I finally got there, all I could do was stare in awe, Jasper. The campus was amazing and everything I thought it would be. After getting all of my papers, finding my room and unloading my car, Mike and I went out to dinner that night, celebrating our new life. We did Orientation week and I loved every minute. Class started, and as I told you earlier, I was majoring in English, Mike in business management. He was planning on take over his family business, but also wanted to extend to more stores in the future. We both had our dreams and goals, and Dartmouth was the answer to both of our futures. However, as you are well aware of, some things don't go as planned.

. . .

Bella's POV from the past

_Time flew, and before I realized it I was starting my fourth year of college. Dartmouth was such an incredible place. My time I spent there was filled with so many different memories. From the time we attended Dartmouth night bonfires, to the time in my sophomore year, while studying in the Rauner library for finals, a streaker ran around the tables singing at the top of his lungs. I remembered Halloweens and carving pumpkins and placing them on the Senior Fence on top of the green. My friends and I even participated one year in the Dartmouth Winter Carnival. One of the events was similar to building imagines in the sand. We built a castle (very creative), but for some odd reason, the Ship, the snow statue of the Coliseum, and the submarine were ranked higher. I couldn't complain, they were much better, and I never professed to be an Art major. One weekend we even went to see the Quechee Hot Air Balloon Festival in Vermont._

_There were times of laughter and crying during finals week. There were fights and breakups. There were times of reflection and times of too much laughter. And through it all Mike was right by my side. We had other friends, and he dated many girls. I went on very few dates, school was my focus. I was blessed to have gotten into a school such as Dartmouth; I never wanted to squander my opportunities. My friends called me an "old lady", but I didn't care; it was I who they would run to during finals for help, wanting to borrow my notes. After making them apologize profusely and groveling (just a bit), I relented. My life was great. I had no reason to complain. _

_As the Fall semester of my Senior year started, I felt sad. It was my second to last semester at Dartmouth and soon after it would all be over. My birthday was quickly approaching and Mike wanted to do something else besides go out to eat. I never celebrated getting older. It was terrible and another year that went by without me seeing Jasper seemed as if a little part of me died. I missed him, but he was never far from me, I had a piece of him inside. I had a good life, and I always hoped he was happy, where ever he was. So on the night of my birthday, Mike and some of our other friends decided to take me to a frat party. I was beyond angry, but in wanting to make them happy, I went along for the ride. _

_The majority of the night was spent drinking and having some guy try to dance up on me. I wasn't a social drinker, but in seeing that I was already here, I wanted to cut loose for once. I _was_ at a frat party. I decided to make the best of my night. After a few poorly chosen drinks, I was more than ten sheets to the wind. My tolerance level was nonexistent. I never drank, so I was pretty much drunk after my second cup of cheap beer. _

_I had lost my friends and decided to dance with a guy named something-or-other to a song that was played out before it even began. I was really starting to enjoy myself, when I looked over to my left, and saw some girl dancing up on Mike. My immediate reaction was to get her as far away from him as possible. My next reaction surprised me even more. I was angry at him for dancing with her like that. I mean she was practically humping his leg. My last reaction was the biggest surprise of all, jealously. I wanted to rip her hair out by her bleach-blond roots. I wasn't a physical person, so the violent reaction startled me to my core. _

_Mike must have felt me starting at him, because he turned from the cheap suit that was trying to wear him, and looked right into my eyes. He looked confused by the anger on my face and started to walk toward me. Butterflies assaulted my stomach as his face turned serious; he finally untangled himself from the dollar-store-dye-job. I didn't recognize the look in his eyes, but if I were to look in a mirror, I would have seen it reflected on me. When he finally reached me on the dance floor, he told my dance partner to "buzz off" or something to that effect and took me away by the hand._

_A somewhat slow song came on so the crowd could hump each other even closer. Mike gently pulled me into his arms but kept me at a comfortable distance. I had never danced with him, and I immediately became shy. He just gave me a reassuring smile after reading the self-doubt on my face. He turned me around and started to sway me with the music, his arms wrapped around my back. My cheeks became flushed; I tried to hide my face in his neck. As the music continued to play, he sang the lyrics in my ear as we swayed to the music. _

"_Her timing is quite _

_Unusual_

_You see her confidence is tragic_

_But Her intuition, Magic_

_And the Shape of her body_

_Unusual" _

_My body shivered from his contact. The butterflies continued to swarm my stomach nonstop as I was becoming more perplexed by my body's reaction to my friend. My only conclusion was all of the alcohol I drank. Mike's hand reached into my hair. I became almost frozen. My hand seemed to have movement and made its way into Mike's blond hair in return. It was soft, sliding through my fingers with ease. _

_I pulled my head from his neck and looked into his face. I wondered if he was feeling the same things as me. One look told me my answer. One move of his head told me the answer again. For the second time since I had known him, his lips fell on mine and we shared a steamy kiss in a frat house._

_My head moved in sync with his as we both deepened the kiss. My tongue tentatively made its way into his mouth; he caressed it softly with his while sampling every part that was available. After the need for air arose, I pulled back and stared at his flushed cheeks._

"_Bella, I'm not sure what just happened," he said to me over the music. I looked at him and could tell he was being honest. As for what happened, his guess was as good as mine._

"_I'm not sure either. Maybe we should just leave and call it a night." _

_Mike quickly agreed. As we left, I ever so expectantly bumped into a man that must have been the Hulk in another life. I tried to apologize, but he smiled and waved me off. The dimples in his cheeks threw me. I would never expect such a big guy to look so sweet, but one could never tell a book by its cover._

_When we finally got outside, I was tempted to look up into the night sky like always. It was alive with millions of stars that shined down on me from the heavens. I sighed from the beauty of the night and grabbed Mike's hand. We walked back to my dorm room. I was lucky to have a single suite. I didn't mind sharing, but I did enjoy my privacy. _

_We finally got to my room without either of us saying a word. The silence wasn't awkward as I would have thought, and his hand felt rather comfortable in mine. _

"_Well, Bella, I think I'm going to head to my room. You must be tired. I'm sorry for dragging you to that horrible party; I just thought it'd be different. I hope you aren't too mad at me. I will make it up to you. If you want to go out to dinner or do something –" _

_He was cut off in the middle of his statement by my mouth on his. I didn't understand my bravado. I was never aggressive, but tonight I seemed to be throwing all of usual self out the window. _

_After coming out of his stupor, he started to return my kiss. Our tongues battled for supremacy as our lips continued their assault on the others. My hands made their way to his arms, and I pulled him into my room, slamming the door with my foot. The sound of the door reached my ears and continued to echo. I wasn't sure what was happening, but I knew I wanted it to keep going._

_Mike pulled his mouth from mine. I was able to breathe but only for a second. He kissed my neck while running his wet tongue to the curve of where my collarbone started. My lungs and body were on fire and again I knew I wanted to go further. I lifted his shirt before running my hands down his firm back. His skin was warm, his muscles flexed as I scratched my way to the top of his shoulders. I exhaled loudly when he bit down and sucked my skin into his mouth. I moved my head to give him better access, closing my eyes at the pure pleasure that was making its way through my body. _

_All of a sudden the fire stopped and nothing happened. I opened my eyes to find his baby blues filled with doubt. I didn't understand. Had I done something wrong? I'd never been this far with someone and had no idea if what I was doing was right, or even a turn on. _

"_Did I do something wrong?" I asked, looking at the ground. I couldn't stand to see the disappointment in his eyes. He placed his fingers under my chin and forced me to look at him._

"_You did nothing wrong, in fact, you were amazing. I was just wondering if we are moving too fast. I would never want to do anything, Bella, that would ruin our friendship. It's why I never did anything after our first kiss. I didn't think you were ready, and you're far too special to me. You also had a lot to drink tonight. I'm not sure if you really want this or if the alcohol does. Please don't get mad at my words, but I just want to protect you, Bella."_

_I loved Mike. He was an incredible friend, always wanting the best for me. I had wondered why nothing happened before, and he was right in his assumption. I wasn't ready then. I must've also been the only Fourth-yea- college-student virgin on campus. I didn't understand why I wasn't like other girls in seeking out male companionship, but I was never inspired to. I never had a need to want for a physical relationship. That was until tonight. When Mike was touching me, I felt so light, ready to float to the stars. He was gentle yet skillful at the same time. I thought since we had been such good friends for five years there would be no spark or romantic chemistry between us, but I was wrong, and happy to be so. My body seemed to call for his, and I wanted his hands on me. I wanted his lips on mine, doing wicked things to my overheated skin. Just thinking of what I wanted his tongue to do made me blush._

"_I'm not mad, M. I am, however, touched at your concern, but there is no reason to be. I may have drunk a lot, but this is me, your friend Bella talking. I'm not sure what is happening with us, but I know that I want you tonight. When you touched me I felt so hot. My body didn't want to stop," I said and could feel the heat race to my cheeks again. "For the first time that I can remember, I want someone and that someone is you. Please, Mike, you said you wanted to make it up to me. Now, here, is your opportunity. I want you. There is no need to feel you are taking advantage. I'm giving you permission. We're mature enough to keep our friendship grounded, so no need for worry. Take me, Mike. Take me here and now!" I demanded of him. _

_His baby blues turned midnight and the hunger in them almost stole my breath. He crushed his lips on my and I returned the kiss with as much heat. _

_He slowly walked me backwards until my knees hit my bed. I slowly sank onto the mattress and pulled him down with me. He lay on top of me as I ran my fingers up and down his defined back. My body was burning, and I instinctively raised my lower body to his. The friction between us was amazing and felt so hot and right. _

_. ._

_Our love making was slow and steady. And, when we loved on each other to completion we snuggled into the night. When the light of dawn broke into my room, we fell asleep holding each other. _

_The next day I woke up to find Mike gone again. I stated to panic at the thought that he regretted what happened, I just couldn't lose my friend. When I started to calm, I could hear the water from the shower and knew he wasn't far. He finally came out of the bathroom and we faced each other with shy smiles and soft words. He placed a small kiss on my lips, wishing me a good morning. He kissed my hand and helped me off the bed. After I took my shower, we left and ate breakfast at a small place we like to frequent. _

_Over pancakes and orange juice we held hands, speaking soft words of what had happened the night __before. We each realized we were adults, and if in the future, we found ourselves not feeling the same as the other, than we'd handle it with maturity. _

_We hardly took our eyes off each other. This was a new aspect to our relationship; we were both living in the glow of new feelings. _

_As the months passed, so did our relationship. We became stronger friends, but even stronger lovers in regards to our relationship. Mike and I were respectful toward each other, but we also had fun. We loved freely and without restraint. The beginning of our relationship was fun, filled with wonderful memories: a picnic in the fall leaves that he had raked into a pile, hikes in the woods (okay with some injuries) and later sitting on a stump or the ground wrapped in a blanket together, drinking hot chocolate he brought with him. We ate at fancy restaurants, and he even attempted to cook me dinner. Dried chicken and crunchy mashed potatoes made memories that I would never forget, or would never want to. _

_Our relationship was beautiful, and I loved every minute of it. Mike was wonderful, attentive and so loving. There was nothing he wouldn't do for me, and I appreciated the man he was. We had been dating for five months when our relationship was first tested. We had one of those moments that either makes or breaks a relationship. _

_There was someone else._

* * *

Author's Note: There you have the second part of her story. I know I was horrible with the ending, but what is life without a little intrigue and mystery? I know I'm a beast. :*)

I promise the next chapter won't take too long to post. I've been busy this week so I really only had time to do this much. I'm still backed up with my writing, not to mention everything else that is going on. The next chapter will be up the beginning of next week, so please don't be too displeased.

Also please let me know what you thought (bad, good, mediocre, never attempt to write a lemon again . . . LOL). Everything is always appreciated.

Again I hope all is well with everyone, and always, much love to all.

_Posted: Friday, 30 July 2010_

_**Edited and Rewritten: Monday, 23 January 2012**_

_*Note: I tried to find all the mistakes, but even I continue to miss some. If you happen to find any and wish to tell me, please PM me. Thanks in advance! _


	20. Unexpected To Happen

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Unexpected To Happen**

Part Nineteen

"_You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the __unexpected__ to happen.__"_

— _Paulo Coelho_

.

Bella's POV: past

_There was someone else . . . and that someone else would be making an appearance in nine months. _

_My cycle was two weeks late; I was scared. I went to the store and purchased the necessary test. When three minutes of an eternity passed, the stick read out the words 'pregnant'. It was February – three months from graduation – and I wasn't even married. _

_My eyes filled with tears, and I felt the warm drops of salty water run down my cheeks. My life felt like it was over. I was only twenty-two; I wasn't sure I even wanted to be a mother. I had so many things I wanted to do and accomplish. My life was my own, and with one test it became someone else's. _

_My thoughts turned to Mike, thinking about his reaction. I knew he wanted kids and to get married one day, but he wanted to have at least one new store opened up. But on top of it all, I wasn't even sure he wanted those things with me. _

_I cried for the rest of the afternoon before finally taking a bath. Mike had a late class and we usually didn't see each other on Wednesdays. After getting out of the now cold water and getting dressed, I headed into Hanover to the ice cream shop; we sometime went to. Mint chocolate chip was food for my soul, and if there was ever a time I needed it, it was now. _

_I walked a ways down, sitting on a bench in my favorite park. The days were still cold, but the sun was making a rare appearance in the late afternoon. _

_I looked around at all the people, wondering about their lives and the choices they made. I wondered if any of them ever went through what I was facing, and if so, how they had made their decision. According to some beliefs, the fetus inside of me wasn't even a child. There was no heartbeat and it wasn't even close to being developed._

Could I end it before it even began; did I even want to be a mother_? _

_I never had the best example with Renée, but Mike's mom was great. She loved him unconditionally. I thought about Mike's reaction and the emotions he would go through. _Would we eventually get married? Would I work and reach my dreams, or just become a mother who dedicated her life to her children?

_The thought of more children almost sent me into another crying jag. It was all so overwhelming. I knew it was eventually my decision, but still, I was scared. _

_I pondered what this child would even look like. Would it be a boy, with Mike's eyes and my hair or vice versa? Would it be a girl: the apple of her father's eye? Would she love me unconditionally? Would he play sports and become a famous athlete? Would she take ballet and become a world famous dancer? _

_These were all questions that ran through my mind, as my ice cream slowly melted on my tongue. _

_When I finally looked up, I noticed a woman pushing a stroller. She had on a red coat and her hair was falling out of her hat. She had a serene smile on her face as she pushed her baby around the park. _

_I imagined what she must have been thinking, what she felt like when she was pregnant. At the thought of her child, it let out a whimper. She immediately stopped, reached around and lifted her little boy into her waiting arms. He stopped whimpering as he recognized his mother's scent and the feel of her arms around him. He looked into her face; a sweet, innocent smile broke on to his little lips. _

_The woman in the red coat bent her head lower, placing a kiss to his chubby cheek. The little guy babbled as his mother continued to talk to him, while little drops of saliva fell out around the fist in his mouth. _

"_I love you, little man," the mother cooed into her child's neck as she took in his scent. _

_An angelic smile broke her face as he fisted his wet hands in her hair before pulling. _

"_No, little man. What has mommy told you about pulling my hair?" _

_His intelligent response was, "mama…mmmm." _

"_Well, is that so? I think I may have to just tickle you, then," she exclaimed as her fingers tickled his tummy. _

_He let out the sweetest little giggles. I found myself enchanted, laughing with him as his mother placed loving tickles on him pudgy tummy. _

_My hand found its way to my flat stomach; I rubbed where my unborn child lay. _

I could have this child in eight months and be like this woman I see before me_. _

_I knew that all moments weren't like this; there would be times of anger and sadness, but the thought of having sweet moments like the one I just witnessed seemed to make it all worth it. _

_Years down the road, it wouldn't be the dirty diapers and loss of sleep I'd vividly remember (although I'm sure it wouldn't be pleasant at the time). It would be the way my child said 'mama', and the way he or she laughed as I blew raspberries into his or her tummy, their laugh filling my ears. It would be all the little, warm vignettes which would fill my mind, making my heart swell with love._

_Cold, sticky ice cream brought me out of my wondering as it slid down my hand. In living these possible moments, I had seemingly made up my mind. _

_Regardless of what Mike wanted and the many challenges I was about to face, I decided to have my child. I didn't know if this was the right decision, or if I would ever have second thoughts, but in that quiet moment, inside my head and in imagining my child, I fell in love with him and her. I couldn't wait to have it placed into my waiting arms. _

_Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes as I pictured holding my little one for the first time. A smile came unbidden to my lips. _

_I knew the right decision had been made. It felt fitting to me, and regardless of what other people ever did in my situation, it was their decision. My thinking about others' lives and decisions (but my own) would never have helped. Each person had their own life to live. _

_I got up and tossed the rest of my uneaten ice cream in the trash. _

. . .

_As the week passed, I made sure to reaffirm my decision. I still hadn't told Mike, but the time was now upon me. Tonight would be the night. He was due at my place within the hour, and I was getting nervous. _

_I wanted to rid myself of tonight's dinner. Butterflies took up permanent residence and I just wanted them gone; they were causing havoc to my body. I bit my nails (something I never did) as I waited for Mike to arrive. _

_As the hour passed and he still hadn't shown up, I started to get nervous. When another half-hour passed, I started to get scared. Mike was hardly ever late. And when he was, he'd always call me. He never wanted to cause me worry; he was overly protective. _

_I couldn't stand the suspense any longer. As I got my coat before walking towards my front door, my cell phone started to ring. I was scared to pick it up; I didn't want to know who was on the other line. _

_Slowly I reached into my pocket, seeing it was said missing person calling. A sigh of relief was released as I answered._

"_Hey Mike, where are you?" I immediately asked him, the fear and anxiety rushing into my voice._

"_I'm so sorry for not calling you earlier, Bella, but I'm on a plane right now, about to take off. My mom called me earlier and . . ." _

_I could tell he was trying to steady his voice. Whatever had happened couldn't have been good. _

"_She told me that my father isn't doing so well."_

Pause.

"_They don't think he's going to last much longer. He had another stroke, and it was really bad."_

Pause.

"_Mom called and booked me a ticket. After I was packed and in the taxi to the airport, I thought about our meeting for tonight. I'm really sorry I didn't call earlier, Bella." _

_My heart was breaking for him. I had never heard him sound so defeated, _so morose_. _

"_I completely understand. I'd have gone with you if you wanted me to," I tried to assure him._

"_I always want you, Bella," he mumbled meekly. "But it really was last minute, and I knew you were still in class. You also have a major test for your English Lit class. I did want you to come, but I also understand you have class. You can't put your life on hold for my problems." I was a little upset by his words._

"_Mike, you are my boyfriend! It would never be an inconvenience to be there for you. It's what relationships are about. And I like to believe when you needed me the most, I will be there for you; no questions asked," I reasoned with him._

"_You misunderstand me, sweetie. I would love to have you by my side, but I also understand you need to make sure you get done what is necessary. If things get much worse, I'll call and want you by my side, holding my hand." A reluctant smile came over my lips. _

"_But right now, nothing can be done. It's going to be a waiting game. I want to be there just in case . . . you know . . ." his voice became chocked again, "the worst happens. I know you lost your father, and I don't want for you to have to relive those memories. I really am sorry if I offended you, sweetie. You are everything to me, Bella." _

_My heart broke at his admission. I felt guilty for having those doubts about him. I also needed to tell him about the baby and my decision to keep it. This wasn't the ideal time or way to break the news, but I thought it might make him happy, in spite of what his father was going through._

"_Um, Mike, there's something I need to tell you."_

_My turn to Pause. _

"_I'm not sure how you'll take the news, but —__"_

"_Are you breaking up with me, Bella?" I could hear the panic in his voice. "I really didn't mean anything —__"_

"_M, you are misunderstanding me now. No, I am not breaking up with you; there is just something I wanted to tell you." A relieved sigh left his lips. _

"_I was planning on telling you tonight, but with your father not doing well, I am going to tell you now."_

"_Okay Bella, what would you like to tell me; it can't be as bad as what I just thought." _

If you only knew_._

"_Well, Mike, the truth is . . . what I want to say is . . . I'm . . . well , um . . . I'm . . ."_

"_Bella, I can't really hear you and they are about to shut the cabin door. It sounds pretty big. I'll call you when I get to my house in Forks. We can talk then. I really am sorry, sweetie, but I have to go. The Flight Attendant is giving me the Evil Eye." _

Talk about bad timing and a disappointment_._

"_Fine, Mike, just be sure to call me; it's really important."_

"_I promise; first thing when I get home. And Bella, I know I don't say it very often, but you do know I love you, right?" _

_Of course the dreaded tears came to my eyes at his words. I knew he loved me: he showed it in every action he did. _

"_I know, M, and I love you, also," I repeated with my hot tears searing my face. _

"_Okay, sweetie, I really need to go now. I'll call you later. I love you, Bella." And with that he hung up. My news about our baby remained with me. _

"_I'm pregnant," I whispered into the phone before taking it from my ear._

_After seeing it was eight o'clock, I rolled over on my bed and fell asleep with the phone pressed to my chest, waiting for him to keep his promise._

.

_I could hear something in the back of my mind going off and wondered what it could be. _

_Slowly coming out of my sleep, I realized something was beeping. I answered my phone but no one was on the other side. I became confused, wondering what the hell was going on. After shaking my head and chasing away the last of my tiredness, I looked on my nightstand; my alarm was beeping. _

_When it was finally silenced, the clock read six in the morning. It had been ten hours since I had last spoken with Mike. I knew he had been home for a while. Reaching for my phone, I saw there were five miscalls. I couldn't believe I had slept through my phone constantly ringing. I must have been more tired than expected; emotions could do that to a person. _

_The phone number was listed as Mike's house. I started to feel guilty, again. He had promise to call, and I couldn't even have the decency to answer. _

_I flipped my phone opened, calling my inbox. The voice that greeted me was panicked and full of fear. Something terrible had happened. The worst part was: the voice coming through wasn't even Mike's, but his mother's._

"_Bella, sweetie. I'm not quite sure how to tell you, but . . ." _

_Her voice broke under the strain of emotions._

"_Sorry about that, but when Mike was on his way home from the airport, he was hit head on by a person going the wrong way." _

_Her voice was so hoarse; I'm surprised she was even able to talk. The lump in my throat was growing with each word she tragically uttered. "He's been taken to the hospital, and that's all I know, sweetie. I'll call when I have more information. I'm sorry. Bye, sweetie," she whispered as the phone hung up._

_And then the next message,_

"_Hey, Bella sweetie, um, . . . the news isn't so great right now. My baby . . ." _

_She was crying on the message. _

"_He isn't doing well. He's suffered some major head trauma. The doctors say he suffered a server concussion. There was bleeding in his brain which caused swelling. He also had both arms broken, a broken leg, and his collar bone dislocated. His face is completely scratched and I can't even recognize my baby. They let me see him." _

_She broke down once again. Tears were pouring out of my eyes. I could no longer see. There had to be some mistake. Mike was fine. I had just talked to him, and he spoke of his love for me. He promised to call, and Mike never broke his promises. I just knew the next message would be from him, telling me his mother hated me and this was just a sick joke to break us up._

That I can forgive. Just be fine, M.

_And then the next message,_

"_Bella sweetie, I hope you're fine. I'm not sure why you aren't answering, but I know it must be for a good reason. I just wanted to update you: Mike is out of surgery and the doctors say they were able to stop the internal bleeding, stop his spleen from rupturing, too." My stomach rolled with her vivid description. _

"_They set his broken bones, and did everything possible, but now he's . . ." She could barely finish. "He's in a coma. His brain is showing no sign of activity. They think he may be b-brain dead. But you listen to me, sweetie; I refuse to believe that my baby would give up like this. I just know he is resting until he's ready to come back. So don't worry, I know he'll be fine." _

_I wasn't sure how much more bad news I could continue to take. I was already on the edge, and all I wanted was for Mike to be fine, to call me. He had promised me. _

_I wasn't sure if I should have listened to the next message, but I needed to know what else there was._

_And then the next message,_

"_Hey, sweetie, Mike is still unresponsive, but the reason he came here is why I'm calling: his father passed away last night while I was sitting with our boy." _

_It was her turn to break. All the emotions she had been feeling were recorded on the message. She must have sobbed for all she lost in the space of ten hours. Her son was fighting for his life, and her husband lost his. The stroke was too severe; he suffered too much damage. Her world was completely broken, and all I could do was cry with her for my own loss. _

Mike simply has to be fine; there is nothing else to it. He just has to be fine: my love and friend is going to be alright.

_And then the final message,_

"_Hey, Bella, no news is good news, yeah? Well, one never knows. They moved Mike into his own room, but there hasn't been any change. His father's wake is set for the day after tomorrow, but I don't know what else to say. Just call me, sweetie, when you get this message. We'll get you on the next plane out. I know you will want to be here and see my baby for yourself." _

_She couldn't have been more right. _

"_I hope you know I love you, Bella, and so does my son. All he ever talked about was you: how amazing you are; how he loved you so much; how for so many years all he ever wanted was a chance to prove his love to you."_

_I wanted her to stop, for the tears to stop blurring my eyes. _

"_When you finally got together, he called and cried to me on the phone. If he knew I was telling you this, he would turn beet red, and probably never speak to me again." _

_A weak giggle escaped at her statement; Mike was a true member of the Blush Club. _

"_He spoke of finally being able to have the one thing he'd always wanted. I knew you two were friends for years; but, he was just so happy, sweetie, when you became a couple."_

_I could remember it as if it were yesterday._

"_A few weeks ago, he called and asked me for my mother's engagement ring. He wanted it handy. He was never sure if you'd say yes, or if it was even the right time, but he loved you that much, sweetie. I just wanted to tell you of his love." _

Since he can't_, was left unspoken. _

"_He was even going to ask your father, for permission, when he came here. He was raised like that, and I love my baby. Michael just has to be fine!" _

_I couldn't listen anymore. My head was filled with so many different things; I'm surprised it didn't turn off. The only thing I needed to worry about was getting to Mike, being there for him, when he finally awoke and looked for me with his baby blues. _

_I emailed my professors, packed my clothes, called the Airline and reserved a ticket. The hardest part was talking with his mother. We cried together on the phone, talked about her little boy that looked like he was only sleeping. _

_When I finished my phone conversation, I took a shower, willing the water to wash away all the bad that happened in the last day. _

_I felt broken; useless. I didn't know what could be done, but I needed to be there in case anything did happen. _

_I grabbed a towel and dried off. Quickly dressing in my comfortable track suit, I grabbed my bags and took the taxi to the airport. _

_When we were in the air, I silently cried again for all that had happened. I wasn't sure what things were going to be like when I arrived, but I just _had_ to be there. My love for him far outweighed my fear of the unknown._

_._

**Jasper's POV: present**

_Mike is the father of Bella's baby. Mike is the father of Bella's baby. Mike is the father of Bella's baby__ . . ._

No matter how many times I said it in my head, it never changed the outcome. I knew someone had to be the father, but Mike was the father of Bella's baby.

I couldn't understand why it seemed to bother me so. I had never met him, never knew what kind of person he was.

All I knew was if Bella loved him then he had to be _something_. When she finally confessed her love for him, romantically, I felt like crying myself. She had been my little, innocent angel that had fallen in love with someone.

Bella wasn't a child anymore, and I needed to realize that. At times, I would look at her and see that scared little girl – from so long ago. All I wanted to do was protect her. But Bella had already faced terrible things in her life without me present. And she was still standing.

Her inner strength was beautiful to witness; it made me love the brave angel all the more. My adoration for her knew absolutely no bounds.

But, _Mike is the father of Bella's baby__. _

My head taunted me once more. I couldn't understand why it bothered me so. No matter what the reason, there were more pressing matters to worry about.

Bella was silently crying; I could feel her utter sadness. It covered the room, soaking into every useless pore of my skin. Her grief was tragic to witness and brought my soul to its knees.

I tentatively touched her arm. She gave a little jump as she half-smiled her embarrassment at me.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. Talking about this always makes me sad. Sorry if I'm overwhelming you." She was always thinking of others.

"No need to feel sorry, Bella. It's nothing I can't handle. May I ask what happened to Mike?" I gave her time to collect her emotions.

"There is no need to answer if you're too sad. I don't want to make it worse, angel."

"No, Jazz, it's fine. Mike is still in a coma and was moved – shortly after his accident – into a private care facility. I saw him last in May. He was still the same, but looked so different." Her little hands clutched at her shirt.

"I still talk to his mother, but wasn't able to see her the last time I was there. She had to do something for the store." Bella tilted her head, looking at me from under her lashes.

"You want to know the worst part of the situation with Mike?" she asked me, with a cynical smile, not waiting for my answer.

"Mike never had the opportunity to find out he was going to be a father. There is nothing I can do about it, but I still feel guilty. And on top of that, I never even told his mother. She has no idea she's going to be a grandmother."

I was confused by her answer. How could she not tell his mother she was going to be a grandmother?

I'm sure it would have given Mike's mother some hope in the midst of her struggles; not to mention, it would have given Bella someone to share her feelings with. I knew Bella wasn't mean-hearted and vindictive, but I just couldn't figure out why she never said anything.

"I can see the confusion on your face, Jasper, but I promise it wasn't to spite her. I love his mother dearly, but I have my reasons. If there is anything you learn from my story, it is that my luck is terrible. Yes, I have had some wonderful times and amazing memories to last a lifetime; but for me, when it rains, it pours buckets."

I didn't seem to understand her riddle.

"When that monster did those things to me, I left. My mother became broken-hearted. Five months later Phil died in an accident. He was coming home from another celebration and crashed into a streetlight, he wasn't even wearing a seatbelt." Good riddance to the bastard.

Renée begged me to come home, but I refused. I loved her and mourned for her loss, but I wouldn't pretend to mourn for someone who tried to do vile things to me. I forgave him, but I never forgot. I refused to carry around anything for him, even my hate. I was done with that monster."

"When Mike got in his accident and his father died, my heart bled for him and his mother. She became such a strong rock for me during the three weeks I was there. After I got back home, my strength was nonexistent. I was feeling more faint than normal, and I was getting frequent headaches. There was also, and please forgive my bluntness – however you are a doctor – rectal bleeding."

The inside of my stomach tightened. Not for the description, but for what Bella had gone through alone.

"These are all normal signs of pregnancy," she continued her story. "After suffering from dehydration, I was hospitalized for the first time; they ran my blood work and did an ultrasound, just to make sure the baby was okay."

_Glad to hear it_.

"I went from being in love and having a baby to mourning the loss of Mike and . . ."

.

* * *

.

Author's Notes: I know . . . horrid ending, but I wasn't sure how else to end it. I've been racking my brain and really haven't found a solution.

So are there any ideas on what you think may be next? Were any of you surprised about Mike being the father of the baby (I kind of gave it away last chapter)? What did you think of the chapter, and what happened to Mike? I know there were a bunch of readers wondering what happened to the father of the baby, or where he was.

I hope this answers a few of your questions.

Thanks again for reading, and I do hope you let me know your thoughts (the good, the bad, the ugly . . . I'm not sure what movie that's from). Thanks for all the lovely comments!

I hope all is well with everyone, and again, much love as always.

_Posted: Monday, 2 August 2010_

_**Edited: Saturday, 20 July 2013**_


	21. Lost Opportunity

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Lost Opportunity**

Part Twenty

Jasper's POV – 8 September

The ringing of my phone pulled me from my thoughts. I was still stuck in a world where I was shocked about Mike being the father of Bella's baby.

"Jasper . . . are you going to answer that?" Bella asked in a worried voice. I could feel her anxiety on my behalf. Perhaps she thought me overwhelmed.

I couldn't even imagine what my face must have resembled. I finally pulled myself from my stupor and looked at the face of my angel.

"What," I asked in a dazed voice.

"The phone, Jasper, it's ringing. It may be the hospital. I was wondering if you were planning on answering it," she explained in an almost amused voice.

My confusion must have been a little humorous to her, but there was still an underlying amount of fear in her emotions.

"Of course," I answered her stupidly. I truly hoped the hospital didn't require me at the moment. There was more I needed to hear from Bella. I gave her an encouraging grin as I picked up my cell phone without looking at the Caller ID.

"Hello, Jasper Hale speaking." I couldn't take my eyes off of Bella's face; she was so beguiling, yet so unaware.

I let the voice at the other end fill my ear, and then even regretted answering. "Hello, Jasper Hale, Emmett Cullen answering."

"What the hell do you want?" I yelled into the phone. Bella was taken aback by the tone and pitch of my voice. She jumped a little at being surprised; I grabbed her hand, letting her warmth fill me.

I knew it wasn't Emmett's fault, but his time was uncanny; terrible even. How was it possible when something as important as Bella trying to tell me something began, Emmett had the grace of interrupting?

"So sorry to have intruded on your solo time, Jasper, but I just wanted to know what you're doing. Or see if maybe you wanted to go hunting."

I wanted to hush him up, but the big guy kept whining.

"Edward is being all emo and playing his precious piano. I swear that boy needs to get laid, and I'm bored."

It was sometimes difficult to believe Emmett being as old as he was, and I constantly wondered how Rose dealt with him constantly (then again, I didn't want to know).

"Contrary to what you may believe," my voice dripped with aggravation, "I do have a life and cannot drop everything according to your whims. I'm sorry that you're bored and Edward is unavailable, but I'm not really hungry at the moment. I'm sure there's someone else you could bother," I grimaced in a menacing voice, but giving Bella a small smile.

"But I want to bother you," he continued to whine. My patience was wearing thin. "I swear you've become so much like Edward in your old age. Are you and he on the same man cycle, because I'm willing to go and pick you up some feminine products, seeing as you are _so busy_."

His boisterous laughter filled the phone at his own humorless wit. I knew Esme wasn't present, because if she heard such talk from him, he would be running for the nearest hills. _Literally_.

"There's no need; I already picked up the essentials the other day," I deadpanned. "As for Edward and I being alike, I don't really fear that happening. Why don't you get a job or do something productive – for a change, instead of making it your life's hobby of annoying the hell out of me."

"_Blah, Blah, Blah, Emmett_," was his mature response. "_Get a blah, Emmett_. I already have a father in Carlisle, and don't need one in you. He was lecturing just the other day about me looking into getting employment somewhere. I mean, I don't look prepubescent like Edward; I am a man, after all," he continued to drawl, "I probably could get a job without someone questioning if my balls have dropped. I mean come on, all you have to do is ask Rosie and she'll vouch for me. The things we have done—"

I couldn't take anymore.

"Emmett! How many times in your life do you have to hear the phrase 'too much information'?"

Bella looked at me, confused, but I simply rolled my eyes, trying to express my exasperation to her.

"I don't want to hear about any of your indecent exploits. Again, sorry you're bored, but I do have other things to do."

"So sorry to interrupt, Mother Teresa." I gritted my teeth.

"I'll let you get back to whatever was so important. I wish I had some brothers; I'm surrounded by a bunch of women. What is the world coming to when I can't even get one of my _supposed brothers_ to even go hunting with me?" he asked, more to himself.

I started to feel guilty for my harsh words toward him. "Listen, Emmett, I'm sorry for being so harsh with you earlier, maybe—" but his attention was already elsewhere.

"What, Jasper? Never mind. Rosie just got home, and she promised we could try out a new toy I found on the . . ."

Enough was more than enough, _and to think, I was trying to apologize_. I immediately hung up the phone, trying to remember where I placed my acid from my last conversation with him.

"Is everything alright? You seem almost sick. If I didn't know better, I'd say you are even paler than normal," she asked with concern in her voice. Again, I could only imagine what I must've looked like.

"I'm fine, angel. Usually when one speaks to Emmett, _my brother_," I clarify with air quotes, "one has to remember to wash one's brain with bleach, or even acid."

She looked at me with skepticism, but I knew once she met Emmett she'd understand. I dreaded the day.

"But enough of him, and my now nightmares, what were you going to tell me?"

Bella watched at me with her beautiful face, apprehension apparent in her eyes. I tasted the emotional climate, and could feel her struggling emotions. It felt like she was having an internal tug of war: on the one side were burden, longing, and an acceptance; and on the other side was conviction, and something that felt like trust.

I felt dizzy in trying to keep up with her constant battle. I needed to try and calm her; I knew these constant emotions weren't good for the baby.

"Please, Bella, don't feel pressured in telling me anything you aren't ready for. I do, however, need you to try and stay calm for the baby."

"Sorry. I'm not quite sure what overcame me." She took several deep breaths.

I could feel her calming down, and with each breath she took, I also copied. I decided to change the subject, wanting to give her more time to calm. I also wanted to make sure I didn't overexcite her again. I wasn't quite sure if this was the right time for my news, but it was the only thing I could think of (at the time) to change the subject.

"Hey, remember the part of your story, about going to the Frat party?" She looked at me with confusion, trying to figure out where I may have been going.

"Yes."

"Do you remember that person you ran into at the party when you . . . um . . . were leaving?" I was trying to not think about the reason she had left the party, and what definitely happened after.

She nodded.

"Well, that person was my brother Emmett, the one I just spoke to on the phone."

She looked at me with tears in her eyes. Again, I had made a mistake in telling her. I didn't want to cause her more pain. I could also tell she knew where I was going with the story. "The ironic thing is: Emmett begged me to come visit him that weekend. I actually made it to that party, but I was extremely late. A study session for a test we had the following week ran late."

The tears leaked from Bella's eyes, but I wish mine could join hers. I knew the feeling. Timing could be a cruel bitch.

"Are you certain it was the same Frat house, Jasper? It could have been another one." She was trying to grasp at straws.

From her story and the way she described the person she ran into, I had no doubt it was Emmett. He was 'The Hulk' personified, but had the dimples of a little boy.

"I'm certain, angel. From the description alone, I know it's him, but if you were at the Alpha_Theta_(Theta—Bella said at the same time as me), then that was my brother."

She gave me a sad smile, which said all that I felt, '_another lost opportunity_'. "Yeah," was the only thing I could think to say?

When I had finally arrived at the party, I found Emmett and apologized for being so late. And then I smelled the scent which was my homing beacon. I froze in that moment, trying to collect my thoughts. I figured I was crazy and imagining things. After frantically searching the party for any sigh of her, I knew I was mistaken; a trick from fate, meant to punish me for all of the horrible deeds I had done.

And now, I knew that fate was worse than I had imagined, she was a bitch. Bella had _truly_ been there, and again, I had missed my time with her. She fell for someone else that night who was there and available.

I pulled myself from my destructive thoughts and looked at the person whom I had always wanted in my life since I had met her. Her tears glistened in the fading sun; all I could think of was her beauty.

I knew we may have missed a chance in the past, but Bella was here and present. Her words about regret from earlier rang true in my ears. Bella was sitting in front of me _now_, and I couldn't live without her. I lost another piece of myself to her.

I touched my hand to her wet cheeks, wiping the water from her heated skin. She leaned her face into my touch, closing her brown-speckled eyes.

"We have the present, angel. I shouldn't have told you, but couldn't help myself."

She opened her eyes, and looked into mine. "Yeah," she answered back. I knew we were on the same page. _Finally_. I could feel her happiness at my words, and knew she was going to be alright.

"So your brother seems very interesting."

_Way to break the ice_, I thought.

"From what I remember, he is . . . um . . . very . . ." Bella blushed before trying to look away from my eyes. I wasn't going to let her off the hook that easily.

"Very what, angel?"

"Jasper!" she said exasperated. I gave her my award-winning smile; she gave me her customary eye-role. It was wonderful getting my own way.

"Fine! He was very good looking, alright?" Her cheeks were red again. I decided to play a little more.

"You think he's good looking?" I asked as a rhetorical question, which Bella took as such. Again, she rolled her eyes. "And what am I, chopped liver? Do you think my brother is better looking than me?" I asked like a spoilt little boy.

"Jasper," she whined in vexation.

"Just answer my question, Bella."

She gave me a searching look, but I wasn't going to show her I was joking. I was truly interested in her honest answer.

"Fine." I smiled at getting my way. "Do you remember the other day, when we finally met again in the hospital?" she asked. The smile disappeared from my face.

I didn't want to think of Bella in the hospital. It did awful things to my unbeaten heart. So I simply nodded, not trusting myself to say anything.

"Well, when I was waking up, I could hear you calling to me. Or maybe it was my imagination, but I just knew you were there. The next thing I remember: I hear this voice from my past calling my name. I fight my sleep and open my eyes to see the most glorious face I've ever seen watching me. And the rest is history – or should I say – a part of our already convoluted history." She finished with a smile.

"I love you, too, angel. And I'm so very happy you realize how gorgeous I truly am."

She smacked me gently in the leg, while rolling her eyes. Bella was the gorgeous one.

"Oh, I do see how beautiful you are," she purred in a voice that wasn't hers.

"Your eyes are dark amber – my favorite color – and so sultry when you look at me. Your mouth is something Shakespeare would have written endless sonnets about. It is so supple and begging to be kissed. Your hair was spun by the hand of an angel. It is so perfectly curly and feels like heaven itself. I could run my fingers through it for the rest of my life. Your body would make all the Greek gods (put together) jealous, and Aphrodite herself would be begging you to make love to her forever. You are simply, and forever, unbelievably gorgeous."

Her cheeks were glowing red and I was completely speechless. _What does one say to one's friend who just said those things_?

My face was frozen in a surprised stupor. And then Bella had the good grace to break into the biggest laugh I ever heard from such a little person. _What the hell was is funny_?

"Sorr . . ." she tried to say through her laughter. I could feel mischief and humor coming in abundance from her.

"Sorry, but you should have seen your f-face. I couldn't believe I was able to pull that off without laughing like mad. Damn, Jasper, you are too much sometimes."

Her little giggles subsided. I was offended and proud at the same time. I didn't think she had it in her to joke with me that much. Credit had to be given where credit was due.

My face became serious, the smile left. My features became stone and Bella stopped smiling.

"I'm sorry, Jasper, I didn't mean to offend. I really do think you're amazingly hot." She tried to appeal to me while her face caught fire.

I slowly inched myself closer to her on the couch, before placing my hands on either side of her head as she leaned back on the arm rest. I followed her downward progression, stopping with my face a little less than a foot away.

She gulped loudly as she brought her hands to my chest. My body was pressed against her belly. I brought my face even closer. Her eyes became a little glassy; I could feel her apprehension, and a little fear.

"What's the matter, angel?" I said in my sultriest voice, allowing my Texas accent to become thick and heavy. "Can't play with the _big_ boys?"

I leaned in even closer. "Oh, Bella, and I do mean B.I.G." Her cheeks were no longer red but scarlet. I kept the emotions from my face.

"Jasper . . . I was . . . I—I didn't mean . . ."

"Cat got your tongue, darlin' or should I say little minx?"

My accent was in full bloom as I licked my lips. Bella's eyes were the size of saucers, little beads of sweat broke out on her neck.

I brought my wet lips so close to hers. I could feel the heat coming from her. Her hot breath mingled with mine.

As my lips fell to her and she closed her eyes, I kissed her on the forehead before whispering in her ear, "Two can play that game, kitten. Never underestimate someone like me."

Wickedly, she shivered from my cold breath caressing her ear. She opened her eyes; they were filled with something I just couldn't place. Bella nodded her head and gave me a brave little smile. I had to laugh at her inability for words.

I brought my lips to the corner of her mouth and placed a light kiss there. I allowed my lips to linger, her warmth filled me. When I pulled back, she gave me a weak smile.

"Well, Jasper," her voice came out a little shaky, "I do believe I've been had, and I bow down to your skill. I could never compete with you."

She held her hand out and I shook it gently, pulling her into a hug. Her protruding tummy hit me. Surprisingly, I could feel the little one kick. I kissed her forehead and brought my hands down to her stomach.

"I know, baby, I got your mommy really well. I can teach you all the tricks of the trade when we finally meet." I rubbed her belly.

"You better do no such thing, Jasper, and I mean it."

She had her hands on her wide hips, trying to look fierce, only coming off as scary as a little lion cub who tries to roar.

I decided to give her the benefit and let it go in one ear and out the other.

"Sure, angel. Whatever you say," I placated her.

"And it better be retained in that head of yours . . . not going in one ear and out the other."

Damn she was too fucking good. She was either Edward in disguise (_disgusting_!) reading my thoughts, or she was just that good.

"Fine, I heard it and retained it . . . happy? You better watch out with this one, baby, because I have a feeling you aren't going to be getting away with much." The little one just kicked my hand, as if saying, '_tell me about it_'.

"Now, I'm getting hungry. I think I'll allow you to take me out and get something to eat. Pasta sounds good to me, with a rich marinara sauce. What about you? . . . Sound good, Jazz?" I loved when she called me by my nickname. It was so rare when she did.

"Sure, a rich red-sauce sounds very appetizing," I mumbled to her. She smiled.

_If she only knew what I really meant_.

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Author's Note: Well, there you have it, lovely readers. I know it was shorter than my regular chapters, but it was also lighter in the emotions department. I hope you enjoyed Emmett and his constant shenanigans; he's too much fun to write.

What did you think of Emmett being the one Bella ran into at the Frat party? Did anyone pick up on that in the last chapter? Please let me know your thoughts on the chapter, or whatever you feel like writing.

I hope all is well with everyone and much love as always.

_Posted: Tuesday, 10 August 2010 _

_**Edited: Saturday, 20 July 2013**_


	22. Acceptance

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Acceptance**

Part Twenty-One

"_Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgement of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you're going to do about it.__" — __Kathleen Casey Theisen _

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Jasper's POV – 9 September

After dropping off Bella from dinner and fearing she would disappear again, I reluctantly left her place, spending the rest of the night at my place.

Even though the family lived close to me and Carlisle and I worked at the same hospital, I didn't live with them.

I loved my family, and I enjoyed spending time with them, but I also enjoyed living on my own. I saw my family a few days a week, it's not as if Esme allowed more time in between. Some may have thought her overbearing, but she simply loved her family. She had lost her child in her human life, so she clung to us with all the more. Loving us unconditionally.

There was also the bonus of not having to live under the same roof as my horny, oversexed brother and sister (which made it sound too incestuous).

I loved Emmett and Rose, but they knew no bounds. Rose wasn't as bad as her husband, but still there was only so much a vampire could take.

I always felt bad for Edward and his gift. I would never want to _see_ the thoughts Emmett had in his overeager, sex-induced mind; feeling the emotions were more than enough.

.

The next day, after I was showered, changed and was ready to leave, I grabbed my keys and hopped into my favorite lady. She loved taking me from zero to eighty in seven seconds; Rose's tinkering didn't hurt either.

I was aware of the unhealthy love for my car, but what man didn't? It was encoded into our DNA, even a vampire's.

I stopped at the local Starbucks and picked up my other favorite girl something to eat. After what seemed like half a day waiting in line, I finally received my order and made my way to Bella's.

She wasn't expecting me, but I did coming baring gifts; she couldn't be too upset. I locked my lady, gave her one more lingering glance and made my way to Bella's door.

I could hear her puttering about in her kitchen; I hoped I wasn't too late. After making my presence known, Bella answered the door, leaving me in awe. It had only been three days since her unexpected return to my existence; I was still becoming accustomed to the change.

Stupidly, I stood there staring at her, making an apparent ass of myself. My mouth seemed unable to form simple words, as if my tongue was glued to the roof.

Bella greeted me in her pregnant glory, and I couldn't get over how much she had changed, and how lovely she looked in the morning. She gave me a shy smile, a blush on her cheeks. Finally, my mouth remembered how to work properly.

"Top of the morning, angel, I come bringing gifts." Bella just giggled at my old-world talk before allowing me to enter her apartment.

She followed me into the kitchen, taking a seat at her table with a lengthy sigh. I could only imagine what it was like carrying around another person inside you, especially in seeing how small Bella was.

"Are you feeling okay, Bella?" I walked over to her and placed my hand on her forehead, trying to feel her temperature. I could only feel the warmth I always did while touching her. She brought her hand up to mine, removing it from her forehead. She placed it on her lap while still holding on.

"I'm fine, Jasper. It was just a rather long night," she said softly, but I could tell there was more.

I could feel her tiredness and anxiety. There was also a layer of needing in her emotions. I crouched down to bring myself to eye-level. She looked at me. Dark smudges colored the skin under her beautiful eyes.

"I know just as well as you, what you said wasn't' the entire truth. So please, try not to insult me anymore. If there's something wrong, or something I can do, please just tell me. I'm your friend, angel. I'm here for as long as you need me."

She continued to stare, emitting guilt. I didn't want to add to her emotional state, but I wanted her to know there was never a reason to withhold from me. If she ever needed to say anything, I wanted her to be comfortable; never afraid.

"I never meant to lie or insult you," she mumbled while looking down, her cheeks becoming even redder due to her embarrassment. "I guess you can tell with your weird, extra sense. Something I'll have to get use to."Her embarrassment became stronger after her last statement.

It was true; Jasper was a bull-shitter machine: I could tell when someone was lying to me. There was always a spike in their emotions. There were few who could almost trick me.

"Anyway," she continued, pulling me from my monologue, "Yes, I did have a long night and I'm really tired. There was a break-in next door. It made me feel really vulnerable. I didn't get to sleep after that, and I just had some things I needed to do today. I can't linger in bed."

I couldn't believe someone had broken in next door. I knew this was an unsafe neighborhood, but I never imagined it would get so close to Bella and her unborn child. _Why hadn't she called me? I gave her my phone number in case she ever felt the need to use it_. _Perhaps she felt it would be a burden for me_.

My anxiety about leaving her alone increased. She was, after all, seven months pregnant with no one to depend on. With my fears for her safety increasing, the need arose to have a talk with her. However prematurely it would seem to others.

_How to go about it, though _. . .

We had only been newly reacquainted for three days, and I had no say over her life or decisions. I could only talk and try to persuade her.

"Angel," I started, pulling her face up to look at me. "Remember when I gave you the phone number to my house, cell, and work." She didn't respond.

"Why didn't you just call me?" I could feel that needy feeling again and something akin to shame.

"Jasper, how could I?"

I was confused by her question. I had given her my numbers for a reason, so what was with the question?

"I have only been back in your life for three days, and have already taken so much of your time." The dreaded tears came to her eyes. I wanted to do nothing but protect her.

"You had already come over, spent the night in an unfamiliar place and listened to my sob story – not to mention taking me out to eat to a restaurant you didn't even like. You probably had to go home and make yourself something to eat," she added as an afterthought.

"I've already been a burden, and I didn't want to make myself a bigger pest. Of course . . . Of course, I wanted to call, but I just didn't have the heart to bother you anymore. Please try and understand where I'm coming from."

Her pleading made me feel terrible, as if I caused her to feel like a burden; when it fact it was the opposite, I was the one dependant on her. And after only three days.

The only difference was she couldn't feel my emotions as I could hers. I also felt bad for lying to her about last night's dinner: when I asked honesty from her; talk about my being a hypocrite.

"No need for more explanations, I tried to reassure. "You did what you thought was best. But, angel, you are never a burden to me."

I exhaled loudly, needing to release everything that was building up.

"Three day ago, when we were reunited, my life was changed. It was rocked to the very core when I saw you lying in that hospital bed. Here was this fallen angel from my past, and the answer to my unconscious question from long ago."

She tilted her head, studying me intently, as if questioning.

"When I met you, my life lacked purpose. You gave to me an answer I didn't even know I was seeking. You then became such a major part. And then three days ago, I saw you again in the person, and my life was altered."

I sounded quite creepy, but she had to know the truth, the depths of my feelings.

"It makes no sense, and I sound like a crazy person, but there you are: the truth. I promise I'm not a stalker. I never kept track of you, not that I could have; I didn't know your last name."

Bella gave me a look like she was calling out my bullshit.

"Okay, maybe if I knew your last name I would have kept track of your life. But I would never have stalked you. I would have made my presence known to you, angel."

_And isn't that the fucking truth_.

"I would never want to scare you or for you to think I'm some lunatic. I just have never understood this need I have for you and your approval, but it lives within me, Bella. I only want for you to be happy. You are my best friend, and I love you. What more can be said?"

My shoulders fell with the last of my words. I must have sounded crazy.

But she answered my question with a kiss to my palm, leaning forward and wrapping her arms around my neck. Tentatively, I pulled her a little closer and locked my arms around her lower back.

"I should have called, Jasper, but I was scared," she confessed. "I felt that if I became a nuisance in your life you'd probably run away from the pregnant lady. And I wouldn't blame you."

I smiled into her hair before kissing her forehead. Our connection came to life, and I could feel myself becoming even warmer.

I shivered from the change in my body, thinking how bizarre it felt. I never experienced temperature change within, so it was a shock and so different.

Pulling away, I looked into her eyes, trying to find the answer to this bond. Her jade flecks offered no immediate answers.

Bella looked over my shoulder and gasped. She pushed me away with more force than expected, causing me to tumble to the ground. I sat there in shock, staring at her. I hadn't fallen down in some time, and was stunned. Bella turned red while trying to get up.

"I'm terribly sorry, Jasper," she was quick to apologize. "I didn't mean to knock you over. It's just I'm going to be late for work. This is my last week and I just wanted to make sure I gave my all." Her having a job didn't even cross my mind, _embarrassingly enough_.

"You see, my employer has been so good to me. They kept me on; even when they knew I was expecting and going through all of my medical issues. I wanted to make sure they know how grateful I am."

She was so very compelling to me. Her benevolence touching.

"I probably missed my bus, and now I'm going to have to call them and . . ." Bella said to herself, while still trying to help me up from the floor.

I wonder if she even realized what she as doing. I laughed to myself at her predicament and thought again for the millionth time how amazing she was.

On the flip side, I wasn't too happy to learn she was taking the bus to work. But I knew she had no other means of transportation.

"Bella," I said loudly, getting her wandering attention. She jumped a little from the volume of my voice but finally realized what she was trying to accomplish.

She blew her bangs from her face, giving me a silly smile.

"I'm not really helping you up from the floor, am I?" I smirked at her.

"Not for about another three months, angel. But it was quite entertaining watching you in your frazzled state."

She rolled her eyes and smirked back at me.

I pulled myself from the floor and helped to get her organized. "This is what we're going to do: First, you should calm way down."

Bella gave me a skeptical look as I took control, but I displaced. I simply raised my eyebrow back at her. After backing down with a sheepish grin, she started to listen again.

"Now since that is settled, I shall finish." I waggled my brows. She giggled.

"You _are_ going to calm down, eat the wonderful breakfast I brought you, take a shower and get ready for work. After you give me the number, I'm going to call your work place and let them you're going to be a little late. Once you are ready, you drop me off at the hospital . . ."

I could feel Bella's curiosity taking over, but I didn't allow her to interrupt. ". . . and then you _will_ take my car and drive yourself to work."

"But, Jasper, you can't be serious." I knew the arguments would soon follow.

"Of course I am, angel. Do you honestly think that after learning about the break-in next door I would want you to go anywhere alone?"

Again, she went to argue, but I knew what needed to be done. I pulled out the puppy-dog eye and the wobbly smile.

This always worked on Esme (_when she didn't see through it_, I amend), and well, basically most women. I was most definitely a rouge, but damn sexy.

"Please, angel, this will put my mind at ease. I couldn't concentrate at work if I knew you were in trouble. Do it for me and my patients. Take my car, drive to work and I'll call you when I'm ready for you to pick me up. I'm not asking too much, am I?"

Cue the violins and the harps. Bella rolled her eyes, but I could feel her surrender. _I really am a beast_.

"Fine! But that is really unfair, Jasper. You knew exactly what you were doing to wear me down. And I just wanted it stated for the record, it is completely unfair, not to mention underhanded."

I couldn't hold in the victory smirk.

"I concede, angel; but you should also realize, I'd do anything for your safety and your child's. Nothing is too grand or too much!"

The girl gave me another faux-dirty look before giving me her work number. Bless her heart, she really did try to stomp out of the kitchen in a huff. The illusion was ruined, however, when she turned red and came back for her food.

She grabbed her unforgotten breakfast and orange juice from the table. I was smart enough to hold in my laughter.

.

After we were all ready to go and in the car, I looked over at her to, making sure she was actually real. She turned to smile at me. I was out of my doghouse.

The car was quiet as we pulled into the hospital. I parked and then helped her into the driver seat. I kept her hand in mine, not wanting to remove it from my grasp.

Bell looked at me in confusion, and I just knelt down again.

"There are some things I would like to discuss with you tonight. I'd have brought it up this morning, but there wasn't time."

I could feel her anxiety rise at my statement, but I put her at ease immediately.

"It is nothing bad, angel, just some things I want to ask you. Not tonight, but some time later in the week, I would like to tell you a little of my past. Would that be alright with you?"

Her eyes held nothing but compassion as my face must have shown my worry.

"Sure, Jasper, how could I refuse after all you've done for me? And not just this week. But maybe we could hold off on the life story until next week? I need a little break from all the constant emotions."

I could understand and abide her request.

"From finding you again, to leaving the hospital, to telling you about my past and the break-in, my nerves are a little shot. Is that fine . . . I mean, if you want to tell me this week, that's fine and . . ."

I stopped her rambling with a kiss to her check.

"No problem whatsoever, little one," I reassured, while getting up.

I made to shut the door, but was sure to tell her one last thing. "And, Bella, please be careful with my girl; she means a lot to me. Please," I begged again, after seeing that wild look in her eye.

"Oh Jasper, you hurt my feelings. I thought I was your favorite girl." Bella cajoled, giving me a wink. She could sure be a saucy little angel.

Bella shut the door a little too hard, making me wince. She just laughed. And as she put the car into gear, I could hear her grumble under her breath, "_Men and their damn cars_ . . . Sorry, baby."

She patted her stomach; I guess she thought her language too uncouth for her unborn child.

I finally laughed as I made my way inside. But it didn't preclude me from uttering a little plea for car (my girl) . . . well, both of them.

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Author's Notes: Hope it was alright. I know it may have been more of a filler chapter, but it does move the plot along and sets up the next chapter beautifully. Please if you have the time, let me know your thoughts. All reviews are welcomed.

I hope all is well with everyone, and for all of those returning to school after summer holidays, good luck!

Much love to all!

_Posted: Monday, 16 August 2010_

_**Edited: Saturday, 20 July 2013**_


	23. Friends We Choose

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Friends We Choose**

Part Twenty-Two

"_Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.__" — __Tennessee Williams _

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Jasper's POV – 9 September/ Wednesday

_Damn, some people could just be so grouchy_, I thought as my shift ended. _It wasn't my fault that their catheter was inserted the wrong way, and their bowel movements were now soaked into their bed. It also wasn't my fault that their private parts were now chafed_. It was on days like this I ever wondered why I wanted to go into medicine.

I made my way out of the locker room and out of the hospital. Carlisle wasn't on call today, so I had already ringed Bella to come and save me from the evil, old goat masquerading as a patient.

Twenty minutes later Bella arrived, with my car being _fine_. I let out my breath and realized that maybe Bella did have a point about 'men and their damn cars,' but then again my entire family – sans Esme – loved their babies.

Bella stopped before me and I made my way over to the driver's side. I was ready to reclaim her. My angel looked at me when I opened the car door as if I were crazy. This was one war she wasn't going to win.

"Come on, little one, it's my turn," I coaxed as she gave me a sad face.

"But, Jasper, _my girl_ and I have already bonded; you want to take her from me." It was my turn to give her the crazy look.

"_My girl_?" I asked, incredulously.

"Well, that is her name, or what you called her earlier. I guess it just got stuck in my mind. But she is beautiful, though, and when she hits about a hundred and ten . . . oh, she purrs." She had better be jesting me. Bella was pregnant and had no reason to even reach those speeds.

"Bella, if what you just said . . ."

She erupted in giggles. I let the indulgent smile overtake my face. I loved to see her happy. "Okay, angel, very funny. But I had a hard day: some mean, old goat wanted to claw my eyes out, and it was really busy. So please, have a heart and allow me to drive my pleasure." I pulled my puppy-dog eyes.

"Jasper, you have got to stop with the eyes. You always get your way." Exasperation colored every word she grumbled. She allowed me to help her out of the driver's seat, but I inwardly puffed up and smiled at getting my way.

"Thanks, little one, I will find some way to make it up. I promise." I shut the passenger door, but could still hear her muttering about me and keeping my promises. I had every intention, and I already knew what I was going to do. Bella did have a birthday coming up.

After getting into the car, I turned on some Dashboard Confessional, letting the music and Bella's presence sooth me. They were a lethal combination, so by the time I arrived at Bella's, I was feeling better.

She was hesitant to get out of the car. I looked over at her; she had fear written on her face. I wondered what had caused this sudden dread. I reached over, taking one of her hands that were fidgeting in her lap into mine.

"What's wrong? And don't tell me you are fine."

She fidgeted before laying it on me, "I'm just feeling overwhelmed about going into my apartment. I was remembering what happened last night, and I got scared."

She intertwined her fingers through mine, giving my hand a little squeeze. Heat spread through my body as I savored it for a few seconds.

"It's completely understandable, Bella. I don't want you to be scared. I'm here for you, but if it makes you feel better, you can sleep at my place."

Bella looked at me; her cheeks became pink. I could feel her embarrassment and wondered what she was thinking. Then I realized what she must have thought, my dirty little angel. "I have more than one room. It was also just a suggestion. I can stay here if you like." I capitulated.

"Just let me know what you prefer."

Bella covered her pink cheeks with her hands, trying to hide the evidence of her bad thoughts. I laughed and she rolled her eyes, which made me laugh even more.

After two minutes of her silent debate, I could feel her answer. "Thanks, Jasper, I really appreciate the offer. I just don't want to stay at my place tonight. I hope I'm not being an inconvenience."

I faux-growled at her.

"We've discussed this, little one, there is no inconvenience. You are always welcomed at my place: day or night, twenty-four seven. You could even move in for all I care." I could feel her happiness and her appreciation. "It's not a problem, and you're welcome."

"You know, Jazz," she said as she glared at me. I wondered what I had done to cause her beautiful face to scowl. "That little gift of yours can be quite annoying. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Perhaps a few people . . ." She looked at me to see if I was lying. "Fine, most people who know people who know about my gift. Happy?"

"Very!" And I could feel the truth of her statement.

I brought her small hand to my lips, kissing the pulse on her wrist, making sure she was truly alive and sitting next to me.

I gave her a small smile, one more kiss on her wrist and made my way over to her side. I helped my little friend out of the car, up to her apartment.

.

The packing didn't go so easy. We argued about what to pack: I thought she packed too little, and she was of the opposite; I had my reasons, but I wasn't ready to divulge yet.

"Jasper, what is your obsession in packing me so many clothes? I'm only going to be staying at your house for a while. Well, until I feel more comfortable to come back to my place."

I held in the laughter that wanted to escape my lips. I loved watching Bella in all of her glorious moods. She could switch from happy to sad with the blink of an eye. It intoxicated me.

"I simply want to be prepared. Isn't it the Boy Scouts' first rule or something, '_Always be prepared_'? I'm not sure on the exact wording." I gave her an award-winning smile. My angel of course rolled her eyes at my more than valid question.

"Seeing as I am neither a boy nor a scout, I couldn't say for sure what their motto or any credo of theirs may be. But my father liked to say 'a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush'. I'm still not quite sure what that means either, but seeing as it isn't important and doesn't pertain to our situation, I also ignore that advice." Bella finished with her stubborn chin in the air.

I found myself more confused than when we began. I simply took a page from her book and rolled my eyes.

"Are you sure you aren't a boy?" I asked, knowing full well that Bella looked anything like, excluding her pregnant tummy.

"Jasper," she whined in exasperation. I added my laughter to her voice. She was beyond cute when tongue-tied or flustered. "Why do you like to play with me so?" she asked, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Because you bring out the naughty boy in me; and there is nothing more fun than riling up his playground chum. There is also the added bonus of watching your beautiful face become candy-apple red."

At the mention of her hated reaction, her cheeks turned a delicate pink on my behalf. "Exactly as I was saying, angel."

Bella tried to swat me with her little hand, but my reflexes were too fast. She just giggled and the packing commenced.

After getting her to settle for a few days worth of cloths and bringing some of the food she insisted would go bad from her fridge, we finally made it back to the car. I knew Bella was hungry because I could hear her tummy rumbling over the heartbeat of her child.

We got her some take out and argued about that. She wanted a hamburger and fries, and I thought she should have something healthier. I didn't want to deny her, but I also wanted her to be healthy.

After a short debate and my never-ending supply of puppy eyes, I won out. We stopped at Panera Bread. She ordered her meal and some sweets, to my consternation. In the car she limited my '_I can get my way_' look down to only three times a day, making me promise to obey the new rule. I figured she had given in to me a lot, so I could oblige her.

"Hungry, angel?" I questioned over the rumble of Bella's stomach.

To my sensitive hearing it sounded like she could have ate a whole cow and then maybe another. Her cheeks flushed at her embarrassment, but I overlooked it. I grabbed her hand, bringing it to my lips. I placed a light kiss on her soft skin, and marveled at her in my life. I didn't think I could ever tire of her.

We pulled into my apartment building, and after giving my code to the gate, I drove to my apartment before parking in my garage. I helped her from the car, took her things from the trunk and lead her to the door.

I lived in a pretty nice place, on the south side of town, in walking distance to the DHMC (the hospital where I worked). It was a new construction and pretty modern. I could have purchased a house, but I wanted something different. It was a three-bedroom, two-bath apartment with fifteen foot ceilings. The walls throughout the house were white, grey and an icy blue.

The future was modern, yet comfortable. I thought about my kitchen with its Granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances. Thanking my lucky stars, I had some food in the fridge and cupboards, for appearance-sake. One never knew when someone would stop by, or a neighbor would ask for sugar; at least that's what Esme claimed.

It was a building filled with young professionals which suited my needs.

Bella's reaction was quite funny. Her huge, brown eyes became even bigger. But I could also sense her feeling of safety, which made me smile. Her eyes looked like they were about to pop at any moment. I gently nudged her with my shoulder. She turned to me with her mouth slightly opened, and her food hanging in her hand.

I gave a quick wink before moving into the living room. Bella meekly followed behind, taking in more of her surroundings. My place was very different from hers, and I think that is what shocked her the most.

"Come, angel. Welcome to my home – and now your home for the time being. You are welcome to anything and don't be afraid to go anywhere. I'll show you to the dining table where you can, unless you rather just eat in the living room."

"Dining room is fine," she whispered, following me like a little lamb. She really was too cute.

I pulled out the chair for her, got a plate from the cabinet, and a bottle of water from the fridge. I sat down across from her and watched her eat.

"You don't have to watch, you know. I can entertain myself for a little while."

"I worked that out for myself, but I like to be in your company." She gave me a shy smile, but continued to munch on her healthy food.

When a few minutes passed and she was almost finished, I started to talk to her, "So what do you think of my house, angel?"

"It's really nice, Jasper. I feel blessed to stay here and even more so to have a friend like you." My heart rejoiced at her words of my friendship to her.

"It's alright, mostly a place to live," I reasoned with her, trying to ease the tension, "If not a little cold. But your friendship is special to me, also."

Bella finished her meal and after I cleaned up, not allowing her to help.

I showed her around my apartment, giving her a tour of the bedrooms, her room, the music room/office and the rest of the place. Most was neutral and comfortable for my eyesight. I saw more colors than humans, which were more vivid. Soft colors were easier to live with.

Bella loved every room and made me promise to play my Cello for her. I was a little nervous at the request. It was different playing for my family, then her. I knew she wouldn't judge me too harshly, but I always wanted her positive approval.

I put her stuff in her room and unpacked her clothes, not touching her unmentionables, as per her request.

.

After the angel was fed, washed, unpacked and ready for bed, she found me in the living room waiting for our talk. She came out wearing fuzzy pajamas and blue slippers; she was the picture of innocence. Even her baby bump couldn't take away from that image. She sat next to me on the sofa, letting out a sigh of pleasure because of the softness.

"Jasper, your place is great, and don't even get me started on that shower: a rain-head shower with six different sprays is unbelievable. I would steal your shower if I could and take it home with me. And don't even get me started on my king-sized bed. I sat on it for a moment and almost feel asleep. Even this couch is trying to lull me to sleep," she finished her ramble with a crooked smile.

I picked up my hand and moved her wet bangs behind her right ear. Bella lowered her head into the back of the couch as turned to face me. I gave her a smile of my own, but became lost in her eyes. They were always so expressive, and held all the secrets to the things I wanted to know.

My eyes continued to look into hers; her stare was just as intense. Different emotions were spinning in the room, incasing us in our own vortex of feelings. The moment was silent, beautiful, intimate.

I was confused by some of the emotions, who they were coming from. The only thing that kept my full attention was her eyes.

When things became too much for me, I ruined the mood by opening my big mouth and not using my brain. Bella looked at me with surprise and disbelief. I guess I asked her, "Do you want to move in with me for good," too quickly. I would have had that exact look on my face if someone blurted that to me.

I felt so imprudent in that moment. I didn't want to scare Bella and give her the wrong impression. I had a speech planned out, weighing the pros and cons to the decision; and I was going to present them to her in a well controlled, mature setting.

But while looking into her incredible eyes, I realized I had verbal diarrhea.

Bella had that same look of shock as when she entered my apartment. She had yet to blink. I waved my hand in her front of face, for a lack of anything else. She hadn't showed any sign of anyone being home.

"Bella, listen. I'm sorry for scaring you. I never meant to just blurt it out so ineloquently." She finally blinked, and I felt a little better that she was still with me.

"Jasper, are you . . . could you . . . are you . . . what?" I could feel her doubt, her curiosity at my question.

"Yes I am serious. I couldn't be anything else. I meant every word: just not the way I asked. Please don't feel scared of me. This is all so crazy, but I really mean it. I promise I would never hurt you; I just want to protect you, little one."

I could feel my own anxiety starting to take over. I hoped with everything inside of me I hadn't ruined my friendship with her.

"I promise that . . ." Bella placed her small fingers over my mouth, effectively silencing me, but not my doubts. They were (after all) of my own making.

"Shh, Jazz." I felt better just at the use of my nickname. It meant she wasn't afraid of me and I was still considered a friend.

"It is crazy, Jasper, only because it seems a little fast. But you have to remember we have known each other since I was ten, turning eleven. You are the reason I'm even here speaking with you. I could have easily died in those mountains with no one knowing where I was."

I winced at her words, but she continued.

"We may have only reunited, but you have always been with me, you have always been my friend." I placed a kiss on the warm fingers that still covered my mouth. Bella removed her hand and placed it on my own.

"Bella, what I meant to ask was if you would prefer to live in this apartment. It is a lot safer than your place, and it could have anything you would ever need. It is a lot closer to the hospital for you and baby. There would be no need to pay for rent or utilities."

I could feel her anger start to rise at my last comment so I backtracked.

"Let me make this quite clear, angel. This isn't charity! This isn't a hand-out. And even if it were, you are my friend. What would you have me do? I can feel your fear of your apartment."

She quickly turned away from me.

"I know you probably are fighting your loneliness too, like I do. You are pregnant, angel, and whether or not you realize it, you need _some_ help. There is never any shame in having someone help you. It is a lesson that I have learned so very well! It is now ingrained into me!" I couldn't have been more emphatic.

"I promise I still ask my father for help and advice when I need it. That's what family and friends are for. I choose to help my friend in her time of need. You cannot ask me to leave this be. I want you safe, Bella. I want your child safe. I want you to feel comfortable going outside, taking a walk, or even going to the local shops. You would be able to save money for your future and the baby's. I could only imagine what the hospital bills are like from your . ."

I could even think about that, but I pressed on. These were all the sound reasoning I had built up in my mind.

"And you aren't going to be working after the end of the week. If it would make you feel more comfortable, I would be willing to leave and you could keep the place. My family doesn't live too far. I could always check in on you. But please, just tell me you will consider moving in, regardless of where I live." I really pleaded with her.

I needed to know she was taken care of, and this was one of the ways I could help.

"Jasper . . . are you . . . are . . . serious?" she finished, not being able to phrase the complete sentence due to her shock.

I had laid a lot at her feet.

"Every word I said, I meant, angel."

I looked into her perplexed face, waiting for some kind of answer.

Then tears started to gather in her eyes, and I immediately felt bad. Tears made her eyes even more beautiful, but I hated to see them. The salty-water droplets fell from her face. I caught one on my hand. I looked at her liquid as I let it roll from my finger.

I didn't feel the courage to look at her. My angel leaned forward, bringing me into the comfort of her tiny arms. My chest touched her rounded stomach, and I listened to the sound of her child.

She leaned her mouth near my ear and started to answer me with whispers, her bottom lip touching the lobe of my ear.

"Okay, Jasper, you win. I don't want you to feel any pain or worry over me. Your offer is very generous and means so much to me. I truly don't know how I survived these years without you and your friendship. I love you."

She placed her lips on the temple by my right ear. Her breath caressed the side of my face, her scent surrounded me. I felt like I was in the middle of a field of freesia. When she pulled back (a grin gracing her face) I knew there was more she wanted to say.

"But . . ." I started, waiting for her to finish.

"But, I refuse to live here alone. This is your home, and I am the guest. I could never ask you to leave, nor would I feel comfortable doing so. With that being said, if you stay then I'll stay. Deal?" She extended her hand to seal our agreement.

"Deal, little one, and deal baby," I jested while shaking her hand and placing my other hand on her tummy.

Beauty/Butch kicked, allowing me to believe all parties involved were satisfied; that was until the next thing I wanted to discuss with her.

"So, when do you want to move your stuff? I know you have to work for the rest of the week, and so do I." I was thinking over my schedule for the next few weeks.

"I already had my day off, yesterday. Since it is Wednesday and I don't have off until next Wednesday, we could do it then."

I could have probably gone myself and had everything done within a day, but there were aspects of my nature she didn't know about me.

"Or, we could go over a few nights this week and start. We could even higher movers. The only thing you will really need is your clothes . . . and the things you already bought for your child. I have everything else. You could donate the rest of the things or we could put them into storage." She had that stunned look again, as if I was saying too much, but I wanted to continue.

"I want you to know, no matter what happens with us and however long we remain friends, you are always welcome in this house. No one will ever turn you out. I give you my word, angel, as a gentleman. I know it may seem archaic, but I am kind of old-world (_and then some_). What would you like?" I finished my long-assed monologue.

Bella chewed on the inside of her cheek, her left dimple appeared again, so faint but visible.

"I would probably feel more comfortable doing it myself, or you doing it. It's not that I have anything of worth, and my furniture is junk, but I do have some things that are sentimental to me. Would it be alright if we did it ourselves?" She gave me a shy smile.

"Sure. We can go over in a couple days and start then. I would like for you to rest here. Become comfortable with your surroundings. I can clear out the third bedroom and turn it into a nursery; move my stuff into the never used dining room. That can become my new office. I should also caution you my family will want to meet you soon." Again she quickly turned from me.

"I have never really mentioned you before, so it will come as a complete shock."

I tried to smile at her, but it soon faded. I could feel her sadness at my words.

"What have I said to upset you, Bella?"

She looked down, refusing to answer me. I gently raised her chin with my finger as I silently asked her to tell me.

"It's stupid, Jasper. I was just wondering why you never told your family about me, but then again, I'm nothing special."

I was hurt by her words. Not for me but her. A single water droplet fell from her right eye. She muttered under her breath about pregnancy hormones.

"Angel, that is not true!" I murmured swiftly. "You are so very special. You have always had a unique place within me! Please, I beg of you, if there is anything you ever believe from my lips, know that you are so extraordinary to me. Nothing could or ever would change that, please don't doubt that!"

I laid the absolute truth at her feet, "The only reason I never told my family about you was simple fact: I didn't want to share. Your memories are very beautiful to me, and I cherished each of them. I never wanted to destroy or even voice them out loud." I could feel her sadness start to wane.

"You were my special secret and the miracle which touched my life. You're so unique, and I love you, my friend. Damn, that sounds entirely too sappy, doesn't it?" I asked in a joking manner.

The angel rolled her eyes, but became serious.

"I believe you, and I'm even sorry to have doubted you."

"As long as you believe me now it's all that matters."

"I do! And I won't make that mistake again; at least I will try not to," she rephrased her comment. All I could do was trust her.

Now for the other bomb shell of the evening, and I wasn't sure how she was going to take it.

"Angel, there is one more thing I would like to discuss, then, we can rest for the evening. Or just relax and watch a movie."

I was nervous about bringing this up.

"Sure, Jasper, what do you want to tell me?" she asked with a smile in her voice, as she removed lint from her night shirt which hung off one shoulder.

"I think I am going to give up my internship and help you with the baby," I sputtered out quickly. I wanted to get it out into the open.

Her reaction was different than what I had expected. She simply laughed while rolling onto her side.

I looked at her obliquely, waiting for her to finish.

When she realized I wasn't laughing, she immediately stopped before gasping. She brought her hand to her mouth.

"You're serious?" I nodded to the affirmative.

"Jasper, no! Absolutely not. I'm sorry, but that decision is out of the question. There is no way in hell I would ever allow you to give up your Medical career and eight years of schooling to help me with my child. I could never ask that of you!"

She was cute when trying to be fierce, but I still remained somber, her answer only spurring me on.

"Luckily, Bella, this isn't your decision." Her posture became stiff, but I wasn't too deterred.

"I respect your impute and your thoughts, but the ultimate decision lies with me. There are some things you don't know yet, and anything I ever did for you would never – ever – be a waste." I was emphatic, passionate.

"Nothing in my life could even compare to you, except maybe my family, and even then you are about even." Her healthy cheeks flushed.

"Please believe me this wasn't an easy decision. I thought about it all day, and I believe I am making the correct choice. You see, Bella, I will never have the opportunity to have a child,"

Her eyes filled with tears at my confession. I wiped the flow that fell down her skin.

"So this may be my only opportunity to see and live the miracle that a child is. I want to be there for you and Beauty/Butch. I want to love every moment with you. Please, don't ask me to miss anymore of your life and even one moment of the child's life. I need this, angel, and I ask you to understand."

I looked into her eyes, begging her to listen to my reasoning's. I withheld my dog eyes, not wanting to cheapen this decision. Bella stopped crying as she started to laugh again. I couldn't understand what she found so funny about this situation. I was starting to get a little upset myself.

I wanted her to take me seriously. When she finally settled down, Bella gave me the answer I was looking for.

"Why are you calling the baby Beauty/Butch? And where did you even come up with those silly names?"

I playfully bit my lip, taking her question in turn.

"Well, beauty is easy. If she resembles you in any way, I know she will be beyond beautiful," Her cheeks flushed hot-red. "And then that got me thinking, if it's a boy, I could embarrass him. Thus, we have the two names: Beauty for her mother, and Butch because it could be a boy."

"Good one, Jazz." The redness started to recede into a rosy pink.

"But, I still don't want you to give up everything for me. Please, just take a little more time to think about your decision. Think about your family and your parents' reaction. They may blame me for your decision, and I don't want them to hate me just yet, Jasper." _As if Carlisle and Esme can hate you_.

"So please, I ask, just take a little more time to reconsider."

I could understand her reasoning, but it still wouldn't change my mind. I wanted to be there; end of story. If my family had reservations, then it was their problem.

There was no fucking way I would ever allow them to blame Bella or take their anger out on her.

"I understand your point of view, and I respect that. I will make you a deal, yeah." She looked a little relieved, but also curious. She nodded as she waited for me to continue.

"I will stay on at the hospital until you have the baby, and if I still feel the same, then no arguments and no trying to further persuade me. You have to respect my choice. Do we have an accord, angel?" I asked while holding my hand out, waiting for her answer.

"That's all I could ever ask of you. And thank you for even taking my opinion into account."

She grasped her hand and mine together. We shook on it before I ever so gently pulled her into a hug of reassurance.

I let my respect and love for her flow around us, and into her little body. I was careful of her child. I didn't want to overwhelm.

"Anytime, angel, all you have to do is say something," I murmured into her hair.

"And for the record, I would never allow my family to hate you. But I already know they never could. Just look at yourself, little one. You love so much and ask for so little in return. Who could never love you?"

She turned her face into my shoulder. I could feel the heat coming from her cheeks. Her face must have been flaming from my compliment, but it only endeared her even further to me. _If that is even possible_ . . .

"That's enough from you, mister! And please tell me there is no more big news for the evening. I don't think I could take anymore." I poked her in the side, adoring her cute squeak.

"Fine, no more. How how about a movie, or are you too tired?"

"A movie sounds delightful. What shall we watch? I'm thinking a comedy." That was the perfect answer.

"Great answer, angel. I should probably get you used to Emmett's antics anyway," I said more to myself.

Bella gave me a bewildered look, but chose not to say anything.

"That sounds good?" she said more as a question.

I gave her a little grin before asking, "How about I pick the movie, make some popcorn and get a blanket for you while you sit there and look pretty for me?"

Bella rolled her eyes and tried slapping me, but I was too quick. I retrieved the blanket from the hall closet, finished the popcorn and grabbed the DVD of my choice.

I made sure everything was ready, placed a pillow on my lap and wrapped Bella in a blanket. She laid her head on my lap as she put the popcorn in front of her. I pushed play and waited for the movie to begin.

I unconsciously started to run my fingers in her thick, beautiful hair, letting my hands run the length.

"So Jasper, what movie are we watching?"

A smirk broke my face as I replied, "American Pie."

I could feel her confusion at my answer. "What has you baffled, Bella?"

"How does this remind you of your brother?" she asked, but I held in my laughter; not wanting to give anything away.

"All in good time."

Bella shrugged her shoulder and settled her head more comfortably in my lap to watch the movie.

The rest of the evening was filled with Bella's and my laughter as I continued to run my fingers in her hair.

I marveled at the angel (_my friend_) in my life.

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* * *

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Author's Note: Hope you liked. Thanks for all the reviews and feedback. It really does help! Much love!

_Posted: Friday, 27 August 2010_

_**Edited: Thursday, 25 July 2013**_


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. Also Heartland owns the lyrics to 'I Loved Her First'. No copyright infringement intended. Jasper is so wonderful and beautiful . . . oh, sorry my mind must have wandered. . .

Author's Notes: Hello darlings! I hope this chapter finds all who are reading well. I do apologize for not having this chapter posted yesterday. It was such a busy day and I didn't get home until 10:45 pm. So now that I'm done with my excuse (it really did happen . . . LOL) I want to thank all who are reading this chapter. I also want to thank all of those who have added me to their favorites and alerts. You are so very wonderful. And to all of those who reviewed (your responses were overwhelming . . . much love) thank you for such amazing reviews. I was blown over from the amount and I can only hope you will continue to let me know your gracious thoughts.

I just wanted to also say this is my very favorite chapter so far, it was truly such a joy and pleasure to write. I have been cautioned to give a happy tears tissue warning (I promise . . . happy tears) by the great Karen E Teague who took the time in helping me look over the chapter and find my mistakes. Thank you for the time spent and the effort. I sincerely wanted to thank gredelina1 from the bottom of my fan fiction heart. She just started reading the story and took the time to review each and every chapter. She blew me away and just made me very thankful. It is something I have never done (reviewed each chapter from starting so late into the story) and I'm just thankful.

So sorry for the very long and tedious author's ramble. Enjoy my favorite chapter thus far!

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

13 September - Sunday

Living with Bella was amazing; she was so unassuming, and so gracious. It had only been four day, but to me they were perfection. I had lived eight years without seeing her, and every day that I was able to look at her was my miracle. An eight year drought was damn long even for someone with limitless time, and I still had to convince myself she was really here. I could tell she still became nervous about doing things around the house or going in certain rooms, but I constantly assured her there were no worries.

The first night after the movie when Bella had fallen asleep on the couch, I picked her up and had taken her to her room. Bella had been so adorable when I tried to put her down. She tightened her hold around my neck and her face scrunched up like she smelt something foul. After some convincing with a person who was half asleep she finally relinquished her hold and I was able to place her on the bed. As I made to leave the room, she faintly called out her love and thankfulness to me, my heart seemed to jump into my throat, and I thanked all the stars in the heavens for bringing my angel into my life again, I had finally somewhat deserved her, or so they seemed to think.

The second night Bella lived with me turned out a little different. My schedule also became a little different. I worked during the day, which was an amazing bonus because I didn't have to take the night shifts anymore. When I lived on my own, I never had to pretend to be human, or act like one, I was able to do things my way and how I wanted. I usually maintained my role as a human at home, just because it was easier for me, not having to switch roles all the time. The one thing I didn't do, however, was retire to my bed at night. I read, I played my cello, and usually watched television or worked on my computer. Having Bella here changed that a little. I decided to go to my bed at night, but not really go to sleep. I would read a book, or get some work done. Later that second night a really bad storm blew in. The wind blew something fierce, and the thunder in the air was even enough to rival Bella's snores. I could hear how restless she was and her constant movement. Right as I was about to get up and check on her I saw my door creep open. I already knew it was Bella from her footsteps.

_11 September_

_Bella slowly stuck her head through the opening of the doorway and looked at my bed. I was still sitting up doing work and looked over to her. The lighting outside flashed and the thunder rolled. Bella jumped at the noise and I held my laugh in at her reaction. I mean she looked adorable with her fleece pajamas, fuzzy slippers, and her comforter in her hand with her hair a mess. The only thing sad about her appearance was the fear in her eyes. Bella scurried into my dark room and came over to my side of the bed with her head bent down and her eyes looking at the hardwood floors. _

"_Jasper, I know it's a lot to ask, but could I possibility lie in here with you until the storm blows over." She said in a faint voice filled with embarrassment. _

"_Of course you may angel. There's no need to be embarrassed. My door is always opened to you, remember." I said to her and she nodded her head in agreement. "Come on then, all aboard." I joked with her, trying to relive some of her stress, and finally earned a smile with a customary eye roll. Bella scurried over to the other side, as fast as her belly would allow and climbed onto my bed. I pulled the covers back and watched her become situated. I pulled the covers over her and she finally lay down and let out a sigh. Even though I never slept in my bed, I still liked my comfort, and Esme made sure my mattress was of the highest quality. _

"_You're the best Jasper; thanks for letting me crowd your space because I'm scared of some thunderstorm." I immediately hushed her and grabbed her hand that was resting atop the covers over her belly._

"_Don't even start, angel. I'm neither wonderful nor the best. I'm simply a person who loves you, and wants you to be safe and happy. If I have to protect you from the big bad thunderstorm, than that is what I will do." She was feeling loved and sentimental. "But there is something I don't understand." I said to her and I could see she was trying to figure out my dilemma. _

"_What's that Jasper?" She asked while looking me in the eyes._

"_You are scared of the noise, but yet your snores sound like a bomb is exploding and yet you are able to sleep right through them." Bella looked scandalized, but I could feel her mirth. She tried to smack me, but her stomach only allowed her to move so far and so fast. _

"_Ha ha, very funny damsel." She replied and I just laughed. It was so much fun having her here. I reached over and pulled her into a hug. Bella tugged on my hair, but then wrapped her arms around my neck. "I may snore, but you love me just the same." The little know-it-all replied. She was too right._

"_More than you will know, angel." I whispered and she pulled back with a smile on her lips. A huge yawn escaped her mouth and she pulled away from me and fell back. She brought the blanket up to her chin, and closed her eyes. _

"_Night Jasper. You may not want to stay up too much longer, you do have work tomorrow." She murmured between her yawn. If she only knew what I required, and I knew I would have to tell her soon, but I feared her reaction. I just couldn't lose her again. _

_On the third night of her new living arrangement, the storm still didn't clear so after dinner and her getting ready for bed, we went into my room, snuggled into the bed, and watched a movie together. Bella reasoned she would probably end up in my room again because of the noise from the weather. As she finally drifted off to sleep she softly spoke of her love for me again, and I sighed like a chick watching a love story. Bella sure could bring out the fucking mushy feelings in me. I will have to talk to her about that, I thought to myself with a smirk on my lips. _

13 September/Sunday

As I watched Bella move in her sleep and her hair spread over the pillow I thought about what today would bring. I was never able to be with her on her birthday, and I was so ecstatic that today I would be able to celebrate her 22rd year since her birth with her. I had something wonderful planned for her. She wasn't feeling too well these days with her pregnancy, and she became a little sad at the fact everything took her twice as long to do. So she made me promise not to throw her a birthday party, make a big production, or really leave the apartment, and I reluctantly agreed, but she never mentioned a gift. She would have to learn to be more specific when asking me to do something (mwahaha). I thought of her gift waiting for her with a big red bow, and wondered how she would react. I knew she would be over the top, but she would just have to deal, and I had saved up my 'get my way' look for several days, if it came down to it. I was not below using them to get my way.

I made my way out of my room and headed for my kitchen. I put my cooking skills to use and decided to make Bella breakfast in bed. I whipped her up some French toast, scrambled eggs, and cut up some fresh fruit. I also made her some bacon to assuage her meat cravings. The food was revolting, but I would suffer for her big day, and allow her at least one unhealthy thing. I could hear her moving around in my room, and knew she was about to wake. I loaded everything onto a tray, along with her glass of milk, and made my way back to her side. When I reached her, I could tell she was finally waking up and she could smell her breakfast. With a smile on her lips she opened her eyes and gasped. She brought her hands up to her mouth and tears filled her eyes. That was not really the reaction I was going for.

"Jasper" She said as her tears leaked from her eyes; so much for my surprise. "This is something else." A smile returned to her lips, and my guilt at making her cry lessened a little.

"So you aren't upset with me?" I asked and she just scoffed.

"I thought you were empathic, Jazz." She said through her laughter. I gave her a half smile, and realized I was indeed stupid. I just shook my head placed the tray over her legs, and helped her to sit up while fluffing the pillows behind her.

"You are beyond amazing, thank you Jasper, truly." She whispered and I was happy to be of service. She started in on her breakfast while I checked my email. I saw one from Esme asking why I hadn't been to the house lately to see the family, and I felt bad for my shunning them. I knew I would introduce them to Bella, but I didn't want to scare or overwhelm her, my family wasn't known for their subtlety, some more so than others. I quickly wrote Esme back apologizing for my absence and promising to see her sometime next week. I explained to her about being busy and I knew she would understand. I sent my love to her and everyone else, and closed my computer. I looked over to Bella, and saw she was almost finished.

"Was everything alright, angel?" I asked as she polished off her fruit.

"Everything was wonderful, Jasper." She said after swallowing her food. "If the doctor thing doesn't end well you can always become a chief." She said and I knew there was no way of that happening. I had no problem smelling the horrible food for her, but I refused to do so for everyone else. "Thanks for making me bacon. I know you are on a health craze and all that drivel, but I appreciate you trying to make my day special. I may become too spoiled by you mister." I knew she would like the bacon, and there was no chance of her becoming spoiled, she was too good.

"No worries, angel. It was my pleasure, and everyone deserves a little decadence on their birthday." I got up removed the tray from her lap and helped her off the bed.

"Thanks again, Jazz." She said while giving me a kiss on the cheek. My skin warmed at our connection as she left the room to get ready for the day. I took her tray to the kitchen, cleaned up my mess, and looked out the window. The rain had finally stopped, but it was still over cast, which was perfect for later tonight and my surprise for her. I made sure my first surprise was ready, and went into my room and got ready for the day. Dressed in a button down sky blue shirt, and my dark washed jeans that were supposedly in style, I walked out of my room and into the living room. Bella was seated on the couch with a book in her hands. I rolled my eyes at her behavior, and grabbed the book from her hand.

"Do you honestly think I would have nothing else planned for you today, little one?" Bella was still surprised from my actions and shook her head no. "You wound me little, one." I said dramatically while placing my hand over my dead heart.

"Jasper, I thought I asked you not to go through any trouble. There is nothing special about today, and I'm fine with just sitting here reading." I scoffed at her answer and she narrowed her eyes at my reply.

"It was no trouble, and you never asked me in those words. I am complying with all your wishes. You also don't have to leave the couch for your first surprise." She looked at me askance, and I gave her a smile. I walked over to the television, turned it on, and waited for her response.

On the screen it read, _Happy Birthday, Isabella, and for all the ones in between._

Bella looked over at me and I could already see the tears starting. In the background the music started and the words to "I Loved Her First" by Heartland filled our ears. Bella's crystal tears fell from her eyes as she looked at pictures of her and her father from when she was a child. I had found them over at her apartment one evening when I was thinking about her birthday present. I knew I wanted to do something special and I knew this would be it.

The first one was of a baby Bella, in her father's arms hours after coming into the world, his love shining through the smile that stretched his face. She was wrapped in a pink blanket with her ten perfect fingers gripping the edge, and her face was that of an innocent child asleep.

The next picture was of Bella lying on her parents' bed. A big toothless smile broke her chubby pink cheeks, with her fat legs kicking the air. Her big doe eyes were alight with happiness and love for her daddy as her tiny hands reached for him. Charlie was laughing at her antics while reaching for her at the same time.

The next picture was of Bella in Charlie's arms. She was about seven months and her tiny hands were fisted up and placed on her father's face. Charlie was spinning around the room with his baby while giving her butterfly kisses with their foreheads touching. A huge smile was on Bella's baby lips, while drool was running down her chins, she was a chunky little thing.

The next picture was my favorite. Charlie was changing Bella's poopy diaper, and he looked about ready to throw-up. You could see the green tinge to his skin, while he was gagging at the smell. He had her little legs bundled into one hand while he was trying to remove the offensive one with his other. Bella was giggling at the present she left her daddy, and thinking _sucker. _

The next picture was of a little chubby Bella taking her bath. Her hands were hitting the water, sending splashes over the edge. Her little legs were filled with rolls from her baby fat, and her hair was slicked to her forehead.

The next picture was of Bella crying, and her father trying to comfort. Bella's baby cheeks were flushed from her tears, and her Charlie looked ready to join his child in her discomfort. A frown was the most prominent on his face, as his child cried. One could tell that he wanted nothing more than her happiness.

I looked over at Bella, and she had a constant stream of tears running from her eyes. I could feel her immense love for her daddy. She stared at each picture and all of her feelings were reflected with each passing picture. Often Bella would break out in a watery laugh, and I'd smile along with her. The pictures passed from her being a baby to her childhood, and into her teen years. The love between her father and her were very evident, and so very strong.

My next favorite picture of Bella was as a child and again of her and her father. Bella must have been about seven and it was Halloween. I knew it was a rare occurrence for her to see her father besides summer, so this must have been a special moment. Bella was dressed up as Little Red Riding Hood and her father was in the background grumbling. Apparently Bella convinced him to dress up as the Big Bad Wolf. Charlie somehow had brown fur coming off his skin, with big bushy eye brows. He had on fake claws, with a bonnet on his head, and an overgrown nightgown that had seen better days. Bella had her candy bag in her hand ready to go trick-or-treating.

The last picture was of Bella as a young lady. She must have been around eleven. Her hair was in a high pony tail with fly-a-ways coming out the band. She had on cut-off-jeans with a little summer tank top. Her skin was still white even though it was summer. Her knees were skinned up from some fall she had, but it didn't seem to matter. In her hand was clutched a fish she had caught still on the fishing line. Bella's face had a look of disgust while a grimaced broke her over her lips. Charlie was in the background with a big laugh coming from him with his head thrown back and his hand smacking his leg. It was a moment caught in time with a father and the love of his daughter.

_I loved her first,_

_From the first breath she breathed,_

_When she first smiled at me,_

_I knew the love of a father runs deep,_

_Someday you might know what I'm going through,_

_When a miracle smiles up at you,_

_I loved her first. _

The song finished and Bella looked over at me, a smile of love and fondness adorned her lips. Her eyes were red, her cheeks were red, her nose was red from crying, but she was still beautiful.

"Thank you so much." She said in a shaky voice filled with tears and a little hoarse from crying. I walked over to her, placed a little kiss on her forehead, and whispered in her ear, "I loved you second." Bella laughed and hugged me.

Bella looked up into my eyes and I wiped her physical evidence of her love and devotion to her father. Her tears were beautiful, each filled with a memory she had just witnessed. The next couple hours were spent with Bella telling me about Charlie, and the kind of man he was. She told me of her love for him, and his for her. She told me her favorite memories of her father, and her not so favorite times. She spoke of her loss and the amazing man he was. He may not have been the most expressive with his words, but his actions were evident in everything he did for her. And the times he did speak of his love were even more special to her.

Bella fell asleep with a sad smile on her face, but I could feel her contentment, and her love for everything around her. I left her on the couch wrapped in a blanket, as I set up her next surprise. When I was finished I made my way back into the living room, and watched her sleep. I knew I might have been pushing the boundaries, but she was so precious to watch. I could hear the slow sound of her heartbeat and the rapid one of her little child. I knew that her child was going to be filled with so much love and I couldn't wait to meet it. After an hour passed, Bella started to stir, and finally opened her eyes. Her jade dots were prominent and flashed through the brown. Her eyes were so expressive and I would never fail in getting lost in them.

"I guess I fell asleep, huh." She said with a shy smile.

"No worries, little one. I knew you needed the sleep, and it is your day." I said trying to pacify her.

"So what would you like to do next?" She asked me in a soft voice. I pointed over to where my cello was set up and her eyes light up with a smile. "Really Jasper, I know you don't really like to play for me much and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"I'm sorry if I ever gave you that impression Bella. It never had to do with me not liking to play for you, more along the lines of me being over the top. I always seek your good opinion of me, and I never want to disappoint you; only make you happy. It's like that with everything I do. That is where my shyness comes from in playing the cello. I love to play, but I'm kind of nervous. Does that make any sense?" I asked already knowing her answer because I could feel it.

"That is just silly Jasper. I could never not find any good in you. We all have our hard times, and our downfalls. I could never begrudge you what you have gone through. It is not really for me to judge, and if it were I would find a way to forgive you, because I love you and you are my friend." My hopes soared at her answer, and I found the confidence to play her the song I had written especially for her birthday.

(The songs are first 'Beautiful Cello Song', and the second is 'Bed of Roses' by Cello Diva)

As I started with the bow putting pressure on the strings and fluidly playing the notes I started with a soft sad scale melody of my time before I met her. I wanted her to feel how my life was and the mistakes I had made. I wanted the music to speak of my sadness, but yet my hope of something else and something better. My time with Alice was amazing, but over the years I had come to see that something was indeed missing. I played to her of my solo mistakes, and my silent pain. The tone switched to one of an Expressionism style trying to heighten her emotions. I wanted her to know that after everything I had gone through and all that I experienced were not for naught, but because of my meeting her and finally giving me the courage. I wanted it to speak of my meeting her again, and the joy and happiness I felt at first seeing her, and the elation I have felt since then, the perfection. I ended her song in Adagio, letting my love flow to her and the soft slow tempo ease her, telling her the end of my journey through my time without her, and everything in between. I wanted her to know that I was fine, and in reverence in her presence. I was whole again.

When I played my last haunting note, Bella looked at me and gave me a gentle clap. I could sense her emotions and they were everything I had wanted her to experience, but most of all I could feel her pride, and just like with Carlisle, it made me want to always do better, and it was something that I needed.

"My goodness Jasper, you are talented in everything you do." She said in awe, and I gave her a sheepish smile. I knew that was not true, but I also knew that Bella believed that whole heartily.

"Thanks angel, and now that I can hear your stomach rumbling, it's time for lunch for you and beauty/butch." Bella giggled as I helped her up from her spot on the couch.

"Jasper," She said out of laughter and exasperation, "That name is silly, and it may catch on if someone hears it." She claimed but there was no changing my mind. But since it was her birthday I decided to compromise with her.

"Okay angel, I will give in and call the baby, BB. It's not too feminine or masculine. Does that suit you?" Bella gave me a smile and I knew she was alright with it, but I would throw in my special nickname every now and then, at least I could hear her laugh.

"Much better Jazz. I can most definitely deal with that." She said and walked toward the kitchen. "So what are we having for lunch?"

"I made you a turkey sandwich with all the toppings and some chips on the side." She clapped her hands for the indulgence. She really was a snack junkie. "With a garden salad and dressing on the side." I added and she gave me the evil eye. It was unfortunate it had no effect on me.

"Fine, but at least I still get my chips." She grumbled under her breath and made her way to the table. I pulled the chair out for her and helped her to take a seat. She grabbed her drink, and gave me a smile. "I also get soda. Thanks Jasper. I know you only want me to be health and I do appreciate the effort, even though I give you a hard time."

"It's no problem angel, and I do want you and BB to be healthy, and eat the best. I know it seems that I have taken over what you eat, and it's true, but I hope you can forgive me. I'm not trying to take over your life; I just want to help with anything I can." She nodded and started to eat. I left her for a little and went into the kitchen to clean up my mess. I also wanted to avoid the inevitable question about my not eating. I knew I would have to tell her soon, but that wasn't today. When I could hear her finish eating I went back to the dining room and collected her dishes.

"I am capable of more than eating and sleeping Jasper. I can clean my own dishes and fix my meals." She said, but not in anger, just out of concern for not carrying her weight around the house, no pun intended.

"So am I angel, and there is no need for both of us to do it. You fix your meals while I'm at the hospital anyways, so allow me to have the pleasure when I'm home." She breathed out a huge breath and threw her hands into the air.

"Fine, fine. I will never understand how someone as wonderful as you isn't married. Have all the girls on this planet gone stupid or something." I heard her say under her breath and pretended to not hear, but a smile still played on my lips.

When I finished cleaning up I joined Bella in the living room and sat down next to her. She was happy and feeling full. I knew now was the time for my presents. I sent up a silent request that all would go well, and she wouldn't blow some fuse. This was the part that I was actually dreading.

"Are you ready for your gifts, angel?" I asked her in my most innocent voice. I guess Bella could see the fear on my face because she grabbed my hand and tried to reassure me. This was something I could work with; as long as she felt sorry for me I could give her my gift.

"Sure Jasper, I'm sure I'll love whatever you give to me." She said in a soft soothing voice. I really was evil.

"You promise angel?" I asked in an even softer voice, playing up the shy angle.

"Of course Jasper, so where is my gift." I leaned over the side of the couch and handed her the wrapped box. Bella took it from my hands and tore into the paper. In the box was a first addition of one of her favorite books _Weathering Heights_. The dreaded tears came to her eyes as she examined her gift, and sniffed. "This is absolute magnificent. There really are no words."

"None are needed, as long as you like it, then that's all that will ever matter." She touched my face with her hand and gently rubbed her thumb over my cheek bone. I leaned into her touch and gave her a small smile. From my pocket I pulled out her next gift, and hoped it would be as well received as the previous one. I removed her small hand from my face, and placed the box in her palm.

"Jasper the book was more than enough. The slideshow of all my pictures was more than enough."

"I know angel, but the pictures were a gift for your heart. I wanted you to have your father with you always and when I found those pictures I knew they would be perfect. The book was a gift for that mind of your. From the battered copy in your collection, I could tell it was a favorite, so I wanted to give you an original. This gift is one for your body." I said and she blushed while giving me an opened mouth look. I chuckled at her assumption.

"Not in that manner, you naughty angel." She became even redder, but it made her even more endearing. "What I meant to say was a gift to protect your body, and to give me piece of mind for when I am not with you." Bella gave me a shy smile and unwrapped the small box with her hands. She opened the top, and her face became one of confusion.

"I don't understand." She said. I grabbed her hand lifted her off the couch and walked her toward the door. I opened it and her mouth dropped again in total surprise.

"Jasper, I don't understand. Are you serious? How could you give me a gift like that? It must have cost a fortune. Jasper I'm not sure I can accep . . ." I didn't allow her to finish. I place my hand over her mouth and she looked at me.

"Bella, I already anticipated this would be your reaction. But there is no reason for it. As for your first claim, I am completely serious. I need to know you are safe and taken care of. I need to know that you would not be stuck in case you had a serious emergency. As to your second statement, it truly didn't cost me a fortune. I have more money than I know what to do with. I don't say this to boast, but to be honest with you, angel. This isn't even spending change to me. So please don't think I won't be able to pay my bill or I'll struggle. There is no need for your worry. And for your last statement, I beg you to accept it angel. Please, I need to know you are okay. There is nothing more important to me than your safety and BB's. Please little one." I finished and took my hand from her mouth giving her the chance to speak her answer. She looked up at me and I already had my puppy dog eyes waiting.

"Jasper," She yelled placing her hands on her hips, "that is completely unfair. You know you get your damn way when you give me those eyes." I inwardly smirked at her answer, and also because I could feel her wavering. She truly did try and stick to her answer, but I knew she wouldn't.

"I really am serious Isabella. I only want for BB and your safety." At the sound of her full name she finally caved and let out a breath in exasperation.

"Fine, fine," She said while stomping her little foot on the ground, "you win. It's never fair with you. I swear you know just what buttons to push to get your way." No matter what she said I could still feel her excitement.

"Are you ready to try it out?" I asked in a very convincing voice that dripped with honey. A small smile decorated her lips and I handed over the keys to her new Infiniti FX45.

"Its ruby red for whenever you wished to come home." I said and she gave me another mega watt smile.

"Jasper you are just amazing and always know the right thing to say. I will always want to come home, just like Dorothy. This is way too much but I still thank you and BB thanks you also. I know you worry about me, but I still thank you, I'm not sure if there is anything else I can say." She finished with tears in her eyes. I wiped the fallen tears and gave her a wobbly smile.

"No more tears, angel. I love you very much, and I want you to now take me out for the ride of my life. Here are the keys, we have a full tank of gas, and I'm willingly and waiting." She blushed red from my comments. She grabbed the keys while trying to look down and hide her embarrassment. "Are you ready to take _Your Girl_ out and rev her up?"

"_Your Girl_," Bella asked.

"Well I already have my girl so this is _Your Girl._" I explained. "If you don't like the name, you are more than welcome to chance it." She smirked as I helped her into the driver's seat. When I was seated and ready to go Bella looked over to me and gave me a saccharine smile.

"Don't think I don't know what this is really about Jazz." I gave her an innocent look. "This is about protecting your baby, and keeping her out of my more than capable hands, but I will forgive you this once, because your girl is purring for me to take her out and open her up." She finished and I could do nothing but laugh.

"Fine, little one, now let's not leave her waiting, she is asking for you to take her, can't you feel it?" I all but whispered the last words. Bella turned red, but just joined me in my laughter. She put the car into drive and for the rest of the afternoon showed me what _Your Girl _was capable of. Bella did keep it within reason being pregnant and all, but we still had an amazing time cruising and letting the music flow around us.

As twilight settled, we arrived home and pulled into the garage. Bella turned off the car, and smiled.

"That was amazing. Thank you so much for such a special day. Everything was unbelievable and so thoughtful. I can't think of a better birthday." She said and I was filled up inside at her words.

"I hope you don't think it's over." She looked at me in surprise. "I have one more thing up my sleeve, and don't worry angel," I assured her because of the look on her face, "It isn't another gift like this, and hardly any money was spent. I am being completely honest with you, this is a just something to wind down the day, and spend it together. How does that sound?" I said in a soothing voice.

"Wonderful." Was her simple reply.

As we made our way inside Bella headed to her room to get ready for her last event for the evening. I told her to take a shower or whatever she preferred and I would take care of the rest. I had bought a billowy summer dress in light lavender. It came into a v-neck with cap sleeves. The skirt ended at her knees and trimmed in soft silk. I made sure to get her ballet flats, so she wouldn't trip over anything, and a sweater.

After I laid her things on her bed I ran outside to make sure everything was ready. I heated up her dinner in the oven, and took my own shower. With a few minutes to spare, because Bella was after all pregnant, I met her in the living room. When Bella stepped into the room, my breath became clogged at the sight of her. She was simply radiant. Her happiness seemed to glisten from her skin. The dress made her look ethereal and her hair that was slightly dried, fell in gentle waves down her back. Her bangs were swept to the side of her face and her cheeks glowed with her natural pinkness. The bottle-green shown from their murky depths and were filled with admiration. I pulled my camera from behind my back, and took a picture with her serene smile, and soft eyes. Bella just shook her head at my antics, and walked closer to me.

"The dress is lovely." She said while smoothing out the nonexistent wrinkles.

"Are you ready for your last event of the day?"

"Always, Jasper." I gave her a wink and led her out to the balcony off our house. I had the blinds closed throughout the day so she couldn't see what I had done. I lifted them with the remote and allowed her to see what I had done. Her breath held in her throat, and a tear escaped the corner of her right eye. I took the liberty and wiped it from her skin.

"No tears, angel, remember." I asked her gently.

"Only of happiness Jasper." She replied. I took her hand and led her out into the quiet evening.

The night air was filled with warmth and the crickets were singing their symphony. The clouds that had littered the sky in the morning cleared and left behind millions of stars, which sparkling down just for us, gracing with their magic. Tea candles lined the balcony railing and the night time bugs danced among their light. Tiki torches were spaced in between to provide more light for Bella to see her dinner. The table had twenty-three stems of yellow freesia flowers. The flower symbolized innocence and friendship, things that embodied Bella completely. The flowers were just as fragrant and delicate as she. The table was only set for her, but I still added some of Esme's china that was glazed white with a silver rim. Two glasses of sparkling apple cider were placed on the table, and sweet soft music played in the back ground. The ground was sprinkled with freesia petals, fit for Bella to walk on for her birthday. Rope lights lined the underside of the red umbrella that I raised for the evening, just in case. And the piece de resistance was Bella's presence. Her innocence and life filled the balcony with more warmth than the night air.

"This is so beautiful Jasper. Thanks." She whispered shyly.

"You're welcome." I answered her as I pulled out her chair for her to sit. I took the cap off her dinner, and she giggled.

I made ordered her favorite dish of spaghetti from the first night I had taken her to dinner. I of course used it as an excuse to not eat. I didn't want to ruin the evening with anything else, especially my past mistakes. Bella took her first bite and closed her eyes as she savored the taste.

"How were you able to make this day so stunning?" She asked in between bites.

"It really was nothing Bella. I just wanted you to have a day filled with relaxation and love. I know the first part was draining, but I wanted to give you a piece of your father. I know how much you love him, and when I found those pictures I knew they were perfect. The music was easy to write, and came from the heart, like everything else about you." She smiled shyly at my comment. "I was most terrified about the gifts. I knew you would think they were too much and not needed, but I wanted you to have transportation because I'm not always with you, and I also wanted you to feel like you were able to leave for the day if needed, and not feel obligated to ask for a ride. And this evening is provide by the night. The stars were especially ordered for your birthday, I could only have the best for my angel. Simply put Isabella, I wanted you to be happy and I did everything today because I love you."

"I love you also." She murmured and it drifted off into the night sky.

Bella finished her meal in silence and I filled up both glasses. I picked up my own after handing her back to her, and proposed a toast.

"Twenty-two years ago today, the heaven wept because they lost one of their own. A little angel named Isabella was born and graced the world with her presence and beauty. Her father fell completely in love with her, and gave her all that he had. She was the apple of his eye, and the reason he took a breath to live. The angel continued to grow in exquisiteness and splendor, unintentionally shaming all others around her. And in her tenth year, not unlike a night like tonight, she was placed in the path of someone who was lost and so desperately in need of something in his life. She gave him the love and kindness that he so urgently needed, and ended up irrevocably changing him for the better. She gifted to him a new path in life and a new goal to attain. And because of her unwavering faith and innocent trust he was finally able to overcome that which always hindered his life. The angel's life may not have always been easy, either but she embraced her challenges, and smiled when they were taken head on. She excelled in whatever she put her mind to and simply lived her life.

And twenty-two years later I look at my angel and smile. I smile at her grace and allure. I smile at her internal beauty, and her never ending faith with all that is good in this world. But most of all I smile at her. I love her and I love her baby she is about to bring into her already lovely life. So I raise my glass to you Isabella, and hope you a happy birthday instead of wish it to you. I love you, my friend." I finished and took a sip of my drink in her honor.

Bella of course had silent beautiful tears staining her flushed cheeks. But in the light of the candles and stars, it only added to her magnificence. She raised her glass to mine, clinked our glasses, and took her own drink.

"As I you, my friend." She whispered after she swallowed. "Thank you for showing me a day of perfection, Jasper." I took her hand into mine and kissed her palm, and allowed my love to flow on the night air to her.

"You're welcome always Isabella." I said as my lips lingered on her hand.

The rest of the evening was spent laughing and talking about stories from our past. The candles died out, but the laughter continued, and I imprinted every detail of the day and night into my infallible memory.

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: Tada, what did you think? I hope you liked it as much as I did. Please let me know our thoughts. Did you think it too fluffy, not enough, did you cry, or just scoff at the mushiness? :P I also wanted to point out that even though I didn't mention it in the story, Jasper was able to get the whole day off for Bella's birthday, even though it wasn't his scheduled day off. It doesn't really make a difference. I just commented on it if someone had thought about it. ;)

If you have any questions, please always feel free to ask. If you are confused let me also know and I'll try and straighten anything out for you. I hope all is well with everyone, and you're having a good week. I send much love everyone's way. Thanks for the awesome reviews, and the continued support.

Until next time . . . :P


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. Jasper is so wonderful and handsome . . . oh, sorry my mind must have wandered. . .

Author's Notes: Hello darlings, I hope this chapter finds everyone well. Just quickly wanted to thank all who are taking the time to read this story. I also wanted to thank all of those who have added this story to their alerts and favorites; you rock. And to all of those who left reviews, again your responses were immense and so wonderful to read. Thanks! Also thanks to Karen E Teague again for taking the time in looking at my mistakes and making this chapter even better. Much love.

This chapter will be moving the time along, and the next chapter is going to be what everyone has been asking for (and no not a marriage proposal . . . LOL . . . the other thing). So without much ado . . . enjoy!

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

14 September-5 October

It felt amazing to have someone depending on me. The last ten years of my life seemed like me depending on others. I leaned on Carlisle and Esme for love, support and family. I depended on Shelly and her words of wisdom; I also leaned on Bella from the start. And now I was the only holding her up. I was able to be there for her, and comfort her.

Life with Bella was something I couldn't really describe.

My nights were spent talking to the little beauty. I was also afraid if the baby was a boy; my calling him beauty wouldn't turn out to well. I guess I would have to tell him I actually called him butch, but he must have misunderstood in the womb. I loved my time I spent with the baby. It was my time to actually unwind and clear my mind from my sometimes over hectic days at the hospital. I would keep my hand on Bella's bump, pouring out the details my day feeling as he or she responded to me with little kicks. He or she would listen, some nights he or she was more active, and other nights the sound and pitch of my voice would sooth the little one.

Conversations

"_And then she came up to me trying to get my phone number. It's not like this is the first time she has tried to hit on me, can you believe her audacity baby," The little one nudged my hand and the steady beat of its heart encouraged me on._

"_I know it's like enough is enough, and learn some control. I had to learn my control, so she should also have to learn. Haven't they ever learned the meaning of the word no? What kind of slu…" _

"_Jasper if you finish that word, you will learn the meaning of enough is enough. I'm tired, fat, and my child likes to kick the heck out of my bladder," Waking Bella was the last thing I wanted, well besides the fact of surviving the night with all of my bits intact. _

"_Sorry angel. No more bad words," Bella's answer was a huge unladylike snore that probably split her nasal cavity in two. I mean damn, how could her nose actual still work. The poor baby probably thought a bomb went off in its mommy's body. I'm sure the house moved on the foundation about a foot. However, these thoughts would stay in my head forever; I wouldn't give Bella anymore ammo to point toward my bits. _

_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo_

"_We lost a patient today. I know better than to burden you with this baby, but you always listen to me. The hardest part about losing someone is the faces of the family members. You see, they have their hopes placed on your shoulders in making their loved one better. They depend on your knowledge and your skills in making sure all is well. But sometimes baby, there is only so much that can be done. It's never right and it always never seems fair, but nothing can be done. If I could save everyone I would, but there is only so much I can do, and it hurts that I was never enough. Having to watch their faces crumple in absolute heartache is the worst part of my job. The only thing I am ever able to give them is my comfort, and only that is artificial feelings. It works for a while, but then they leave, and have to face their grief without my gift as it should be," Tears gathered in my eyes, as the little one gave me the only comfort it could, the reassurance it was there and listening. Its kicks were my hope for a new life, and a better opportunity. _

"_Thanks baby. I knew you would understand; you always do." _

_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo_

_You know baby one of our patients was finally able to go home today. You remember the little boy I was telling you about." I swear that child understood all I said. Whenever I asked a question, it would always let me know it was listening. "Well he was finally released. After two months in the hospital after being hit by a speeding car, he was able to go home. It really is days like these that make me love my job. I don't always have the best of days, but when the sun shines, it makes it all worth it. You know Carlisle tried telling us what saving a life could do, but until you are there and are actually able to participate and witness, you never feel the full effect. The joy that fills your body is almost indescribable, and your high can last for hours. I may not be human, and I may not have adrenaline, I would have to ask Carlisle, but the rush is still there, and it's amazing. When you become a doctor, you'll see," I got my customary kick and my face lit up even more._

"_Jasper," Bella said groggily, "Please stop trying to pigeon hold my child into becoming a doctor. It can be anything it wants," Well I guess today was one of her grumpy days. _

"_I know angel, I was trying to tell the baby about my wonderful day." _

"_That's fine and all, but my day consisted of peeing, eating, sore ankles, peeing, eating, not being able to even get up from the couch, and peeing. So if you could wrap up your 'I-had-a-wonderful-day' speech I would like to get back to my sleep before I have to wake up in ten minutes and pee some more," Talk about too much info on bowel movements. _

"_Sorry angel, no more talking tonight. How about I just sing to yo . . ."_

"_No thank you just shut the hell up. Don't you ever sleep," And that was that. She was cute when pissed off and trying to blow the roof off in her sleep with her constant snores. _

* * *

I also had conversations with Bella and her wants for her child. She wanted what every parent did, for her child to happy, safe, and healthy.

"_I know it sounds cliché in saying I don't care about the sex of my child, but I can honestly say that is the truth, at least regarding me. It's one of the reasons I didn't want to know the sex. I wanted to love my child for it, and not for anything else. I want my child to have ten fingers, and ten little toes. I want him or her to have a healthy birth and to feel my love. It's all I could really ever ask for. Does that make any sense or am I just a rambling pregnant woman?" I gave her a smile and rolled my eyes at her silliness. _

"_Yes Bella, it makes perfect sense. You love your child regardless of anything else. Your love is eternal whether it is a boy or girl. All you could ever ask for is love and good wellbeing for your unborn miracle. Every day I can feel your love increase for the baby. I hear you talking to him or her, and I can feel the love laced in each word you utter. So I understand where you are coming from, and I respect you all the more," I finished my flowery diatribe, and wondered when I became such a sap. It had to be around the time I lost myself to a fallen angel. _

"_You are always on the same wavelength as me Jazz, and you always phrase my words so beautifully and eloquently. Your command of words is brilliant, and you make the rest of us layman look stupid," She teased me. _

"_As if I could ever do anything of the sort regarding, my very intelligent friend. But enough about our English vocabulary, the question I would like to know is simple. Do you have any names in mind for the baby?" I asked her after she was done eating and we were relaxing in the living room. _

"_I've given it some thought," She replied, with her cheeks becoming flushed. I wondered why she felt embarrassed at her answer. _

"_And," I encouraged her to continue. Bella played with one of her curls and refused to look at me. "Are you planning on answering me?" I asked her and she continued to ignore me. I knew I had to go to the extreme. I silently slide over closer to her side and gently tickled her side. Bella immediately screamed her laughter while trying to move from me. "Are you going to answer me now?" I asked while still gently tickling her side. _

"_Yes Jasper!" She screamed, and I felt victorious. "I'll tell," She squealed. I stopped and allowed my curiosity to take over. When Bella finally recovered a few seconds later, she tried to give me a scolding look, but I just smirked at her. _

"_Fine, but for the record I want to point out your tactics were completely unfair. Not only can I not defend myself, but I can barely move." She said with her arms folded over her ever growing baby bump. The little kitten was upset. I just gave her a smile and one bloomed on her lips. "Okay you win, but please don't think I'm stupid," She pleaded with me._

"_Bella," I said in exasperation. "I would never think you're stupid. Now open up that pretty mouth and tell Jasper what you want to name beauty/butch," She giggled while rolling her eyes. _

"_Stop with that horrid nickname, Jasper." She said in exasperation but still laughing. _

"_Fine what are the names choices for BB?" I rephrased and Bella gave me a rewarding smile. _

"_Well if it's a boy I was thinking of naming him after my father Charles, Charlie for short. His middle name would be after his father because it would be the right thing to do, and I know Mike would love his child," She said, and I could feel the sadness behind her words. I became jealous of Mike and the piece of Bella that he held. I grabbed her hand and gave her the time and support she needed. After a few moments she calmed down, gave me a grateful smile, and continued. "His name would be Charles Michael. And if it's a girl," Bella said her cheeks becoming a rosy-pink. "I was thinking of the name, you promise not to laugh," She asked instead and I could feel her sincerity. I wondered at her hesitation in telling me the name. _

"_I promise angel I won't laugh, but I have to admit you have my curiosity very peaked," She bit her cheek and her left dimple made an appearance. I leaned forward and kissed her faint dimple because it begged for attention, and I wanted to give her my reassurance. Bella inhaled and then let it go. The build-up was sending me over the edge. _

"_Okay," She said and twisted her fingers together, "If it's a girl I like the name Cheyenne," She nearly whispered. I looked at her, waiting for the reason she was embarrassed about the name. She refused to look at me so I lifted my hand, placed it under her chin and pulled it towards me. Bella barley opened her eyes as if not wanting to see my reaction. _

"_I'm in the dark here, angel. I think Cheyenne is a beautiful name and very different. Care to explain why you seem to have reservations about the name," She gave me a shy smile, and slightly pulled away. She removed my hand from her chin and placed it in hers. I entwined our fingers and waited for her to begin talking. Bella closed her eyes and I could tell she was going to a place far away. _

"_As you know my mother is all over the board. She goes through phases faster than anything. Well when I was about fifteen she wanted to experience life in the west. I kid you not when I say she wanted to be a cowgirl. For some odd reason the idea appealed to her immensely. I had no desire to leave Phoenix, but once Renee has an idea in her flighty head it's hard to persuade her otherwise. After school let out that summer, she rented a house in Wyoming and so along with her daughter, she moved to live her latest idea of fancy. I was very upset with her. I wanted nothing to do with Wyoming or whatever lifestyle they had there. I just wanted to go home, and spend my summer in relaxation. I hated the idea of living somewhere I had no knowledge of. When we arrived in Wyoming we made our way to the capital and settled in Cheyenne. The first month passed quickly, and what I thought I would hate with a passion, melted," I could feel her excitement as she spoke with a look of joy on her face. _

"_It was so beautiful Jasper. The sky was so big, and the surrounding mountains were amazing. The people were so nice, and for the first time, I actually felt like I fit in somewhere. All of my preconceived notions of Wyoming left and I embraced living there. I actually made friends and for the first time, in a long time I was happy, but then Renee pulled the rug out from under me again. I should have expected it," I hated her sadness, and once again I was angry at her mother for her complete lack of making her daughter happy. I gripped her hand tighter, and Bella gave me a grateful smile. _

"_I should have realized that something I loved and enjoyed would have been the opposite for Renee. We never really saw eye to eye on anything. After the first month she became bored and her romanticism of the west and becoming a cowgirl lost their appeal. So with a broken heart I packed up my things again, said goodbye to the friends I had made, admired the wild beauty of the state, and drove home to Phoenix with my mother," Bella finished her tale and I gently pulled her into my arms. Bella wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her head in my neck. I let her cry out her frustrations. She was upset with her mother. She was disappointed in her lack of caring what her daughter ever wanted, and she was sad she never really understood her mother or her crazy notions. _

"_It's okay angel. I promise it will be fine," I whispered into her hair. Bella mumbled something about pregnancy hormones, but I knew it was deeper than that, but I allowed her the concession. "I still don't quite understand the name Cheyenne, angel," I continued to whisper. Bella pulled back and her face was flushed from her crying, but a smile played on her lips._

"_When I became pregnant I thought I couldn't handle it. The very idea of something so unknown scared me beyond reason. I wasn't sure if I would be able to handle the changes and all that comes with being a mother. The fear almost overwhelmed me. But then I started to think what if. I became comfortable with the idea of being a mother. I told you about the mother and her child, and I knew that I wanted my own moments with my child. The correlation between the name and my story are the feelings. When I moved to Cheyenne I was frightened and scared. I wanted nothing to do with the place and knew nothing about it. But after sometime and giving it a chance I fell in love, the same with my baby. Cheyenne represents an idea to me, a somewhat utopia of happiness, when I was actually happy and embraced the idea. Just as I loved the place, I loved my baby and wanted to name it," Bella finished and her embarrassment was back. I saw no reason for her awkwardness. The name was beautiful, but the notion or the idea behind the name was even more beautiful. Bella wanted to name her child after something that brought her happiness after she gave it a chance, just like her baby. Bella's spirit was beautiful and I smiled a soft smile at her answer. _

"_That was a wonderful story Bella, and I think Cheyenne would be the perfect name for a girl, just as Charles Michael would be perfect for a boy," My angel just gave me a grin, and my heart fell even more to her. _

* * *

There was also a conversation in which I completely froze and feared the worst; Bella would see me for the monster I was and leave me behind for good.

_It was a good think, I realized after wanting to gag at the smell, that I l knew how to cook. There was never a need for me to learn and if people actually knew what I ate they would wonder where I had learned and why. There was a simple answer to that conundrum, Charlotte. While attending Yale, I had taken a short trip during a spring break vacation to visit. Suffice it to say, I had gotten in trouble for something beyond my control, and as punishment Charlotte made me take cooking lessons. The reason this was punishment is I cannot stand the smell of human food. It is simply grotesque to me, and the smell actually made me gag on occasion. It was something of a sore spot for me, but I still loved Charlotte. _

"_Are you alright Jasper? You look even paler than normal," Bella said in surprise. Usually when I cooked for her I could contain myself, but tonight was proving difficult. I often heard humans talk about foods they preferred above others, and tonight I understood why. Often I cooked for Bella on my own. I never wanted her to overextend herself. In not having her in the kitchen, I was able to hold my breath, and not worry about the nuisance. Tonight however that wasn't the case. Bella insisted on helping for once, and for some reason, I couldn't deny her. _

_So I had to smell what she would be having, and it truly made my dead stomach roll. I braced my hands on the counter and bent over at the waist. For some reason the smell made me want to hurl. After trying to calm my tumultuous stomach, I stood up and gave Bella a shaky smile. _

"_I'm fine angel. I just cannot understand how you can consume this shit," I told her quite honestly. I usually never swore around Bella, but there was no other word to describe her dinner choice. Bella gave me an exasperated look while rolling her beautiful colored eyes. _

"_Jasper, there will be no cursing around the baby. From the many stories you have told me about your family, I'm sure Esme would not approve," I had to concede that to her. And in that moment Bella looked extraordinarily like Esme; I held back a shutter. "Besides, I happen to like Liver and Onions. It's good for the baby and me. I thought you would approve of my healthy eating habits," She said giving me the eye from where she stood. Bella hadn't even held her unborn child yet, and already she had mastered 'the eye' stare that all mothers seemed to come equipped with. _

"_It's alright angel, whatever you want is fine wit . . ." I said but couldn't finish on account I gagged after a particularly strong wave of the smell hit my senses. I bent over the counter again in hopes of holding my stomach together. Today was not going well. My face felt clammy, but I knew that not to be the case, I didn't sweat after all. I felt a hand on my back, rubbing small circles, trying to give me some comfort and support. I instantly felt warm, and after a little more time, my overactive stomach finally settled somewhat. _

"_If I had known that you would have reacted this way Jasper, I promise I would have made something else. I really am sorry," Bella said in a soft voice filled with guilt. Of course I should have known she would find some way to take the blame. I reached behind me and pulled my sad angel into my arms. _

"_It's not your fault Bella," I said with a smile in my voice. She was such a martyr. "I could have left the kitchen at anytime," Although for me to totally escape the smell, I would have needed to go outside, but I said nothing. "If you want to eat Liver and Onions," I said with an actual shutter, "then you shall eat it. Don't apologize for your cravings," Bella wrapped her small arms around my waist, her baby bump stopping her from being closer. She exhaled a large breath, and I could feel her anxiety start to rise. I wondered for the millionth time what was going on in her brain. _

"_Jasper, may I ask you something personal. It's just something I've noticed, but if you don't want to answer, I'll understand," She said with trepidation in her voice. I became worried, wondering what question she would ask that would make her feel any fear. But I knew no matter the question, I would probably answer her._

"_Lay it on me Bella," I said in a light voice, trying to keep the situation and her anxious nerves calm. _

"_I hardly ever see you eat anything," She started in a small voice, keeping her head plastered on my chest "I don't understand how you can survive Jasper without eating .I promise I have not looked into this. I trust you when you asked me to. I'm just curious, but more than anything I'm worried about you, Jazz," My heart fell at her words. This was one of those pivotal moments that my love for Bella was tested. Did I tell her the truth or lie to her. I had planned on telling Bella some truths about my situation. I wanted her to know exactly who she was living with, and the potential danger she was in even associating with me. But I kept pushing it back; I wanted Bella to stay with me. I didn't want to give her a reason to leave me. They were all selfish reasons, but I simply needed Bella in my life. I didn't know how to survive without her anymore. _

"_Bella," I murmured to her, waiting for her expressive face to look at mine. When she granted me with her beautiful, I looked into her jade speckled eyes, giving all my love to her. "My life is so complicated. We have talked about some things that make me different, and it seems like you have found another thing to add to the list. If it were in my power to tell you everything about my existence I would, Bella. But there are certain, shall I say, set of laws that have stopped me. Please angel; just give me some time to work everything out. Please just have a little more faith in me," I beseeched. _

"_Always Jasper, no matter what you may say to me I will love you now and forever," I could feel her conviction, but I was still scared of her reaction and her potential refusal_

"_As will I little one. But to answer your question in the most basic of terms, I do have a special diet I follow. There are very unique things required for my life. My life has been so very private, and I'm not use to discussing them with others outside of my family. Just give me some time, please," I asked again while touching the apple of Bella's smooth skin. She just nodded her head, and eventually pulled away. _

_I purposely reached out and felt her emotions. I could feel her curiosity, but underneath everything else I felt her acceptance and love for me. It really did amaze me that someone could be so accepting of another without, little to no information. It proved to me the depths of Bella's love. _

"_Are we okay?" I asked just to be certain of my position in her life; sometimes words were needed. Bella turned around from the nasty piece of meat that truly looked like a human liver, and gave me a sly smile. I immediately put my guard up. _

"_Sure Jasper. But since you can't tell me certain things about your life, I was wondering if you could possibly demonstrate something," I knew her little ploy and damn it if it didn't work. Guilt was a dirty little tool at one's disposal. _

"_Perhaps," I said carefully, but I could even hear the uncertainty lingering in my voice. My eyes looked at her with caution, but her face showed innocence. She turned around again and a moment later she was facing me while holding a fork in her little, evil hand. "You can't be serious, angel," I said, real fear straining my voice. Her smile turned into a frown, and I felt guilty at making her sad. _

"_I understand Jasper. I'm sure my cooking isn't as good as yours, and it would be unfair of me to ask you to try it. I just wanted to make sure you are really okay," She said while her voice became smaller and smaller. Damn Esme for making me into such a sap. Where was my iron clad resolve and control? Oh, yes it left me deserted with just one look from Bella. _

"_Fine," I said through gritted teeth. I just wanted her sadness to end. I warily looked at the slimy brown meat that was tinged pink in the middle. The smell started to play with my stomach again, and it brought me back to patients with uncontrollable bowel movements. I stifled a gag that tried to shake my throat, and approached Bella. Her face still had a frown, but I could feel her happiness. I placed my hand on hers that held the offending piece of supposed meat, and slowly brought it to my lips. I willingly forced my head from turning to the side, and with courage that came from somewhere unseen, I placed the thing into my mouth. _

_I instantly gagged, and Bella's face fell. I really was trying to be brave, stronger vampires would have fallen already. Venom filled my eyes and clouded Bella from my vision. The only thing I could focus on anyways was swallowing the shit in my mouth and looking forward to a time when I would be able to regurgitate it out of my body. After one of the most painful minutes of my life, I allowed the bile to finally slide slimily down my throat while trying to fight the continuous gag reflexes. I could feel my stomach roll as the offending piece of meat finally settled like a rock in my body. I brought my hand to my mouth, trying to stop myself from throwing up in front of Bella. _

_When I finally felt like a vampire again, and not a sick human I heard a most peculiar sound in my ears. After I cleared my eyes of the steadfast venom that pooled, I could see my little demon holding onto the sides of the counter trying to stop herself from falling over her laughter. I was in shock by her response. Bella was the worst liar there was. Her very cheeks gave away her lies by turning red. And yet she was able to trick me into believing her innocence, and sadness. I wasn't sure if I should have been impressed or angry, but with Bella's feelings of Joy, it was difficult to feel anything but that. Bella was finally able to collect her laughter. When the tears were wiped from her eyes, and the last laugh, laughed, Bella gave me an indulgent smile. _

"_Very good Jasper, I must say I'm impressed myself. The fact that you were able to keep that down was medal worthy. Also, never say when it really matters, I can't play with the big boys," She finished with a smirk on her mouth and her arms folded over her baby bump. I guess she had finally repaid me for my tricking her. Damn my angel was something to behold. _

"_Touché darling," I relented while throwing my hands up in surrender. Bella had brought so much into my boring and secluded world. Even though we had serious conversations, and moments of doubt, I learned we could move past anything. I was truly blessed in having such an amazing friend. _

_The rest of the evening was spent in laughter and us making fun of ourselves. My love for her was endless, and with each moment that passed with her in my presence, I truly loved her a little bit more. _

* * *

Bella also had appointments every other week. She had ultra sounds and blood work. The doctors wanted to make sure she and the baby were well and progressing, especially after her few stays in the hospital. I couldn't accompany her all the time, because I was still working at my internship, and my hours were not really conducive to hers. But her doctors were pleased with her progress, and even thought she looked happier than ever.

I cherished the nights that I was free to spend with her. She had become my best friend and the gap that always seemed present in my life, which could be filled by no one, was filled by my angel. I still kept Bella to myself; still not ready to share her with others. The normality my life took with Bella's presence was almost perfection. I had no reason to complain.

And in the chaos of learning to live together and meshing our schedules, our lives became colluded and we lived in our own little world. Nothing seemed to penetrate our warm bubble, and as I became secure in Bella's friendship and love I had a feeling that things were finally settled or so I had hoped.

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: I hope the chapter was somewhat satisfactory. I know it may seem more of a filler chapter, but it was still necessary. Firstly, it pushed the time along by three week, and now Bella is in her eighth month of being pregnant. Secondly, it was more of a chance for Jasper and Bella to further their relationship, and get to know each other even more. Lastly, it was more Bella and Jasper together; need I write more. :P

So I hope you will tell me your thoughts. Did the time progression go alright? Did you find the chapter too boring and unnecessary? Did you like the scene with Jasper having to try Bella's wonderful cooking (mwahaha)? How did you like the names picked out? I know that the boy's name is clichéd, but it just seemed like something Bella would do, however; I could be totally wrong.

On a more respectful note, I know that tomorrow is the ninth anniversary of 9/11 in the United States. So I just wanted to pay my respects to the victims and the families who lost loved ones and anyone else who may have touched their lives. May your day be a little brighter on such a hallowed day. :*)

Again thanks to everyone, and I hope all is well with you. Much love. :P


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. Jasper is so wonderful and handsome . . . oh, sorry my mind must have wandered. . .

Author's Notes: Hello lovelies, I hope this chapter finds everyone well. I just quickly wanted to thank everyone who has continued to read. I also want to thank all of those who have added me to their favorites and alerts. And as always, a very special thanks to all of those who reviewed, and given me their thoughts and criticisms. They are always welcomed. Also, an extra special thank you to the wonderful Karen E Teague. I know you are busy so I appreciate the time you put into checking the chapter.

So here is the chapter. I hope you all enjoy it. I'm a little nervous about what everyone will think, but I hope you like it, nonetheless.

Without further ado . . . much love.

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

7 October - Wednesday

"Bella I know you cheated." I said through gritted teeth. There was no way she could beat me at poker. There was no one who could beat me, well except maybe Esme, but she just didn't count.

"Awe is the poor little baby sad because the big bad Bella beat him at his own game?" She said in a saccharine voice, thinking she was just so adorable.

"Bella not only am I the best at poker east of the Mississippi, but I am by far a baby. I happen to know that you cheated in some way. There is one only person who can beat me at this game . . . and I plead the fifth on the answer." I finished quickly as her curiosity spiked. "So tell me this instant how you cheated, and I may be lenient on your punishment." I said in a strict voice. Bella looked over at me in contemplation. I could see her eyes take in every inch of my face as she decided on telling me the truth. Her finger played at her lips as she regarded me with her poker face. "Well," I finally asked after a few moments of silence.

"You want to know the absolute truth Jazz?" She asked in an innocent voice, but I could feel her mirth.

"Of course you little demon angel." Bella gave somewhat of a snort giggle, completely ruining her poker face. Her cheeks flushed at her embarrassment, and I couldn't help but laugh at her. She glared at me, but I couldn't stop. She crooked her finger at me, beckoning me to come closer to her. I warily leaned over the table, making sure she wasn't up to something nefarious. Bella brought her mouth to my ear, and I could feel her hot breath caress my cold skin. She leaned in closer until her lips touched my lobe, and I had to hold back a shutter.

"The truth is Jasper," She said in a near whisper, her voice almost sounding baritone, "I'm just naturally better than you." She finished while kissing the side of my ear. That little kitten sure was dangerous, and I sure did enjoy my days off from work.

I turned my head until my lips were inches from her. I watched as my breath mingled with hers, and allowed her to become uncomfortable with my closeness. Her eyes were almost impossibly green. "That you are angel." I said quietly. Bella, of course, blushed, but all I could do was smile at her reaction. I moved even closer to her and placed my cold lips to the corner of her mouth and spoke, "In every way that matters." I finished by pressing my lips into her skin, and pulled back.

Bella brought her hand to my face, and I could feel the sincerity with each word she uttered, "Your wrong Jasper." She then took her hand from my face, sat down, picked up her cards and proceeded to kick my ass for the next three hands.

"Would you like the slaughtering to continue or would you to prefer to keep your tail between your legs and back out?" Oh, her mouth could be dirty at times.

As I was about to answer her I heard someone approaching the door. My nerves started to go hay wire. Bella took in my reaction, and I could feel her own worry on my behalf start to spike. I wasn't ready for this. "Are you alright Jasper?" She asked and then the door bell rang. Bella looked confused for a moment, and then realized someone was at the door.

My mind quickly started to reel. It had only been three weeks since I had Bella in my life again. I still wasn't ready to share her with anyone, but I knew my solo time with her was over. Besides work and occasionally talking to my family on the phone, I had lived with Bella in seclusion. I cherished each and every second she had to offer. With Bella simply coming into my life on an unexpected evening, she had simply become my world. It seemed that every second of my time revolved around her every move and her every breath. I loved Bella beyond eternity, and I just wanted her to myself. I was beyond a selfish creature, Bella deserved to shine for all (no matter how much she may have disagreed). She had brought life to my lifeless life, and she was my angel.

"Jasper would you like me to answer the door?" She asked in a small voice. She was starting to become scared from my silence and it was this more than anything that finally broke me from my thoughts. There was another knock at the door, more insistence than the last. Bella jumped at the unexpected noise, and I grabbed her hand to quell her fear.

I took a few seconds to look Bella in the face. She was a delicate creature, beautifully imperfect and eternally my friend. Her face showed her fear, but she was still lovely in her fear. I gave her a weak smile, and her shaky lips returned it. Her face was flushed from her fear, but the longer I smiled at her the more at ease she became. I only wanted for Bella to be happy; every cell in my long dead body craved her happiness. I gently squeezed her hand, and with much reluctance I tenderly placed her hand on the table, and made my way to the door. I looked back to my angel and spoke to her as quietly as possible.

"It may be best if you wait in your room for just a while angel. There is nothing to fear I just need to deal with this on my own for the time being. I'll come get you in a while. Is that alright with you?" I asked her. Bella took in my words and slowly got up from the table, then approached me. She wrapped her little arms around my neck and pulled me down until my head was resting on her shoulder. She brought one of her hands to my forehead, removed the hair that always lingered there, and pushed it behind my ear. I could feel her breath on my neck as she finally spoke.

"It fine Jazz, and remember if you need me, I'm only a door away. Don't worry about me." She whispered, but was hard to hear over the pounding and yelling from my front door. Bella placed a kiss on my forehead where her hand lingered and then she retreated into her room. After I heard her door shut I took one more breath to prepare myself for the storm that waited me on the other side.

After I made my way to the door, I put my hand on the knob and turned it, knowing that my time with Bella as just my own was over. The thought made me sad beyond reason. The knocking had finally stopped and I knew that my presence was known. The door was opened and I looked into the face of the person who had robbed me of my angel.

"About time Jasper," She said and launched herself into my arms. I was taken aback by her response, but simply wrapped my arms around her back while trying to sooth my sobbing sister. Rose was never one to really show her more sensitive emotions so I knew she was genuinely distraught. Her hands fisted in my shirt and all I could was look over her shoulder and stare into the face of her husband. Emmett looked more upset than I had seen in a while. He tried giving me a reassuring smile, telling me silently that everything was fine, but I could feel his emotions and I knew differently. I continued to rub circles in Rose's back, hoping to calm her down.

"How could you Jasper, after all these years? I don't understand?" She asked in a voice filled with disbelief and grief. I was beyond perplexed by her question, and her swirling emotions of anger, regret, and loyalty. Again I looked at Emmett, and his face displayed the emotions that I had felt from Rose.

"Rose, I understand you are upset and almost inconsolable, but could you perhaps explain to me what you are talking about? Or maybe you would like to tell me what is going on Emmett?" I looked to him, but he looked at his feet, not having the strength to look me in the eye. I started to become angry at their behavior and lack of explanation. I gently pried Rose from my chest and looked into her venom stained eyes. "Please Rose enlighten to me?"

She gave me a sad look before she finally spoke, "I can smell the lingering human Jasper." She finally answered in a small voice. Her emotions spiked again and once again I could feel her regret on my behalf. Her answer still seemed to elude my intelligence until something finally clicked. Her anger was manifested because she thought I had slipped. She thought that I had actually taken the life of another human. Her regret must have been because she wasn't able to reach me in time from preventing my supposed slip, and her loyalty was her standing by me no matter the consequences. I wasn't sure what emotion to feel. There was my own anger at their assumption, and my love for them standing beside me in my supposed moment of weakness.

"Rose . . . you are . . ." I tried to explain, but was interrupted.

"Esme as has been beside herself with grief Jasper. She has cried to Carlisle not understanding what she has done to cause you to alienate yourself from the family. Of course she blames herself. Carlisle has tried to comfort her, but has no idea why her son won't talk to her. Alice keeps to herself, trying to hide her visions from the rest of the family. Alice knows how you feel about her seeing or prying into your life. Edward does his best in comforting Esme, but is also having a hard time reassuring her. She loves you beyond measure Jasper, and your seclusion from the family has hurt her." She finished, but I could also feel her pain from my absence.

"I'm sorry Rose. I never meant to cause such pain." I wasn't sure what else to say to rectify my mistake. All I had wanted was to spend time with Bella, not to cause such problems with my family.

"How could you have slipped Jasper?" She asked but continued before she allowed me to answer. I was surprised that she was even able to speak in her distraught state. "It doesn't even matter. I know understand why you've kept your distance from the family. But you have to know it wouldn't matter Jasper. We all love you no matter what you've done." She finally stopped. I was angry that that would be her first postulation. I was also a little touched by her absolute love for me, and my battered past.

"Rose, Emmett," I said more harshly than I meant. I guess I was more upset than I had thought. She immediately pulled away from me, sensing my anger, and backed into her husband. "I'm sorry for startling you, but please try and calm yourself." Rose wiped her eyes and hissed as a tear of venom caught her finger. Emmett looked at Rose and kissed her cheek. After all was finally calm I knew they had finally heard what they had missed all along, two heart beats.

"Jasper, brother what is going on?" Emmett finally spoke. His face would have been humorous if not for the severity of the situation. He looked like a little kid that was placed on Santa's lap, and began crying from the shock of seeing a strange man holding you.

"Please allow me to explain. Come in and have a seat. I'll try and answer all your questions. Emmett and Rose came into the front room and looked at me with expectant faces.

"Well," they both said in unison.

"The heart beat you hear is from my friend.

"Why is the second heartbeat quicker than the first Jasper?" Rose asked, not really knowing the reason. I hesitated before I told her.

"She's pregnant Rose, and the second heartbeat you here is the baby." Rose gasped and I was right in being cautious about telling her. I could feel heartache coming from my sister, her ache in never having the opportunity at having her own child and never being pregnant. It was always her fondest dream to become a mother. I knew she would have given everything including her looks to become someone's mother. She and Esme shared that bond together. And then I could feel my sister's awe, her wonder at being so close to an unborn child and hearing its tiny heartbeat. Her face showed her astonishment and I knew it mirrored my own every time I listened to Bella's little miracle.

"May I meet her Jasper?" Rose asked with trepidation and longing in her voice. I knew that no matter everyone else's reaction, Bella had a friend in Rose, probably the hardest won person in my family. I was more grateful than ever, at the time, that Bella was pregnant. I looked at my sister's eager face and nodded.

"Please promise me you'll be nice, and respectful towards her Rose. I love you but at times you can, quite frankly, be a scary bitch." Rose scowled at me. I knew if at any other time I had made such a comment to her I would have been hunted down, but since Rose was preoccupied with the baby's heartbeat she simply let it pass. Emmett laughed at my statement and he received a hit to the back of the head, but chose not to say anything else.

"I promise Jasper, now will you please allow her to come out of hiding?" She finally broke and asked in a sarcastic voice. I knew there were many things I had to tell them about Bella, and also our past, but looking at Rose's face and her bubbling excitement I knew I couldn't hold off any longer.

I got up from the couch and made my way to Bella's door. I could feel Rose's anticipation and smiled. I reached out to Bella, and could still sense her concern for me. She was also calm, and I knew she was rubbing her protruding tummy, something that always calmed her. I gently knocked on her door and waited for her to answer. I was knocked back once again that day, and my arms were filled with another person. Bella's stomach hit mine as her tiny arms wound around my neck.

"Is everything alright Jasper? I was concerned for you?" She said in a small voice.

"No worries, angel. Everything's fine. There is someone who would like to meet you." I said with animation in my voice, trying to calm her nerves. Bella looked at me with surprise on her face. It was probably the last thing she was expecting me to say. "Are you up to meeting someone?"

"Who is it?" Bella asked while fiddling with her fingers.

"My sister and brother," Bella's excitement almost matched Rose's and once again I was taken aback by her reaction.

"Of course Jazz, I would love to meet your family?" And then I could feel her apprehension. "Are they aware of me being pregnant Jasper?" She was cute in her uncertainty.

"Yes Bella and they are also anxious to meet you, especially my sister Rose. You have already met Emmett, if you recall when you tried to bring him down at the frat party." Bella face turned plum red, and I smirked at her reaction, she was too easy at times. "Are you ready?" She took in a deep breath and nodded her head. I grabbed her hand and immediately felt our connection. I gave a light squeeze to her hand and led her out to the firing squad. I started to feel a little scared myself. Rose was notorious for her treating people like shit, and I was afraid she would revert to her ways, scaring Bella beyond belief in the process. I prayed to every god in existence to please help control my sister.

We finally turned the corner and Bella jumped.

"It's you." Emmett yelled and started to laugh. Rose looked on with confusion, and Bella stared at Rose. I knew she was taken aback by her beauty. There were few who weren't affected by her beauty. "I remember you from the party." Emmett continued to yell, bringing Bella's attention to him. I knew that Emmett had heard us talking and had finally figured out who Bella was.

"Hi Emmett, long time no see." Bella replied timidly. "You haven't changed in the least." And again her blush intensified. I knew she was remembering our conversation about his looks and I smiled at the memory. Emmett just looked confused, and Rose gave Bella an indulgent smile. I just loved when Emmett was confused, he added so much to the environment.

"Hi Bella. I'm Rose, Jasper's sister and favorite sibling." Rose slowly got up from the couch and approached Bella. She extended out her hand towards Bella and Bella grabbed it enthusiastically, but immediately let go. Again for what felt like the hundredth time that day, I was taken aback. Bella turned back into a red tomato and Rose looked a little hurt at the rejection. Emmett was still confused.

"I'm terribly sorry Rose. Please don't think I was trying to offend or snub you," the ever observant Bella said while noticing Rose's reaction, "I was surprised at the temperature of your hand. It was just a little cold." Bella tried to hide her blush behind her brown hair. This was the biggest shock of all, and I knew that my sister was also surprised; Bella could feel the coldness of her skin, but not mine. And in that moment Rose knew that I hadn't told Bella about my 'condition' and my past. I could feel her anger at my dishonesty to Bella, but I chose to ignore her. Rose recovered from her shock. I once again wondered at Bella's and my connection to one another and what made my skin warm to her touch.

"Sorry Bella, I know my skin has a tendency to become cold at times. Poor circulation," She said in her dry humor trying to tell as much truth as she could.

"Sorry for my overreaction Rose. I really was just surprised." Bella said while looking at Rose in awe again. "You're so beautiful" She blurted out and then looked the other way. I already knew the color of her face.

"Thanks Bella and I can also see that you are beautiful." Rose said sincerely, and I knew she was talking more than just Bella outward appearance. "Emmett, come over here and introduce yourself," Rose demanded, and Emmett still in a state of bewilderment reached out his hand and took Bella's. She didn't react like she had done with Rose, being more prepared, but I could still feel her fascination with the unnatural coldness of their skin. One would think she would be a little frightened, but not Bella.

"So you're pregnant." Emmett stated stupidly, and Rose became immediately embarrassed by Emmett's introduction.

"Emmett what the hell?" Rose yelled, and Emmett looked over at her.

"What," He yelled in retaliation. Rose scoffed at him.

"What do you think she is carrying? A beach ball," Bella looked stunned by their interaction, but I gave her a smile, silently telling her this was a regular occurrence. My angel understood my silent message and a smile broke her beautiful face.

"Please ignore Captain Obvious Bella. We all do, and once you become accustomed to his lack of brain cells, you will love him also." She explained with a smile. Emmett was just too funny.

"So when are you due? You look ready to pop at any moment." Emmett asked calmly, and Rose's mouth dropped open and looked on with horror clearly written in her eyes. Bella looked over at me silently asking if 'is he really saying these things'. I shrugged my shoulder and looked back to Emmett.

Not knowing what else to say Bella looked at Emmett and answered him honestly, "I'm eight month pregnant and have about two more months until my delivery due date."

"So who is the father?" Emmett unceremoniously asked? Rose finally came out of her stupor and found her voice.

"Emmett what in the hell is going on with you?" He ignored her and continued.

"Are you married or are you having a child out of wedlock?"

SLAP

"Damn it Rosie."

"Emmett that is beyond so inappropriate. How could you say such a mean thing? I thought you were beyond this kind of hateful bullshit?" Rose said, tears coming to her eyes. Bella looked sadden by Rose's tears, and Emmett looked like a lost puppy. I knew something had to change. My conscience started to catch up with me.

"Rose, please don't blame Emmett." I pleaded with her.

"Jasper you heard the horrid things that came out of his mouth. He deserves everything that I have to say." More tears clouded her eyes. Emmett started to say something else, but I cut him off.

"It was my fault Rose."

"How Jasper?" She asked incredulously

"I used my gift on him. I could feel his confusion from the start and used that as a basis. I hit him with what I call Blissfully Ignorant. It made him lose his sense, and say what he was thinking. If I had known it would have affected both you and Bella so much I wouldn't have done it. So please don't be mad at Emmett." Rose looked at me with a smirk on her beautiful face, and once again I knew I'd been had. The tears disappeared from her eyes and were replaced with mirth.

"I know Jazz." She said with that infuriating smirk on her lips. "From just one look I can see the love and protectiveness you have for Bella. You would have never allowed Emmett to say such things to her without challenging him to a duel. I knew almost from the beginning you were somehow affecting our poor Emmett, although probably not as much as you think." She finished and turned her smirk onto her better half. I was as flabbergasted as Emmett looked. Damn Rose was one hell of an actress.

"Touché sister."

"You mean you were affecting my speech Jasper?" Emmett asked and Bella gave a little giggle. I gave her an affectionate smile, losing myself in her joy.

"Of course Emmett, you were too good of an opportunity to pass up. Call it a little revenge for Edward. It's not fun to be the ass of a joke." I said sagely looking at him.

"I'll get your ass back for this Jazz. You have messed with the wrong vampire. When you least expect it, I'll be there and you will be toast." The big bear said then gave a sort of maniacal laugh.

"Language Emmett," Rose scolded, forgetting her own slip, "there is a baby present."

"The thing isn't even born yet Rosie; I hardly think it can understand me." Emmett pointed out rather bluntly. I looked over at Bella and noticed her face, and then I became scared. The time in the room came to a stop and the only thing I could register was Bella's face. Emmett and Rose continued on oblivious to what was going on outside of their argument.

_It isn't a thing Emmett. It's a child, and regardless of age it is impressionable. So try and set an example_

_Rosie the child as you said isn't even born yet. Does it even have any ears to hear me? _

Their conversation was back ground noise that filtered into my ears as I continued to look at the shaken expression on my angel's face. The look was something I had always been alarmed about, something that I never wanted to ever see directed at me, fear.

"Jasper," Bella whispered in an almost destroyed voice, and my heart broke. Tears came to my eyes, and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around my scared angel, and bring semblance back to her world. Emmett and Rose stopped arguing and realized something was wrong. Bella took her face from mine and looked over to Rose and Emmett.

"Rose," Bella said in a sad voice. I knew that Bella had already accepted her because she was a part of me. Real tears came to Rose's eyes as she looked over at her new friend.

"Bella please, don't be frightened. I promise we would never harm you, sweetie or your unborn child."

"Rose, could you and Emmett please leave? I need to talk to Bella in privacy." Rose looked at me with a written apologize on her face, but I knew it wasn't her fault. It was my own: my dishonesty, my procrastination, and my constant fear. "I don't blame you Rose, you or Emmett."

Rose grabbed Emmett by the hand walked over to me and placed a small kiss on my cheek. "Everything will be fine Jasper. It has to be brother. You deserve to be happy." Emmett opened his mouth to apologize, but I gave him a comforting smile, something I didn't feel at all. He simply nodded and followed Rose. She stopped by Bella and also gave her an impulsive kiss on the cheek. Bella didn't flinch, and didn't take her eyes from mine. "Please know he loves you Bella." Rose pleaded.

Bella took her eyes from mine, picked up Rose's hand, and placed it on her stomach. She must have noticed Rose's fascination with her child. Rose's intake of breath and the silly smile on her face answered my question, the baby had kicked. More unbridled tears came to Rose's eyes as she rubbed Bella's stomach, kissed her cheek once more, and left with Emmett in tow and a smile on her face. I was happy that my sister was able to experience something so wonderful and yet natural at the same time. She had wanted a child so very much and it wasn't fair that the opportunity was taken from her by the very person she had loved and trusted.

The sound of the door closing brought me out of my mind and into a world of uncertainty. My angel looked at me with mystification on her face and tears sliding down her face.

"Bella please allow me to explain." She didn't say anything so I continued, realizing I wasn't sure what to say. After all the time I had rehearsed a speech about my past, I now found myself blank and teetering on a precipice. "What Emmett said is true for me also. My whole family and I are vampires Bella. We live amongst humans, trying to live in a world that is humane and accepting. We hide our secret with great caution Bella because as I once told you, there are rules and laws that govern my kind. The number one rule is anonymity angel, and the price for breaking that rule is the most severe. But no matter the reasons for my not telling you what I was were wrong. I should have told you from the beginning angel, and I'm truly sorry." I said my voice finally breaking under the strain of emotions that I was trying to fight off. Tears of venom obscured my vision of the angel standing before me.

I tried approaching her, but as I reached out to touch her skin, she backed away. It was the first time she had ever backed away from me, and I knew in that moment, nothing had hurt me as much, except for taking Shelly's life.

"Jasper, I don't understand." Bella cried in a pleading voice that seemed to tear apart my soul. I could feel her confusion, and her ache. I wanted to touch her, reassure her of my love, but already knew what her response would be.

"Isabella, please," I begged in a broken voice, laying myself bare before her, "just let me love you angel. Let me hold you."

"I can't Jasper. I'm so very sorry Jasper." She whispered and I shook with grief at her rejection. "I need you to please leave me alone." I cleared the tears from my eyes, and started to shake my head in denial.

"You can't mean that Bella. You can't mean to send me away." Bella looked at me with heartache clearly written on her stricken face, and I knew my answer. I ran to her dropped on my knees forgetting any pride and decorum. I wrapped my arms around her waist and listened to the sound of her child's comforting heart beat. This was my life and my reality, the very essence of my existence. "I love you Isabella, please let's find the answers together. I can't leave you angel. I need you more than the blood to sustain my body. Please angel." I continued to beg. I could feel her love and her desperation for me, but I knew it wasn't enough, and my love at the moment wasn't enough. I knew I wasn't going to be able to persuade her, she needed me gone. I could feel it in my very core.

Bella wrapped her fingers in my hair, and her little body shook in my arms. I knew she was trying to keep it together for me, her strength was one of the things I loved most about her, but the thing that still amazed me was her self-sacrifice. I could feel her putting my needs before her own as she held onto her tears so valiantly and gave me the strength I needed to leave her. I knew others would disagree with me, but they didn't know Bella like I did or her love of others. She was a creature unto her own. I took another second to listen to the heartbeat of beauty/butch, placed my lips on her lower stomach, and reverently kissed the little one. I could feel Bella resolving breaking, and knew I had to do as she had asked.

"I just need some time Jasper." She squeaked, trying to keep the lump in her throat from bursting. I painstakingly let go of Bella, took another breath to bring my pain back in, and stood before her. I leaned forward and placed my shaky lips to the corner of her mouth, my favorite spot, and kissed my angel. She closed her eyes, and absorbed my love for her.

"I love you Isabella, more than you could ever comprehend." I said and finally stepped away from the one person that sustained my life. Bella nodded her head and I knew it was time for me to leave. I caught the first shiver that went through my body and threatened to bring me down. I turned from Bella, put one foot in front of the other, internally telling myself all would be fine. I put my hand on the door that lead to the garage and opened it, took the biggest step of my life out the door.

"I love you forever damsel." Bella whispered with a small smile and stopped me in my tracks. Tears broke into my eyes again, painfully begging me to let them fall over my waterline. I returned her small smile.

"Forever, my angel," Then I saw the first of her tears fall, and turned away from her.

As I closed the door behind me and on my angel's face I knew I was about to fall. My life was on the other side of that door, and without her I knew I would fall. I ran to my car, revved her up, and drove away from the one thing that meant the most to me in the world. Tears clouded my vision, but they were the least of my worries. I drove for a half hour until I came to my usual hunting spot. I stopped the car, slammed the door, not caring for the first time in my fucking life if the car exploded and attempted to outrun my pain. About half a mile in I finally collapsed and allowed the anguish that racked my soul and heart to finally burst free. I loved Bella beyond anything in my fucking existence and now I didn't have my angel anymore. She was beyond my reach and no matter how much I grabbed out in front of me to bring her into my arms, it was in vain. She was somewhere I couldn't reach, but I knew no matter how long it took, I would reach for her through eternity.

Then I felt arms reach out for me and bring me in the shelter of their embrace, and just like before my father became my rock, my strength, and my sanity. I once again became that little boy from long ago and cried in the rest of my father's arms, letting my hero take away my pain and giving me his love in return.

"She doesn't want me, dad. She let me go, and I need her dad. I need her forever. I cannot exist without her." I cried in misery and my father simply held me, telling me of his love, and his pride in me. I let his love for me surround us, taking away the hurt that threatened to end my pathetic existence.

* * *

Bella's POV

And then he was gone, and my world fell apart. The tears that had threatened to fall; fell with a fury, and with the water that plunged from my face to the floor, I joined in and collapsed, making sure I didn't hurt my child in any way. I felt my body curl into a natural fetus position, trying to stop the sorrow that wanted to eat away at my very life.

My best friend had complied with my wish and had done the thing I knew that went against his very core, he left me. I mourned for my friend and the hurt he must have been feeling at my refusal. I cried for my baby and the emotional strain I was putting him or her under. I mourned for Rose and her obvious lack of being able to have a child. It was sad to watch her fall in love with my child when she so desperately wanted one of her own. And least of all I wept for my pain and the guilt I felt in refusing Jasper. I knew what he must have been thinking and I knew he was wrong. I loved him no matter what he may have been. But there were things I needed to work through on my own, and find closure with.

I finally picked myself off of the ground and made my way into his room. I climbed into his bed and wrapped myself in the blanket that smelt so much like my best friend. I already needed him beside me, but I knew it wouldn't accomplish anything. I had to find the answer on my own to help me understand. I placed my head on his pillow and once again took in his scent. I thought of the book 'Gone with the Wind', and the pragmatic leading lady. Her words seemed to give me the comfort I so needed in that moment. Tomorrow was another day, and I would think about it tomorrow." These words of advice couldn't take away my tears, but they helped to take away the crushing blackness that wanted to envelop me. I hoped wherever Jasper was, he knew of my love. I rubbed my stomach, something that had always brought an amount of peace into my life. I wished my child goodnight and closed my eyes, still letting the tears fall.

* * *

And with both of the soul mates in pain and in need of each other, they both simultaneously sent up a silent, but fervent prayer to the other.

_I love you Bella, never forget I'll always save you._

_I love you Jasper, you saved me from more than you could possibly imagine. _

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: I hope the chapter was alright, and not something you were completely expecting, but a little different. How did you like Rose's reaction to Bella? Should she have been more standoffish? How did you like Emmett? I tried not to write him too mean this time. I was glad to see that he was at least able to get a taste of his own medicine (mwahaha). Please I love to know what you thought. I'm somewhat anxious and sitting on the edge of my seat wondering what you thought.

Again thanks to all those who reviewed last chapter. I hope all is well with everyone, and with nothing left to write . . . much love as always, darlings!


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Notes: Hello, Hello darlings. Here is the promised chapter. I hope it finds everyone well. I wanted to thank all of those who have added me to their alerts and favorites. The support means a lot. I also wanted to thank all of those who have reviewed. Your encouragements are wonderful and always so appreciated. I wanted to give a special thanks to Karen E Teague for Beta-ing this chapter. You are great, and I appreciate the words of advice.

I will give you warning that there is a cliffy (I know evil . . . *cackles*), but what is life without a little mystery. I just wanted to give everyone fair warning, you're more than welcome to wait for the next update. For those who do read this chapter now, I hope you like it.

So without further babbling . . . enjoy!

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

7 October/Wednesday - 15 October/Thursday

The last week had been one of the longest and most painful of my existence. My life consisted of work, fear, work, and anguish over not being with Bella, and more work. I hunted more in that week that I had in a long time. The emotions that continued to rack my mind and soul left me with little strength to do little else, and I knew that I needed to hunt. I was thankful I had my job to keep my time and my mind occupied, not allowing me much time to wallow. But I had learned no matter how much I filled my time with something else, or tried to find something to entertain my mind, Bella was always on the periphery of my mind, never letting me forget about my sad angel.

Living with my family again was something I had to become accustomed to again. It was a dynamic I wasn't used to anymore, and I had to try and find my place within the house, trying not to flounder over the simplest of things. But my family was another thing that reminded me of Bella and caused me to hurt on her behalf. I had my family to love, protect, and shelter me. Bella didn't have anyone at the moment to lean on, and I once again yearned to go to my angel, and take away whatever fear she may have been feeling. I remembered the day I had left and the love I had to lean on. Carlisle had found me and brought me home.

* * *

"_Jasper I know you're hurting right now son, and I cannot pretend I understand your pain, but I need you to know that I love you, and I plead for you not to revert back into that place in your life where you felt there was no hope, and all that you were filled with was despair. There is always a happy moment. I know that sounds like pandering bullshit right now, but I promise it's true."_

_I laughed through my pain at Carlisle and his choices of words. He could always bring me out of my dark abyss, if even for a while. "You're right Carlisle that sounds like pandering bullshit."_

"_There's my son, the eternal optimist." He joked again, making me laugh once more. If he didn't stop that I was going to have to bite him._

"_So Bella was your guiding light?" Carlisle asked out of nowhere, taking me back to a time in my life where insanity ruled my thoughts and erratic behavior seemed to be my __Modus Operandi__ or my method of operation. It was another time in my life where Bella was absent, and my connection to her almost seemed nonexistence. I thought of what I had said to Carlisle long ago in a conversation that brought me to my knees. _

"The guiding beam that usually guides me is really dim right now and I can't seem to see it. I have gotten it into my mind that if I progress more and at a quicker pace, it will see my progress and become brighter again. Do you understand?"

_And of course Carlisle understood. In that moment I could still feel Bella and I knew, unlike then, that her connection would always be there shining bright. That moment seemed like a lifetime ago, and in some way it was. It was another part of me and a learning experience that helped to shape me into the person my father held in his arms. _

"_Yes Carlisle," I finally answered him, finally finding the strength to sit up and support myself, "Bella was my guiding light I was taking about so long ago, but you also have to understand she is still that light for me. I become so lost and wrapped up in her light that it outshines everything in my world. I know it may be unhealthy, but she just has that effect on me."_

"_Why did you never tell us about her Jasper?" Carlisle asked, and I could feel a little bit of his hurt. I had created a monster in him. I was candid with him about everything, there wasn't a part of my life that Carlisle didn't touch or know of, except Bella, and I knew he was hurt. I wanted to laugh at his childishness, but I also wanted to apologize for keeping the best part of myself hidden from my mentor. _

"_You have to understand Carlisle; I didn't do it to hurt you. I told no one about Bella. The only ones who knew were first Peter, and then Alice. The only reason those two even knew was because they cheated. They had their gifts to tell them of my most private thoughts and experiences. I'm a selfish creature Carlisle," I said and could already feel his denial on my behalf. _

"_Yes I am and there is no use denying the truth. I am even more of a selfish creature where Bella is concerned. I didn't want to share her or her memory with anyone. I wanted to cherish the very person who had finally led me on the path that I was always meant to follow. She was the reason I finally committed myself to controlling my bloodlust. I'm not ready to tell you what caused me to wakeup. I don't want to see your disappointment. But suffice it to say, Bella was the angel that night which fell from heaven and gave me the strength to do what was needed. She loved me from the very beginning Carlisle, not even knowing the monster that I was." I said in a small but reverent voice. _

"_It was never difficult to love you son. You seemed to be the only one that couldn't love you, does that makes any sense?" My father said, and I knew exactly what he meant. _

"_I also never told you about Bella because I never wanted to taint her memory. I was never worthy of her, and I'm still far from it, but in not voicing her out loud, she stayed clean and not distorted by my dirty mouth. She was the best and most magnificent part of me, something to cherish. Again does that make any sense?" _

"_Of course Jasper, you thought if you spoke aloud of her then that part of you that she held would become muddled with the tainted part and she would cease to exist." Carlisle finished and put more eloquently that I ever could. "I understand Jasper and I don't disparage your thoughts, I'm just glad that you could share a little part of her with me." _

_Silence took over and after a few moment of listening to the life around us Carlisle spoke again, "Esme has missed you son. I don't tell you this to make you feel bad. I only tell you because of her love for you. There is a part of Esme that only you hold. When you let her into your life, she took that privilege to heart Jasper and you became the son she always wanted and needed from only you. She has come to depend on that son and your absence from the family has really affected her. I think the main reason she took it so hard was the fact she didn't understand your absence. But she also needs to realize you are a grown man with a right to lead his life. She has a hard time letting go of the things she loves the most. I tried to explain this, and nearly got my bits hacked off." Carlisle finished, and I loved when he reverted to one of the boys. _

_I laughed with him, reveling in the simplicity of my father and my friend. "Carlisle you are a pussy cat when it comes to Esme, she would have never have found you're supposed bits because you remove them when she is around." _

"_This is the pot calling the kettle black." Carlisle pointed out. It seemed all of the men in the family lost their manly bits when Esme was concerned._

"_Ha ha, and I concede to your point. I'll apologize to Esme and make things right." _

"_See that you do or I'll have to tell Bella some stories about the life and times of Jasper Cullen." I knew he wasn't joking, and made it my goal to seek Esme out when I returned home. "So are you ready to go home son?" He asked and brought me back to the very reason we were sitting in the forest. I tried to put on a brave face, but knew it was little use. I could no longer hold in my love for Bella. She had permeated my very being. _

"_Let's go home father." And with that Carlisle led me to my car and followed me home to my family and the people who loved me the most, besides my angel._

* * *

That night after I had finally gotten to the house after my absent, Esme had timidly met me at the front door, and I didn't hesitate to take my mother into my arms and surround her in my love.

"_I'm so sorry Jasper. I never meant to upset you darling. I also never meant to smother you. I just love you so darling. Carlisle said that you needed your space and I'm sorry if you felt that you needed time away from me. I'll try to do better Jasper. But please, if there is ever a time you feel that I am too much to take, talk to me and I'll try to scale back. I cannot take my son not speaking to me." I looked at Carlisle and he sputtered at Esme's words. Apparently he hadn't done a very good job in calming her fears and reassuring her. I was surprised because Carlisle could usually set Esme strait without even trying. She must have been more distraught from my absence than I had previously thought, and selfishly my heart soared at the thought, but the guilt was still very present. _

"_Esme please don't blame yourself." I cut her off mid-rant."You have no fault in my not being around lately. I know you love us very much, and you are an amazing mother. I have never felt you being overbearing or imposed in my life. We are so very lucky to have you and Carlisle in our lives. There are not many of our kind that have parents who love and cherish them above all else. If I have ever entertained the idea of you being too overbearing, then I don't deserve to be your son. I am blessed beyond reason, and have no room for complaint where you and Carlisle are concerned. So please never doubt the importance of your role in my life. I love you also mother." _

_Esme proceeded to fall apart again in my arm, but I knew these tears were born of happiness and love rather than doubt and sadness._

* * *

The rest of the night was spent in Esme's presence as I talked to her about the very same thing I had discussed with Carlisle. The only difference was Esme cried on my behalf.

Alice tended to avoid me at all costs. I was a little hurt by her rejection, but when I had taken the time to digest her emotions I couldn't fault her. Alice felt jealous of Bella and the position she held in my life. Even though Alice and I had closure in our relationship, she still felt the pain of seeing another woman in my life. I could understand her emotions. I knew if the reverse were to happen I would have also felt some jealously at the person who had become more important in her life than I. We shared a past and a history that covered many moons. She had also been the person to bring me to a family that accepted me without question, faults and all. Alice loved me and I knew it would take her some time to become accustomed to Bella, and my friend being the center of my world.

Edward's feelings came as a surprise to me. He and I were never that close, but to feel his hostility towards me was something I wasn't expecting. After I finally cornered him at his piano, and making sure everyone was away from the house, I demanded an answer regarding his emotions.

* * *

"_What the hell gives Edward? What cause could you have to be so angry with me? What have I done to make you feel the way you are?" _

_Edward took a while before he answered, and he knew regardless of his not answering me now, I wouldn't stop until he finally answered my questions. I just didn't want to have an audience while discussing his problems with me, especially in front of Emmett. Edward in reading my thoughts must have thought the same because he started to answer._

"_You are a hypocrite Jasper. From your infancy, human life meant little to nothing for you. You took life without any concern for the intended victim or their family. Your only thoughts were the next meal and killing anyone who stood in the way, thus the wars. Time after time you sated yourself with the blood of humans, and took the nourishment their bodies offered. I could not fault you for this Jasper. You knew no better, and you were never taught any differently. But then you found Alice, and she found us. You were brought into the fold, and were taught the meaning of life, and the sanctity with which Carlisle felt about humans. Still you struggled with your bloodlust and your internal monster. Again I can understand Jasper. You had fed off humans for more years than you cared to remember, and the call of their blood plagued you." _

_The more Edward spoke and summarized my life the more I became angry. He may have been privy to my private thoughts, but he could never feel the emotions behind those thoughts. He had no right to looking condescendingly on my life and pass judgment, especially after he had his own rebellion against Carlisle. I never judged him for this, but tried to understand his motives behind his actions. He had every right to experiment and do what came naturally to our kind, but he didn't have the right to sit in judgment of my life and my choices. _

"_What's your point Edward?" I asked in a strained voice, trying desperately to keep my temper in check._

"_Why a human Jasper?" I knew what he was getting at, but allowed him to continue. "After all of the lives you have taken and all the struggles you have fought through, why would you befriend a human and a pregnant one to speak of? Why would you set yourself up for failure and devastate both Carlisle and Esme, when they have put so much love and effort into you? Please help me to understand Jasper?" He pleaded. And I knew the root of his problem, like Alice he was jealous._

"_I'm not jealous? I have no reason to be desirous of your life Jasper." Again I knew he was wrong._

"_You are jealous because you feel as if I have replaced you in Esme's eyes. When she thought I shunned her because of her supposed overbearance she became inconsolable. Neither you nor Carlisle could comfort her. No matter how many time you played the piano for her, one of her favorite past times, it didn't work. You started to resent me because you felt I was taking away a part of Esme that was yours. I understand Edward, and I can feel your fear, but you also have to realize Esme has more love to spare than you could ever imagine. I know this to be a fact because I can feel that abundance of love. It is a natural emotion to feel jealous Edward, even for us vampires. Trust me when I say I have also felt jealous of you and your relationship with our parents. They love you as they love no one. You were their first child and Carlisle's first companion. I could never resent you for that Edward, but I can feel jealousy for the love you have had all your life, both dead and undead. So do not insult my gift in saying you feel no jealousy towards Esme and me."_

_Edward had the good graces to look repentant, however; I could still feel his curiosity in wanting to know why Bella. For some reason I felt odd in discussing her with him, but looked past the feeling and tried to answer him honestly._

"_For one simple reason Edward, because she is Bella. I know this sounds vague and almost ludicrous, but once you have met her you understand. Bella loves without reason, Edward. From the moment she met me, she loved me, not even knowing whether I was good or bad." Edward looked at me and I knew what he was thinking, "I know she can be quite trusting and a little naive, but it is one of her most endearing quality. She still has this innocence about her that cannot be touched by time or anything else the world has to throw at her. Her capacity of love even surpasses Esme's, something I never thought possible by anyone. If you took all of the amazing qualities you loved about Carlisle and Esme, you would have Bella. She has his compassion and Esme's trait to love anything and everything." I smiled an indulgent smile in what felt like forever, and for that split second, it didn't hurt to think about my angel. _

"_Bella can also be quite stubborn, but even she needs a little imperfection in her life. She tries to get mad, but comes off as scary as a wet paper bag." Edward laughed at my comparison and I had to join him. She's not perfect Edward, but there isn't a thing I would change in her. And do you want to hear the most shocking thing of all?" I asked and I knew Edward was intrigued. "Rose already loves her." _

_And just like I knew Edward was shocked. He and Rose had the most problematic relationship out of all the siblings. Edward thought Rose was conceited and thought of nothing but herself and her beautiful face. There were times that Rose was conceited, but she was so much more than that, and he failed to see her better qualities. On the other side, Rose thought that Edward had a major stick wedge in his ass, and did nothing but brood. Again she had a point, but she failed to see Edward's continued struggle with what he was and the decisions he made in his younger life in taking lives. Both were flawed and more alike than they would ever admit._

"_You're correct in your assumption Jasper, I'm beyond stunned. I never thought Rose would love a human. Bella must be something if she could endear Rosalie to her." _

"_I thought the same thing. I was actually a little apprehensive in allowing Rose to meet her." Edward laughed because he understood where I came from._

* * *

15 October/Thursday

Things were less strained between us after our _tête_-_à-tête_. Edward understood a little more about me, and I understood more about him, and his feelings. I backed off a little and allowed him his time with Esme. People may have thought him a mama's boy, and he was, but they didn't understand their relationship. When Esme was changed she had lost her little boy, and Edward was able to fill that part of her life with his love. And Esme was able to give Edward the love and understanding about his hang-ups that Carlisle couldn't. Their relationship was beautiful and inspiring. It was the kind of relationship I had wanted and still wanted with Bella's child.

The time I didn't fill with my family I worked, and once again I was thankful to be a doctor. There were people who needed and depended on my skills and knowledge. It always amazed me that I was able to overcome my bloodlust and have the chance to even practice medicine. This week away from Bella allowed me to take stock of my life, and to see how truly blessed my life was. But even with these epiphanies and realizations, I knew my life was still incomplete. Bella was the piece that put everything together, that finished my unfinished puzzle. She was my everything.

Then on the eighth day of our separation the phone rang, and I knew it had nothing to do with work, Carlisle, or the rest of my family. I instinctively knew it was Bella. I took a breath and answered the phone.

"Hello," I said hearing the quivering to my tone.

"Is this Jasper Hale?" The voice on the other end asked, and I immediately became concerned.

"Yes, this is him speaking. Is there something I can do for you?" He spoke and my world fell apart.

"Ms. Swan's been in an accident, and has listed you as her emergency contact. Is there any chance you could come to the hospital Mr. Hale?"

"Which one?" I asked in a hurry waiting for the answer that didn't come quick enough.

"The DHMC, and ask for Doctor Hunter when you arrive." He said something else, but I had already hung up and made my way to the car. I heard the passenger door close and looked over and saw my father. He placed his hand on my shoulder and gave me the courage I seemed to be without.

"Drive Jasper," Was all he said, and I followed his command. I knew no matter the outcome I would be there for Bella and her child. I just needed her to be alright. I prayed to whoever placed her in my life to allow her to stay and not take her back. I couldn't fathom my life without her.

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: I know already, I'm evil, but it is my birthday (I swear) so please go easy on me, this early chapter was my gift to everyone. If anyone else has their birthday today or in the month of September, I wish you much happiness. Anyways, please let me know what you thought. Was there enough time gone by? What did you think of Alice's reaction? What of Edward? If you have any question about anyone's reaction, or were confused by anything, just ask and I would be happy to explain.

Well I think that's about it. The next chapter is shaping up to be a long one, and I do mean long. Thanks again for all the support with this story. I hope everyone has a great week and as always . . . much love darlings!


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Notes: Hello loves, and to whom ever is reading I hope this chapter finds you well. I would like to thanks those who have added me to their favorites and alerts. You continue to give the motivation, and I'm truly tickled you would even want to keep track of this story. To those have reviewed, as always I thank you from the heart. You give me the words of courage and determination to continue writing. Without such I probably would have lost interest in the story, or just stopped posting. And to those who are reading, I also thank you for taking the time to check the story out and continuing this far, I also hope everyone enjoys this chapter. There is a lot going on, and a lot is explained.

Also I wanted to give a special thanks to Karen E Teague for taking the time in reading and helping to edit my mistakes. Also thanks for the encouragement when I think something in the chapter may be bad. Also to all of those who wished me a happy birthday, I appreciate all the thoughts. I was never one for birthdays, but you helped to make it a little more special. :P

Without much else to write, I hope you enjoy . . .

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

15 October - Thursday

The smells were the same and made me remember the last time I had found Bella. That time seemed like a million miles away, and a million seconds past. The last month of my life was featured around Bella and BB, chasing away everything that didn't encompass the two. Within the matter of a month I was right back to the place where I had become whole again, finding my angel in a hospital bed. The trip to the hospital was over before it even seemed to begin, and in that time the only thing I could think about was my angel, wondering if she and BB were fine, asking all the deities that ever existed to please watch over her, begging fate to let her stay in my life and not punish me for my past transgressions. I slowly walked away from Carlisle and made my way to her room. I couldn't wait for her doctor; I needed to know with my own eyes, which were infallible, that Bella was going to be alright. I followed her smell, knowing that it would end with me being able to see her. I wasn't sure what I was going to say to her, I wasn't even sure what she was going to look like. All I knew was my angel was in a car crash, and I hadn't been there for her.

I finally found her room, knowing without a doubt that she lay beyond the closed door. I placed my hand on the knob and thought about what I would say, it would be whatever came to me naturally, and what my soul cried out for me to utter to her. My hand followed my command and turned the door knob, bringing my angel into my view. And just like last time, she was asleep with the blanket up to her chin, hiding her precious treasure underneath. I took the time to listen to her child's heartbeat trying to make sure BB was fine. BB's heartbeat was fast and strong, resembling what my own probably would have sounded like if I still had one. I let out a huge breath, relieved at the fact that the baby was fine. I couldn't imagine what Bella would have been like if something had happened to her child. After making sure the little one was truly alright I focused my eyes on the sleeping angel who looked like a little child snuggled in on a cold winter's night, just waiting for the fabled Santa to make an appearance. Her hair was tangled, and a few scratches lingered on her forehead. There was one semi deep cut under her right eye that was taped together with a butterfly band-aide. If I pretended long enough I could pretend it was an actual butterfly paying homage to Bella's beauty. I felt like crying while I watched her sleep, wanting nothing more than to take her in my arms and make all the hurt leave. Her breathing was steady, but every now and then I could hear a whimper coming from her closed lips. I knew with her being pregnant, the doctors wouldn't have given her much medication for the pain, and I knew Bella, being the selfless person she is, would decline not wanting to hurt her child more than she already had.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and took in Carlisle's calming and steady presence. I loved my mentor, and I appreciated his coming with me. Carlisle could do for me what few others could, help me to calm.

"She's going to be fine Jasper. Her little one is going to be fine also." He said in his loving and soothing voice. I could feel his honesty and I felt the renegade tears come to my eyes. His hand tightened on my shoulder as he felt my dry sobs. I brought my hand up to meet his and clasped onto my safety net, trying to stop my inevitable fall.

"Thanks." I was able to choke out after a few minutes of just looking at Bella sleeping peacefully and safely in her bed.

"Her doctor said she was beyond lucky. She must have slid in a puddle of water while driving, and hit a stop sign. The impact was sudden and thankfully there was a witness who immediately called for help. The paramedics were there within five minutes, and Bella was in the hospital within thirty minutes after her accident." Carlisle whispered for our vampire ears only. I knew he didn't want to wake Bella. I still remained silent, not knowing what too really say except 'thank you' again.

"I cannot empathize with what you are feeling son, but know I can sympathize with you, and I'm here. I'm always here for you Jasper. I won't give you empty words of how I know what you are feeling and what you are going through, but I will give you my love and my support. It's the most sincere thing I could ever give to you, and my other children."

I turned around and looked at my father with lingering venom that refused to leave my eyes. I nodded my head, not trusting my voice, but sending all of the love I felt at the moment for him, too him. Carlisle grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and brought me into his arms. I was a grown vampire that reached over the century mark, but the admiration of my father made me into someone that craved his love and his comfort. I could never imagine my life without his guidance and direction. There was nothing in the world like the safety of a father's arms with his love soothing the aches one felt to the very core.

"She's beautiful Jasper." Carlisle whispered, and I knew no truer words were spoken. My angel put her name to shame. "I can see why you horded her for so long son, but I'm still upset Rose and Emmett were the ones to tell me about her. I thought you had promised to tell me yourself?" I could feel his mirth at the question while trying to keep me calm, but I could also feel a little bit of his hurt in me not confiding in him, I really had spoiled Carlisle and Esme.

"I really did mean to Carlisle, but it seemed circumstances or perhaps fate wasn't happy with me keeping Bella to myself. She is someone that should be shared. Her love and acceptance of people is enough to even rival yours, dear father." Carlisle gave me a soft smile, and looked at Bella over my shoulder.

"Then she deserves you Jasper. Please don't think your old man soft, but you are one of my most beloved Jasper, and you deserve nothing less. You may not have been the most honest with her, but you already know from personal experience what fear can do to a person. It doesn't excuse you of your behavior, but it does put into perspective what you were feeling. We all make mistakes, even your Bella and I, but it's what we do with the knowledge of those mistakes in our lives that define us." Carlisle said letting go of me and looking me in the eyes. "Savvy?"

"Of course Carlisle."

"Now I'm going to go and give you over to Isabella. Don't be scared Jasper, she's fine, and I know she is going to forgive you. I may not have your powers, but I know she needs you as much you her; call it father's intuition. Plus who couldn't need my amazing son?" If I could have blushed at his words, I would have been as red as Bella. "That's a rhetorical question, and I forbid you to answer in some smart ass way." I laughed at his words.

"You always know what to give me Carlisle. Thanks."

"No thanks required Jasper," Carlisle said in his soft voice, "now go and comfort your girl, and give her all the love you can. Always let her feel your love son." The big heart spoke. Carlisle gave one more squeeze to my shoulder and then left the room as silently as he came.

After watching my father leave, I turned to my angel and decided to do what Carlisle had counseled. I slowly approached her bed, while taking in her smell that I had missed during our time apart. I could hear her whimper again, and I could feel as that sound added another scrap to my dead heart. I always wondered how much damage a dead heart could take. In that moment I needed nothing else to survive but her touch and the feel of her warm skin. I gently climbed onto the bed where Bella seemed to have left untouched for me, and for the first time in what felt like years I placed my hand on her cheek that wasn't marred. My cold skin instantly flared at our touch, and I finally felt warm again. The damn tears came to my eyes again, and I scolded myself for such weak behavior. My angel must have felt my presence because just like last time she fought to open her eyes. She fought to return to wake up, and come back to me.

All time stopped as Bella graced me with her emotion filled eyes. The green was prominent in her murky brown depths, and I lost myself in her multi-colored orbs. I thought of the lyrics to the song "Amazing Grace" and knew I felt the same, "_Was blind but now I see_." It was how I always felt when looking into her eyes. My thumb grazed the skin on her cheek, and my dead skin reacted to her like it continuously did. Bella leaned into my touch, and I could feel her longing. My own need matched her own need.

"We have to stop meeting like this angel, the fates might get the wrong idea." At the sound of my voice the first tear that had littered in her right eye finally fell and rolled into my hand that still touched her cheek. "I know, baby." I whispered into her hair as Bella latched onto me and buried her face in my neck. Her tears started to flow and I could feel as each individual hot tear hit my neck. After counting over a hundred drops, my angel spoke to me.

"I'm sorry Jasper. I'm so sorry." She continued to say in a tear choked voice, while her anguish swarmed around me, trying to bring me to my knees. My angel's pain became my own as I willingly took it and replaced it with my love.

"You have nothing to apologize for Isabella. It was through my mistake and my fear that brought us here. I should have been honest and more up front with you from the start. I can't even begin to describe the sorrow I feel in putting you here Bella. If I never allowed my fear to rule my actions then maybe you wouldn't be here angel." I said my voice finally breaking from my suppressed emotions.

"No Jasper," Bella whispered though a scratchy voice, "You cannot take responsibilities for my actions. I was at fault." Bella continued to speak, another tear falling from her eye. "Could you please get me some water Jasper?" After reluctantly leaving her side and getting the water she requested, I watched as she had her fill. I took the glass from her out stretched hand and put it on the table beside her bed. She gave me a sad smile as she gently patted the open space on her bed. "I need you Jasper." Was all she said and it was enough for my tattered soul. I carefully sat down and watched a shy Bella make her way into my arms again.

"I need you too angel." Were the simple words my soul cried out to her. I let my fingers caress her skin, allowing myself to finally believe that Bella was here and safe. I stroked the skin on her neck and followed the progression to her shoulder where her nightgown had fallen. Bella shivered at my touch, but I instinctively knew it wasn't from the coldness of my skin. I traced the outline of her exposed collarbone and made my way back up to the column of her neck. It had felt like forever since I had felt her, and I needed to feel any part of her skin my hands could touch. Bella took my hand and brought it to her lips, placing small kisses on the inside of my palm.

"I should have never asked you to leave Jasper. The moment you left I broke down. I couldn't stop the tears and I spent the rest of the night wrapped up in your bed with my head buried in your pillow." She told me honestly while looking me straight in the eyes. I was surprised that she wasn't blushing at such a statement, but I guess when one broke down and their soul was bare, there was really nothing to be embarrassed about.

"I had BB there to comfort me, but even the comforting kicks of my baby couldn't bring the relief to my pain. I needed you Jazz, but I knew you had left because I asked you to, even when you asked me to stay. When I got in the accident tonight," Bella voice cracked again under her serve emotions, "I couldn't stay away from you any longer. There was a storm Jasper and I just couldn't be without any longer." She continued to cry through her pain. "I . . . I found your parents address written down, so I got in the car and carelessly drove to get to you Jasper. I needed to apologize for my deplorable behavior." Her tiny hands fisted in my hair as she poured out the pain that had plagued her since we had been apart, and I took it all from her, only letting her feel my love as my father had told me to do. "I was too emotional to drive, and I knew better Jasper. I could have lost the life of my child because of my stupidity, but please don't hate me Jasper I know you love BB as much as I do, I just wanted to ask your forgiveness, I needed you to understand why I had been so mean to you Jasper. I'm so very sorry to you, and to the baby, and to anyone else I may have hurt because of my irrationality." Bella sobbed, almost becoming hysterical. I knew it was time for her to stop. I just wanted to give her the chance to vent her emotions. I knew she needed to let go of the things that she perceived as her fault and give them to me, finally becoming absolved of her misplaced guilt.

"Shh angel, no more," I told her in the smoothest voice I could, wanting to take away her useless pain. "Come closer to me angel." I took her hands from my hair and wrapped them around my neck. I pulled her as close as her stomach would allow, and leaned into her pillows that were behind me. "Calm down for me baby. Let me have your pain." I whispered in her ear that was closest to my mouth. I could feel her shuttered breaths started to slow down as I rubbed the small of her back with my right hand and caressed her tilted neck with my left. The machine that controlled the rhythm of her heart slowed down and the beeping became more decelerated. When I felt she could actually understand the words I spoke, I let them leave my mouth and hopefully give her the reassurance she so desperately required.

"This last week has been harder on me than any of the years we were separated, angel. Know that I in no way blame you, and again there is no reason for you to apologize. The years we had apart were in no way easy on me, Bella. They were both trying, and I always felt like something was missing from my life. When I saw you again in this same hospital I prayed to the angels above to not take you from me again." Bella whimpered at my words, but I could feel her intrigue at my words, so I knew she comprehended what I was saying. "They granted me my wish, and you came into my life for real this time. We were able to live together and spend time together. I never though it possible, but the love I felt for you expanded even more than I have room for, angel. I know that doesn't seem possible, but it is. I got to know a woman who loves unconditionally, accepts whole-heartily, gives so selflessly, and cares unreservedly. My life became you Bella, as I wanted it to, so don't feel guilty at my choices." I could feel her lips curve into a smile on my neck. I leaned in and kissed her forehead as tenderly as I could, trying to be mindful of her scratches. "Your joys have been my happiness, your grumpiness has been my enjoyment," Bella snorted at my words, "And your snores have been music to my ears." Bella let a giggle come to her lips, and I felt like some weight had been taken from me at the sound of her light laughter.

"I don't snore." She resolutely mumbled in my neck. Her denial was too funny.

"Of course not, angel. But more importantly Isabella I had come to know the girl who had unconscientiously saved my life at the age of ten. You weren't just my hidden angel anymore I had desperately clung to over the years, you became my external angel that I could touch, see, and hear. And the thing that was always missing from my life was returned to me, and I became unbroken. I had become so use to you in my life, even in the short time we have had together, and everything else faded from my presence. You were the thing my loneness cried for, you were the thing that satisfied my burning, and you were the thing that put color into my otherwise uncolored world. Then in the blinking of an eye, it was taken from me, and I was once again without the thing I needed most, above all else in my life, angel. It was of my own doing, and my actions that we were separated. But the reason it was harder than the years we were separated was I had known what you were like, and I had to go without you. I know I give you so much power over me with these words, angel, but I don't know if I can live without you." I finished my reflections while grasping onto the love in my arms.

Bella raised her head and finally looked into my eyes. Her tears had stopped and the only thing left was the love clearly written in her sea-glass-green-speckled eyes that were rimmed red. "As you already told me today Jasper, I need you too phantom angel." Bella reverently and shyly placed her lips on mine, and for the first time urgency didn't matter to me. Her skin melted into mine, and the gentleness of our first kiss was enough to overwhelm. I had never felt something so pure in an act of intimacy, even with something as simple as lips meeting. Bella leaned into me more and I brought my hand to the underside of her neck, giving her the support she needed, and giving myself the comfort I craved from her touch. I could feel the heat coming from her skin and her blood transfusing into her lips as they moved shyly over mine. I waited for her to become more comfortable as she took control and changed the angle bringing me deeper and further into her. I had never had such a moment where my entire body and soul felt like it was in sync with the other. Bella brought out something in me that I had never knew truly existed. She gave me her tenderness with her lips and I gave her what was left of my innocence. She showed me a part of myself that I had thought gone forever because of my atrocious actions, but with one kiss from her lips I knew that not to be true. I moaned into her lips, trying to show her how much she affected mw with such a gentle act. Bella opened her mouth at my sound, and tentatively ran her tongue over my parted lips. She didn't go any further, but I knew it was more than enough.

Our first kiss was meant for sweetness and our desire to be with one another, not for lewd acts. She brought her mouth once more to mine, and with an achingly slow tenderness she let our lips meet again before she pulled away and buried her flushed face in my neck. The smell of freesia was divine, and I allowed it to fill my senses.

"I need you." She whispered into my neck, her swollen lips touching the skin as she spoke. I could feel her heat radiating from her face and I knew I would never tire of feeling the differences in temperature she could illicit from my body.

I brought my left hand from her tangled hair and placed it on her face, tracing her swollen masterpiece. My eyes met hers, and I could see the need in them. I tentatively tilted my head towards her again and was stopped by a throat clearing from the opened door way. I rained in the anger I felt at the interruption and tried not to laugh at the color Bella had turned from her embarrassment.

"I don't recall being taught how to cause a patient to blush in Medical School, Jasper." Carlisle oh, so wittily said from the door way. My father would pay later. Bella shyly smiled at Carlisle, trying not to turn into a cooked lobster while muttering something about pregnancy hormones. I knew Carlisle was trying to make Bella feel light by his teasing.

"Funny father. Too bad you didn't learn more essential things in Medical School like punctuality, or lack thereof." Carlisle laughed at my ambiguous comment. I swallowed the groan that wanted to erupt from my throat and remember the manners I was taught by both of the mothers in my life. "Carlisle, this red lobster is Isabella Swan, more commonly my best friend when she isn't completely embarrassed." Bella gently hit my arm for discomforting her even more. I kissed her hot cheek, and ignored her glare. "Angel, this old man in the door way is my father, but as of now the number one person on my revenge list, Carlisle Cullen." Bella giggled. I took in her emotions because she was turning red once again, but I wasn't surprised at what I felt. Most women thought Carlisle was good-looking, and became silly in his presence. It was one of the many flaws of having a family of unnaturally beautiful vampires.

"Hi Dr. Cullen," She said almost incoherently, but we were vampires, and didn't suffer from poor quality of hearing.

"No need for such formality, Isabella. Carlisle will be more than sufficient. It's a pleasure to truly meet you, my dear." Carlisle laid on the charm while walking into the room and taking Bella's small hand into his. "You are more beautiful than Jasper described you, and trust me when I say he was far from vague on the details." Bella once again became red, but gave Carlisle a gentle smile. "I'm sure your little one will be just as beautiful as you Bella." Damn, Carlisle was too good.

"Thank you Carlisle. And may I thank you for having such an amazing son?" She said while turning her gentle smile on me. "Jasper has become my saving grace and has filled my life with so much love over the years. I'll never know what good I must have done to deserve such an incredible person in my life. Regardless of his condition or anything else that may plague his life, it is inconsequential to me. I could never ask for Jasper any other way because if you change one thing about him, you change the being I love so very much." She finished while never taking her eyes from me. I knew she was telling me things were going to fine between us. I knew there were many things I needed to tell her, but the fundamental foundation of our relationship was okay.

Bella turned back to Carlisle and once again tears fell from her eyes. "I'm sorry for the water works Carlisle, hormones. But I also wanted to apologize for any pain I may have caused your family over the last month. I'm sorry for commandeering so much of Jasper's time, and for sending him back to you in such a sad state. I never meant to hurt him or any other member of your family. I love Jasper unconditionally. I also love Emmett and Rose, and I have only just met them. I would never intentionally cause damage to your family. I'm about to become a mother, so I understand the caring nature a parent has for their children. I would never want to witness my child in pain, although I know that is going to unavoidable. But I truly am sorry, and hope you can accept my apology." She finished almost becoming hysterical again.

"Isabella," Carlisle said in his soft voice that could melt even the hardest of hearts, "I accept your contrition, but there really is nothing to apologize for. Jasper is an adult and makes his own choices. He has to live with the consequences of his actions, just as I do. I love my son, more than myself and you are correct in your assumption about seeing one's child in pain. It is never easy, and never gets better no matter their age. Jasper is one of the lights of my existence and has brought more joy into my world than he will ever realize. He is beautifully flawed, but even more beautifully redeemed. I'm sure he will tell you about the scars of his life, and I hope you love him all the more for them. He hasn't had an easy life, but we all have our individual crosses to bear, and he has bore them with grace and resiliency. I'm grateful he has a person in his life, besides his family that can love him as he is meant to be loved: absolutely. I ask that you love him in that manner that I do, and I would also ask the same of him. I can see you are a treasure Isabella, and I look forward to getting to know you better." Carlisle placed a kiss on my angel's wet cheek, and all I could do was try and not tear up at my father's love for me and his acceptance of the most important person in my life.

Bella let out a yawn and I knew she was reaching her breaking point. Her emotions had taken the rest of her strength and I knew she was minutes from sleeping claiming her once more. I moved over to her other side and gently pushed her down onto her pillow.

"Time to sleep, angel. Your body needs the rest, and I need you to become better. So don't feel bad that you can't stay awake any longer." Bella glared at me for reading her emotions and it had the effectiveness of being whacked by a waffle ball.

"It was really a pleasure to have met you Carlisle." Bella said sluggishly from her tiredness. "You are too young and too beautiful to be the father of such children." My father laughed at Bella's incoherency, but I could feel the gentle emotions he had for her already.

"Sleep well Isabella." My father simply said and looked over to me. "Call me when she awakes. I know you want to stay with her. Also I talked to the family. They are anxious to meet her. I know Emmett was the only thing keeping Rose from coming to the hospital to personally make sure Isabella was fine. She may also blame you for Isabella's distress; just to give you fair warning." I was already amazed at Rose's protectiveness over my angel and her wellbeing, but was also thankful she had someone else to look out for her.

"Thanks father and I mean that from my heart. I'm not sure I could have coped without your love and reassurance. I depend on your strength more than you know." Carlisle reached over the bed and placed a kiss to my forehead. No other words were spoken. I could feel his love for me, and I heard his words from earlier.

After my father left the room, I got into bed once more with my angel and brought her into the safety of my arms. I didn't care if her doctors disapproved of my behavior, or my being in bed with her. I needed the touch of my angel more than I needed to abide by the decorum of the hospital. I allowed Bella's scent to overwhelm me while clearing my mind of everything else except her and her child. I placed my hand on her stomach and spoke to her child for a while, trying to reacquaint BB with the sound of my voice. I spoke of my love and my sorrow at causing so much pain in their lives. I didn't feel BB kick, but I also knew he or she was asleep. I also knew that BB could feel my voice, and knew of my immense love.

"I love you BB." I said as I closed my eyes, and continued to rub soothing circles on Bella's lower stomach. I knew there were things we needed to hash out, and other things that had the potential to bring more stress to our relationship, but I only allowed positive thoughts to enter my mind. I couldn't deal with the possibility of losing her because I knew I would go crazy. I placed a kiss on her battered forehead and moved her bangs behind her ear.

"Sleep angel. Know that I'm here and I love you."

* * *

Carlisle's POV

As I drove home from the hospital I allowed my mind to replay everything that had happened. I was grateful for vampire senses, which let me do more than one thing at a time, and my mind was more than determined to think about my son's situation rather than driving.

I knew the words I had spoken to Isabella earlier were no fabrication; it was almost hell seeing one's child in pain. Jasper may not have been my biological child and he may not have had my venom running through his veins, but he was my child in every way that mattered. From the moment he came into my life, my heart opened up and accepted him as one of my own. I knew he had the potential to do extraordinary things, and he proved that to me with every decision he made. Jasper rose from his past of violence and bloodshed to become something that exceeded my hopes and wishes for him. I wanted nothing for my children, but happiness. Jasper was happy, but never complete. My son now had someone in his life that made him absolute, and I knew he was in love with her. My soft heart (as my children liked to point out) soared with elation for my beloved son. So yes, Jasper had exceeded my expectation and fell in love with a human, no less.

I could tell from their interactions that both of them were unaware of the love they held for one another that went beyond friendship. Their friendship was strong and rooted in all the things that would make it a success, but I knew their love was going to be something astonishing to witness.

I was saddened by the fact that Jasper hadn't told me of his angel, but I also knew it was something he cherished and held close to his silent chest. I remembered a conversation from long ago when Jasper alluded to the fact that 'the light' he felt while battling his bloodlust was fading and leaving him in darkness. I may not have realized it at the time, but I was smart enough to know he was speaking of her. My heart bled even more for my son and his long separation from Isabella which spanned years. I also felt more proud of him for his strength and his valiant effort in still trying to live without his angel. Jasper was such a marvel and such a blessing in my life. I hated Maria and the pain she had inflicted on his gentle soul, but I couldn't hate her fully because without her I would be without my son, and for that I would always be grateful to her.

When I found Jasper in the woods again after his leaving Isabella it brought me back to a time I never wanted to remember. I looked at my son lying on the ground, holding his chest and trying to keep his emotions from ripping him apart. Tears pooled into my eyes at the sight of my broken boy, and I willingly wanted to take every hurt from him, never wanting him to have to suffer like he did when he took Shelly's life. I knelt beside him and did the only thing I knew how; I grabbed him and brought him into my cold arms. I knew their sole purpose was to comfort my family. I whispered all the words that clouded my heart and broke for my shattered son.

After a while he calmed, but I knew he still needed something I would never be able to give him, nor Esme, and that person was his angel. We silently drove home, after a time, and he was immediately brought into his mother's embrace. To say she missed him was an understatement.

The week had been trying and difficult for him, thus his need to hunt more. Every time I saw his inner pain I wanted to cry on his behalf. A child's pain is one of the worst things a parent could ever witness.

So tonight at the hospital, as I listened to Bella and Jasper speak of their need for each other, I knew they would be fine. They both had a lot to converse about and much pain to relive, but hopefully fate was on their side, if not I knew I was. Jasper and Bella were lost in their own world tonight and their need for each other was palpable. I tried not to listen to their words they spoke in private, but I needed to be there for my son if things didn't go well. As I approached her room the emotions were ambient as if I could almost inhale them. Their kiss was shy, and almost unsure. It was innocent and I knew Jasper didn't have many experiences of innocence in his life, so their kiss was one I knew he would cherish for infinity. I had no right to interrupt their moment, but I intervened on Jasper's behalf. I more than likely allowed my children to make their mistakes, and live their lives, but I knew in that moment Jasper wasn't thinking clearly, or Bella. They were both swept up in their emotions living out their physical want for the other, not thinking about the next moment. But Jasper's relationship with her was too important for him to lose, and I wanted to stop them before either of them felt they had anything to regret. They needed time to heal, and become reconciled before anything went further. So I made my presence known, and bravely took on my son's disappointment. I knew one day he would understand.

I also thought of Isabella and the joy she had brought into my son's life. I had so much to thank her for, and I was more than ready to get to know her more. She loved my Jasper and accepted him for who he truly was. I didn't have to wait for her to hear his past, I knew she would still love him and accept him scars and all. Jasper's scars were one of the things I loved most about him. Even though he despised them, they told his story of hard fought victories, his overcoming life's obstacles, but most of all they spoke to me of his strength. And I knew Bella would cherish each one of the imperfections that marred his skin and those that went even deeper.

As I pulled into the garage that was attached to the house I thought of Bella and her little one. I couldn't hide my excitement of the possibility of a baby. I knew Bella would want to spend time with us because we were a part of Jasper. I couldn't wait to meet the little one. Hearing its heart beat made my spirit smile, and I knew that I had the chance to become papa Carlisle. Esme was going to fall even harder than me for the baby. I already loved Bella and the joy she brought into our world.

* * *

Taking Bella home; to our home was one of the highlights of the last few days. I had taken a leave of absence from the hospital due to family tribulations. The hospital was more than understandable, and I knew I had made the right decision in choosing to work at the DMHC. I also received the best thing in my life while working there, Bella. Before I had taken my angel home from the hospital I had promised her I would tell her everything when we got home, but again she asked me to off hold for a few days. I could understand her need to return to a routine and let the feelings the hospital tainted one with after a stay, just fade away.

So with a promise of my past to be revealed we spent the next couple of days in relaxation, something I knew Bella, and more importantly in her eyes, the baby needed. I cooked for Bella, I watched movies with Bella, and I took her for walks in the park near our home. Autumn was in the air, and the colored leaves were making an appearance in all their glory. Bella would serenely smile up at the foliage and I would in turn smile at her before taking a picture of her serenity and tranquility. I looked at my angel, and drank in her presence. We constantly held hands, as if just having to know that the other one was always in reach. I could feel her constant need of me, and even when I would leave for a little while, she would become stressed. I understood our time apart was just as difficult on her as it had been with me. I loved the moments we spent together, and the simplicity the moments created. Questions of my past were never brought up, and Bella treated me the same as before in her unassuming love.

I spent time talking to the little one and playing around with BB. He or she loved to the sound of my voice. Bella would just smile at me indulgently as her child used her for a drum, but she never complained unless she was going through some mood swing at night. Then I tended to just hum to BB. It amazed me that the baby responded so well to me, and I could also feel some sort of connection to the little one, as if there was something that physically tied me to BB. Regardless of our bond, I loved BB as if he or she were my own, and counted the days that I would be able to meet Bella little miracle.

Esme's first meeting with Bella was something than I hadn't expected. I should have never underestimated the love a mother has for her child.

* * *

17 October /Saturday

"_I know Esme is going to love you angel. How could she not. Please try and relax. You have nothing to worry about."_

_Bella's face still held a look of uncertainty, but there was nothing I could do but give her my words of assurance. "You don't understand a mother's undying love for her child Jasper. I know you can feel Esme's love both figuratively and literally, but have you ever encountered her when one of her children was hurt by someone else? A mother's love is something more than you could feel, Jasper. It is an essential part of any mother to want to protect her child from anything that may do it harm." She stated and I had to think a moment. There wasn't really a time I could think of when someone had really wronged one of us. People were usually too scared or intimidated to get close enough. Maybe there had been sometime when I was away from the family and never heard of it. But regardless, Esme was one of the sweetest people I knew (vampire or not) and I never knew her to hate anyone. I still thought Bella's fears were unfounded. _

"_Okay angel, I do understand your feelings, but I know Esme, and she loves everyone." I simply stated, then gave Bella a comforting smile. She warily returned mine, but her emotions couldn't deceive me, or at least most of the time. _

_We both heard the knock, and I inwardly had to calm myself. I remembered all too vividly what had happened the last time someone knocked on the door, and all I wanted to do was shutter at the memory. I walked over to Bella, gently took her in my arms, and kissed her on the temple. "It will be fine." I said for both of our comforts. Bella unwound her hands that were balled in my shirt and gave me a small smile. I halfhearted let her go and answered the door. I hadn't seen Esme since going to the hospital, but her ever ready smile did wonders to my frayed nerves. _

"_And then there were two." I said to her as I embraced her tightly in my arms. I knew Esme was anxious to make sure I was well, and still not hurting as much I as did while at home. It always tore her heart out to see her family suffering. Esme wanted to come over earlier in the week, but Bella and I needed some time on our own, to lessen the pain and become reacquainted. _

"_What are you talking about darling?" She questioned as she grabbed my face with both of her hands and stared intently into my eyes as if she were trying to read my very soul. _

"_You are about to meet Bella, and then that will only leave Alice and Edward. Speaking of family how is Carlisle doing?" _

"_He's fine Jasper. He misses having you at the house, but you know he is stoic and puts on a brave face when one of you leaves the nest." She said while letting go of my face as I shut the door. I could also tell she was telling me half truths. The things she had just said were more her emotions that Carlisle's, but I knew better than to point that out. "You look better, darling. I wasn't quite sure what to expect. You said you were doing better on the phone, but until I could see for myself I was anxious. I only want for your happiness." She said a little weepy, then grabbed my hand. _

"_Thanks Esme. I feel a lot better. And I do have to admit it is nice not having to hunt so often. I really have become spoiled not having to hunt so regularly. Also dually noted on the happiness part, I try my best and that is all you could ever ask for, correct?" _

"_Oh, that sharp tongue of yours." My mother said with a smirk on her timeless face. "Well darling, enough talking out in the foyer, let's go and meet this Bella of yours." Esme said more reservedly and I was a little startled by her tone. I took a very necessary breath, trying to calm my frayed nerves and guided my mother to where Bella was waiting. _

_My angel was a picture of beauty. Bella was wearing a grey cowl neck dress that stopped at about her knees. It was cinched at the waist showing off her curves (_**picture of dress on profile**_). From the front she didn't really look pregnant, but when she turned to the side it was more than evident. Her hair was down today while her bangs framed her murky eyes. I could feel her anxiety, and pushed some of my love to her. She gave me a gentle smile before turning to my mother. Esme was the picture of elegance in her khaki pants, mauve shirt, and white cardigan. If Emmett heard me talk about fashion, he would no doubt question my orientation, but after being married to a fashion guru for many moons, one learned a thing about fashion. _

"_Bella, this is my mother and one of the greatest loves of my life Esme Cullen." Bella gave a tentative smile to her, and once again I was amazed at how innocent she always seemed, even in her eighth month of pregnancy. _

"_Hi Mrs. Cullen, it's a pleasure to meet you at last. Jasper has spoken of nothing but his respect and admiration while mentioning you." She was right when she said that. I loved Esme and respected her opinion very much. _

"_Esme, this lovely vision before you of an angel is Bella Swan." I looked to my mother and saw something on her face I don't ever recall seeing. She looked to Bella with a serious look._

"_Ms. Swan, it's nice to put a face with the name." She said in a monotone voice that was filled with some ice. I was confused by her reaction, but then I remember what Bella had related to me earlier, and it seemed like I was once again wrong. I loved Esme, but I couldn't allow her to treat Bella in such a cold manner. _

"_Mother, please. Bella has been very gracious to you and you treat her in such a manner?" I asked in confusion with hurt lacing my voice. Esme looked to me and her eyes soften, but it wasn't her that spoke. _

"_Jasper, your mother is entitled to speak and address me in the manner she chooses." She was about to continue but I cut her off. I wouldn't allow her to be treated with almost veiled contempt. _

"_No Bella, she doesn't have that right. Our problems are just that, our problems. My family is more than welcome to express their opinions, but in the end our relationship is separate from them." I said imploringly to her, and again she gave me the gentle smile that I loved so much. _

"_Jasper," Bella all but whispered taking a seat on the couch, her pregnant weight being more than her swollen ankles could take. My heart went out to her, but I could tell she wanted to stand on her own right now. "We talked about this earlier. A mother's love is something that one cannot really explain. It is in nature for a mother to protect her young. When she has a child her every thought revolves around that individual. She loves that being unconditionally and would fight to the death to save her little one. You may not think of yourself as a little one, but in the eyes of your mother, you will always be her little boy and that is something you cannot avoid. Mrs. Cullen does have the right to address me in the manner she chooses. I hurt one of her precious one's and of course she would come out more reserved than normal. I don't say these things in front of her to try and butter her up, but to try and make you understand. I don't want any contention in your family Jasper on my behalf. They were there first, and I would never make you choose. I would bow out before I made you choose." Each word she spoke was the absolute truth, and I had to respect her opinion, even though it scared me a little. My life without Bella didn't work, and my mother should have known that. She had seen first-hand the thing I became without my angel. _

_I looked to my mother and gave her a sad look. I was a little disappointed in her reaction, but I could also feel the immense love she had for me. It was a fine line I seemed to be on, and I had no inclination as to what to do. _

"_I'm sorry Jasper. I love you so very much and I cannot stand to see you hurting so. You of all people are privy to how much I love my family. They are my every-thing. I have watched you suffer, darling and every time you do my heart scars a little more. I cannot bear to see you hurt. I have watched you over the many years fight for everything you have and for everything you have accomplished. My love has grown even more, and there is no limit to what I will ever feel for you, honey. Don't scowl Jasper, it is very unbecoming," She said and I straightened my face. It was a little more than embarrassment to be called such an endearment in front of someone else, no matter how much one loved their mother. "My life is you, Carlisle, Rose, Edward, Alice, and Emmett. There is nothing on this earth that could keep me from you besides death. I would willingly give my very existence for any of yours safety. Miss Swan was correct when she said one could not really explain a mother's love and devotion. It is just simply written in my DNA, darling. And whether my heart beats or not, it can still feel love and hurt." She finished on a sad note. I reached over to her and took her shaking form in my arms. _

"_Shh mom, no tears. I love you too." I whispered in her ear as she clung to me. I looked over to Bella and could see she was also crying. At this rate I was going to be the sole supplier to a tissue company. It was probably a good thing vampires couldn't shed tears. Esme detached herself from my arms and stoically faced my angel. _

"_Miss Swan, I do apologize for my behavior. I always chide my family on manners, and mine seem to have deserted me when really needed. I think you have a firm grasp on where I'm coming from. All I can say is I was mad at you for almost breaking Jasper." I winced at her words, but allowed her to continue. The sooner this was over, the sooner I could comfort and reassure Bella. "I never want to see him like that. You may not have intentionally hurt him, but you still did nonetheless. I also know you are remorseful in your actions towards him. I can accept that he has forgiven you, but I wanted to state my peace. I'm sorry if my words have caused you more pain or opened any unnecessary wounds, but I truly needed to make my peace with you and your actions with him. I can see you are a lovely woman, Miss Swan, and I also hope we can get to know one another and eventually come to love each other. I can see the determination Jasper has on his face, and I know he loves you so very much. It was more than evident. I would also never make him choose because that would make not worthy of him. So long story short, I hope we can become friends." Esme finished with some uncertainty in her voice. _

_Bella's tears had stopped and her face was passive. I could feel my mother's doubt in thinking she may have crossed some line. But I could also feel my angel's emotions and they told me what I had already known about her. _

_Bella got up with some trouble from the couch due to her belly, but I learned there were times I needed to let her be and I knew this was one of those times. She needed to face my mother on her own two swollen feet. She made her way over to Esme and did something unexpectedly; she knelt at my mother's knee and took her hands in hers. She didn't wince at the cold, but looked Esme in the eye. _

"_If I'm half the mother you are then I know I will be a success. My own mother wasn't the greatest example. Jasper once told me long ago__ about his mom_ 'She loves everything and everyone. She has a very kind soul and would never try to hurt anything, and she is beautiful.' _I knew he wasn't lying then and I know he isn't lying now. I understand every word you said Mrs. Cullen. I do regret the hurt I made Jasper feel. I love him, and I never wanted to cause him any harm. I know I asked him to leave, and I regret my hasty actions. I just needed the time to work out what I had learned on my own. I still had no right to wound him in the process. He has brought so many blessings to my life that he will never truly know the depths he has touched my soul, and nor should he, it gives him too much leverage and he already gets his way far too often." I knew that was true, but I felt no shame in getting my way, well maybe a little. "So I will try and be a better person to him, and not hurt him in the process. I know there will be times we argue and may be mad at each other, but I still respect and love him. I would also love to get to know you. Jasper is such an exceptional person, and I know you have influenced his life for the better. His every word about you is nothing but praise." Bella said with a wispy smile that only a mother seemed to have. _

_Then Esme did something that also shocked me. She knelt down on the floor next to Bella and took her into her arms. Bella started to cry and then Esme started to cry. I wanted to leave the room, but the most two important woman in my world were there, and tears be damned. After the crying slowed down, Esme __indecisively reached out to Bella's tummy and waited for her silent approval. Bella reached out with her hand, took my mother's in hers, and placed it on her stomach. A look of wonder stole over Esme's face, and I knew she was already in love, just like Rose. I knew this child would never stand a chance in not being spoiled. BB already had the love of two women in my family who would love him or her forever._

"_Call me Esme darling." My mother said in her sweet voice that she used with all her children._

"_Then please call me Bella." My angel countered. They smiled at each other as if they both knew a secret I wasn't privy to. I wondered again at the sanity of women, but I knew the one of the last hurdles were crossed, even if was an unexpected one. _

_I could feel my angel's emotions and they told me what I had already known about her: she loved unconditionally, accepted whole-heartily, gave so selflessly, and cared unreservedly._

* * *

19 October/Monday

The rest of Esme's visit went well, and the two became fast friends. I listened as Bella came into the living room and slowly sat down on the couch beside me. I kept her hand in mine as I finished helping her to sit down and waited for her to situate herself.

"Your mother sends her love Jazz. She also wanted to take me out for lunch one day this week." Bella had just gotten off the phone with Esme, and I hide my smile at their apparent friendship. "Rose also said she loves you, and hasn't paid you back for hurting me, but I set her straight." Bella said with a smug smile on her lips. I knew she wasn't fooling anyone. I just had to wait and keep my guard up until my sister found the perfect opportunity to get me back, without Bella knowing of course. So I just had to stick by my angel's side like glue, never a difficulty.

I looked over to my angel before pulling her into my arms. It was hard for me to resist having her where she seemed to belong. I willingly brought my lips to her cheeks, and kissed her beautiful skin. I knew it was time to finish what I had promised her. I asked Bella the question I should have just told her from the start of when we had reunited but allowed by fears to stop me, "May I tell you the stories of my past, Isabella?"

And of course my angel willingly listened.

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: And so ends the long chapter. I hope everyone found some type of enjoyment or emotion they could relate with. I would love to know what you thought. What did you think about their kiss? I was very nervous about reactions, and I hope I was able to do it some justice. I wanted it to be sweet and innocent, not too outlandish. What did you think of Esme's reaction? Were you surprised? Did you find her too hard on Bella, or find yourself understanding Esme? What were your thoughts on Carlisle and his interference? Please let me know. All thoughts are truly welcomed.

I cannot think of much else to say. Again I hope all is well with everyone. Thanks for the reads and the attention to the story. If you have any question or were confused by anything, please ask and I'll try to clear up any questions or confusion.

Much love as always. :P


	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Notes: Hello loves. I hope this chapter finds everyone well. I will leave my boring and useless ramblings to the end. I just wanted to tell everyone why this chapter is so long. If you recall a while back I was going to post an outtake about Jasper's journey after he and Carlisle parted ways in chapter nine and before chapter ten. Obviously I never got around to doing it, so I added it in this chapter. This is the missing piece to Jasper's journey. If it bores you and you don't want to relive ancient history . . . then don't read. Also please disregard any major errors you may find. This chapter wasn't Beta-ed. It was super long and I didn't want someone to have to go through it with a fine tooth comb – too much work. I just hope you enjoy . . . those of you who read. :P

**Warning: Some sensitive material, towards the very end of the chapter . . . it is in italics. **

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

19 October – Monday

"Let me tell you the story of my long life Isabella. I should have told you from the start, but what can I say, I'm a coward." I said in my most honest voice. I could still see the hurt in her eyes, and I felt like my heart was breaking all over again.

"Jasper, you miss-understand me. There are things you don't grasp. Even though we are close, and our relationship is something else, we seem to have a problem in communicating. I guess it is one of those things that come with time." She said in her soft voice. I wasn't sure what I misunderstood, but I wanted to hear anything she wanted to tell me. "Will you allow me to explain Jasper?" she asked me while tears came unabashed to her brown and green eyes. I tentatively reached for her hand, waiting for the rejection, but to my surprise she allowed me grasp onto the person I needed the most.

"Anything angel," I responded in an equally soft voice, trying to keep the atmosphere as it was.

"I want to hear the story of your life Jasper; I want to hear anything about you. It doesn't matter to me how different you are, and I sincerely mean every word. Please feel my sincerity so there is no doubt." She became silent and waited for me to reach out to her. I did as she asked and allowed her emotions to wash over me. I closed my eyes, and relished her being near me. Anytime away from Bella was hell, and the last week was one of the worst in my life. I always needed her in my life, in any way she was willing to give. I could feel her utter love for me, and underneath it all I could feel the honesty of each word, Bella truly loved me for what I was, or what she was about to hear. I opened my eyes, and told her silently what I could feel. She squeezed my hand and continued, "When I found out from Emmett what you were, I wasn't scared or upset about what you are. It did come as a complete shock. I mean we are taught that vampires are a figment of a child's imagination, and here you are a living, breathing reality. I am a little scared about what you are capable of, but I'm not scared of you, because I know you would never hurt me Jasper." I gave her hand another squeeze, trying to tell her how right she was. I could never intentionally hurt my angel.

"The reason I was upset Jasper is simple. You didn't have faith in my love and acceptance of you. Maybe you thought I would run from you, or not want you in my life, but you never gave me the opportunity to prove my love for you. Jasper, I have lived almost ten years without you in my life, and please trust me when I say I need you just as much as you need me. Our bond and friendship was solidified when you saved a little girl from death, and gave her comfort." She said in a pleading voice. I could feel the desperation in her tone.

"I'm not sure if I can let you go again, Jasper. I'm sorry if I come off to needy, but one cannot help how they feel, they can only try and control those emotions that they have. Do you understand what I'm saying, or am I speaking in tongues?" She said in a lighter voice, and I could feel her humor. I rolled my eyes at her attempt at humor and she hit my leg.

"Come here angel," I said as I pulled her into my arms. I never wanted to let her leave the comfort of my arms. She came willingly, and again I felt myself falling for her. Could love know any bounds?

"I know I should have told you sooner, Bella but I kept making excuses. I was afraid you would leave me, or become scared of me. I understand your fear because vampires are instinctive creatures that can be dangerous. But I could never hurt you Bella, I love you too much little one. I'm sorry I didn't trust you enough, and I'm sorry for any pain I may have caused." She nodded her head and then rested it in the crook of my neck. I could feel her breath on my neck and wrapped my arms around her more securely. "My fear isn't an excuse Bella, but it can do things to a person, and make them think and act irrationally." I knew this better than anyone, and that lesson in my life was Shelly.

"I understand Jasper, and please no more sorry. I just want to hear the story of my best friend's life. I want to take that journey with you Jasper, and I want to know what has made you into the incredible person that has his arms around me." My fear started to come to life again, but I knew it was time to tell Bella the truth, for good or bad. I took a deep breath and pushed out the unnecessary air along with the fear from me, and started to tell her what I had always feared telling her.

"My life is filled with great tragedies and sins Bella. I am such a fallible creature that has caused much damage and disaster in my wake.

I told her the basics of a vampire's life, and what they need for nourishment. I told her the facts from the myths, and she laughed at me shining in the sun, which I could understand. I told and watched as she accepted my rebirth as a vampire and the life I lived with Maria and the wars I fought. She stroked my scars, as I told her what caused them and how I hated them for years because they reminded me of the horrors of my tainted past. I watched as her tears fell from her eyes and healed the scars of my past on my skin. I watched and felt as she accepted the most trying and damaging part of my past, well at the first part.

I told her of my family, and the love I felt for them. I told her about how I kept them at arm's length, and the fear I had at being rejected after another slip-up. And with each word I spoke, Bella listened and gave me her support and love.

"From the very beginning Bella, Carlisle and Esme accepted us into their family and hearts. Carlisle showed Alice and me a different kind of life. Even though Alice didn't drink from humans, her visions of Carlisle's way of life helped her adopted it from her beginning. Of course I was new to this lifestyle and didn't understand it.

After leaving that bitch Maria, and traveling with Peter and Charlotte for some time, I fell into a constant state of depression. I was tired of feeding on human, sick of feeling their emotions and fears. It was never easy to feed off them. I never imagined there was another way to live, I had only known one way since I was turned. While Alice and I searched for the Cullen's, she slowly became the center of my world. From the very beginning she showed me how to feed from animals instead of human. I thought she was baked in the head at first for suggesting it, but as I started to immerse myself in this new lifestyle, I was able to come out of my depression. I could figuratively breathe easier and enjoy Alice more. I learned to cling to my 4'11'' savior. Alice was always patience and loving. Even though I was feeding from animals now, the call of human blood was still there. It was an effort to resist it. Animals weren't near as fulfilling as humans, but I still tried for Alice. Of course my little sprite was able to see the future and helped me with my close calls. I became totally dependent on Alice and her visions. They became my conscience and dictated my every decision. I'm not saying Alice ruled every part of my life, more like I let her. We became comfortable in our roles. When we moved in with the Cullen's many things changed, but the center of my life was always Alice; every move, every unneeded breath, every word spoken by her only endeared her more to me. Alice was my all." I said in a long winded explanation and I allowed Bella to soak up what I said. I was surprised when I took in her emotions.

My little angel was jealous, and for the first time I let a smile take over my face. She knew what I felt about Mike and his role in her life.

"I know what you're smiling about, and I don't appreciate it." She said in her fiercest voice, which had the effect of a puppy growling. I kissed her temple and tried to hide my smile from her. Damn she was too cute.

"I'm sorry angel; I'll try harder to hide my amusement at your jealousy." She tried to elbow me, but I grabbed her arm, and blew in her ear. Bella started to laugh and I knew I wasn't in the doggy house. "Fine, I may feel a little green at Alice's role in your life."

"Green," I said in amusement.

"Don't push it Jazz." She said through gritted teeth. I decided to let it go, and just kissed my angel's temple again.

"I love you Isabella." I whispered in her right ear, and loved watching her shiver from my breath on her skin. Her hold on me tightened, and she buried her face in my neck. I could feel her need for me, and I knew our separation wasn't only hard on me, Bella needed me just as much, and I loved her all the more for it.

"I love you also Jasper. I missed you a lot." She said under her breath, and I could feel the heat coming from her flushed cheeks. Her awkwardness was adorable. "Please tell me more." She said from the side of my neck.

"Well the Cullen's added a whole other dynamic to our lives. Here we had an instant coven, complete with a mother and father figure, and to top it off our "vampire father" worked in a hospital. Carlisle was the picture of compassion, Bella. Carlisle, since his infancy, never fed off humans or ever had the desire to do so. He loved all of God's creatures and tried to live his life in accordance to that credo, balance in nature and the circle of life (I know very cliché). To say I was intimated by him was an understatement. He was amazing. My life had been filled with violence, hatred, and death, so very different from his; I just didn't understand Carlisle's view in life. Not only did Carlisle prescribe to the "animal diet", but he sired four other vampires that lived his life style. Add in Alice and I and Carlisle had a full time schedule.

Esme was the perfect mother figure, with so much love to give each of us. Emmett was the fun loving brother who took life as it came. I wonder if he ever took anything seriously. Rose was beautifully conceited. She had a hard life and I couldn't judge her for those faults. Edward was the stereotypical vampire; good-looking, brooding, and aloof. He always felt so much guilt for the pain he caused Esme and Carlisle, not that the rest of us didn't, but Edward seemed to take it to another level. I also felt bad for him, here he was living in a house with mated vampires, and added to it he could read out thoughts. I didn't even want to contemplate the thoughts Emmett had regarding Rose (shudders).

After time, things settled for Alice and I. She acclimated to the family so well; it was like she had always been a member of the Cullen's. She even adopted their last name. Alice got along with everyone; it was so easy to fall in love with her. Edward and Alice got along famously. Their special gifts bonded them together. They never had to speak to one another. The other could always anticipate what the other was going to do. They became very close to each other. This never lessened my relationship with Alice; she had room for both of us. My transition into the family wasn't as smooth. I always held myself back. I never allowed myself to become one of them completely, always holding back emotionally. I was never sure why I restricted myself; I guess Alice was all I really needed. Even though we seemed to fit in with the family, I had my struggles. Not only was Alice monitoring my actions and future choices, but Edward had also started to help regulate me. He was able to read my mind and help keep me in check. Not only was I already dependant on Alice, but Edward also became on my crutches. I came to rely on them to stop me instead of taking the responsibility for my own actions. When I did have slip-ups they felt they deserved the blame because they couldn't stop me in time. I knew it wasn't fair to them, and the family. But nothing really seemed to change, it was a constant circle. I wasn't the only one to slip, but the majority of them were mine. I never placed blame on Edward and Alice, it was all my doing. The years continued in this fashion until the day Alice told me we were finished, Bella and that is when my life completely changed for the better; you came into it.

* * *

Jasper's POV from the Past

(This is the story of Jasper's journey after Carlisle left when he killed Shelly and he started his New Beginning)

One day passes into the next and before you know it a year has passed. As vampires we mark time differently. Our time is atypical than others. Our time is limitless, never-ending. It passes from one day to another, one week into another, one month into another, until it has been the culmination of a year. One season slips into the next until you are back where you started. One year had passed for me in the blinking of an eye. Spring the beginning of new life, the time of rebirth. It was very fitting. It was the time after Carlisle left, after Esme and I talked about me getting out of my safety zone and learning to live my life again, after Charlotte and Peter helped me to realize my mistakes were in my vampire nature, and after I realized no matter what happened my family and friends would stand by me I began to try and live again. It was the second beginning of my solo journey in learning control.

After finally realizing what I needed to do and making my plans I left Maine. The first three months of my journey were hard. I ended up in _**Conway**_, New Hampshire. I needed to settle somewhere that was small and intimate. Part of my plan was the same as the last. Start in small towns and move up to bigger towns as I felt more comfortable with my restraint. I choose Conway because it wasn't far from where I lived in Maine and it had a huge area for hunting. Since I was going this alone I wanted to make sure I had ample hunting grounds. Conway backed up into White Mountain National Forest. This was a very ideal location for me.

The first month I was there I hunted morning and evening. My days were spent walking around the town. It was beautiful. It looked like a small beach town meets New England. It was quaint, but not tiny. It was a tourist destination, because of the nearby skiing and other attractions. As I became acquainted with the town and my surrounding, I began to feel more comfortable. The first week I limited myself to only four hours in the town. I would start down Main Street and work my way down one side and come up the other. After Main Street I would go to the local park and bring a blanket and book. After about a couple hours of reading, I would head home, which was a small house I had purchased on the out skirts of town. I would then either talk to Esme or Carlisle. After my conversations with them I would then go hunting. A few hours after hunting, I would return home and either play my guitar or write in my journal (a habit I picked up from Shelly) about my time in town, my good points, any struggles I may have had, or just about random thoughts that passed. I had also decided to learn something from each place I had settled. It didn't have to correlate with the town; I just wanted something to help occupy my time, especially at nights.

After the first week and no slips I spent more time in town. I increased my time by two hours. In those two hours, I would go to the library. I felt that being inside of a building with no constant breezes would help to build up my resistance. The first day I was so nervous I held my breath the entire time. When I went home that night I wrote in my journal how this defeated the purpose and told myself I would breathe next time. It was the only way to learn. The next day I forced myself to breath. Of course when I took the first breath my throat flared. It was bad but not unmanageable. As the days passed I was able to become better and I learned to regulate my breathing better. My favorite part of the library was the children's section. They were so pure and happy. They were unspoiled. I'm not saying all of them were angels, there were some rotten eggs in any bunch, but the majority of them were good. Their emotions were so easy to deal with. The majority of the time they were simply happy, wanting nothing more than their parents to read them a story. They were soothing to my gift. It was a joy to be around them.

As the third week passed I spent more time in the town, bringing my time to eight hours in public. My schedule was the same; walk down main street, go to the park, spend time in the library, and I added either go to a local hotel or the local mall. Going to a local hotel wasn't too bad. I would tell the front desk I was writing a book about the local attractions of Conway and decided to write a chapter on them. After telling them the white lie, they were more than gracious to let me hang around. The females were a little too nice, but they were easy to divert. I just simply ignored them. They would usually get the message, but it still didn't stop them from staring or lusting. Sometimes I would just sit in the lobby on a cloudy day or I would end up by the pool and just people watch. Going to the mall was a little more changeling for me. I'm not sure if it was the emotions of the teenagers or the woman on the hunt for a bargain, but usually when I left I was wound up pretty tightly. My trips to the mall were pretty limited. On days when it was sunny I would either go to the movies, or spend my day at the library. I would also go hiking on very shaded trails.

As the fourth week passed, my time in town was spent how I wanted. Some of the locals started to recognize me. They would yell hello and I would say high back. Other busy bodies asked what I was doing so I gave them the same story as the hotel employees. I was writing a book about the small New England towns and Conway was the first on my list. Who knew maybe I would do that some day. Suffice it to say I started carrying my journal with me on my days in town. The people were nice and friendly. I started to feel at home and settled. My throat still flared, but as I got to know the people more, it helped me to see them as friends and not food (thanks Bruce).

My second month in town was even better. May was a beautiful time in Conway. The weather varied a lot just like any town in New England during spring, beautiful in the morning and rain storms in the afternoon and evenings. I had to tweak my schedule some. I would spend my mornings in the library and according to the weather I would either walk around town or go to the mall to see a movie. I paid very close attention to the weather. I would wear long sleeves all the time and a ski cap with a scarf. One day while I was in town I was browsing around, I saw that the sun was about to come out. It was pretty sudden, so I stepped into the nearest store which was a camera shop. The clerk asked me if I was okay because I entered in so quickly. I explained how sensitive I was to the sun and no matter how many layers of clothing I wore it didn't really help. Of course my pale skin helped with my cover story. The store owner told me to look around and I could stay as long as needed. Thus begin my first thing to learn. The rest of the day was spent talking to the owner and finding out about the different cameras and what I would need to start my new hobby. I purchased my first camera a Fujifilm FinePix S5200. It was a nice camera and not to difficult to learn. After that I went to the library and checked out some books on photography. The rest of the week was spent learning how to take actual pictures and reading my books. Esme was happy to learn about my new talent and asked me to send some of my pictures via computer, which was another thing I needed to buy. After I bought a computer I was able to download them. I learned to Photoshop and make my pictures look good.

I took my camera everywhere with me. Looking through the lens of a camera was different. I saw the world differently. While capturing an image, I allowed myself to wonder how my subjects came about doing what I was shooting. My favorite picture was of a little girl picking a flower and handing it to her mother. Another one of my favorites was of a father giving his son a piggy back ride. The joy on the boy's face was breathtaking. He looked at his father as he was the best thing next to chocolate. Esme loved my pictures. She said it brought her along on my journey. She was able to see it with her own eyes. Carlisle loved them too. His favorite one was of the local church. That was a nice day. I took those pictures especially for him.

By the time my third month came to a close, I realized how quickly my time in Conway, New Hampshire had passed. I was planning on moving at the end of the week. It was part of my plan. I had already purchased a house and Esme had purchased all of the furniture I needed. She was such a great woman. All would be ready when I left. On my last day in Conway, I walked down Main street and said my goodbyes to the people I had come to know. There was Beth from the camera store. She was probably the one I knew the most. She helped me learn photography and would answer any question I had for her. She was wonderful and never made me feel like I was intruding on her store. I went by the library and cancelled my library card. I spent some time in the children section soaking up the good vibes I always received from them. Children were simply amazing. My love for them seemed to be growing by leaps. I didn't take time to go anywhere else. There was one thing I decided to do for the library. I went home and finished my project for them and decided to do one for Beth. She was my inspiration after all. After it was completed, I finished packing the things I would take with me and closed up my first house. After a late start because I needed to hunt and I wanted to take a shower before I left, I made my way into town. I first stopped to give Beth her surprise. When she opened my gift she cried. It was a photo album of the town and the surrounding woods of the town I had taken. There were about four hundred pictures total. I told her to use it for her store. She could show her customers what an interest in photography could turn into. She was amazed by my gift and thanked me continuously.

After going to the library and dropping of my gift for them I took one more drive down Main Street and headed for my next destination. My photo albums for the library where the same, except there were more photos of the library itself including all of the photos I made for Beth. They were astounded and so thankful for such a wonderful gift. Their gratitude almost left me staggering. I'm just glad I wasn't there for the check they received for the new children's wing of the library. The only request I made was that they named it after Esme Cullen. She was my inspiration for all things beautiful and lovely.

* * *

After driving the 157 miles to my new home, I found my home. When I finished moving around the furniture that had arrived yesterday, I decided to take a drive around the local town. I wanted to get a feel for it. Pulling away from my house I was able to see it was bigger than I needed, but I figured if the family ever wanted to use it there would be room for them. It was a beautiful two story red brick house. It had about three bedrooms and was quite pretty. I took out my camera and took a quick picture for Esme. I would attach it to a little thank you note for all she had done.

I drove in to the town and feel in love with it. The town was very picturesque. It was the quintessential New England town nestled in the mountains. It was known as the gateway to the Green Mountains. Brick shops lined the streets and the square in town had a gazebo in the middle to lounge. After taking my fill of the town I decided to go home and hunt. This was my fourth month of my second beginning and I was proud of myself. My plan was working thus far. Last time I ventured out on my own I didn't do so well. I never had a set plan. Even though I had made it six months without killing anyone, I was still disorganized. My time was spent just doing anything I felt that day. From the time of my horrible mistake, I learned that a routine was good, but in moderation. I still left time for random outings, but my life was more structured. It helped me to control my environment more. In learning to control my surrounding, it helped me to control my thirst.

As the next day came about, I went searching the town. There were many antiques shops and home good stores. The day was cloudy so I spent the day browsing the shops. I think one of my new routines would be checking out the different antique store during the week. After shopping on Main Street I stopped by the local library and got a library card. It was a nice quaint library. Some of the nooks reminded me of Carlisle studies. When I was done at the library I took a quick stroll in the center of town on the local green. The town was just beautiful.

As the last week of June passed and July came about I had already settled in town. The folks were very friendly, especially those in the antique stores, I think spending lots of money helped. It was one of my favorite things to do. My love of history helped me to fall in love with the treasures I found. The history of a piece of furniture could be just as exciting as a history story, or maybe it was just me. My routine was quickly established and my love for Bristol grew. In the morning, depending on the weather, I would take a walk on the center lawn and sit for a while in the gazebo. I would then spend a few hours on Main Street browsing the shops and taking pictures of everything. Everywhere I looked was a picture just waiting to happen. My afternoons would be spent hiking the nearby trails and taking more pictures or going to the library to read up on the local history. As I became more comfortable with myself and the humans around me my control on my thirst grew by leaps and bounds. My love for the people and their stories helped me to see them as more and I was thankful for the time I was able to spend with them. I was just four months into my journey and I was feeling more confident than before. I hardly ever thought about my thirst anymore. At times I would pass someone who smelled more appetizing then the next, but then I would pick up my camera and take a picture of them. It helped me to see them as real people with real lives, and real interests.

Summers in **_Bristol_** were nice and pleasant. Even though it was sunny on some day, more often than not it was cloudy. Just the kind of weather I liked. It helped me to be around people more, which is where I loved to be these days and I was able to experience more. I wish I had decided to take a soul searching journey earlier on in my life, maybe things would have turned out differently, but then I would have never had the opportunity to have met my little Bella Angel. My relationship with Carlisle and Esme would not be as good and solid as it is today. I often wondered, but then I just figure it is what it is and c'est la vie. Summer nights on the green in Bristol were special. The Bristol Band presented outdoor summer band concerts. They were held on Wednesday from the months of June through August. It started shortly after the Civil War. Folks would bring their lawn chairs‚ visit with neighbors and enjoy the music. There were some people I recognized, and those I didn't introduced themselves to me. I told them I was writing a book on New England Towns and this was one of my stops. I would be here for the summer. They gave me ideas on what to do and other local towns to visit. My first concert was amazing. I brought my blanket and listened to the music as I looked into the heavens. It was truly a magical evening for me. The only down side was the singles girls seemed to find their way near my blanket. I would have to remedy that next time.

The fourth of July dawned bright and cloudy. I couldn't have been happier; I would be able to take part in the town's celebration. My biggest surprise came a little later that day. As I was getting ready to leave for town, Esme and Carlisle showed up on my door step. They decided to come for the long weekend and see what I was up to. I couldn't even describe my happiness at seeing them. I picked up Esme and spun her around.

"Goodness Jasper, what has you in such a good mood?" She asked in between laughs.

"Well I open my door to see two of the people I love most in the world, the day is cloudy and I get to spend the day in town celebrating our nations Independence Day. What is there not to be happy about?" Esme just shook her head and stared at me. Carlisle took his turn and hugged me.

"Son it is good to see you. I am happy to see you so happy. After the last time, I wasn't sure when I would see your smile again."

"Thanks Carlisle. I seem to have a lot to smile about these days and now I have even more because you two are here." After showing them in and to their room (thank goodness I decided to get a bigger house) Esme gushed about how much she loved the house. She said her favorite was the view from the deck. It was quite amazing. It was a view of the Green Mountain foothills.

"My goodness Jasper, even though you have sent me pictures of your view it is just breathtaking in person. I would spend all my time out here. You may never get rid of me!"

"You may stay as long as you like. I would love for you and Carlisle to feel welcome." After finishing the tour, we drove into town and parked down the street because of all the traffic.

We decided to grab a spot to watch the Parade that would be going by. It was the longest running parade in Vermont and I was excited to see it, but not as excited as Carlisle and Esme, you'd think they were children in Disney world. I picked my camera up and took numerous pictures of them.

"Jasper, I can see why you love this town so much. I know you haven't been here long, but I can see why it was so easy for you to fall in love with it. The history is rich and the town is beautiful." Carlisle said.

"I know Carlisle; I would love to move here if there were more cloudy days in the year, maybe we can move here just for the summer next year. I would love to check out all of the antique stores. Just by looking at Jasper's house, I know I would find so many good treasures. And the movie and concerts on the green would be simply amazing. The people just seem so nice. Everyone is waving to us as they go and they haven't even met us yet, most usually do their best to ignore us out of fear. Don't you just love it Carlisle." Esme questioned him without even taking a breath. I think next year, they would be summering here. I knew it was just the kind of town Esme and Carlisle would love. As the parade started Esme just got more excited. She was like a child on a fucking sugar high. The parade included fire trucks, floats, National Guard units, Scouts and marching bands with some traveling from Canada.

"Oh Carlisle look at the fire trucks especially that old one. The attention to detail in that period was just amazing. Jasper, make sure you get some good pictures. Look at the new fire truck Carlisle; it looks so different from the one where we live. Oh, Carlisle look at the beauty queen float, aren't the little girls simply divine, especially with the lilies in their hair. Jasper, make sure you get a picture of their hair." Why she needed a picture of that I'm not sure, so I just did as she asked.

"Carlisle don't the scouts just look so handsome in their uniforms. They look like little gentleman. Oh Carlisle did you see the National Guard. Those men and women are so brave. Their courage reminds me so much of our Jasper's, don't you think." I wonder if she forgot about me standing right next to her. Carlisle just smiled and winked at me over her head.

"On Carlisle the marching band is simply excellent. I just love the way they played the Star Spangled Banner. It makes me want to cry. Esme's face was so beautiful in that moment I had to take a picture. I knew Carlisle would love it. It was going to be his Christmas present. All I had to do was find the right antique frame, nothing else would do. "Jasper, make sure . . ."

"I know Esme; make sure I take a picture!" I joked with her. Carlisle busted up laughing.

"Very funny boys. Don't make me punish you, especially on such a fun day!"

After the parade was over we made our way to the empty field where they set up rides for the kids, and craft booths for the adults. There was food, games, and arts and crafts of all kinds. Esme even got her face painted with the American Flag. I was just speechless. I had never seen her so excited and happy. Carlisle just smiled and indulged her until she made us get our face painted too. There was just no arguing with her.

"Okay boys your turn and I get to pick out the painting."

"Esme you have got to be joking. There is no way in hel . . . heaven," I amended has she shot me the mother look, "that I am going to have my face painted. That is for little kids and women."

"I'm with Jasper on this one dear. I'm a doctor and an upstanding member of the community, you cannot expect me to get my face painted like a child. It just cannot be done."

"Oh is that so boys. Do I need to remind you of the childish game you and Jasper played in Maine or did you think I didn't know about that? Oh yes Alice likes to talk to her mother. So you will be getting your face painted or you will taste _that nasty shit_ you called beaver again. Do I make myself clear?" Well shit! She had us both and there was nothing we could do.

Esme said because we pulled the "Doctor card" and the "Sexist Card", which I just didn't believe, she punished us with the face paint she chose, and we had to wear it until the end of the fair. For Carlisle she picked a pink Unicorn, because he was beautiful and majestic like one. That shit was just funny no matter how she tried to spin it. Carlisle was not a happy camper but I couldn't help but laugh. My chuckles ended when she choice a fucking power ranger with the words 'I love Jasper' painted on the side of its mouth. She said it was for the kid in me. That shit was just not funny.

After face painting, Esme had some people take a picture of us and we continued on our way.

"You boys just look handsome. All the girls will want a piece of you." Bullshit. All the girls were laughing at us because of what we had on our damn faces. Esme would pay for this. I could read the same look on Carlisle's face. Revenge would be sweet. When we were done visiting all the different stands and getting humiliated, we made our way to the green for the fireworks. Esme dropped her hundreds of bags at the car and went to find us a spot on the green. Carlisle and I made a beeline for the bathroom. After that shit was finally off my face, I stopped by the car to get my surprise. For the rest of the night Esme, Carlisle, and I played games. Esme loved the surprise. We played Uno, phase ten, and poker, which Esme totally kick our asses in (who the hell knew she was such a card shark). We rounded off our little sessions with a look at some of my photo albums. I wanted Esme and Carlisle to see some more of my photos.

"You are so talented Jasper. Of course I'm not surprised son. You can do anything you set your mind to. I do have a favor to ask about your next hobby." I was intrigued.

"Ask away Esme."

"I would like for it to be musical. I don't care what you choose, but I just love when my children can play instruments. I already know you can play the guitar and you are amazing, but I would like for you to learn something else. It is up to you darling." I was surprised by her request. I knew she loved when Edward played the piano for her, but I didn't know she would want me to play for her. I was honored to say the least.

"Of course Esme. It would be a privilege to learn to play for you. I was considering it already. Remember I told you about the concerts in the park. Well there was an instrument I became very interested in. I won't tell you until I learn, and please don't cheat and ask Alice. Carlisle, please make sure Alice doesn't say anything."

Esme just pouted and Carlisle smiled. It was part of my revenge for that fucking power ranger that was painted on my face. "It would be my pleasure to make sure she doesn't cheat, son" I guess he was still pissed off too. Esme just pouted more.

"That shit is just not fair." Esme barely whispered under her voice. I wasn't even sure if I heard her say it. But looking at Carlisle smiling, I knew she had. It just got better and better.

"So son, have I told you today how proud I am of you. Not once did you show any need to leave. You are so amazing. You have been on your own and your control is wonderful. I knew you could do it. From the very beginning, I knew you had the fortitude that it took. Never once did I doubt you son. I knew after Shelly your will would be iron clad. It is the way you function. You never cease to amaze me." I was touched by Carlisle's speech. I loved to feel his pride in me. It was so strong I had a hard time staying upright.

"Carlisle is right darling, you are simply amazing. Every day you get out and prove to yourself what you can do, everyday you challenge yourself to do better, and every day is another victory for you. I know some days are harder for you than others, but you never let it keep you down. You fight and you succeed. I have always had the faith in you. I know you just needed the time and the opportunity to prove it to yourself. I am so very proud of you dear. Carlisle and I couldn't be happier."

"Thank you and I am so glad you surprised me today. You have made today even more amazing. I'm so glad you are here and I love you both." Just as I finished talking, the first firework shot into the sky, lighting it in all it beauty. The three of us laid back on the blanket and enjoyed the show. I would watch them surreptitiously out of the corner of my eye. They were a beautiful sight in my world. Esme and Carlisle is what I wanted with my mate. I would be so lucky to have a love like theirs. When the finale started Esme started to clap and exclaim how beautiful everything was. Carlisle and I smiled at each other and had to agreed. When all was done, we loaded everything back into my bag and headed for the car. When we got home Esme and Carlisle went upstairs, and I went for a hunt. I would give them some privacy. After a few hours and finding myself a black bear, I headed home. I went into my computer room and uploaded my pictures. My favorite was of Carlisle and Esme during the firework show. They were staring into each other's eyes. The love was written all over their face. Esme had a gentle smile on her face as Carlisle moved a piece of her hair behind her ear. They were a gorgeous couple. When I was done, I picked up a book and started reading. Carlisle joined me after a bit and we sat in solitude for the remainder of the night. Esme spent the rest of the night on the deck looking at the stars.

Toward dawn, we all went hunting. After taking down my share I waited for them to finish. Carlisle joined me soon after and just stared at the clouds. "Your control and discipline are a beautiful thing son. I know you kids think that Edward is my favorite, but I wanted you to know all of you are my favorite, Edward was my first son, but you were my last. You both have your individual parts in my heart and they are equal. I just wanted you to know that, and Esme feels the same way. We love you all in equal amounts. Never doubt your place in the family and when you are ready we cannot wait for you to take your place in the home again; forever my son, my handsome, loving, and strong willed son."

"Thank you Carlisle for everything. Most importantly thank you for all the time and patience you have invested in me. I am so thankful for the day Alice brought me to the two of you." I smiled at Carlisle. He just hugged me and we sat in silence waiting for Esme. About two minutes later she just happened to show up. I know Carlisle wanted to have a father son talk with me. He always wanted to show his love and support to his children. Esme just hugged and kissed my forehead. She then whispered in my ear.

"Your father is right. Forever my son!"

After we were done with all the family moments we went back to the house. It was another cloudy day. Esme and Carlisle already knew this thanks to Alice. They had a wonderful time for the rest of their stay. Esme continued to fall in love with the town. She loved all of the antique shops and the owners loved her in return, or they loved the money she dropped, but I think it was the latter. She had a way of bewitching those she met. We watched a movie on the green that night and went home. Esme and Carlisle looked at the rest of my albums and commented on their favorites. I didn't let them see their Christmas presents though. On Sunday, we went on a hike, at the human speed and just enjoyed being together. We did talk Esme into eating a beaver. She just didn't believe us about how bad they were.

"Damn it Carlisle how could you allow me to eat that shit. You should have warned me, what the hell is your problem." Carlisle was just stunned. She hardly ever cursed, but when she did it was funny as hell (as long as it wasn't directed at you). I did feel sorry for Carlisle. To appease her he had to eat another beaver, I shuddered just thinking about it. Even though those little buggers were nasty, Carlisle would eat a hundred if it made Esme happy. Since they were leaving on Monday morning and wouldn't be able to see the concert in the park I set up a surprise for them. As dusk approached I drove them into the town and walked them to the green. The gazebo was decorated in fairy lights and the band was already playing a Glen Miller piece I knew Esme loved, Esme just looked at me and her eyes watered. Carlisle was just stunned again for the second time that day.

"Surprise; I know you wanted to see the band Esme so I set this up for you, dancing and music under the stars. I hope you and Carlisle have a good night. I will be back in a couple hours to get you.

After the allotted time I went back for them. While they were in their final dance, I took my camera out and took a picture of them. I would title the picture 'A Timeless Couple'. The title fit them perfectly. When they were done, they came over and hugged me together.

"That was one of the most thoughtful gifts I have ever received Jasper, thank you for being such a thoughtful son, darling. Carlisle and I love you so much. You are such a joy and a blessing to us."

"It was no problem and the band will be able to get some knew instruments out of the deal. So everyone wins."

"Now let's go home and play some more games. Maybe this time we can kick Esme's ass."

"Carlisle what kind example are you setting for our son. Language, darling." Esme seemed to forget her little slip earlier today, but Carlisle was smart enough not to mention it.

"Yes dear. I will watch what I say around the children, since they are so impressionable."

"Thanks, darling that's all I ask. Now we may go home." Carlisle just rolled his eyes behind her back and winked.

After we got home and took out the games it was past midnight. Esme, Carlisle, and I spent the remainder of the night getting our ass kicked by Esme. I don't know how she did it, but I am sure she cheated somehow. No one was able to beat me at poker. Well I guess except Esme.

After going on one more family hunt, Esme and Carlisle were ready to go. No matter how old you were, it was always hard to say goodbye to your parents. Even though you made memories, you would remember forever, it was hard. I wasn't ready to let them go, but Carlisle was needed at the hospital and Esme was in the middle of a huge restoration project. She couldn't be gone too long.

Esme grabbed me and started to sob. "I love you baby, please come back to me soon. It is never the same without you. Please hurry up and come back to me. I miss you so much. I love you son. I am so very happy for you and your success. Nothing has pleased me more this year than your continued effort, darling." I picked Esme and just hugged her.

"I will come home. I cannot promise you a time, but one day I will come home. I just need some more time. I love you mother, forever and always." I hugged her once more and placed her back on the ground. Carlisle came next. He first shook my hand.

"You will never know how much this time with you has meant to us Jasper. Your success is our success, your happiness is our happiness, and your eternal joy is our eternal joy. I know you need more time, but we still miss you. Time will never diminish our love and pride in you. Do what you need to do and then come home. We all miss you. Emmett told me to tell you he has an appointment to kick your butt in Halo so you better hurry up before it goes out of style. Those are Emmett's words and not mine so don't look at me like that." Esme and I just smiled at him trying to keep our snickers to a minimum.

Carlisle came up to me and placed his hands on either side of my face as he had done last time I needed to be reassured. "Please hurry home son, your mother and I need you. Our family is never complete without you. Take care of yourself and if you need me just call. That is all the fatherly advice I will give you for now." Carlisle kissed my cheek and then stepped back. Esme gave me one more hug and kiss then allowed Carlisle to assist in the car, 'The Classic Couple' to the end. When the car was started Esme looked back and smiled. I could see the tears in her eyes she could never shed, and my heart broke. She waved once more and then they were gone once again.

They were part of my life weather they were here or not and I would always miss them. I spent the rest of the day at home just lounging. I was glad I was able to receive the solo time with them. I felt like a little smothered by my parents attention and I loved every moment of it. They were such a blessing and I hoped everyone had some kind of Carlisle and Esme in their life. Esme called me when they got home and reassured me of her love again. The rest of the week passed quickly. I settled in my routine once again. It was never the same again without Carlisle and Esme, but I stilled loved the town.

As the month of July passed and August came, I knew this would be a hard month. It would be the year anniversary of Alice saying goodbye and my meeting the little angel.

* * *

End of August – Anniversary of meeting Bella

I took my guitar, my journal, and a blanket and went to my favorite spot by the river. The sun decided to shine again today, trying to warm my soul and heal it. It was just as well it shined today because I wasn't going into town. As I lay beneath the sun's rays, I closed my eyes and let the heat soak into my body. The sun was the reason for life and it seemed to bring my soul out of obscurity and into life. It wasn't very often that my kind was able to enjoy the sun, but when I did it brought warmth and clarity to my mind. As I closed my eyes, Bella's face appeared in my mind's eye. I pictured the night I was changed and all that happened. I thought about the turning point in my life and I thought about my hunger and the burn I felt that night. I thought about Bella's eyes and how I could almost read into her soul as it cried out to mine. I always wondered how a little girl of ten was able to have such a profound impact on my life. I guess saving the life of a person creates a bond between the individuals that is unbreakable. Opening up my eyes, I looked around me and enjoyed the peace I felt at the time. For once I almost felt healed, my ghosts and sins quieted in that moment and allowed me the solitude. I pulled out my journal and wrote what my mind and heart were screaming to say.

_What it is that connects people together? What is it that brings two people together in one place, one time, and in one shared experience? Some call it fate and destiny and other call it coincidence. Some believe it is divine intervention or a higher power leading you down your chosen path. I'm not sure what it is, but I am thankful for the experience. I am not proud of my actions that almost hurt Bella, I would never be proud of that moment; it was one of my darkest experiences. I had just lost Alice and the driving force that propelled my existence. None of these are excuses or reasons; it was just the way my life was at the time. _

_When I came upon Bella I only thought with my instincts, how a predator sees it prey, my next meal. When I finally realized she was only a child I wanted to kill myself. I always had one cardinal rule for myself and that was to never drain a child. I would end my own existence before I had ever harmed a little one. They were never to be thought of as my next meal. I hated myself because I couldn't even do one thing right. I had let myself make excuses as to why it was okay for me to eat this human. In that moment I just didn't give a fuck. Her smell was so mouth watering and delicious. It would never rank anywhere near Shelly's, nevertheless I was hungry and wanted that blood, nothing was going to stop me, or so I thought. After realizing Bella was a child, I wanted to rid myself of her taste and the vile thoughts I had about draining her._

_She asked me if I was okay. She was completely sincere. She had no fear for her safety or her life, she was worried about me. Again I wanted to gag. Here was this child that I wanted to make my meal and she cared for me. She asked me if I was her angel because I was so pretty and I couldn't help but laugh. After a while Bella asked if I could help her. I still hadn't fed so I kept my distance in case she made any sudden movements. I didn't want the monster in me to react. When her eyes fluttered closed, I took one more look into her untainted brown doe eyes. I wanted to keep that image with me forever. It was in that moment I had promised her I would get off the fence and try to be better. I needed to stop flip flopping. I needed to stop making lame excuses for my lack of control and learn how to take responsibility for the monster that resided in me. Bella had also given me a new drive and objective to try and strive toward. My soul seemed to accept this challenge. I didn't want to drown anymore. I wanted and needed to learn to swim again. _

_When I was finished putting Bella into a deep sleep and I gently kissed her head, the promise that was in my soul seemed to become one. I felt warm inside for that single second and then it was over. But I knew that something had been irretrievably changed for good. Even in the six months that followed, and I was surrounded in darkness again, my soul embraced her promise. It may have been lost in that darkness, but it was always there. When I killed Shelly I thought I had lost that part of my soul forever, but it never left or deserted me. Bella's part of my soul wouldn't let me forget. With Shelly's sacrifice and Carlisle's guidance, her part of my soul was able to grow again and flourish in the light. I knew there was more to do, but my experience with an angel child helped me to change for the better._

_I never knew if I would see Bella again or if our lives would cross again, but I would always carry a part of her with me, the most beautiful and innocent part of my soul. _

After reliving a part of my past that was hard for me to think of, I decided to go for a quick hunt. I always felt drained when thinking about what I could have done to something so precious. I knew her birthday would be next month and I hoped she had a day filled with happiness and love. She deserved nothing but the best.

When I was done hunting I went home and checked my email. There was one that I didn't recognize. When I opened it the message read, _September 13 and to do something special_. I was confused about what was so special about this day, and then I thought about Bella. This must have been an email from Alice. I should have figured she knew about another one of my weak moments. I was ashamed she knew, but I was also excited I knew Bella's birthday. Even though I didn't know where she was or lived, I would do something special for her regardless.

* * *

As the month of September came I was really busy with my cello lessons and the other projects I had going. I found two frames for Esme and Carlisle's pictures and I purchased instruments for the band as part of my agreement with them. I was also busy looking for a new house in my next destination. Esme said she would buy the furniture again and have everything delivered. While antique hunting I found an amazing silver brush set for Esme. I knew she would love it. It was etched with lilies and roses. The mirror was square instead of round and the glass had the wave look it attained when it aged. The mirror set was ageless, just like my mother. For Carlisle I had found a fountain pen he could put in his study at home.

September 13th finally arrived and I decided what I was going to do for Bella. I knew she would never know, but I decided to start a tradition to do something good on her birthday, to make up for the bad that I did in my life. I knew it would never erase my sins, but I wanted to do something. The first thing I did was order cupcakes for all the children at the local schools (that included elementary, middle, and high school). Her present was done in her name. I had the gazebo in town painted a beautiful off white color and a row of cherry blossoms planted around it. The trees would be some of the first things that blossomed in the spring and bring joy to all that looked at them. I also found a broach in one of the antique stores in the shape of an angel. I knew I wouldn't have the chance to give it to her, but I loved it anyways.

The rest of September passed along with my time in Bristol. It had been a good three months. Some of the time was magical, filled with moments I would take with me always, some of the time was hard because of the different anniversaries that passed, and some was busy due to my lessons. I was now able to play basic pieces on my cello. I knew the more time I practiced, the better I would become. Time was on my side, and I had an eternity of it. Bristol would always have a special part of my heart, and one of these years I wanted to come back to sit among the Cherry Blossoms.

I went home and packed the rest of my stuff and loaded my truck. I took one more sentimental drive around town and said a silent goodbye to a time filled with growth and progress.

* * *

The house in _**Saratoga Springs**_, New York was so beautiful. I decided to buy this home because of its location. I had about two acres of land on the shore of the Saratoga Lake. My property wasn't near a major park or forest like the other ones. I knew it was time for me to learn how to go longer without hunting. My goal was to limit it to everyday for the first month. If that went well and I didn't struggle so much I would be going every two days in November and December. I didn't want to move to fast. I wanted to get use to weaning myself slowly. It was one of the reasons I had moved to a bigger town than my last two locations. It was also why I got a house closer to town, but far enough I could have my privacy.

The house was a two story house that had 3 bedrooms and two baths. The top layer of the house was made of red brick. There were three dormer windows that faced the west and had an amazing view of the lake. The bottom half of the house was made of river rocks in colors of beige and white. It was just stunning. As soon as I saw a picture of it I knew it was mine. The furniture Esme purchased was contemporary and matched the style of the house perfectly. The down stairs was painted a light taupe color with a fire place in the living room that continued into the master bedroom. The furniture was a deep brown with two turquoise arm chairs. The color scheme was striking and something I would have never thought of. Esme was the decorator after all.

My bedroom was done in shades of grey and emerald green. The bedroom set was a dark teak wood that brought everything together. My study I set up myself. After I was done unloading all of my books and computer equipment, I took pictures of the house and sent them to Esme. There was no need for me to hunt because I had already taken care of it before coming. So I got back into my truck and took a drive around the town.

Main Street was bigger than the previous two towns, but still pretty nonetheless. Saratoga Springs had a population of about 24,000 people. There were shops, restaurants, and museums. There was a local mall and bowling alley. My favorite place I found was Congress Park. It had a pond in the middle with two gazebos on either side. The lawn was dark green and had a walking path around it. There were plenty of trees planted and were full of their summer leaves. Some people were reading books and others were walking their dogs. The feel was peaceful and content. I then drove to Caroline Street. It also had many shops, but also offered different bars and nightlife. It was something I was going to look into. There was a racing track near town and a local polo club.

After checking out the town and returning home I sat down and figured out a tentative routine. I knew on days that were cloudy would be spent in Congress Park. I also planned on days that were sunny I would check out the local museums and galleries. I would photograph the local town and surrounding areas. I also planned spending time during the day on Main Street and enjoying the local festivals they offered in the fall. With a routine laid out I looked at the time. It was about four in the morning and decided to go hunting. I figured this would be a good time. People who enjoyed the nightlife would be home by now and others who worked early wouldn't be getting up for another couple of hours. I figured I would hunt about three or four in the morning each day. If I needed more substance I could always take a day trip or go on the weekends. I got in my truck and drove the hour on highway 29 to the south end of the Adirondacks. After taking down a couple of moose and a wolf I headed home and took a shower. I knew hunting once a day was going to be a new challenge for me, but I knew I was ready. I welcomed the test.

* * *

I had passed my personal test. Five months had passed and with it my self esteem. I became stronger and more in control of the thirst that always ruled my life. I was now hunting every four days. I would never presume to say it was easy and I never thought about the blood of humans I constantly surrounded myself with, but my thirst was in firm control. I was now living in Poughkeepsie, New York.

My time in _**Saratoga Springs**_ went as well as I had wanted. I never bonded with the town as much I had with Bristol, but I still enjoyed my time there. The majority of my cloudy days were spent in Congress Park. There was nothing like it in town. The peace and contentment I got there was just serene; children laughed and played, dogs chased after the toys their masters threw, and lovers sat under the changing leaves of autumn and kissed each other with the passion and love they felt. Of course there was the occasional bratty child and obnoxious dog, but they left me memories of funny laughter and enjoyable times. One time there was a child that wanted to go swimming in the lake and his dad said no. Of course this didn't sit well with the little demon, so he kicked his father in his shin and took off. The boy ran into the water and started crying because the swans that were next to him started to attack him. There were two of them and I guess they didn't like being disturbed. He ran out of the water toward his father crying about the big ass bird that bit him on his belly button. I'm not sure if he was telling the truth, but I knew that when the kid got out of the water he had a load in the back of his pants that would leave several skid marks in his unmentionables. The little brat got what he deserved. Maybe he would learn to listen to his father. I made sure to take plenty of pictures to send to Esme and told her to feel lucky Emmett was at least house trained; she just laughed and then pretended to scold me.

I also spent time in the local museums and art galleries. There were some pretty good local talent and I bought Esme and Carlisle a painting of my favorite park. I wanted them to experience the joy and peace I felt there. I took hundreds of pictures and kept my albums up to date. I had dozens of them, but these pictures would always be dear to me. These were the imagines and moments that helped define and mold me into the person I was today. My journey was not complete, but it was going well and I was proud of myself. I didn't slip once and was only tested once. It came at a time that was unexpected. My new hobby I picked up in this town was karaoke singing. I knew it sounded funny, but it was a way for me to release some emotions. I had always loved music.

One night I was walking around town and passed a local bar. The emotions from the bar were not what I was expecting. Most of the time I felt lust, drunkenness, and other emotions you would expect, but this particular place was different. I could hear people singing and I stopped to listen. The lyrics to the songs and the emotions the singers were emitting were amazing. I realized that for some of them this was a release, a moment to let go of any feelings they didn't want to hold on to. People in the crowd felt these sensations and lived them with the singer. I learned it was therapeutic for some and after they seemed to feel better. I discovered this was another hobby. I never liked to be the center of attention or in the spot light. But when I was on stage, everything disappeared in the lights and the only things remaining were the song, my voice, and the feelings of me and the crowd. The very first song I sang was 'Mercy' by One Republic. It reminded me of my little angel and I wanted the crowd to feel the amazing person she was. It was quite an intimate moment. It gave me this rush I hadn't felt in a while. After that I became addicted and would perform every other night. I was a crowd favorite and would have blushed at the welcome they gave me if I had blood in my system.

October turned into the end of November and the trees became bear. There was a chill in the air and people started getting ready for the holidays. The feelings around town were addicting. People were happy and in good spirits because of the holiday season. The decorations around town were beautiful and the local festivals were fun to attend. I bought some of the local crafts and put them around the house. I bought Emmett a shirt that had a picture of a bear pointing down to his pants and said 'My Bare Essentials'. I'm not sure why I bought it. Yes, Emmett reminded me of a bear and he said inappropriate things, so I guess the shirt reminded me of him and his naïveté.

_One night at the end of November I was walking to my car to head home to hunt. I had just finished singing at the karaoke bar and was riding an emotional high. I passed a dark alley and heard a muffled sound. Then I felt the emotions. There was intense pain and hurting. There were also feelings of shame and sadness. As I approached the alley I could smell the blood. My body tensed up and my eyes darkened. It had been a long time that I was exposed to fresh spilt blood. She smelled of daisies. I closed my eyes and sampled her taste on my tongue. I knew this was the test I seemed to be waiting for. I was feeding every two days and was planning on going tonight. I took in a couple more breaths and acclimated myself to her scent. At this moment I knew that I was in control. I approached her cautiously making sure I was in control the entire time. She still hadn't realized I was there. I could see she was crumbled on the ground and her clothes were torn. I could smell the sex in the air and knew what had taken place. My heart broke for her in that moment. I knew she was going to be living through hell and learning to cope with what had been done to her. As I came closer to the woman I could hear her whimpering and crying. She kept repeating how it was her fault and she should have been quicker. My heart seemed to be marked with another scar for this poor creature that was broken. I got down on my knees and called out to her. I didn't want to startle her by touching. I knew that would send her over the edge. _

"_Hello miss," I said as quietly as possible. Of course she jumped and started to move away from me._

"_Please, just leave me alone. I won't tell anyone, just leave me alone. I just want to go home." She cried as she tried to cover herself up. She was facing opposite me and couldn't see my face. I made sure I was still in control before I took another breath and spoke to her again._

"_Miss, I'm not going to hurt you I promise. I just want to help." I threw wave after wave of calm to her. I knew she was hurting and I didn't want to cause her anymore pain. She slowly calmed down and faced me. She was still beautiful. Her blond hair was a mess. It was coated with her blood at her temples. She had bruises on her cheeks and her right eye was already turning black. Her lip was cut and blood was coating the lining. She had bruises on her neck and wrists. Her shirt was tattered and her pants were still around her knees. My anger flared and I wanted to kill that fucker so badly. She must have felt my anger because she started to cower again. I flooded her with waves of calm. _

"_It's okay now. I promise I won't hurt you. I just want to help. Could you tell me who did this to you?" She just shook her head and started to cry again. Her green eyes filled with tears and spilled over the rims. I just wanted to make her world a little better. I knew I was in control of myself and I wasn't going to cause her more pain. I reached out to her and placed my hand on her shoulder. She immediately tensed up and tried to remove my hand. _

"_I'm not going to hurt you. Please let me help you." She looked at me through her emerald eyes and I push some confidence at her. I needed to get her help. I wasn't sure how bad she was and I didn't know the extent of her injuries. She stopped fighting and looked into my eyes. I knew they were darker than usual but with my gift I could tell she was calming down a little bit. I kept my hand on her shoulder and sat next to her. I took my jacket off and put it in her. _

"_What is your name miss?" I could tell she was still debating and I just gave her time._

"_Alexia, my name is Alexia." She whispered with tears running down her battered cheeks. I gently lifted my hand to her face and wiped at the tears that continued to come. She leaned her head into my cold one. I could tell the coldness helped with her pain. She then broke down. She couldn't hold her emotions together anymore. Before she fell to the ground, I caught her and placed her head in my lap. I stroked her hair and whispered she was safe and I was going to get help for her. Blood coated my hand and venom pooled in my mouth. Even though my body reacted to its natural food source, I knew I wasn't going to hurt her. I was for once in control of my monster and I wasn't going to let go. I would always wonder where my strength came from that night. It was another turning point in my life. Alexia started to calm some and I knew she needed to go to the hospital. _

"_Alexia, I need to call the police," I started to say but she became frantic. _

"_Please sir, I just want to go home. He said that if I called the police, he would kill me. I just want to go home." She pleaded with me. I knew she needed to get examined. I didn't want to go against her wishes, but she needed to be examined. If there was the slightest chance to catch that bastard then she needed to be examined. I knew I would have to go against her. I just felt horrible._

"_My name is Jasper. I know you want to go home, but you have to get checked out. A doctor needs to make sure you are okay. I know you have no reason to trust me, but I won't let that son-of-a-bitch hurt you. Look at me Lexi." I asked her softly. She turned her emerald eyes to me and just stared. _

"_I promise Lexi. I won't let him hurt you. Please you need a doctor; I just want to make sure you are okay. Do you think you could let me call the police?" I could tell she was wavering again; I intensified her trust and confidence. I felt like shit for doing it, but I didn't want anyone else to be attacked by the asshole. Her bright green eyes were shinning with tears and she continued to stare. I just waited for her to answer. Finally after a couple minutes she reluctantly gave me her permission. _

"_Okay Jasper." She murmured. I pulled her head to my shoulder and let her cry. I could feel her fright and sadness. I slowly took my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed nine-one-one. When I explained to the operator what happened and where we were I hung up. I treaded my fingers through her hair and gently rocked her. _

"_It's going to be better, Lexi. You did the right thing. I know it was hard but you did the right thing. Never fear that bastard. I know it is so much easier said than done, but you did nothing wrong Lexi. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm so sorry." I continued to say. I wasn't sure what to do. I wish Carlisle or Esme were here. They always knew what to say and how to react. I wondered if Lexi had any family._

"_Lexi, do you have anyone you want me to contact?" _

"_No Jasper, my family lives in another state. I'm here because I needed a fresh start. I broke up with my boyfriend and I wanted a fresh start. It was hard to leave my family, but I couldn't be there anymore." She was a kindred spirit of mine. I knew the desperation of what it felt like to leave. The need and the want to be away from the pain and anguish that consumed you. I knew what she felt like and my heart just broke for her all over again._

"_Is there a roommate or friend I can call?"_

"_I just moved her about a month ago. I didn't want a roommate. I needed some time to myself. I just didn't want to be around anyone for a while, but thank you so much. I'm not sure what I would be doing . . ." She couldn't continue. _

"_It's okay Lexi. I'm here for you. It will get better." I didn't even want to comprehend the pain and the awful thoughts that were going on in her head. I could hear the sirens and knew they would be here soon._

"_The police are going to be here soon Lexi. This isn't going to be easy, but they are here to help you. It is their job. They won't hurt you. Just tell them what happened and everything you remember. I know you don't want to, but think of what that asshole will so if you don't. He needs to be punished. I'm sorry you have to go through this sweetie." I whispered in her ear. She just shook and clung to my shirt._

"_Thank you Jasper." She kept saying over and over. The police arrived and they slowly approached us. _

"_Hello sir, are you the one who called the police?"_

"_Yes, I'm Jasper Hale." I shook his hand._

"_It sure is cold out tonight. Do you need a pair of gloves?" I wanted to laugh but knew it was an inappropriate time. _

"_I'm fine sir. This is Alexia. She was attacked tonight. I was on my way to my car when I heard some whimpering. I came into the alley and found her lying here. After learning what happened, I called you guys and I have been waiting." The officer just shook his head and wrote down my statement. He lifted his head and looked at her. _

"_Alexia, my name is Officer Smith and I'm here to help you. Can you please tell me what happened?" She just clung to me tighter and buried her face in my neck. I could feel her fear. I heard the ambulance pull up and unload their gear. When they approached us they tried to touch her, but Lexi started to freak out. I knew they were just trying to help her, but she was scared as shit. I sent her heavy lethargic waves and waited for her to loosen her grip. I didn't want her to suffer anymore tonight, so I put her to sleep so the paramedics and doctors could do what they needed. She started to fall asleep and her hand fell from my shirt. I gently picked her up and laid her on the stretcher. Everyone just looked at me with awe. _

"_I think you can take her now. She needs to be examined. I think she was violated." I said abrasively. I knew it wasn't their fault, but those idiots were standing there looking at me instead of taking care of the victim. _

"_Sorry sir, your right. You just have a way with people. It's amazing."_

"_Tell me about it" I said sarcastically. The ambulance finally loaded Lexi in and took her to the local hospital. Another piece of my heart was taken with her. I knew that tonight was somewhat of a victory for me. In the wake of her sadness and tragedy, I learned l was able to control my thirst. I also knew that I needed to leave. I needed to hunt. All of the different emotions of tonight had taken their toll and I needed a release, my body needed substance._

"_Is there anything else Officer Smith?"_

"_No Mr. Hale. Thank you for doing what you did. We could use more people like you. If there is anything you can think of, please call me." He said handing me his card. I took it and slipped in into my pocket. The officer shook my hand and shivered. _

"_Make sure you get some gloves and another coat Mr. Hale it is cold out." A smile broke on my face and I just chuckled. _

"_Thanks officer. I'll get another one tomorrow. Take care of yourself and be safe. I hope you catch that bastard."_

"_I hope so too. Have a good night son and good job!" I tipped my head and then left. I needed to hunt. I finally got to my truck and just gripped the steering wheel. I wanted to hurt that fucker. He deserved to have his dick cut off. _

_I continued to take deep breaths. I needed to calm down. My emotions were building and I was just getting angrier. I thought of something like that happening to my little angel and my anger sky rocketed. I knew I wasn't thinking logically and I was losing control of myself, but I wanted to hurt that bastard. Then my saving grace came. _

"_What" I answered. _

"_Son, could you please calm down for me." I don't remember calling him, but I must have. I knew that no matter the situation, Carlisle would be there. He was my calm. He was that voice in my head that told me I could accomplish anything and do anything I wanted. He was my saving grace along with my little angel. His voice was having the effect that I needed._

"_Good job Jasper, take some deep breaths for me. I know you have gone through some terrible things tonight and I need you to calm down for me son." He said soothingly. As I started to come back I realized what he said. _

"_Carlisle, what do you mean? I didn't call you?"_

"_No Jasper, Alice told me what happened and I knew that I needed to call you. She said you had gone through some pretty emotional events tonight and you might need me. She briefly explained to me what you did and I am so very proud. I cannot even begin to describe what I am feeling for you. I know that if you were here you wouldn't be able to stand because of the amount of pride I feel for you. I love you, son!" I could hear all of the emotion in Carlisle's voice. His voice broke a couple of times. I had never heard him like that it was my breaking point of the night. _

_I stooped over on my seat and just sobbed. I cried for Lexi and all she had been through. I cried for her future and all of the pain she was going to go through. I cried for the loss of some of her innocence that she could never have back. I cried for her family and all of the anger and heartbreaking feelings they would feel on her behalf. I cried for my past sins and all of the horrible things I had done. I cried for myself and the milestone I had accomplished tonight. I knew that what I had done was something amazing. For decades I struggled and fought with every fiber of my being for the control I had so desperately craved. I never wanted to be a burden on Alice and my family, and tonight I was that much closer. Ten months after I had taken the life of Shelly I was able to control myself around a person who had fresh blood on her skin. I did hunger and venom did pool in my mouth, but I never let my monster take control. It was such an amazing feeling. I was much closer to accomplishing my goal and there really were no words. I also cried for Carlisle. I cried for the anguish and pain I caused him over the years. I cried for his heart break and his feelings of discard he felt. Even though I loved my family, I never truly embraced them and Carlisle felt my rejection. He hurt for the bond I never let happen and I was sad he had to experience that from me. And I cried for his never-ending faith in me. He never gave up on me and his faith was eternal. Tonight was a celebration for me in the wake of such a tragic event. _

_Carlisle just cried with me and said everything was going to be fine. My father was an amazing person and I never deserved his love and patience, but he gave it willingly and freely. I was so blessed._

"_I'm so proud Jasper. I'm sorry you had to be tested in this manner, but it doesn't diminish my pride and love for you. Esme is so proud. She can't really talk right now because she is really emotional, but she wanted me to tell you of her love for you." After what seemed like hours I was able to get a hold of myself. I never liked to break down like that, but I knew if I didn't release my emotions somehow, I would have done something stupid. I was a man's man and it always embarrassed me to cry. Even though tears never fell, I still cried. _

"_Thanks dad, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for you and Esme and all you have given to me over the years. Tonight I took a step closer to you and the rest of the family and my goal. Give Esme my love and gratitude. I do need to hunt. It is my day and I haven't been able to go yet."_

"_You do what needs to be done Jasper. Go hunt, relax, and meditate on all you accomplished. You hold on to that feeling of accomplishment and never let it fade. It can never be taken from you. Remember you never have anything to prove. Our family doesn't work like that. I'm here always."_

"_I know," There were no other words because I knew he would be there, "and tell Alice thank you for everything." After I hung up I just sat and pondered everything that happened. I really was proud of myself. I hoped I had made Shelly and my little angel proud also. _

_The next day I visited Lexi in the hospital. It wasn't easy being around all of those people and blood, but I wanted her to know I was thinking about her. I didn't want her to feel abandoned. I held my breath most of the time. She was still really out of it, but I could tell she knew I was there. She had a feeling of peace. It went along way to make my heart feel better. She wasn't terrified at my presence but felt safe. I had come a long way. She still looked pretty bad but I knew with time and lots of love from her family and friends, she would learn to heal. _

* * *

I kept in contact with Lexi thorough emails. She told she me moved back home and was in counseling. There were days that her depression took over and she wasn't able to do anything, but the majority of her time she was doing all right. She knew she had a long road to her journey, but she was learning to cope with what happened. Because of her going to the doctors, they were able to run a DNA match on the fucking bastard who hurt and find out who he was. He went to trial and was given twenty years for what he had done to her and others.

Christmas came and went and my family loved their gifts, especially Esme and Carlisle. Their pictures were a hit. Esme kept me on the phone for an hour crying about how much she loved my gift and was so happy with the progress I was making. A mother's love is like no other. It is possibly one of the strongest bonds a person can have. Carlisle tried to take the phone but he got yelled at.

"Damn it Carlisle, leave me alone. I am talking to my son. Can't you see that or has your old age finally affected your seeing." I could do nothing but laugh. I did feel bad though. I didn't want to cause an argument between them.

"Sorry Dear, I will wait my turn. When you are finished I will talk to him." Carlisle was a smart man. He wasn't three hundred plus years for nothing.

"Damn straight, now leave me be."

* * *

Jasper's POV from the Present

"Poughkeepsie was just another stop on my journey before New York City. It really was nothing special, but again it was needed. I had learned a lot on that journey Bella and the most important thing is in my arms. And I can never forget my family and all their sacrifices. And here we are Isabella." I pulled my head back and looked into the face that was on my shoulder.

"Your something else Jasper . . ." She whispered and I knew she needed corrected.

"No Bella, I'm not. It took me a long time to get to that point and my trail is a bloody mess. I hate for you to know this about me and my failed life, but I promised you. I was a lucky one. I had Peter, Charlotte, Alice, Carlisle, Esme, my family, and you little one. I was able to have people in my life that held my hand when needed and cheered me on when earned. It's been a long journey, my angel, but if it brought me to you, I truly cannot hate it too much. I would never presume to tell you I'm glad that my horrid past led me to you, but the mistakes I made and the lessons I learned made me a better person for you, and of course BB." She buried her head in by shoulder and held on tightly.

"You have had a sad and tragic past Jasper. Some of it scares me, and most of it makes me proud of you. How many can truly rise from the very pits of despair, fall time and time again, and still have the courage to go on and continue to live. You see your existence as appalling and vile, and some parts are, but those are a part of you Jasper. I don't romanticize your past. I cry for your sins, but I also cry for your happiness. You go against the very grain you are and deny yourself everything natural. Embrace that Jasper, and learn to let go of the things that are gone and done with. Know that I love you,

Bella finally knew my history, and even though she told the truth in being scared with some of the things that I had done I appreciated her honesty. She was sad for the lives I had taken, but she also understood the choices I had made since then and the choices I continued to make. I could finally take her advice and let the ghost of my past fade into the darkness that had tried to swallow me but failed. I held my angel in my arms and she held me. In between us BB slept safely in her, and with these two in my life, and their love in my soul the sins of my past could no longer hold me.

I lived for them and everything else that touched my life save my family and work fell away into the dark recesses of my untouched mind.

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: And then there were two. Yes everyone, there are only two more chapters left to the story. I can't believe that I was even able to write this much. I want to sincerely thank all of those who have added me to their alerts and favorites. The confidence was amazing and always inspired.

I want to thank those who reviewed, and gave me the extra confidence with their words and their thoughts. I am always humbled by both the kind words and the criticism. They were both helpful and allowed me to continue to add chapter after chapter. I tear up just thinking of the immense support your reviews gave to me.

So what does this mean, something good. There will be a second part to this story; a continuance if you will. The reason I'm ending this story is because the Title is finished and the next part of their story doesn't really fit with it. There will be a lot more Bella and Jasper to come. I just wanted to tell everyone so that when you see the word COMPLETE on the story, you don't think I'm leaving you hanging. :D

I'm also starting something new, a little reward for those who leave me reviews. I feel my thanks aren't enough. I will be giving excerpts to the next chapter in the replies I leave. It's just a little thank you. It will start with this chapter. Leave a review and you get a sneak peek into the next chapter.

If you were confused with anything in this chapter let me know and I'll try to clarify. Well that concludes the longest most drawn out author's note on Fan Fiction.

**Again thanks to everyone. I hope all is well. Much love as always. **


	30. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Notes: Hello loves, and welcome to the second to last chapter. There are a lot of things going on in this chapter, but I hope you enjoy them all. I just wanted to thank those who have added me to their alerts and favorite. You've been a big confidence builder during the life of the story. Thanks to those who have reviewed the last chapter. I enjoyed all the thoughts and hoped you enjoyed the sneak peak. :)

I also wanted to send a special thanks to Karen E Teague for looking over the chapter. I know it was long but I still appreciate the time you took. Also thanks to LordXeenTheGreat for reviewing each chapter. Again, it's something I've never done that far into the story, so I appreciate the effort. Also all pictures for this chapter are on my profile. :)

I hope everyone is well, and I wanted to wish everything good to all the miners in Chile and their families. It was a tragic story that turned into something so hopeful and beautiful. Much love to everyone.

**Chapter Thirty**

16 October/Friday – 14 November/Saturday

Bella's POV

Time almost seemed a figment of my imagination. I opened my eyes every morning to see my vampire there greeting me with a smile. The day was spent in his company; laughing, talking, enjoying our lives together. The evening would either be Jasper cooking me an insanely healthy meal or me arguing with him about letting me cook myself a thick steak with all the trimmings. Suffice to say not many of my dinners were medium rare. One night I even tried switching the tables on him, but the darn vampire was a creature unto his own.

"Jasper," I said in exasperation. He simply smirked at me while I crossed my arms over my ever present bulging stomach in irritation.

"Bella," He answered in mock irritation, trying to keep the smile from his lips. I was getting angry, and I knew he could feel my emotions. "What do you want, angel?" He asked in a gentle voice. If he thought he could placate me with his nickname, then he was beyond crazy.

"For once I want to cook my dinner, and if I choose to have a hotdog with chili then you'll have to deal." I argued in a lofty voice, trying to keep my nose from going into the air.

"I know you want to cook your own dinner Bella, but why when you have me to do it for you? There are tons, no pun intended (he knew I was at that stage in my pregnancy where any mention of weight . . . meant a life or death situation . . . not that he had to worry of such things), of women who would kill to have a debonair, good looking, handsome, incredibility sexy man cook them dinner every night. So why make a fuss angel?" I rolled my eyes at his ludicrous statement, not that he wasn't any of those things, but he didn't need confirmation.

"If you would like one of those killing women, Jasper, check the local prison; in the mean time I would like to cook a meal every now and then, something that isn't bought at a health food store and sold for three times the market value simply because it says organic on the plastic covering." I grumbled. Jasper had no qualms speeding money on what he thought was best for BB and I, but I wasn't use to the prices he thought was _pocket change_. I had lived on a budget for so long that it just became second nature. I didn't want to feel like a burden to him. He had already spent so much time and money on me that I constantly felt bad and at a disadvantage. Jasper could feel my emotions, but he didn't understand the reasoning behind it. I never faulted Jasper for wanting to help, but sometimes I felt so undeserving. He wasn't the only one who felt that speeding money on me was a waste, his mother was even worse.

"You are the only woman I could ever want or need Bella." He said in a most sincere voice, while my cheeks turned red. I hated when my skin gave away my emotions. If he wanted to play then so could I. Jasper always used it on me, so now it was his turn to relent. "I only want to look out for you and the baby, angel. I'm sorry for being such a burden on you." He tried frowning. I wanted to queue his cello for some sad music.

I looked into Jasper's eyes and let my eyes get big. I knew he loved my boring eyes, for some reason. I poked out my lower lips, trying to get the pouty lip just right. Of course I got the opposite response than the one I was intending. After his laugh had resided and my hands had taken residence on my 'wide load' hips, trying to show him how upset I was, he came over to me and took me into his arms; not that I could really fit. I could never resist the shelter they provided me, and that vampire knew it. He buried his face in my hair then placed a gentle kiss in front of my ear before he whispered, "You could never perfect the puppy-dog look Bella. It just doesn't suit that beautiful face of yours." Flattery would get him everywhere, and he knew this perfectly well. I could never stand up to that side of his, which made me feel almost worth his time. He kissed my cheek, and I could feel the smile on his lips. He already knew he won.

"Fine, Jazz you win again. You always seem to get your way with me." I said in a matter of fact voice, nothing lacing my words except the truth.

"It's because you love me, angel" He whispered, I could feel his breath on my face.

"It's because I love you." I confirmed before reaching behind him, and pouring the glass of water I had in my hands over his overheated big head. He screeched like a woman, making me break out into a fit of my own giggles.

The rest of the evening was spent with me getting away with it because I was pregnant, and Jasper would never retaliate while I was carrying BB. Maybe I had something to be concerned about after BB was born. Oh, well it was something to think about later.

* * *

21 October/ Wednesday – Bella's POV

Time was also spent with Esme and Carlisle. Their love for me was something else and truthfully scared me a little. I really wasn't used to the whole family dynamic, and it took me some time to become more comfortable with. It never helped that I weighed a ton, and had the hormonal levels of five old women taking estrogen pills. One moment I felt happy and on top of the world while the next I felt that this child was never going to get out of me and my ankles would be sore forever.

There was a knock on the door and I allowed Jasper to get it. I could barely move, and he would yell if I did something unnecessary because everyone knew opening a door was bad for the health of the mother. I laughed at my own joke, and watched as Esme came in with Jasper behind her pushing a pram. I immediately sobered up from my laugh and could feel myself becoming angry.

My face became red as I felt my ire rise. It was unbelievable the way these people went through money. These gifts were completely unnecessary and would only be used for such a short time. I also felt bad that they thought they needed to spend money on me. I just wanted for them to like me and the baby, which was no problem after looking at the three thousand dollar pram she had wheeled in. I knew the price of it because I had been on the internet looking at things for the baby. Jasper and Esme were admiring the beauty of the old world stroller, and I was a steaming little pregnant woman. It was time for me to finally and once and for all lay down the law. The child wasn't even born yet and I knew it would have champagne taste.

"Esme," I said and was ignored. She probably already knew what I was going to rant about and just chose to ignore me. "Esme," I finally whined and stomped my foot on the ground. I felt childish by acting in that manner, but I really wanted her attention.

She had the good graces to finally acknowledge me. "What is it that you need darling?" She placated me.

"Esme, how many times have I asked you not to spend obscene amounts of money. It's like when I talk you have some kind of filter that completely blocks out my voice, and you're not the only one with that problem." I said and cast my angry glare on the vampire that was hiding behind his mother. And one would have me believe he was some bad killer in wars. "I'm not comfortable with these gifts, and I cannot accept them. You have just wasted your money because you are just going to have to take it back. I'm sorry for your inconvenience, but I have warned you. Maybe next time you will realize I'm being serious and not just sprouting off. This child," I grunted while pointing to my huge stomach that no one could miss, "Isn't even born yet and already is treated like royalty." I huffed out as I studied Esme to see if she had finally gotten my point. She was just smiling a benign smile.

"What could possibly be so funny Esme?" I asked in a rather rude voice. I knew she had ignored every word I said, so when she bought me something else she claimed not to hear. But when I spoke about a sharp pain in my back she was all concern and love. I knew that woman or rather vampire had selective hearing, along with the rest of the Cullen's.

"Bella, darling, it wasn't I who bought you this pram." I was shocked and a little embarrassed by my outburst. I turned my accusatory stare on her son who had a short time to live. I had told him a million times not to spend absurd amounts of money on something so frivolous.

"Jasper, we have talked about this numerous times. Why can't you seem to understand the words I tell you?" I said in anger. Jasper looked at me with a smirk lingering on his lips. I wondered if he could feel and see the steam coming from my ears. "What?" I yelled finally losing my composure.

"Patience, angel. The stress isn't good for BB." He said in his ever calm tone. The nerve of that patronizing vampire, I wondered how high I could get the flames before he got the message. "As I was saying before you went off into another way-to-kill-Jasper-because-he-is-undeniably-sexy-and-not-listening-to-a-word-I-say stupor," I wondered if he was an actual Empath or if he truly had a death wish. "I wasn't the one to buy you the pram, angel." He finished with his holier-than-thou smile. I could feel my cheeks bypass red and go straight to flaming. I wondered if the flames cold burn my nonexistent brain. Jasper brought his hand to my cheek and rubbed the pad of his thumb over my cheekbone.

"I'm sorry Jasper," I said which couldn't describe my embarrassment, "if not you then who?"

"Who else angel? The one who has spent the most money out of all of us, the one who has been crazy with joy ever since he heard he was going to be in BB's life, the one who is even more excited than Esme and Rose, the one who is constantly taking up my talking time with BB because he thinks I've had enough time and he hasn't, the one who is driving me up the wall." He rebutted, and I should have guessed. He was the biggest spender of them all, combined, times ten; Carlisle. Ever since he found out about BB, and knew he was going to be a part of BB life, Carlisle had gone off the very, very deep end, according to his family. They had never seen him spend outrageous amounts of money, and they claimed he was usually fiscally responsible. BB was already bringing out the crazy side of people and he or she hadn't even been born yet. Carlisle even started to refer to himself as 'papa Carlisle'. I smiled at his antics, and the obvious love he had for my child.

Before I could answer Jasper's question, the guilty party came into the apartment with a smile that could have lit up the city for weeks. I looked over at the man who had become like a father to me, and felt the tears come to my eyes. Carlisle came over to me, because moving had become impossible when one weighed the size of a baby elephant, and crouched before me. "Thanks papa Carlisle for the pram. It was so unnecessary, but beyond beautiful. I'm sure BB will love it." I gushed trying to stop the tears that never left me alone and insisted on making an appearance every day.

"It wasn't a problem, anything for you and the baby, Isabella. I know it's a little overboard, but I just couldn't resist. It takes me back to a time that reminds me of home." I leaned forward and gave the man whom I thought of as a father a hug. He reciprocated while drying the tears from my face with his cold hands.

"How is that fair?" I heard Jasper complaining somewhere from the room. "We get our heads taken off, and Carlisle gets a few tears and a hug for his troubles."

"I know son, one would think that we robbed a bank while holding people at gun point for getting Bella a present." I wanted to laugh at their petulance, but also knew they had a point. I just had a special place for Carlisle, and his gifts. I knew if my own father could afford such elegance he would have given BB and me the world. Carlisle reminded me of my father in his loving, and inconspicuous demeanor. He gave me my father back, and I latched onto him and that presence in my life. I looked over Carlisle's shoulder and found Esme and Jasper. I gave them a watery smile, trying to show my love and thankfulness to them. Esme immediately melted and returned my smile. After another good sulk, Jasper finally relented and gave me the smile I loved the most, the one reserved just for me.

* * *

31 October/Saturday – Halloween – Bella's POV

Halloween was never a favorite holiday of mine. I guess since I had never really dressed up and was taken trick-or-treating, I found it to be just another ordinary day. I was excited, however; because this year I was going to be a mother soon and the thought of little children dressing in cute little costumes made me smile a silly smile. Rose and the others were going to some club that was supposed to be hot, and it was giving a three thousand reward for the best costume, so it was just going to be Jasper and me at home, which was always a welcome. We had gone to the store earlier in the week and gotten lots of candy to pass out. Jasper made a fuss about the unhealthy treats, but I scoffed at him. What did a vampire that never ate know about the goodness of chocolate?

We were going to have a scary movie marathon and I was going to pig out on pizza and candy. Carlisle had already talked to Jasper and told him that one night of a little indulgence wasn't going to hurt me. I loved having Carlisle on my side; it evened the playing field since I couldn't say no to Jasper. Carlisle had threatened him that if he took my fun night away there would be consequences. I didn't know what they were, but the name Emmett was mentioned. So there I sat happily eating my pizza with everything on it and trying to block out the death glares from my angry vampire. It was naughty of me to go around his back, but a pregnant girl did what a pregnant girl had to do.

"Don't sulk baby, it makes you look unattractive." I joked before I took a huge bit of my pizza and moaned just to rub it in.

"That is a bold face lie and you know I'm handsome in anyway." Darn him and that extra sense. I just shrugged my shoulders and finished off my pizza with sounds of delight. He continued to huff in the corner of the couch and I laughed when the bad guy in the movie tried to kill the girl that ran up the stairs instead of out the door. Some people really had no sense. When I finished my pizza, I got a candy bar out of the candy bowl and slowly unwrapped it. If I was going to sin tonight, I was going to do it well. Jasper shoved his arms over his chest, and I let out a giggle because of his petulant behavior.

I turned toward him on the couch, took a bit, and chewed slowly. His eyes became dark, and I found myself becoming lost in them as the candy bar hung from my fingers forgotten. A smirk blossomed on his face. I gulped and thought I had gone too far. Jasper started to scoot closer to me on the couch while I just stared. I was lost in his presence. "Was that good angel?" He asked and all I could do was nod. "Was it worth it?" Again I gave the same response. "Would you like me to help you finish that, your hands seem incapable of moving at the moment." His accent was coming out and I knew I was in trouble. I felt myself move back against the couch and inwardly cursed because there was nowhere else to move. "Are you stuck angel?" He all but purred. I felt my heart speed up and my cheeks reddened. He could hear my heart beat and knew I was nervous. Jasper finally leaned into me, avoiding my stomach, and whispered silkily into my ear, "Watching you eat that candy bar was amazing, angel. I must confess I am in envy of something that looks revolting, but made beautiful by your lips."

I wondered how he was so talented with his words. They caused reactions in me that I didn't think I should have been feeling. My mouth became dry and I found myself longing for something to quench the thirst and it had nothing to do with my chosen beverage. I brought my hands up and placed them on Jasper's secure chest. He removed his lips from my ear after he placed a kiss on my temple. He looked at me again, and I felt like something was happening, that we were both in a situation that was exhilarating and dangerous. I wanted to push him away, but also pull him in at the same time.

"Jasper, what's happening?" I asked like a confused child while hearing the evident fear in my voice.

"I don't know, angel." He whispered and gave me no comfort. He slightly leaned forward and I fisted my hands into his shirt even more. His lips all but touched mine before I heard the doorbell ring. I turned red and Jasper cleared his throat before quickly apologizing and helping me up from the couch. We both made our way to the door and opened it. There were several kids standing there looking adorable, and some older ones.

There was a little girl dressed up as a lion and she almost broke my heart with her sweet beauty. I gave her several pieces of candy and she gently thanked me in her angel's voice. I felt myself start to tear up again, but was able to hold it in. Next was a little boy dressed up as the scarecrow. His costume was fantastic and I knew he was the little girl's brother. He recited his favorite line from the Wizard of Oz and received extra candy for being a doll. We passed out the rest of the candy, and went back into the living room. My feet were already hurting, but I didn't care. It was worth it seeing those little dolls looking so cute. I knew a serene smile played on my lips, but I couldn't help the feeling of euphoria. I would soon be that mother taking her child trick-or-treating.

Jasper sat next to me and placed his arm around my shoulder. I could feel the smile on his lips as he rested his face on my head. His lips brushed my temple again before he spoke, "You're happiness is wonderful to feel Bella. It's so full of joy and excitement." I pushed more of my euphoria at him, and felt him chuckle. "Thanks angel." He whispered.

The rest of the night was spent in companionable silence. Nothing was said about the intimate moment, but that was fine. I was scared to lose Jasper and didn't want to make any sudden decisions. I was going to have a child and for now that was more than enough. Besides, Jasper was going to be there right beside me.

* * *

6 November/ Friday – Jasper's POV

Edward hadn't met Bella yet and I knew that wouldn't happen until later. When I questioned him on his reluctance in meeting her he said that Alice had cautioned him. He was vague on the details, but he said so was Alice. When Edward tried to read her mind, she would think about the times that Emmett tried to embarrass him, which would toss him out of her head quicker than Emmett could make love to a pastry. Thinking of Emmett made me think of the other day when he come over uninvited. I planned on asking him over sometimes, but he was like a rolling boulder (he couldn't be compared to a stone), he never let moss grow under him. One thing about Emmett was he took the initiative, when he wanted.

So being around Emmett of course gave Bella the experience she would need in becoming a mother. I knew he had his purposes every now and then.

"Hey Jazz," Emmett said while barging in. "where's the little round one?" He said as if he didn't have a care in the world like and was invited over. He was also lucky Bella did hear that comment.

"Hey Emmett, please come in and make yourself at home." I deadpanned.

"Don't mind if I do." He said ignoring my sarcasm. "So where is she?"

"Well brother of mine, answer me this, where is your wife?"

"I don't know. She said some shit about a girly day out or something. I wasn't really paying attention because she was wearing clothes." And then it was already time for the acid. Would he ever learn the meaning of too much information?

"Emmett, that's my sister you are degrading. Could you possibly talk about her like she is your wife?" I said in annoyance. Emmett scoffed, after rolling his eyes.

"Dude, stop with the ass kissing, Esme's not even here and your just jealous you haven't used your member's only in a while." I had to laugh at his saying. Leave it to my brother to find a creative phrase for the word penis. I was also annoyed he threw my sex life or very lack thereof in my face. He did have a point, and from his smug emotions, he knew he was correct.

"So you and Bella aren't shacking," He said using finger quotes, "up together?"

"Once again your amazing mind dexterity astounds me. Your ability to articulate such a sensitive and clandestine issue is top notch. Your manner in asking about my intimate relations shows your proclivity for communicating things, which are not your concern." I knew it pissed Emmett off when I talked like Edward. He was too easy to rile up.

"Damn it Jazz, just answer the question." He said in aggravation.

"Well to put into your terms, that is none of your business, and I would thank you to fuck off." I explained with a smile.

"There's the brother that I know and love. Both you and Edward are too easy to mess with, but you know I love my sisters, although Edward is prettier than you."

"There's no reason to be jealous Emmett. You're just upset Edward could get more women then you with a smile, than you could get with your little fishing pole."

"My fishing pole is far from little. I could reel in a great white shark with mine, versus a minnow that you and Edward would catch." He said. Again it was so easy to rile him, so I went in for the kill.

"Not from what a little birdie told me. According to the starling, you lost your bate not more than ten seconds into the action. Sounds like someone could use a few lesson on cast a **long** line." I said putting emphasizes on the word long. Emmett sputtered and if his heart were able to pump blood his face would have been red.

"How did you . . . who told . . . how?" He finally stuttered while I continued to laugh. I really did feel for him opening the can of worms.

"Would it make it any less true, brother of mine?" Emmett looked around the room, and I could feel his apprehension. Too bad there wasn't an available hole to swallow him.

"You have to understand Jasper, sometimes when Rosie moves her hips that quickly it takes me by surprise." He tried to explain and I wondered how I could get a bullet through my head.

I heard the front door open, and thanked whoever it was for their appearance in my life. I wanted to buy them the world. My walking miracle came into view wearing a white shirt, brown cardigan and her black wide ruffled collar trim coat. Esme and Rose had such a nice and classic taste in clothes. They seemed to know what would make my angel comfortable. Bella sat down, leaned over, and pressed her cool lips to my cheek. I guess the weather was colder than I thought. I never felt extremes, but when Bella touched me, she gave me that ability.

"Hi angel," I whispered in her face. I had missed her during her 'girly time'. Before she could answer, my brother's better half made her appearance.

"Are you telling Jasper about your ten second sprint to the finish line, Emmett?" They were too much alike. Bella looked confused at the question. Rose must have heard us when they were making their way to the door.

"Rosie, you know what happened." He whined while trying to defend himself. A guy could only try.

"Yes, yes Husband. And watch your language in front of the baby." She chastised while giving Bella a soft smile. It still amazed me to see that incredibly soft side of Rose. She was a totally different person with Bella, not caring she was human. I knew Rose also had an immense capacity to love. She just needed to open her heart a little more.

Emmett and Rose decided to stay for the evening. While I cooked Bella dinner, I rejoiced at having vampire gifts. I would never understand how something that smelt like shit, was supposed to be healthy. But anything was better than liver. I shivered when I thought about that slimy bile sliding down my throat. Some things were better forgotten; unfortunately I didn't have that ability.

Bella and Rose put away the things they had purchased for the baby. BB wasn't even born yet, and the child was spoiled beyond belief. It would never matter what I said, I would never be able to rain in my family.

After Bella finished her apricot chicken with steamed broccoli and new potatoes, and we were all sitting around talking, Emmett took it on himself to teach Bella what is was like having a child around.

"Do you want to play a game Bella?" Emmett asked her in an excited voice. I looked over at Bella and could see apprehension written on her face.

"What kind of game?" She asked hesitantly.

"What kind of game?" Emmett asked her. Bella seemed more confused than ever.

"I'm not sure Emmett. It was you're idea."

"I'm not sure Emmett. It was you're idea." He said. My angel looked over to me, silently asking for help, but I knew there was nothing to be done. Rose rolled her eyes at her husband's antic, already use to his behavior.

"Aren't you a little old to be repeating what I say?" I could feel her irritation start to rise. Bella was almost nine months pregnant, and Emmett had the audacity to patronize her.

"Aren't you a little old to be repeating what I say?" Bella narrowed her eyes, and I knew no good could come of this. It was a shame I couldn't warn Emmett, my mouth didn't want to cooperate.

"I'm warning you, Emmett." My angel said in fairness.

"I'm warning you, Emmett." My dead brother repeated in an annoying child's voice that reminded me of the kid from the movie 'Problem Child'. Damn I remember why I hated that movie so much.

"I hate you."

"I hate you."

"Grow up already."

"Grow up already." I was getting fed up just listening to their banter.

"I can't hold my liquids." Bella said, and I could feel her mischief reach out and almost choke me.

"I can't hold my liquids." Emmett intoned, not really paying attention to what he was saying.

"I swallow." My little kitten said while trying to hold her blush back.

"I swallow." He repeated once more. I reached out to Bella, and knew she was about to strike. I could feel her killer instinct.

"Ten seconds, Emmett." Bella said in a singsong voice. Damn my angel had a dirty mouth with a sharp tongue.

"Ten seconds, Emmett." Rose and I couldn't hold in our mirth and rolled over laughing. Emmett looked at us in confusion before he finally understood what he had said.

"Hey," He cried in indignation.

"What, brother?" Bella asked in her most innocent voice. "Was it something you repeated?" She brought her finger up to her lip while giving Emmett her full attention and batting her eyelashes.

"You know damn well what you said, Bella. And I don't appreciate . . ." He never got to finish

SLAP!

"Don't use curse words in front of the baby." Rose said after pelting my poor brother in the head. I knew he shouldn't have messed with Bella. She looked over at me and winked. I knew she was trying to fight the laugh that wanted to take over her body.

"But Rosie, the thing can't even understand me. How can it understand the difference between the word 'puck' versus 'fuc . . .?"

SLAP!

"It's not a 'thing', Emmett or an 'it'. BB is a child that will be here sooner than you would expect. It's not about BB understanding certain words. It's about setting an example for the little one." She finished in a dreamy voice; I could only imagine what she was thinking. I did know that she was excited to see the baby, but more excited to be a part of BB life. As Rose went off into the dream land of baby, Emmett looked over towards Bella and saw the smirk which was plastered on her lips.

"You will pay for this."

"You will pay for this." Bella repeated. Damn my angel was good. It was also a good thing Rose couldn't read minds, or else I would probably get slapped for even thinking a curse word in front of the baby.

"Don't threaten me." Emmett said not really realizing that Bella was copying him.

"Don't threaten me." Once he cottoned on I could feel his annoyance.

"Stop copying me."

"Stop copying me."

"I love having sex with Jasper." He said in stupidity trying to get Bella to copy him, not quite knowing what he said.

"You love having sex with your brother?" Bella asked around her unladylike laugh. Rose, if she were human, would be in tears from her laughter.

"What," I yelled. There was no way I was being pulled into this shit.

"What," Emmett yelled the same time as me. His wonderful wife just laughed along with my little demon. "No you were supposed to repeat what I said and admit you are having sex with Jasper. He said earlier that is wasn't my business alluding to a sex life. He also said you fuck off." He tattled like a little boy to Bella. I knew Emmett was thinking _if I'm going down, then so are you, _regardless if he lied. His superior smirk said it all.

SLAP!

"Man Jazz." He yelled, finally not cursing after tattling about my 'fuck off' statement.

"Stop lying and saying inappropriate things about me. And don't use words like 'allude'." I added as an afterthought. How did a simple game of copycat . . . go to my brother loving to have sex with me? One never knew what was going to happen with Emmett around.

"Perhaps we should just watch a movie, and be quiet." Bella murmured, finally catching her breath from laughing. I looked at my angel and thought again how very smart she was.

"That's the best suggestion I've heard all evening Bella." Rose said, also finally recovering from her laughing fit.

The rest of the night was spent in relative silence with Emmett shooting glares in Bella and my direction, but the best part of the night was being able to hold Bella in the safety of my arms. When she was there I knew harm couldn't come to her, and if someone tried, even heaven couldn't save them.

* * *

14 November/Saturday – Bella's POV

Being pregnant was the pits. I wanted to shoot whoever felt the need not to warn me about what being pregnant was like. No sane jury of my peers, meaning anyone who had ever been pregnant, would convict me. My weight was enough to challenge a sumo wrestler, and then all I had to do was sit on him to claim victory. Jasper had been a saint, doing everything and anything he thought would take the pressure off of me. I may have been a raging hippo at times, but he always took it with a grain of salt. He allowed me my space when I needed, and comforted me when I cried over how long it took me to go to the bathroom. My feet hurt, my back hurt, my ankles hurt, my ass hurt. I never said ass, but it really did hurt.

I could feel the tears that came to my eyes as I thought about the curse word I had just uttered. I knew I was going to be a bad mother. I couldn't even stop dirty words from entering my head, so how would I even be able to care for a child. I furiously wiped the tears from my eyes and rubbed the pain in my back. Jasper was gone for the day taking care of his eating habits. He only wanted to stay away for a few hours, but I knew he deserved a longer break from me than that. I would have been gone for days at a time if I had to deal with someone like me, but that showed the difference between Jasper and I. He was amazing, and I was fat. The dreaded tears came to my eyes again, and I couldn't help but think how pathetic I felt. As I reached for my face again to wipe the tears, I heard a knock on the door. I knew there was no way I could walk over there in time for the person to be fed up and leave so I called out to whomever was there to just come in. Jasper would have skinned me alive if he knew I hadn't locked the door, and just let whomever in without looking, but fortunately he wasn't present. By the time I looked up to see who it was, Rose was standing in front of me. I wondered if I would ever get use to their bursts of speed and eerily quiet movements.

"Hey Rose." I said in my sad, pathetic voice. She gave me a sympathetic smile, and it took me a while to get beyond her beauty. Someone broke hundreds of molds when she was created. "You're so pretty." I blurted out. I missed the filter I used to have in my mind. She just gave me an indulgent smile.

"Hello, Bella and thank you." She said humbly. I was told from Jasper about her and Edward's fight. He thought she was beyond vain, and she thought he was a stiff, but for some reason Rose never showed me that part of her. All I had was her loving, caring, and humbled sides, the only time she ever became angry around me was when Emmett decided to do something not approving. I wondered if she felt sorry for me, having to carry around a whole other person. I knew she read all of my magazines and maternity books, so maybe she just empathized with me. I also knew she had wanted a child. I could tell from out first meeting and the way she had longingly looked at my stomach. My heart ached for her infertility, and her most scared wish never coming true. Regardless of her actions, I was lucky to have such a marvelous friend, and surrogate sister. I still hadn't met Alice yet, and I was beyond scared to meet her. She had been Jasper wife and lover. She had been his savior in his depression, and his entire world when he fell in love with her. I knew her to be beautiful, because all of Jasper's family was, and her selfless love for him seemed almost unmatched. Esme and Carlisle love Jasper with everything they were, but it was a different type of love, not borne of romance.

"Bella are you feeling alright? I've been trying to get your attention for several minutes, and your face is a little flushed." I was pulled from my inner soliloquy and felt my face become even more flushed. I hoped my child didn't get this dreaded trait.

"I'm fine, Rosie, I just have a lot on my mind. I'm sorry if I'm being rude, you've come all this way to see me, and I'm in my own wonderland." I tried to apologize, but it sounded like whining to my ears.

"Would you like to talk about anything?" She asked in her sweet voice as she placed her cold hand on mine. It again amazed me that Jasper didn't feel that way to me.

"It isn't anything you haven't heard already, Rose, and I don't want to bore you any further." She gave me a smile saying that I could never do such a thing, but I begged to differ. "Not that I'm not thankful for you coming over and distracting me from myself pity, but is there a specific reason?"

"Well for one, I wanted the pleasure of your company," I couldn't help the tears that came to my eyes at her confession. She was a doll, "two, I was wondering if you wanted to be my lunch date. Seeing as no one else in my family eats human food that left me with you. Three, I know you must be feeling just awful and guilty for feeling awful about BB, so I wanted to try and distract you. How about it Bella, would you like to get lunch with me? Although, I must warn you there will be only be one person eating, and the other claiming not to be hungry." She said in jest trying to make me smile, which she did. How could she not? I would have loved to go out to eat, but I knew it would take me forever to get ready and then out the door, by the time I was finished it would be dinner. Rose, in seeing my dilemma, gave me the solution to my problem. "There is no reason to worry Bella. I'll get what you need and bring it to you. Would that be better? And I promise you can order anything off the menu, I just won't look when you order something unhealthy." I had to laugh at my friend.

"That would be wonderful. You don't know how much I needed you right now Rose. Here I am sitting on the couch with an oversized shirt and baggy pant feeling sorry for myself when I have so much to be thankful for, you being one of those." Before I had a chance to cry for the hundredth time that day, Rose bent down, gave me a kiss on my cheek, and left the room to get what I needed.

After I was dressed in my Convertible Button Front Maternity Dress (another one of Esme's buys), leggings, and Ballet flats, I was pronounced ready to go (**on profile)**. Rose grabbed my Hooded Wool Maternity Coat and helped me into it. The weather was getting colder and colder. I was lucky though that I wasn't hot and fat. I walked over to the passenger side of Rose's BMW X6, and shut the door. I was still a little fearful of cars, but was thankful she had brought this one instead of her sportier one, a Z something. I could never keep all their cars straight. Their love affairs with them were legendary, and I thought Rose may have been worse than Jasper, which was saying something.

Lunch had been such a blessing in disguise. Even though I thought I was too dressed up, and she took me to an unnecessarily expensive restaurant, the food had been unbelievable, and her unfailing company even better. She talked to me of her past, and her desire in wanting to have a child. She told me of Emmett and how he had saved her from an eternity of madness and lonesome, her love for him, and his easy acceptance of what he had become. He helped to release her guilt and learn to accept the person she had become. Their story was beautiful, and I was prodigiously proud of myself for only shedding a few tears.

"Emmett may be brash and completely unable to handle at times, but he truly does love his family. Emmett has an uncommon skill in seeing the good side of so many things. He goes through life with a smile on his face and love in his heart for his family. He may try to always come off as macho and unfeeling, but underneath his façade is someone who also wants to be loved. He may try to tell you how much he loves sex and all the different positions he loves to try, but his favorite thing about being intimate is the afterglow." I was glad when she ended it there. I wasn't sure how much more information I could take on their sex life, I could just feel the hotness in my cheeks. "He puts his arms around my waist and buries his face in my hair. He murmurs his love for me while kissing my neck." Her eyes glasses over, and her words became longingly soft. It was a side of Emmett I could picture, despite his boisterous side. In their solo time he loved Rose, and gave her the closeness she needed. I grabbed her hand that clutched the end of the table and gently squeezed. She looked into my eyes and her watery tears matched my own.

"I promise not to tell." I said, and she gave a small laugh. I would never tease Emmett about such a beautiful thing between them. I was grateful to Rose for letting me hear such a soft side to Emmett. "That sounds jut heavenly Rose." I said in an almost dreamy voice I didn't quite recognize. When I cleared my voice, I looked at Rose again and saw a peculiar look on her face. "What's the problem, Rose? You look a little funny." She just laughed at my assessment and I wondered what she had been thinking, but I didn't have to wait long.

"Have you and Jasper talked about your feelings for him?" She asked in the most blunt, no nonsense way. My skin became red, and I cursed myself for opening my big mouth to her about our little kiss after the accident.

"Rose," I whined in an exasperated voice, trying to keep my face from going magenta.

"It's a perfectly appropriate question, sister." She sweet talked me. I, however; begged to differ. I thought I wasn't so transparent with what I may have been feeling for Jasper. My emotions were so washy lately that I wasn't sure which way to go. I knew I loved Jasper more than anything, and his friendship had meant everything to me. I also knew that whenever he had entered the room lately, or just gave me a simple smile, my heart would instantly react making me turn away in embarrassment. He could feel what I felt, and hear my erratic heartbeat, and I cursed vampires in that instance. It was truly unfair, to have been so blessed with looks, personality, skills, and his extra senses that I could never really hide anything. We never talked about our kiss after the accident. It never felt like the right time, we were trying to learn to forgive each other, and learn to live with our different personalities. Jasper had only been back in my life for three months, but sometimes it felt longer than that. Add on my constant mood changes, and his family, we never took the time to discuss what may have been there. I also knew that I was scared to enter into something with him, and not have it work out. It was a legitimate fear, and I could never imagine what I would do without him if things went bad.

"Tell me what you are thinking, Bella."

"It's very complicated Rosie." I started with a shaky voice, "On the one hand Jasper is my best friend and the love of my life, and when I say 'life' I mean 'life'. He was there for me when I was a little girl and on the brink of death. I'm positive they wouldn't have found me in time, and it was Jasper that saved me. He was there with me through everything I went through in my life . . . in my thoughts and in my heart, and he is always with me no matter what life may throw me. He loves me unconditionally, as I him. I've hurt him with my actions, despite what he may say, and I'm sure there will be other times in the future where he may get hurt, life is never certain.

Then there is the other side, the potential for something extraordinary for us, some place for our feelings to be explored, some place where our feelings for each other can be something inexplicably undeniable. But with that potential comes the bad. I don't know what I would do without him Rose. It is a possibility I cannot fathom. I need him and it's just that simple. I don't have the strength or courage to gamble our friendship on possibilities." I said with conviction.

"But darling, by staying still you are never moving. You are in the same place, doing the same thing, and never allowing yourself the possibility of seeing what else there can be. You limit yourself and never get to witness and live the 'what-ifs'. The best things in life, Bella come from the unknown. Yes we suffer, and we live through our difficult times, but when it finally passes and we open up our eyes we get to see that beauty that is left behind. It's one of the reasons I love rain storms so much. They are ugly at times, and can be violent, but when they pass, there is calm and a newness that exists. It brings new life, and the potential for more things to grow." Water came to my eyes at her words, and I knew she was right. I was letting myself stunt what could have been. She grabbed my hand and wiped the tears that fell from my face. "Putting all the flowery words aside, Bella don't let your fear rule your actions. You are a strong, intelligent, and gorgeous woman. You are about to have a child that you have carried for nine months, showing how strong and resilient you truly are. Tomorrows is always an unknown, but think about what you would like for your tomorrow, and if you are granted with it, fill it with something that your heart desires and that would bring you happiness. I'm not trying to make you do something. I just don't want you to waste your effort on fear and anger like I did, Bella. Trust me when I say it accomplishes nothing. So when you feel ready and more secure, think about telling my brother, and then do something about it, yeah?" She finished and gave me a wink. I laughed at her action, and felt lighter than I actually was. It was amazing what a little talk could do for a person.

"We'll see." Came my simple answer, but my smile gave it away.

"So we shall." She answered in her knowing, but comforting smile. "I'll be here for you Bella, and for BB, no matter what the outcome may be. You are now stuck with me." I picked up her hand that was still in mine and brought it to me lips. It was cold, but still a comfort to me.

"As are you with us, Rosie." She turned her hand to my cheek and rubbed under my right eye. A throat clearing took our moment away from each other and onto our stunned waiter. His eyes were glazed over, and it was obvious he was thinking some naughty things. My face took on its customary blush, and Rose became what everyone claimed she could be.

"Is there a problem with your mobility, or are you trying to keep yourself from showing others why you can never please a girl. Five seconds must be a record for you, but the wet stain is such a turn off. I suggest you get someone else to give us our bill, take the time to clean off your sticky mess, and leave us in peace. If not I'm sure your manager could recommend a doctor to help when you are fired from your job. Have I made myself more than clear?" I was shocked at her words, but proud of her. Our waiter was beyond disgusting, and my embarrassment was becoming harder to control. I rubbed my back, trying to get the knot out that continued to pester me, and blamed him for my continued irritation.

"GO!" I finally yelled losing the battle over my pain. Didn't he get the message? He jumped at my scream, and decided to leave, lucky him. I felt bad for yelling at him, but he didn't understand English. Rose let out an unladylike laugh, while she hit the table.

"You are too precious, Bella. I think I may be a bad influence. Don't tell Jasper or else he won't allow me to see you any longer. I don't think he could cope if I turned his little angel into a bad girl." She said with a wicked smile lingering on her beautiful face.

"That's enough out of you, missy." I tried to hide my face at her words, for obvious reasons.

When we finally got our unsoiled check and paid the bill, Rose came around to help the fat lady up from her chair. I couldn't wait for this child to be out of me. I winced a little and Rose looked at me with concern.

"It's nothing Rosie, just the pregnant woman making noise." She scoffed and put her hand on my stomach. I got tired of her asking all the time if she could feel my stomach that I finally snapped at her one day and told her she could touch my stomach whenever, it wasn't one of my good days or finest hours. Jasper did so why not her. She was still hesitant at times, but becoming more comfortable. She could feel the baby kick, because BB thought I was a football, and a grin came to her face.

"It never becomes old, always phenomenal." She said with wonder filling her voice, and a light in her eyes. I was glad I could give her something she had never had or experienced. I tried to hold in my pain but, I had overdone it today. "Let's get you home, Bella. Sorry if I kept you out too long." She apologized.

"It's no worry Rose, just need to sit down to take the pressure off my legs and back. I had an incredible time today, and it was something I needed, so no apologies, only smiles."

We made our way back to the car in silence, and I had to sigh when I finally sat down in the plush leather. I turned on the seat heater, and let it work its magic with my sore muscles. I closed my eyes and let Rose's sweet hums fill my ears and take away the stress. She actually drove the speed limit because she knew of my lingering fear and also because of the weather. It rained a lot. At the thought my back suddenly tightened, and I grabbed my lower back as a whimper escaped my lips.

"Bella, what wrong?" Rose asked and I could hear the real fear in her voice.

"It hurts Rosie." Was the only response I could give her. The pain was becoming almost unbearable to manage.

"Take my hand darling." I heard her say over my pain, and felt something could grab onto mine. It was again a comfort to feel the unnatural coldness. "You squeeze all you like. It's nearly indestructible." I laughed at her joke, and then regretted it as another pain shot through my back and then my stomach. I was now starting to worry. It didn't feel natural anymore. I squeezed her hand as another pain hit me and bit my lip in trying not to scream.

"Scream if you need to honey. Don't worry about me." I could hear the fear so clearly in her voice, and it added to my own. I didn't want to make her sad. A sharp pain swept into my side, and I couldn't suppress the yelp that came. Rose took her eyes off the road, and focused on me. My fear grew at her action.

"Please, Rosie, don't take your eyes off the road. I'm scared of that." And the tears finally fell from my eyes. Rose pulled over when there was finally a break in the road. I could hear each individual drop of rain that hit the window where my head was resting. The coolness of the glass helped to lower the temperature in my skin. Each drop seemed to be in sync with my pain, and accompanied me with each whimper that escaped my lips.

"What do you want me to do Bella?" Rose asked in uncertainty, tears clouding her own eyes. She had never dealt with a pregnant woman, and her indecision was understandable. I brought our joined hands up to my face, and let her coldness chase away my heat. Before I could answer, her phone rang and she hastily took it out of her purse with her other hand and brought it to her ear.

"What," She yelled in fear and also aggravation, but I knew she didn't really mean it. She was frightened for me and BB. She just wasn't prepared and neither was I. I could hear the fast whirl from the other end of the phone, but couldn't make out the words. I wondered how anyone could understand such speeds, and such a high pitched volume. I grabbed my stomach with our joined hands as the most incredible pain hit me again.

"Rosie," I cried out in a mumble, biting my lips. I could taste the coppery blood in my mouth and felt my gag reflexes take over. My vision was blurred from my tears, and my nose was filled with the scent of blood. I bent over as far as my painful stomach would allow, and rid myself of the hamburger I had for lunch. My tears fell from my eyes, and joined my sick by my feet.

"I'm here Bella, I'm here honey." She rubbed my back as I wiped my mouth with my coat, and cried in my anguish. I could hear the other person on the phone again, and it sounded like they were in a near panic.

"What Alice? I'm trying to help Bella and all I can hear from you is high pitched noise. What the hell am I to do?" She shrieked, finally breaking from her fright. I wanted to laugh at her old world English, but all I could do was cry. And then before Rose inhaled sharply in alarm, and I screamed, wetness flooded my leg and fell to my feet. It was more than unpleasant and a little gross.

I turned to Rose, and tried to clear the water from my eyes. "I'm sorry Rosie. I didn't mean to ruin your car." I said in honesty. I loved Rose and didn't want her to be angry at me.

"I could care less about the fucking car, Bella. All that matters to me are you and BB." She screeched at me, and an unexpected smile came to my lips.

"I love you tender Rose." I whimpered as another pain hit in the middle of my stomach. I wasn't sure how much longer I could take of this.

"I love you true, Bella." She cried. It was a joke we had and started when she told me about Emmett and his Elvis Era. "I'm going to take you to the hospital, Bella." And I knew it was finally time for the baby to come. I was not nearly nine months yet, but I guess the baby was anxious to come. I was scared by the early arrival and prayed that all would be fine. I needed my child to be fine.

"Yes, Alice I'm taking her as we speak. I just pulled back onto the road." She barked into the phone. The name brought me out of my despair and I thought about what she had seen. I knew from both Jasper and Rose she had the ability to see the possibilities of the future. I was a little intimidated with her being this close to me, and then I thought of Jasper and her love and concern for him. My pain had clouded my mind and took him from my thoughts. I cried at my forgetfulness and my sin in disregarding the most important person in my world. "Carlisle is going to meet us there, and you've called Jasper and he's on his way." She sounded like she was repeating. "Yes, I got it already Alice. Is there anything else?" When she was finally done talking, she briskly thanked her sister and threw the phone onto her lap before she grabbed my hand again.

"It's going to be fine Bella." She said in a high voice. I felt like she was keeping something from me, but just couldn't focus on anything beside my apparent pain. I felt bad for not being able to listen to her, but there was nothing I could do. "I'm here sister, and Carlisle will meet us at the hospital." I relaxed a little at papa's name, and knew he would take care of me. "Jasper's on his way, Bella. He said he loves you, and he knows you are the strong kitten he loves." I let out a shaky laugh at his words, and felt comfort from my love. I knew that Jasper would be there, he always was. I felt no fear or disappointment because I knew that Jasper would take my pain from me and give me nothing but his love.

"Thanks, Rosie. I love both you and Jasper."

And with those final words, I screamed again at the immense pain I felt before everything went blissfully dark.

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: And then there was one. I cannot believe the story will be done shortly, but there will be more. I'm in the process of now coming up with ideas and trying to outline each chapter. If anyone has any ideas please let me know. I would love it if I could involve them into the next part of the story.

If anyone was confused with anything please, let me know. I'll try and clarify. Also to all those who review, they get a sneak peak at the last chapter.

Again thanks to all who have stuck with the story. I hope everyone have a lovely week (or what is left of it) and an even better weekend. Much love as always . . . darlings. :)


	31. Chapter 31

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Notes: Hello darlings. I hope this chapter finds you all well. And then there was the last chapter. I just wanted to say thank you to all who reviewed last chapter. They were wonderful to read, and I hoped you enjoyed the sneak peak. I also wanted to give a big thanks to Calliso for reading over the final chapter anfd giving me such great feedback. And with nothing else to say, but a tear to wipe from my cheek . . . enjoy.

**Final Chapter:Thirty-One **

14 November/Saturday – Jasper's POV

After taking down several animals for my nourishment then disposing of their bodies, I lay back in the grass and watched as the grey sky floated above me. I always felt bad at taking some life, but I knew it was a necessary part of our world, both vampire and human. As I thought about the human race and their society as a whole, the most important human came into my mind and drove out every inane and impertinent thought, which didn't pertain to her.

It had been difficult lately with her pregnancy as of late, but I loved my Bella and each moment I spent with her had been its own eternity, however; I couldn't lie and say the time I had spent hunting wasn't nice. I knew Bella had been more irritated lately and little things set her off, especially any mention of weight. She was tired of being pregnant and not really having the ability of doing things on her own. I could never profess to know what she was going through. I may have been able to feel her irritation and her frustrations, but I had never been pregnant, and never wanted that experience. The thought made me shudder.

Her annoyance was understandable so I tried to make her life as easy as possible. Some days were more difficult than others, but being with Bella and having her in my life remedied any stress I may have felt. I also knew that BB would be here soon, and all of the aggravation felt by both Bella and me would be worth it.

I let the blood I had consumed earlier work through my body, giving me what I needed to sustain my existence. I went into my meditative process and let the soft sounds, and cold air around me pull away all the negativity I had been feeling lately. When thirty minutes had passed I opened my eye again and looked above. The clouds continued to roll over my head, and I felt peace in my soul. I knew my life was about to change drastically again but it was a vast change I welcomed. I turned onto my side, and brought my knees up to my chest. I inhaled deeply, taking in the smell of the earth around me. I could smell a storm on the horizon, and thought of my Bella. They tended to scare her, but it was something she never explained. I just knew that when the storms approached she would run into the comfort of my arms, and cling to me, not that I ever complained. As the first drop of rain hit the side of my face, I knew it was time to head home. I had taken this extended hunting trip on Bella suggestion. She knew the stress I must have felt, and wanted a day for me to relax. I didn't want to be far from her, but after she insisted for a while I finally gave in. The break had provided me with the peace, tranquility, and nourishment my dead body and soul required.

Before I reached the clearing of the woods, my phone rang. I thought it strange. Bella knew where I was, and said she would not require me today, and under no circumstances would she call to pester me (her words). I pulled my phone from my front pocket and looked on the Caller ID. It listed Alice's phone, and I mentally groaned. I loved Alice, and she was one of my closest friends, but I felt some trepidation in what she may have wanted. Then some unknown fear grabbed me, and I became even more nervous. There couldn't have been anything wrong. I let out a sigh, opened the phone, and centered my mind on what she needed.

"Yes, Alice?" I asked as nicely as possible.

"Jasper I know you are done hunting. I need you to come back right away." She trilled into the phone. My anxiety immediately rose, and my fears started to play havoc with my thoughts. Why was I needed at home? Had something happened to Esme or Carlisle? Had there been a slip or some kind of emergency? I knew the more time I spent speculating, the less amount of answers I would receive.

"Why do you need me to come back, Alice? I'm finished hunting, and was going to go see Bella." She was silent for a moment, and all I wanted to do was reach through the phone and hurt her. I knew this had something to do with her damn visions. Her silence was always a giveaway.

"It's Bella, Jasper. She needs you." Alice whispered in a small voice that didn't ring with her usual peal of bells. My eyes slammed shut at her name, and I couldn't think for a moment. My mind had gone blank, and fear took over my body completely. There had already been so many scares when it came to my angel, and I wasn't sure how many more my dead body could take. All I ever wanted for was for my angel to be happy and safe, but I guess fucking fate had different plans for her.

"What," I said in a harsh voice, not even trying to hide the emotions that ripped though my body wanting to tear me in two.

"She's about to go into labor, Jasper. She's been having back pains all day, not really realizing she was in labor. She's with Rose right now, and about to make their way home from lunch. I called you first so you could start making your way to her Jasper. I'm going to call Rose next and warn her about what's coming. I just wanted Bella to have the reassurance of knowing you're on your way." She said in an even smaller voice, which proceeded to make me feel like shit for snapping at her. I blinked back the irritation that gathered in my eye sight.

"I'm sorry for being unfair, Alice. Thanks for the head ups. I'm on my way now. If it isn't too much of an inconvenience could you please tell Bella that I love her and I know she is the strong kitten I love." It reminded me of all the times Bella would try to show me how mad she was by trying to be fierce as a lion, but coming off as a little kitten purring.

"I'll tell her." She said hesitantly. I knew it was difficult for Alice to hear these things, and I silently apologized for putting her in an awkward position. "Um, Jasper . . ." She continued and again I felt the claws of fear grab at my dead and almost broken heart. "I've seen several possibilities in regards to Bella and the baby. I'm not sure how to tell you this . . . but, um . . . some of them aren't good." She finished on a near whisper that could have been mistaken for the wind. My breathing increased, and I knew nothing could happen to my Bella. I wouldn't allow anything to happen to her. I could feel that my confidence was a front to hide my ever building anguish as I fell to the ground. My head fell into the fallen leaves and I knew more than anything I needed to be by my angel's side, holding her hand, feeling her pulse beat under my cold skin, but warmed by her touch.

"I can't deal with this shit now, Alice. Bella needs me and I need her. Please just keep your predictions to yourself and tell the future to kiss my ass. I love you Alice, but not your gift." And with that I hung up and ran to my car. I started the car and slammed the door shut nearly shattering the window.

"Calm down Jasper, Bella needs you to be strong." I cajoled myself. I took another deep breath that if I were human would have burst my lungs. I was about an hour's drive from the hospital, and prayed that I would be there in time. I knew Bella was strong, and she had my family there to protect and love her, but in times of her pain and anguish, she called for me and depended on me. I just hoped more than anything including my existence she felt no fear, and knew I would be there for her. "Don't you fucking take her from me." I yelled to the sky as the drops from above blurred my vision on the window shield. The venom started to pool in my eyes, as I raced even closer to my angel. "Please baby, I need you to be strong." I pleaded in anguish. My life just couldn't work without her. I punched the console out of immense anger and watched as the dust particles flew into the air from the force of the hit. I felt guilty for my outburst, but I could also feel as some of the stress left my tightly wound body. "I love you, angel." I whispered and tried without effort to clear the venom tears from my stinging eyes.

The rest of the ride was made in silence, with my thoughts a thousand miles away from me, centering on the one being that created the world I lived in, the world that would fall apart without her, my angel. The only sounds that registered were the drops of rain that pounded on the window, the leather on the steering wheel as my fingers tightened around it, and the labored breath that came from my lips.

* * *

I pulled into the Hospital parking lot, opened the driver door, and slammed it with all my might. The sound of the window finally breaking from the force of the impact assaulted my ears as I ran to Bella, trying to make my speed believable. I flashed by badge to the reception desk and went to the maternity floor.

"Jasper, I want Jasper." I could hear my angel whisper through her weak voice filled with pain. I turned the corner and finally found the room that held my hurting angel.

Rose already hearing me coming from a ways down, looked up as I entered the room and gave me a face that would have had a lesser man running right back out. "About time Jasper. Bella's been in labor for about an hour and the baby is almost here. We hardly had anytime from when the contractions really started to pick up until now. Carlisle and Esme are here, but they're in the waiting room. I didn't know if you were going to make it, and I was contemplating on ways in which to murder you." She said in all seriousness which I could feel coming from her.

"Rosie," Bella gently chided my sister, "I told you he would come." Bella gave me a weak smile as she reached her small hand out to mine. "He always comes. Plus I know that BB was waiting for him to arrive." She squeezed my now warmed hand as another contraction hit her hard. "Where the hell have you been Jasper?" My angel, turned demon in one second flat, yelled at me. "I didn't know shooting the shit was more important than me." I didn't know what to say, and I was too in shock to say much else. Bella never cursed, and it was something to hear her now.

"I . . . I'm . . .," I stuttered. Rose smirked at me, and I still didn't have anything to say.

The attending nurse approached me and gave me a comforting smile. "Could you please put these on, and wash up Dr. Hale?" I took the offered scrubs from her hands. Bella looked at me in alarm after her contraction finally passed, and I immediately turned to her.

"You just got here Jasper." She cried in a strained voice. "I'm sorry for being a bitch. Don't leave me." I bent down and moved some of her matted hair from her eye sight.

"I'm just going to change angel. Then I'll be right back by your side." She reluctantly let my hand go. I rushed to the bathroom and changed. I also washed the dirt from my face and hands from my hunting trip. I left my soiled clothes in the bathroom, and made my way to Bella's side again. She immediately grabbed onto my hand again as another contraction hit.

"It's about time Jasper." She grunted through her pain, and I wisely chose not to say anything regarding to me taking more time than she thought necessary.

"The baby's crowning . . . it looks like your crowning achievement is coming Bella." She glared at the doctor while she winced in pain. He immediately wiped the smile from his face as one graced mine. My angel still had the potential to be a demon when she chose, even in the middle of birth.

"Jasper . . ." She screamed at me, "stop laughing like some idiot here for a drug experiment, and help get this child out of me." I knew she wasn't really angry with me. If I had a baby the size of a turkey coming out of me I would also be beyond pissed.

"All right let's get her shifted up into position." Dr. Wakeman spoke to the other nurses in the room who were preparing for BB arrival. I could feel my own excitement start to mount. I had spent so much time talking to BB and falling in love with him or her over the last few months. We already had a connection, and with each kick I felt from BB, my love for him or her would soar. It would only be a few more minutes and I would finally get to meet Bella's little one.

"Jasper, I'm sorry for saying you were addicted to drugs . . . I didn't mean it. Please don't let them take the baby out. I can't do this . . . I can't." She began to cry and the tears of her pain and fear fell from her misty eyes. I reached out to her, and tried to take all of her fear and doubt away, replacing it with my love and devotion to her and BB. I grabbed onto her hand and brought it to my lips. I kissed each of her fingers and then placed on final one on the palm of her hand.

"Look at me angel." I softly spoke to her. "Tell me what you feel?" She closed her eyes, and a weak smile graced her face.

"Loved," She whispered for my ears only.

"Yes angel, loved. I know you can do this. I'm right here. Rose is right here. We both love you Bella. Papa Carlisle is waiting to meet BB, and he also loves you, angel." Rose looked at me with pride written clearly on her face. I soaked up the feeling and gave it to Bella, trying to make her feel anything besides her fear.

"Jasper's right Bella, I'm right here with you. I can't wait to meet your little baby. I know BB is also anxious to meet you too, honey. I know it's painful, but a few more pushes and BB will be here filling our ears with his or her precious cries."

"Okay Bella, you're going to start pushing on the next contraction." Dr. Wakeman told her in a soothing voice, not trying to stress her out before she even began pushing.

"I need you Jasper, don't let go of me." She pleaded as her green specks called out and captured me in her gaze.

"I'm here baby." Was all I got out before her contraction hit and she started to scream in pain. Her voice was already rough from her earlier screams, and I could only imagine how hoarse it would be before she was finally done.

"Okay Bella, I'm going to count to ten, and you are going to push for the entire amount of time. Jasper, please get behind Bella and brace her back. Rose hold onto her hand. Bella start pushing." He finished as Bella's screams intensified with her pain and I took as much as I could from her, giving my love to her in return. I could feel the venom prick my eyes with each sound that came from her ravaged throat.

"One . . . Two . . . Three . . . Four . . . keep pushing Bella, Five . . . Six . . . Seven . . . Almost there, eight . . . Nine . . . Ten . . ." The sadist finally proclaimed and Bella sagged with relief. Rose brought her cold hand up to Bella's cheek, and I could hear my angel sigh in comfort.

"You're doing beautifully, angel. A little more and you can have ten hamburgers." She gave me a weak smile.

"And just think Bella, you'll be able to see your feet again." Rose said in encouragement to which Bella actually laughed. It made me feel a little better hearing a happy sound from her in the midst of her turmoil.

"Here comes another contraction. Start pushing Bella . . . One . . . Two . . . Three . . . Four . . ." Bella screamed out even louder than before, and I thought I could hear her throat tear from the strain she put on it.

"Five, Bella come on . . . Six . . . Seven . . . Eight . . ."

"Nine, Ten." Bella finished in quick succession for her doctor and crashed back onto me. I brought my hand from her shoulder to her lower back, massaging her muscles, trying to give her anything I could. "I can't do this anymore Jasper. Please just reach in and grab BB. You know how much BB loves you." She said in her hysteria, and I tried not to laugh at the words because she looked like such a sad, heartbreaking picture. But even in my angel's pain, I had never seen her look as beautiful as she did fighting to bring her little one into the world. "Rosie, please just take my place. You are so much stronger than me." Leave it to my angel to speak properly while under the most intense pain of her life.

"Bella, I don't want to hear that shit. You are strong, and you can do this. One more push Bella and BB will be here, waiting to be placed into your waiting and loving arms. Now give us one more push, honey."

"Your amazing Bella, just one more big push and the baby should be here. Here's the contraction, now push sweetie . . . One . . . Two . . . Three . . . Four . . . Five . . . Six, Almost there . . . Seven . . . Eight . . . Nine . . . Ten. Okay Bella, I can see the head coming so no more pushing." Bella again sagged back into me and I automatically wrapped my arms around her shoulders. She wiped her head on the sleeve of my shirt, and I brought her closer to my body. I knew I was hard as stone, but Bella said it didn't matter, she found comfort in being there.

"BB's almost here, angel. Can you believe it, our little miracle?" She reached her tired hand up to my face and caressed my cheek with her sweaty hand, too tired to talk.

"Would you like to see, Bella?" Her doctor asked with a mirror in his hand.

"No," She screamed, automatically finding a second wind. I knew her to be squeamish. One would think her doctor already knew that fact. "Rosie, you look." She said with a soft smile on her gorgeous, flushed face. Rose looked at her in awe before she swiped back Bella's matted hair from her forehead and replaced it with her lips.

"Thank you Bella." She whispered before she left and stood behind the doctor. "BB's so beautiful Bella." And even though we knew she couldn't see anything beside BB's head, we knew that Rose loved him or her already and it didn't matter what BB actually looked like.

"Okay the heads out. Nurse Clark, suction the nose and mouth." As I heard the noise of the baby's passages being cleared out I knew it was only a matter of seconds before the baby would be pulled out completely and we would be blessed with the cries of something we had all been waiting to hear.

Dr. Wakeman pushed the nurse's hand out of the way, and pulled the baby out the rest of the way, and then for the second time in my long life I heard the most beautiful sound in my life, the wail from our miracle. "It's a little girl, Bella. Congratulations." Her doctor said in a humbled voice. I could feel the awe he felt in delivering the child. One would think that after the many babies he had delivered he would tire of the process and it would just be one delivery after another, but I knew this not to be true because I could feel his elation and sincerity.

"Cheyenne is so tiny and beautiful, Bella." Rose said in a shaky voice, her eyes were clouded over with her own tears. She looked at my angel, and her tears were just as prevalent as Bella's. The only difference was Bella's had the ability to fall from her eyes and grace her flushed cheeks.

Dr. Wakeman looked over to me while he held the baby up, and allowed Nurse Clark to clamp the umbilical cord. "Would you like to do the honor and cut Jasper?" I looked to Bella for permission, and she just gave me a lazy head nod. I waited for Rose to come back to her side before I took my place over the little girl that continued to cry, took the scissors in my hand, and gently cut her connection to her mother. The nurse took the umbilical to draw the core blood for later if BB ever required its use. Bella had read about the process and requested it be done. Dr. Wakeman wiped the baby off, wrapped her in a pink blanket that was warmed and placed the tiny bundle of human into my arms. I felt my own tears cloud my eyes as I looked down at Cheyenne. She had stopped crying, choosing instead to look back at me. Here was this two minute old miracle in my arms, silently looking into my face, and taking in her new surroundings, she was beyond the most precious and innocent thing in my life, and in that moment with her in the safety of my arms, I vowed to always love her more than any man could and protect her with my existence. I heard Bella whimper and looked over to her. She gave me the biggest watery smile she could, and as I reached out she nearly drowned me in her feelings of happiness. I walked her daughter over to her and placed Cheyenne in Bella's waiting arms. I was beyond honored that I was the first to hold her, but now it was time for her to meet mommy.

"Isabella, meet your little beauty. Cheyenne, meet your mother." I said in jest. My angel laughed and her eye sparkled. She grabbed her baby and leaned down to place her soft lips to her child's plush cheek.

"Look at her blond hair, Jasper. It almost looks like the same color as yours." She whispered and I knew she was trying to make Cheyenne mine in more than just heart and spirit. I could hear Rose sniffling from the sidelines watching mother and daughter. I could feel her own sadness, but above everything else, she was happy and content. "Do you want to hold Cheyenne, Auntie Rosie?" Rose looked scared for a moment at the actual chance of holding such a little person, but her love for Cheyenne overcame her fear, and she gently took her from Bella's arms. It amazed me how unselfish Bella was with her newborn.

"She's beyond gorgeous." Rose said through her watery smile. I leaned over Bella and moved her wet hair from her cheek. I placed my lips on her flushed ones and reverently kissed her mouth. Bella put more pressure into the kiss, and I allowed her warmth and love to flow through her into my cold body that she filled with life.

"Our little Cheyenne." She said in our kiss, my lips still pressed to her. It was a glorious moment to feel her swollen lip on mine as Rose cooed nonsense to Cheyenne. I placed one gentler kiss to her bottom lip before I pulled back and placed my forehead to hers.

Before I pulled my forehead from hers, Bella grabbed her stomach and tears of pain came to her eyes.

* * *

"Oww, Jasper something really hurts." Bella cried while she squeezed my hand that she had latched onto. Then before I could say anything to reassure or comfort my angel, the machines started to sound and Cheyenne's screams pierced the air around us from her fright. Bella's hand became limp in mine as the first scream of hers also stabbed the air, and mingled with her daughters. "Cheye, Jasper," Bella said through her labored breaths. I knew she didn't want her daughter to be scared and entrusted her care to me.

I reached over the bed and tenderly took Cheyenne from Rose's arms. I pulled her to my chest, and rocked her back and forth, trying to give her the comfort that I didn't feel. "I'm here, Cheyenne. I'm always here." I whispered into her little forehead as I placed my lips there. I couldn't see her for lack of my tears, and Bella's anguish. The baby must have heard my voice and recognized the sound over the loud noises of the room, as her loud crying wails became whimpers. I was amazed that I could give anything to the little human in my arms, yet alone the comfort she so obviously needed. Bella's yells sounded in the room again, and I instinctively brought Cheyenne closer to my chest, trying to shelter her from her mother's suffering. She had just been born, and deserved the comfort of her mother arms and love, but something was terribly wrong with my angel, and couldn't give Cheyenne the love that I knew Bella held for her daughter. Rose was by Bella's side holding her hand and trying to give her words of comfort that she probably couldn't hear over her pain and shrieks.

"There are complications, Nurse Clark. Get everyone out of the room, and have Davidson take the baby to the nursery." At the doctor's words, the woman whom he gave orders to came over to me and took Cheyenne from my arms. She immediately started to cry, and I immediately reached for her, wanting to stop her little screams and her fear.

"Please Mr. Hale she needs to be taken to the nursery and fed." She said urgently over the baby's screams. I could still hear Bella whimpering in pain, and all of a sudden I felt lost and alone with no clue as to what needed to be done or what was right.

"Take her please." I could hear my sister confirm in the back of my mind. Cheyenne's cries left the room as the unknown person took her somewhere that I also needed to be. I wanted to protect her. "Jasper," Rose demanded, and I looked over to her lost and afraid. "Come to Bella." I obediently followed her command. I reached out and took my angel's fragile hand into mine. I felt warmed by our connection, and realized for the first time that when I had placed my lips on Cheyenne's head I had also felt warmed, but it wasn't something I could think about now.

"Get them out of here, Clark." Dr. Wakeman shouted again, and I knew he was talking about us, but how could he honestly expect me to leave my hurting angel.

Bella shrieked again and I leaned over to my Isabella, kissing her on her forehead. "Please baby, I need you to be well. Please be fine, angel." I pleaded with her from my aching soul. I could feel myself dying with each scream that passed from Bella lips. I remembered my burning, and the utter agony I had felt while fire torn through my body turning it into stone, and utterly beautiful . . . a weapon to be used. But that pain couldn't compare to what I was feeling now, the greatest pain I had ever felt fell in comparison to watching my angel suffer in misery. I reached out to her pain trying to relieve her of it, and taking it into myself. Not even my gift could take away the anguish she was feeling, and I wanted to hurt myself because of my failure at not being able to help her, the only thing she had really ever asked of me.

I felt a hand press onto my shoulder as I kissed my angel again on her sweaty forehead. I wanted to feel our connection forever.

"We need you to leave Mr. Hale." Her doctor, Dr. Wakeman asked me with compassion but firmness. I could feel his urgency and all I wanted to do was scream at him to help her. I looked into his blue eyes that held so much concern, and all I felt in that moment was uncertainty. How could I leave my angel when she so obviously needed me by her side? How could I leave my angel in the unknown, making her scared as she called out for me to save her? And more importantly, how could I leave my angel in the hands of someone else who would never have the ability to save her as I could? All of these questions flew through my mind as I looked into the eyes of the man who had asked me to leave. "Please allow me to do my job and help Bella." He pleaded with me to understand and to relent, but he didn't understand the extreme amount of pain I felt in not being by her side, letting someone else being her savior, never being able to love her as completely as I did.

"I can't leave her, sir. She needs me. I know she needs me." I whispered trying to block out her screams that continued to rip my heart to pieces inch by inch.

"Jasper, it's time for us to step aside, and let them do their job. You know this already, son." I heard my father, and wondered when he had entered the room. Dr. Wakeman left my side and went back to attending to Bella. Carlisle's eyes were also clouded with venom, and I could feel that he wanted to be the one working on Bella, himself, but we both knew we were too emotional involved.

"She is losing too much blood." Her doctor yelled. "Give me o neg, 4 quarts now." He shouted. My father continued to pull me over towards the door as I felt myself crash at the words I heard next. Time didn't exist, and the only thing in my life that had ever mattered was slipping from that very life.

"Were losing her . . . She's crashing! Start a drip, 40 milligrams IV." Bella's doctor screamed and my whimpers of intense pain added to the melee that surrounded me. "Brown, I need you to intubate."

"Pulse is 78 and BP's 60 palp . . ." Some nameless face shouted in the circus that became my angel's room. "Pulse is dropping 65, BP's 40 palp . . . Decreased breath sounds . . ." Her doctor shouted over the hustle. "Pulse 30, BP's 17 palp . . ." The person yelled again. Venom obscured my eyes to the point where I couldn't see anymore. Every color blended together making it a kaleidoscope of shapes and images. Then as I heard the EKG machine start blasting, I knew it was the first time in my existence I had ever hated becoming a doctor because I knew what had happened. I didn't need to hear the screams of ". . . Coded . . . V-Fib . . . Internal paddles . . . Charge to ten . . ." Bella's screams had already stopped and everything had gone silent just like her shattered voice, just like her gut-wrenching cries, just like her breathing, just like her heart.

I felt cold arms wrap around me before I had a chance to fall to the ground. My heart hadn't beat like Bella's in over a century, but for some reason the silence of her heart was more final then mine. "Please father I can't lose her." I beseeched Carlisle in my turbulence, anyone who could save her. Then for the fourth time in my existence a tear slipped from my eyes and burned my useless skin as it fell onto the ground and disappeared.

"I have you son." Carlisle spoke into my ear trying to give me something that I wouldn't accept: his strength. All I wanted was for my angel to be fine and his strength couldn't give that to me. "Let them help her." He whispered again in my ear. All around me chaos ensued making me feel even more desperate by the moment, and making Bella not wake up. I tried to fight out of Carlisle's grips, but he held on, not allowing me go to my angel and protect her from the fated bitch that wanted to take her. "I love you Jasper. I love you more than life." My father whimpered into my ear while he pushed his love to me, making me finally accept something beside defeat for my angel. It was this more than anything that stopped me from fighting my father, and allowed him to pull me from the room, and away from the tiny figure lying on her bed surrounded by strangers she didn't really know.

"She'll be fine Jasper," I heard another familiar voice in my ear that I hadn't seen in a while, but loved all the same. He came into my sight and hugged me from the front, "no matter where she is . . . she will always know of your love and your need for her." Another tear slipped over my waterline and onto my dried lips.

"I know." I answered my brother as he pulled me to the door and further away from my fallen Isabella. "I love her more than anything." I cried my fingernails digging into my skin, trying to tear something.

Peter repeated the words I had spoke softly ten seconds prior, "I know."

And as I watched my angel, before she left my view for the final time, fall into a place that I could never visit, I let the words fall from my lips, the words I never had said to her, but should have uttered when I knew I had fell; not letting the fear of the unfamiliar stop me from saying the words that were eternally hers . . . "I'm in love with you, Isabella Swan."

* * *

Final Author's Notes: I know, very emotional ending. It was so very difficult to write, but how I always envisioned. The story started dramatic and so it ends on the same note. I hope despite the ending that you liked the chapter. It's a girl, little Cheyenne. Did many of you think that Bella wasn't going to have a girl? Did you like Rose's part in the process?

I wanted to thank all of those who have read this story, and enjoyed it from its inception. Thank you to all who have added me to their alerts and favorites. I hope the story lived up to each chapter you anticipated. There may have been some dull chapters, but I hope you were touched in some way by the emotions. It was the main goal I had for this story. I wanted readers to fall in love with the fallible Jasper, and root for him in his times of need and great anguish.

Also, THANKS to all of the people who have reviewed during each individual chapter or even just one. I wanted to give an extra shoutout to **CentauRita** for reviewing each chapter. Every comment was welcomed and appreciated, not to mention funny as hell. Thanks to everyone again.

Over two hundred thousand words and your reviews carried me through it all. I know I sound sentimental, that's because I am. This was the first story I shared for other critiques and it's been an anxious filled ride. =)

Well that's it for now. I ask all to review, please. Even if it is to tell me off for the ending, I'd love to read. Thanks again to all. Much love now . . . and into the next story. :*)


	32. Author's Note

Author's Note:

Just letting everyone know that the sequel is up and running. The title is Loved For The Better. I know it's not very original, but it will be fitting. I hope everyone has a chance to check it out. Thanks again for all the support for Changed For The Better. Thanks for all of the favorites and alerts, and also all the reviews. You are all the best readers, and I say that from the heart.

Much love as always. :)


	33. Outtake: Emmett and his Harrowing Pie

Disclaimer: SM and affiliates own all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Note: This is just an outtake to Chapter Eight. If you remember, Carlisle and Jasper were talking about the 'American Pie' movie and what Carlisle walked into. The idea popped into my head, so I thought I'd write it. It is in Emmett's POV. I hope you like it. I always fear writing humor. I never want to offend. There are sexual innuendos' and language, so if you are not of age, please don't read. For the rest of you, please enjoy, and I mean no offense to anyone (just wanted to state it . . . damn, I hate humor . . . LOL). Thanks again darlings and much love!

**_19 May 2011_: I removed this from it's own story and added to this one, since it corresponds with this one. It's nothing new, just the outtake I wrote way back! **

**Outtake One: Emmett and His Harrowing Pie**

I so was so bored.

Five o'clock on a Wednesday and no one wanted to play with me. Esme was busy at her office, but I understood she was busy. Plus hanging out with your mother was not my idea of fun that was Eddie's idea. Sitting at his precious piano and playing some dramatic emo ass music that had Esme in tears. What fucker liked to make his mother cry? Also I didn't even want to get started on his 'love affair' with that damn piano. The only good thing about it was it made good music when Rosie and I went at it on top. If Eddie knew about that he'd probably shit out the stick he kept lodged in his tight ass, not that I knew his ass was tight from personal experience (shudder at the thought of humping Eddie's tight ass).

It was just an expression, and I really didn't like dudes, _all though Peter was a fine . . . moving on_. It was a good thing Eddie wasn't here; my thoughts would send him into a _tizzy_. Where the hell did I learn that word from, probably my virginal "_No Emmett, you may not bend Rose over my Volvo and see how safe it really is when crashed into_" tight-ass brother?

_What was it about asses today_?

I was bored and no one wanted to play with me. And why not, I was a fucking sexy beast with the libido to prove it. All you had to do was ask Rosie. The stories she could scream about from the rooftops. My brothers couldn't compete with me, one was on some girly soul-finding mission to control some shit or other, whatever the fuck Carlisle said; I wasn't really paying attention. And the other was too scared to get his little dick wet, if you know what I mean . . . mwahaha, I was a funny sexy beast.

_Where was I_, oh yes, I was bored and no one wanted to play with me. The small ass (there was that word again) pixie was out feeding her addiction and buying more shit than a third world country could even wear. Where the hell could you wear an A-line lead pencil skirt to, or whatever it was called? I knew Eddie would know. He loved fashion and all things Barry Manilow and Cher. When I found his Cher CD hidden under his driver seat, he threw a bitch fit and tried to scratch my eyes out. I mean damn, I was bored and snooping through my brother's things was fun.

It not like I never heard him singing those damn lyrics –'Do you believe in love after love' – when I walked in on him taking a shower and gyrating his hips to the beat. What the fuck did that mean, 'love after love' anyway, and why was Eddie using his shampoo bottle as a microphone and doing that nasty stripper dance? And where did he even learn to twirl like that.

"_Emmett, where the hell did you find that?" he screeched as he pranced inside the house. That stick must have been far up his ass today. _

"_In your car, under the seat," I answered honestly. Did he honestly expect me to lie? "Why in the hell do you even have that damn CD, Eddie?" _

"_Fuck, Emmet," he continued to shriek like a banshee before he realized what he was saying. "I mean, pardon my French, why were you interfering with my personal belongings." Damn, the stick was almost out, but he must have squeezed it in even further. How did he never chafe his ass? I would just need to work harder at making him angry, like the time Rosie and I . . . back on track, Emmett. _

"_Because, brother dear, I was completely bored out of my wit, and the thought of perusing through your personal items greatly appealed to my intellect. Or in human words; I was fucking bored and went through your girly shit. Why the hell do you even talk like Fabio in a trashy soft-porn romance novel? It's not like it gets you any action. If you ever took the new wrapping off your dick and used it, you might talk normally. I mean, damn, you're like one of those geeks who collect those star battle action thingies and never take them out of their boxes, because they are worth more in "mint condition". Well Eddie, I love to tell you this, your little cock-tale wiener isn't going to appreciate in value. Have you even used your hand to –" I pushed him too much._

"_Don't fucking call me Eddie, and it's 'Star Wars', you unthinking miscreant," Someone was touchy . . . and I didn't mean with his hand . . . mwahaha_

_Yes, go Emmett the sexy beast (Eddie's ass stick: 1, Emmett: 2)._

_"How many times do I have to tell your thick and impervious head?" he squealed, I just smirked._

"_I already know I have a thick head; ask Rosie. She loves to –" And I was just getting started. You'd think my brother would want some pointers. _

"_Damn it, Emmett. No one wants to hear about your over sexual memoirs. We encounter enough, just having to live with you." I wondered if my brother was – you know – driving on the wrong side of the road and afraid to move over to the other lane. We would love him regardless. Maybe he just needed to hear it out loud._

"_Listen, Eddie, its fine if you like dudes. I mean, I myself have found some guys rather good looking, but Rosie is all that I need, and I am not like that. If you are afraid we won't love our "little Eddie" anymore, you don't have to be afraid; we will still love you." There I was honest with him._

"_Emmett, for the last fucking time to infinity, I am not gay. I like girls and there is nothing else to it. There is no opprobrium in me being a virgin. When I have found the right lady, and properly courted her for a reasonable amount of time, then we shall marry. At which point, we will engage in sexual congress. Until then, I shall be saving myself." Why did he continue to talk like "The Little House on the Prairie"? I bet he thought Michael Landon was hot. _

"_Well ex-squeeze me. I was just trying to help your underused and abused man meat. I mean, have you ever thought that maybe your penis might like to see the inside of a woman and not the continued shape of your hands. Damn, Eddie, come on and –" I said but was rudely interrupted. _

_Did I ever interrupt him when he was screeching? No. Did I even interrupt when he was making his audition tape for 'The Real World'? No. I let him go on about how no one understood him and how he felt like the black sheep. He may not have known I was watching him, but damn it, cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it. _

"_You saw me doing that?" Shit I always forgot he could read minds, the fucker. _

"_Well I didn't do it on purpose. I could do without hearing how 'just because you like to write sensitive songs for your mother and help her garden, your older brother doesn't understand you'. I understand you are a damn mama's boy, Eddie. There is no shame in being mommy's little helper. I also –" Vampire-man, could I ever finish a thought._

"_I don't give a damn, Emmett. I have wasted enough of my precious and lucid brain cells on you. Just stay out of my fucking paraphernalia and mind your own damn business. Go fuck Rose and leave me the hell alone." (Edward's ass stick: 1, Emmett: 3, I was on a roll. Fine . . . Eddie's ass stick:2, only because he used big boy words.)  
_

_"Oh, I will, Princess Eddie, and you actually wasted more money on lubricant than you did time on your "brain cells". Remember what Carlisle said about lube not growing on trees, and –" _

_The little 'mama's boy' had had enough and threw down the gauntlet. He ran at be with a battle cry of "Emmett" on his screeching lips, and his manicured nail unsheathed. _

As I came out of my thoughts, I just had to laugh. Riling up Edward was one of my favorite activities. Where was he anyway? Probably at some poetry reading, listening to some shit about how being sensitive is what a woman wants and beating on some bongos. Damn I was funny, mwahaha . . . which brought me to my next point, why didn't anyone want to play with me.

Well I guess what I really meant is why doesn't anyone want to _hang out_ with me. Rosie and I played very well last night. A person would never believe the positions she could maneuver into. Damn, my girl was amazing. It was a good thing my "little Emmett sexy beast" was always hanging low and to the right . . . damn, I was funny.

I was still bored and this movie wasn't really doing it for me. Where was my Rosie anyway? Right, at the Auto Part Store looking for something or other, I wasn't really listening.

Oh, well, _one two buckle my shoe, three four better shut the door, five six_ . . . What the hell was I singing? More importantly, where did I learn that from? Probably when Carlisle made us go pick up other people's shit off the side of the road. I remember that little girl singing it. And Carlisle said it was good to think of others and do service for them. I serviced my Rosie plenty. If it was anyone who needed that, it was Eddie and his limp "little man"

* * *

_Why didn't anyone want to play with me?_ I whined to myself. I was fun and amazing to be around. But here I sat, all alone with nothing but my thoughts, and Esme's shitty cooking smelling up the house. I mean why the fuck did she cook anyway. It's not like anyone ate it, although sometimes I liked to try human food.

Oh, well. I turned my head and saw the kid coming home for the day on the movie. It looked like he was all alone too with no to play with, just like me. However, he was a fucking geek who couldn't get laid like my little Eddie, and I was a sexy beast; mwahaha. There was no comparison. I continued to watch as he went into the kitchen and looked for his mommy. Damn he was just like Eddie. Maybe Eddie could also star in a movie about not being able to get some. I would look into it for him; he was after all my brother.

I looked back to the TV and saw the nerd, sticking his fingers in the pie. Why the fuck would he do something like that? Then I really couldn't believe my eyes, the geek unzipped his pants and fed his penis to the pie. The next scene was of him on top of the table, getting it on with the pastry and moaning his fucking lungs out. The worst I had ever seen do was Eddie sit in that damn precious Volvo of his wearing a pick see through teddy and use Esme's cordless Hoover Vacuum to give his penis pleasure. I know, there are no words, but I never judged my brother, even though the vacuum was clogged for weeks and never worked the same again. I also never understood why I had to catch him doing these freaky-ass things.

I was bored and no one wanted to play with me, I wondered . . . oh, yeah, I was watching the nerd getting the pie off.

Could that really work? Then my mind smirked, my beatific evil smirk. I'm sure Eddie would have liked that word. I finally had an idea and was no longer bored. If no one wanted to play with me, then I would play with myself.

Speaking of Esme's shitty cooking; I got up and went into the kitchen, and there sat the little beauty. How fortunate. I wasn't really one to experiment without my Rosie (well, not really true), but she wasn't here. To _fuck the pie or not fuck the pie_, now that was the real question.

It's not like anyone would eat it, and the nerd seemed to enjoy it. I inched my way closer to my intended victim and my mind laughed, _mwahaha,_ as I finally reached it. I hesitantly stuck my pinkie into the pie. I didn't understand the big drawl. It was a little warm, but mostly sticky with chunky bits in it. Maybe it felt different with another appendage. I looked around and saw no one. It was time to experiment. Eddie wasn't the only one who could use Esme's things.

"I'm too sexy for my pants, too sexy for my pants, yeah it hurts!" I sang in out loud while unzipping my jeans, gyrating my hips as I had seen Eddie doing. Damn . . . I was a funny beast.

"On the catwalk, yeah, I fuck my little pie on the catwalk!" I continued to sing as I made it to home base with my pie.

"Emmett, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" The pie fell from my hands and I turned around to see my worst nightmare: Esme was standing there with her eyes, bulging and almost in tears. I was completely frozen and my head was void of thoughts (that seemed to happen a lot. I wondered why that was. It's not like I wasn't smart like the . . .)

"Cover yourself up, NOW!" she screamed while turning around and shielding her eyes, shaking me from my thoughts. I reached down and immediately pulled my pants into place. Eddie was just standing there smirking at my embarrassment. I would take that little bitch down.

"Like what you see, Eddie?" I gyrated my hips a little.

"Fuck you, Emmett!" he screamed back at me.

"Enough of this shit; Edward how could you use that language? I expected better of you." He hung his head in shame like the little "mama's boy' he was. "Emmett," she continued from behind her hands, "I have no words. How could you do something like that? Those pies were for the hospital's fundraiser. You had no right to use them as . . . as . . . whatever the hell you were thinking!" she screamed at me. I did feel somewhat bad, but the nerd had done it on TV, and he hadn't gotten yelled at.

"But, mom, I wasn't . . ."

"No excuses, Emmett. I am so disappointed in you. I just don't even know what to say or think. I walked into my kitchen to find my son having some kind of sex with food. It 's completely unbelievable." There was nothing I could say to defend myself. I had hurt my mother's feelings. Then Princess Eddie had to speak.

"Who's the mama's boy now?" He smirked, in that damn Princess Eddie way he smirks. Well, he thought he was so cute in his designer clothes, Milano Blanc heels, and ginger hair.

"My hair isn't ginger; it's a copper color, and I would never wear Milano Blanc's."

_Touch a soft spot, Eddie,_ I thought and of course he reacted.

"Fuck you, Emmett, and stop calling me _Eddie_." Wrong choice of words for the 'ginger Eddie'.

"EDWARD, did I not just tell you to watch your language. What the HELL is going on in my house?" Esme screeched – even louder than Eddie – while grabbing onto her hair.

_Take that, you little bitch,_ I thought. He gave me his evil 'Dora the Explora' look and I just snickered.

"I apologize, Esme, but Emmett is thinking very inappropriate thoughts and tasteless inuwindows towards me." The little he-bitch tattled on me, while sneering. _Two can play this game, you little fucker. _Edward just rolled his eyes, probably thinking I couldn't touch him, not that I wanted to.

"Emmett," Esme started in on me again. That little 'ginger bitch' was going down. "What are you thinking? Have you no control?"

"Of course not, Esme, look at whom we are talking to. He was just defiling a pie."

_Remember who started this, Eddie._

"I also apologize, Mom. I had no regard for your hard work, and the time you invested in making your culinary delights. I have no reasons or excuses for my deplorable behavior, and I am sincerely sorry."

_You aren't the only one who can speak like a bad porn movie set in the nineteen hundreds, Eddie. Are you ready for the next part, because this is where you reap the reward for not minding your own business and tattling on me like the little bitch you are._

"I must also caution you, Mom. Do you remember about three months ago, when your Hoover Vacuum started acting up," Esme looked confused by the change of subjects and my little Eddie finally got the picture. His eyes became the size of Esme's pies and his face seemed to pale even more.

_Oh, wittle bitty Eddie remembers what I am talking about. I wonder how mommy will take the news Eddiekins. mwahaha. Eat my salty cream pies . . ._

"Well it so happens that –"

"Emmett, shut the fuck up right now!" he yelled while stomping his foot.

"Edward, what is the matter with you?" Esme asked, sincerely confused. "Why are you yelling at Emmett, and using that crass language? He was trying to tell me something, and you rudely interrupted him."

"Yes, Edward, allow me to please speak to my mother. The vacuum cleaner wasn't working because our dear little Edward was using –"

"Emmett, one more word out of your fucking mouth and you will regret becoming a member of this family." I guess my little brother couldn't take the heat like the big boys. It was okay for him to mock us in our humiliation, but he wasn't to be included.

_I don't think so_.

"Edward, that's it. I have asked you repeatedly to watch your language, yet you continue to ignore me."

"But Emmett is telling lies," he lied.

"You did get your jollies to a vacuum cleaner, and then proceeded to clog it with your . . . you know."

"What the Hell . . ." Esme screeched like Eddie when a ginger hair was out of place, "Edward, please tell me this isn't true. Please tell me you weren't . . . you weren't . . . shit where is Carlisle. I need a drink." Esme sank to the floor in shock and I just smiled at my little brother.

_Didn't anyone ever tell you, Eddiekins, pay back is a bitch. _

Oops, wrong time to pull the stick out even further. I didn't have much time to think. Edward charged at me with his claws out and ready to scratch. He did two black flips, one cartwheel, and a summersault, before he dropped kicked me in the head. Who knew that Eddie could also star in a bad kung-fu movie as well, while wearing Milano Blanc's? I admit; I was impressed. I fell into the kitchen table and Edward followed.

"What in the fuck is going on here, and why is Esme crying?" We were in deep, deep shit. No one messed with Esme and survived the wrath of Carlisle. Time to make sure someone else got the blame.

"She found out Edward was fucking her favorite vacuum cleaner and broke it!" I yelled before Eddie could screech his response.

"She found out that Emmett was fucking the apple pie she spent all day making for the hospital benefit!" What a lying little Cher lover.

We both looked at Carlisle and knew we were in trouble. I wondered if I were to tell him that Eddie jacked off in the back seat of his Mercedes, and that stain in the carpet wasn't from –

I never got to finish my thought. Edward's hand connected with my face. Esme's cries along with Carlisle's screams mixed in Eddie's battle cries.

I wasn't bored anymore and now I had Eddie to play with. My day was looking up . . .

"Don't fucking call me Eddie!"

Edward's ass stick: 2, Emmett: Lost count.

* * *

Author's Note Continued: If you have time, please let me know what you thought: Funny, lame, over the top, too much, inappropriate. All thoughts welcomed. Hope you at least had one laugh. If not, I guess I need to try harder or just refrain altogether. Thanks again.

Another Disclaimer:_ American Pie_ belongs to the creators. No copyright infringement intended. All credit goes to the writers, directors, editors, and anyone else who may have played some part in the twisted teenage movie. Still love it though.


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